I'm leaving for Las Vegas tomorrow to celebrate New Years/my birthday. This leg of the trip almost didn't happen but I'll tell that some other time. Wish me luck.

A huge weight has now been lifted off my shoulders. The stress is just gone. I'm done! I have been a nanny for 3 years now and I'm finally childless. For once! Now I'm off to Seattle to go enjoy my vacation with my awesome nieces and my Mom...

Ever wonder what your employers are doing while at work? Or your kids? Or yourself? Keystroke logger can help you out. This program records everything that is typed so you can monitor what exactly is going on. Since I don't have employees or children I could use this program for myself. Everytime I sign up for a new website I put in some username and password...but sometimes I forget them. If I had this program I could go back and look to see what my information is. Helpful, really helpful. I should have bought it years ago. It probably works way better than writing all that 'personal' information on slips of paper and shoving them in some drawer.

1 and a half more days of work. GrrrUGhhhhhhhhBlehhhB. I'm done. I gotta little choked up dropping the kids of at preschool today realizing that tomorrow will be my last day to that. They won't be the first ones in line anymore! Uh! I'm always stupidly early and there mom...isn't.

Super excited to fly home for Christmas though and see my Mom who I haven't seen in a year, and her new heart! And to see my nieces who I haven't seen since April!! OHHH..I'm excited. And then Vegas for New Years with my friend from high school who I haven't seen in 3 years. Totally stoked on that one! And we are going to see Cirque du Soeileil with the Beatles. Totally butchered that spelling but I don't care! I'm excited!

The boy and other friends of ours are all going out to dinner tonight. A nice 'dress up' dinner. That means I have to look somewhat presentable and actually brush my hair. I'm working all day though and I will probably only have a whole 15 minutes to get ready, but I'll do my best. I haven't been feeling to happy about myself the past week. Feelings of hate have wandered into my brain. I HATE how fat I am. I HATE IT. And I'm not really that fat, sadly. I hate how I think bad thoughts. It makes me grumpy. I'm going to do my best tonight thought to pretend I look pretty in my dress. It will be hard to think those thoughts though.

Want to build a personal ringtone with a matching Avatar character? Yes! Ha. Check it out here. U-Doo is a new program that let's you do exactly that and then you can e-mail them to yourself or your super cool myspace page. And the first 60 days are free! Now, I just need to go find out exactly what an Avatar is and I'll be all set.

Pictures of NYC. Not much, but enough.
Only 4 more days left of work. I'm angry. I want to be done NOW.

Because I follow rules. cough cough. Here I am disclosing that I do in fact get paid sometimes for posting. It goes to my food, yah know, cause I need to eat. And I'm poor.

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New York was amazing. Again. That city will never cease to amaze me. We walked up and down 5th avenue. What a fucking mess. I've watched videos on t.v. about NYC where the streets were so crowded nobody could move but I never thought it was true until yesterday. 5th Ave. during Christmas season is nuts! We went to Rockafeller center and saw the big tree and all the little ice skaters falling. Other than that we just walked around and looked at shit. And then I came come and started being grumpy because I'm sick and I really just want to sleep and do nothing but when your leaving your job in a week, you really don't have that opportunity.

My host mom asked me to write up a schedule so that she knows what to do when I leave. Pretty sad....she also wanted me to write down what I fed them and such, what the didn't like. Here it is...I didn't go to overboard or to into detail. She'll figure it out.
My not so formal schedule

9-9:30: Finish up breakfast, get kids dressed, pick up dishes
9:30-11: Kids play with toys, read books, color, computer time. (If bath day, give kids bath)
11:Have lunch
11:30:Done with lunch, start packing backpacks, going to the bathroom…ect.
12-2:30: School
2:30-3: Put away things from school, get snack ready
3: Snack time
3-5: Play time, get D off the bus, Go to the 3rd floor, Play outside, read books
5: Dinner
6: Pajamas
7: Bed

Lunch Ideas:
-Sandwiches. H likes bologna, sometimes ham. O and C like Ham. C likes Cheese, H sometimes
-Yogurt
-Mac n Cheese
-Dino Chicken
-Grilled Cheese

Dinner Ideas:
-Chicken
-Ham
-Spaghetti
-Hot Dogs
-Pizza. H and C white pizza, C’s with broccoli. D and O Amy’s pizza, D’s with broccoli.
H eats carrots, O will eat most veggies but doesn’t really like any.

Anybody need some bar stools? I sure don't, but my host parents sure do! We have this great long counter/bar area....with no bar stools. It collects junk underneath it. Boxes, toys, garbage...just No bar stools. Growing up my cousins house had this great downstairs with a built in bar area. We would play down there all day, with the bar stools, and pretending we were running a bar. Great for 10 year olds eh? And when I'm really, really, old and can afford to own my own kitchen table, I want to get one with bar stools instead of chairs. Have you seen those tables that are really high up...yeah, I like those. It makes me feel superior. And then I'd pick out some totally tubular stools and be the talk of the neighborhood. One day.

I haven't been sleeping to well the past week thanks to the outrageous amounts of snot in my nose. Last night wasn't any diff. ( I use diff. because I really don't know how to spell diff. ) This morning though I fell into some awesome sleep. It was soooo good. Until like 7, when I was rudely awakend by the screaming of kids. My host-mom went out last night and I went to bed before she got home, but then I started thinking....maybe she didn't make it home. Maybe the kids are being so fucking loud because she's not there. Then the oldest boys bus came and went and I still noticed his voice downstairs. He missed the bus. Uh oh. Is my host mom awake? Is she home? Why are these fucking kids waking me up! I waited for like another half an hour and finally came downstairs. I turned the corner and noticed a massive pile up of blankets, pillows, sleeping bags, stuffed animals and who knows what else. The kids had brought all the shit downstairs and were 'playing'. My host mom was there too...taking pictures. These kids woke me up, me being two stories above them. Do you think she could've kept them quite, until like 8. Nope. Gosh.

I see cars driving around with plates obviously not from the United States. And since I'm so cool and have totally been to Europe, I know that they are in fact, European. They are usually on cool cars, probably from Europe...but I want one! They are only like $40. Do they count as regular license plate? I don't think so. They would look so rad though on my Ford Contour. Ow! OW! European License plates make a wide selection of these awesome things that you don't really need but are much cooler if you do have them.

Still have the cold! I'm about ready to drop kick my own ass and get this thing out of me. It just keeps getting worse and worse. It's not horrible but bad enough that I wouldn't have gone to school if I was in school. I'm going to NYC this weekend to look at lights and shit and I really hope I'm better by then. I also just got then news that one of the pregnant preschool teachers lost her baby and had to have a hysterectomy. That fucking sucks! It was her second child, a girl, and she was so excited! Every day she would come out and talk about the baby and you could tell she was happy. I feel so bad for her. Words can't describe how shitty that situation is. My thoughts go out to her family.

I'm off to lay on the couch. Hopefully two hours of doing nothing will magically cure my cold.

What I really should be doing on top of all the other stuff I should be doing. Applying to college. Buh. I'll probably do that after I get back from my vacation. Then I'll have to go to FAFSA, fill out some FAFSA forms and get some moolah. FAFSA's online, FAFSA's on the web...FAFSA's everywhere! Can I say FAFSA anymore? FAFSA FASFA FASFA. I've been sick for a week, I can say FAFSA as many times as I want. I'm loopy and haven't slept.

Yah know what makes me feel better when I have a cold besides chicken soup....grilled cheese with tomatos. (tomatoes?) Mmmm. I just learned about this awesome food like a month ago when I was at my friends house. I don't really like tomatos but in grilled cheese it's SO good. Now I'm all hungry again.

Ha. I found what I need. A free online calender at American Greetings. It lets you put in birthdays, anniversaries, concerts...whatever! It can also send you e-mail reminders or text messages. Remember how I missed my nieces birthday like two weeks ago? Well, if I would have done this I wouldn't have missed it. She only turned two though so she won't remember. I'll make it up to her next year. I miss a lot of peoples birthdays. I only remember my own because I was born on New Years and thats easy to remember. My best friend was born on New Years Eve so I don't forget her, but everyone elses...poof. Gone. So I need to sign up for this. It's free and wonderful and it will help me be a better Aunt.

My lingering cold that I've had for the past week is now getting worse. The back of my throat is so sore I don't like to swallow. The sneezes are non-stop. My eyes feel like they are going to burn out of my head. Lovely.

I have a few extra vacation hours (like a whole day) so I asked my Host mom if I could take them today so I could rest and try and get a little better. She said No because shes so busy trying to find this one piece of paper and she needs to get the house ready for a brokers open house tomorrow, which I get to stay home and deal with. Well she found the paper and now shes not doing shit on the house. She's been writing e-mails to her friends and blah blah blah. Only 10 more days of work, Thank God!

My last family had nanny cams. I didn't know about them until my friend came over and said 'Hey, do you know if they ever turn those cameras on?'. What cameras? Haha. She had to point them out to me but after she did I always thought how come I've never seen them before. They are right there. Not hidden or anything. I do think that having some type of camera in your home is a good idea. I also think that if you have people working for you, you should let them know that you do have cameras and they will be recorded. The California family never turned them on when I was there, I don't think. We did use them for when we went on vacations though. Just in case someone broke in while we were gone we would hopefully have some evidence to find the criminals. Theres these Stealth Spy hidden cameras that you can buy that come in all diff. types of shapes. Teddy bears, alarm clocks, plants, smoke alarms...anything. Kinda scary if you ask me. I prefer to know if I'm being taped or not. I don't know if the family I'm working for now has hidden cameras. I hope not, because they could tell that I'm totally supposed to working right now. And that the kids are driving me crazy.

The temperatures in New England are cold. Very cold. Just two days ago it was fairly warm. Warm enough you could wear a light sweater outside and be comfortable. In just a matter of hours the temperature shifted and now it's freezing. I even had to break out some hot cocoa yesterday, which I never do. The boy and I decided to go see a movie last night. Turistas, which makes me never want to travel alone...ever ever ever. We parked pretty far away because the theatre was packed. I decide that it's to fucking cold out and started to run/jog in. I have this weird thing with my ankle and if I land on it a certain way it makes my leg give out. Well that's exactly what happened! I ran like 10 steps, did the little ankle hurt and boom. On the ground on I went. The freezing cold asphalt hurt. But I couldn't stop laughing, cause thats what I do. I skinned my pinky and I think that hurts the worse. The boy couldn't stop laughing either and I'm just glad lot's of little teeny-boppers weren't around to add the to laughter.

Road trip. I'm getting so excited for it! Halfway through I probably won't be to excited anymore. Yah know after seeing Oregon, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, South Dakota, Minnesota, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Connecticut and finally home. There's this site: 50 Travel Sites - courtesy of Luggage Online thats been helping me a lot. One of those 50 sites actually lets you put in your interestes and then it finds shit for you to do along the way! And another one picks out the best nightlife. Hehe. Lot's of other nifty stuff too. The boy is very much a tourist and I would rather just blend in so hopefully we find things that we can both agree on. Like the worlds biggest rubberband, or something equally as cheesy.

I guess you could say that the boy and I are 'dating' now. Again.

Theres just one little problem. The other girl. She still texts him and wants to hang out and do stuff together but I feel weird. She hasn't gotten the hint that it's super awkward when the three of us hang out together. I know the boy feels like a piece of shit for what happened and I just don't like it. But she sees no problem with it.

Last night she texted me asking me what I was doing because she needed to get out of the house. I told her I was going Christmas shopping with the boy and then we were going to watch some awesome drama unfold on the Real World. I didn't invite her. Then I texted her this morning saying sorry about last night...I just feel weird when the three of us hang out together. She wrote me back saying she went to bed early, had nightmares the whole night and now shes going to the gym. She sounded pissed. I don't know what to do. She's leaving in 2 months and she knows nothing more is going to become of her and the boy. What happened, happened...and that's it. I don't like being put in this position.

I don't have my own computer but if I did I would put lots of pretty wallpapers on my desktop. American Greetings has free desktop wallpaper! Free! I love free. And they are actually pretty and not ghetto looking. The wallpapers contain no spyware or adware so you don't have to deal with any of that junk. You can just enjoy your pretty wallpaper. Pick one for Christmas or another one thats just plain cool looking. Such as:

Now if I could just get a nice shiny new laptop to put that pretty wallpaper on. Sigh.

There's this little girl on the west coast who turned 2 on Saturday. And me being the most put together Aunt ever kinda forgot to call her. I'm sorry baby...I love you more than anything, along with your sister. I can't believe your already two! I remember holding your tiny body the day you came home from from the hospital. Seems like yesterday. I'll see you soon my RyRy.

We just sat around the table and told the kids I was leaving. I cried, they didn't. I don't want this year to be another year wasted like it was with my last family. I want to be involved with these kids still. I want to see them grow up and because awesome little dudes. I didn't get that oppurtinity with the family in California, but I want it now. Even if there parents are not always there for them, I want them to know that I will be.

Cranium and Hot Tub party at the boys house tonight.

It's gonna rock.

Sweet baby Jesus. I know I told my family I didn't really want anything for Christmas, but come on! I'm drooling. If you know me or anything about me you know that this bike fits me and my personality. I would ride it ALL. OVER. TOWN.

It's pretty!

They have lots of neato beach bikes and if I was rich I would buy lot's of them! I haven't really been that into bikes because most bikes have boring old shapes and boring old colors. And I'm just not a boring girl. I'm not really much of a bike rider either but after seeing these gas prices and having to fill up, I think I'm might become one. Plus the exercise! Maybe thats how I'll sell the idea to my parents. Buy me a bike and I'll get exercise...and save the enviroment.

I hope santa treats me with one of those next year. I'll even ride it in the snow! I promise! Well probably not the snow, but I would sure as hell ride it in the summer. I'm hardcore like that.

I've been sick for most of the week. 'Tis fun! I haven't really been sick since I've been here and this week it wasn't so bad except for yesterday afternoon when I thought my head was going to pop off from all the congestion.

My host dad was gone for most of the week. (yes!) Things just run WAY more smoothly when he's not here. I don't know why. When he walks in the house everything falls apart. The house turns into a zoo and I don't like zoo's.

Tonight was no different. I told the kids that at 6 we could all sit down, cuddle and watch Rudolph. Perfect easy night. (My host parents are going out for dinner tonight so I can get away with this shit) Host Dad walks in the house at 5:40 and decides that he is going to whip out the fancy saw and start cutting the blocks of wood for the kids' derby race cars. Beh. The house.....it was a zoo. I couldn't get them settled down until 6:45. After he disrupted us he went upstairs and they got ready for dinner. So much for my nice low-key evening with the kiddies. Hmpf.

I'm really bad with sending out cards. Really bad. The process of buying the card, writing in it, getting a stamp to put on it, and actually mailing it makes me want to cry. I ordered my Christmas cards yesterday so hopefully I'll get those mailed before Christmas comes around. Probably not. Ecards are a good way for me to go. Egreetings is an awesome site for funny animated ecards. You can also sign up for a 30 day free trial membership and a regular memebership is only $13.99. I think I'm going to spend that much on stamps this year and I know I spent way more than that on the cards themselves. I think next year I'll just do on-line cards! It won't be so exspensive. I'll just tell all of my family to Have a Hap-pee Holiday.

Only 18 more days left of being a nanny for these guys. Deep Breath.

The boy and I are planning our road trip. Haha. Oregon to Mass, with a trip to the Mall of America thrown in there?

I might be able to see my cousin, her husband, and new baby though! And I might be taking a little trip to Montana to see my friend and her three kids! And I might also be able to see my Aunt and Uncle again! It's amazing all the family you see when you drive across the whole fucking country.

Myspace. What a tricky little site that is. I have one. I use it mainly for keeping in touch with my friends from Montana. It's also really useful for listening to new bands and check tour dates and such.

But for smaller kids/tweens myspace is kind of a scary scene. If I was a parent I would be worried about what my child was doing on there. Lot's of creepers spend time on that site and I would want to know if they were talking to my kid. Parents really have no clue what their kids do on there. But now you can with Myspace tracking software. Hey...now you can actually be involved. Which...in today's world is a VERY good thing. You can see when they update their profile, post new pictures(which, ehum, girls...put some clothes on), make comments and receive messages. You can also tell when someone messages them or if they make multiple profiles.

I'm only 20, and I can't believe kids these days and what the do. Let's just say they have probably seen way more things than I will ever see. Scary.

I have the itch. The tattoo itch. I want another one RIGHT NOW. I already know what I want and where I want it. I just don't have the money. Grr.

But the boy said he might buy me one for Christmas. Now isn't that the greatest Christmas present ever?!?! Besides...a car. A Tattoo! You'll have it forever! I like it.

I'm getting a pin-up girl sleeve on my right arm and the next tattoo I want is another Vargas girl, this time on my forearm. He might have an opening Dec. 6th. Oh lord. How I want to take it.

I know what I'm getting for Christmas.

A car. Let me repeat, a CAR! Holy wowsers. My mom and her husband are buying a new car so I'm going to get their old one. It's a 96 Contour and it only has like 40,000 miles on it. Whee! And its free!

It's in Oregon though and I'm in New England. In January I'll fly back to Oregon and then the boy and I are going to take a long road trip back. By the end of the trip we will either be really close or about to kill each other. Stay tuned.

I'm probably one of the few girls in this world who actually enjoys playing video games. A fun day for me consists of breaking out my brother in laws xbox and kicking the shit out of him in Halo. (not really, i'ts usually the other way around)

One of our friends just bought the new Nintendo Wii..or whatever the fuck it is. Lame.Lame.Lame. You actually have to put forth effort to play. Like stand-up and swing a bat(controller) if you are playing baseball. It's just not the same as the good ol' classics. I'm a happy girl now though because there's this site where you can play free online games. Nintendo classics here I come! This is how I will spend my Thanksgiving.

This is my first Thanksgiving where I'm not with family. A little weird and I'm more sad than I thought I would be.
And we might not even be having stuffing:(

I know I mention a lot on here that I don't ever want kids. But theres this little part of my brain (very little) that knows eventually I will probably have the little devils. The whole process really scares the shit out of me. It amazes me as well, but not as much as the being scared. Plus the whole part of actually having the baby doesn't sit to well. And then once you have the baby it. never. goes. away. Commitment phobe in me coming out again.

I'm young though. I have plenty of time to have kids. No rushing. No. No. No. I'd like to enjoy this tattoo on my side for a little bit before I get knocked up and have stretch marks everywhere. And you bet your ass I'll be using something to prevent stretch marks. Actually I should probably start using that stuff now so in 10 years when I actually do have kids I'll be nice and lubed up. Or maybe kids won't ever happen and I'll be fine with that too.

I never want to show my face in our Target again. And another reason was just added to my list of 'why I never want kids'.

Christmas. Photo. Shoots.

Of course the photo studio was running behind schedule. They only have on photographer and one overly happy man working at the counter. The kids were crazy even before we went into the tiny room. They were crazy just sitting there. We finally got called in and started setting up. The photographer was a young girl who you could tell was a bit frazzled. It doesn't help when the kids act like spawns of satan.

The oldest boy was the worst. We set him in position and within .3 seconds he changed positions, or put his hands in the air, or in his socks, or was touching his mouth, or was touching something. Grr. It makes me angry just typing it. She took about 15 photos and NOT one is really that good. Someones not smiling. Someones falling out of the picture. Someones eyes are closed.

Then it was my turn to jump into the picture. We took two pictures with me. Not two fairly nice pictures, two really shitty pictures but another family was waiting so we had to hurry!hurry!hurry!

Why people pay for this shit...And my host mom ordered 250 cards. 250 shitty cards. God...to be rich and just have money flying around. Hmpf.

I think I found the problem to my whole dating disasters.

The guys actually like me. And tell me about it, all the time. Which I don't know if I like.

Yes...you told I'm beautiful but do you really have to say it all the time? Haha. I'm probably the only girl that doesn't want to hear it over and over. Tell me once, I'm good. I'm know I'm cool and all but don't tell me all the fucking time or else I'm going to start being a bitch.

Boys...why they like me? I don't know.

I'm going to a concert tonight. Geez...Do I ever do anything else? No.

This is the concert. The one band I've wanted to see since they came out, like, a year ago. I'm dragging along the boy with me. I asked him if he would come, he said yes he just wanted to know how much. I told him it's $29 but then they added all the taxes on so its actually $40. Ha. He wasn't to happy about that. Oops.

He really only decided to come with me because Bloc Party was supposed to be playing and he does like them. Now, Bloc Party is awesome. If you haven't downloaded their music...Go do it! It's awesome. I can't explain it. It's just happy music. Yesterday he called me and told me that Bloc Party canceled because the drummer has a collapsed lung or some shit like that. Are you kidding me? I'm pissed. Guess I'll just have to see them another time.

The main band though-Panic! at the Disco. AHHH. Good dance music! And I love dancing.

So tonight, the boy and I will be in the 9th row at this pre-teen festival. I'm sure he really likes me now..haha.

As I mentioned before, I can't cook. It's not that I don't want to cook I really just don't know how. I've been cooking for kids for three years instead of myself. Here's the problem. In three months I'm moving out. On my own. Not all by myself, with friends, but no adults. They can cook. Really well! But I'd like to cook for them every now and then too, yah know. As a kind gesture. Because I'm nice that like. I have a feeling I'm going to be going to the BigOven Recipe Software - 160,000 Recipes, page quite often. You just type in a few of the items in your fridge and it will give you a list of recipes you can use. I don't really eat that much at home so I wonder what kind of recipes it will give me for Frosted Flakes and Pb&J. Hm.


I really want some of these. Yummy.

Talked to my step-dad last night about my Mom. Shes doing great! Better than she should be. They might move her into another room today which they don't normally do until a week after surgery but she's doing so good they might do it! I guess shes really hot now since the blood is actually flowing through her body like normal. And she already feels SO much better.
I can't wait to talk to her!

While living in California I first came to realize a new trend called Uggs. Oh, the lovely little Uggs. Beautiful little creatures.

The kids I nannyed for did swimming and for some reason Uggs were VERY popular at swim meets. And all around California pretty much. Wear them with mini-skirts and I guess you're cool. Not me though. I can't pull that off.

One day I finally decided to figure out what was so great about these boots. I slipped them on my feet and I swear to God...never wanted to take them off. They are pure heaven. My feet loved them compared to the slip ons I usually wear. I would take a pair for Christmas but it might be a little funny seeing my tattooed and pierced ass walking up and down the street in them. Although I would SO wear them in the house if anybody wanted to get them for me.

2 days. phew. That was a long relationship. My longest one yet.
Commitment phobe? Me? I didn't think so...but it looks like that.

Last night the boy picked me up. We were going to go see a concert in Boston, one of his favorite bands, New found glory. When I got in the car I told him we had to talk. The past few days I have been sick. Nauseous. All I've been thinking about was him and the other girl. Even though we weren't going out when it all went down I was still hurt by it. I told him not to hang out with her because I knew this exact thing was going to happen and he would end up regretting it. And what happened? Well...It happened.

Only about 20 words were spoken the entire trip into Boston. You could tell he was holding back tears. This whole situation really makes me feel like shit. We didn't end up going to the concert. We sold our tickets to some pimply boys standing outside. We didn't talk the whole way back.

We decided to go watch Laguna Beach at his house for some comic relief. That show wasn't as funny last night. But we talked. And I told him that no matter what I will always be friends with him. And maybe even eventually something more, it's just going to take some time. It hasn't even been a week since the little incident.

2 days. God. I'm almost 20 years old, and I can't even hold a relationship for longer than 2 days.

Theres this boy. And I've hung out with him a lot since I moved over here. He asked me out a couple of months ago and I said no, I just wanted to be friends. The last couple of months though I've had more-than-friends feelings for him, I just didn't tell. On Sunday night I told him. Boy was my timing shitty.

Last week he started hanging out with another nanny, my friend. We all usually hung out together but just them two hanging out was weird to me. I told the boy this and how I didn't like it. I thought she was in it only to sleep with him. Sadly, I was wrong. Saturday night that very thing happened. He told me it didn't mean anything to him and that he regretted doing it. He told me yesterday, the day after I told him I like him.

Well isn't my life just another crappy episode of some t.v. show.
But we decided to start going out anyways. I'm still in shock and def. taking things slow.
I'm such a loser, I really have no clue what I'm doing.

Got another phone call.
They have another heart! And it's local!

I might be getting my Mommy back:)

Last night I got the phone. THE phone call that my mom got a HEART!

I was excited, cry happy tears, jumping up and down in my room.

Happy! Happy! Happy!

Then about an hour later I got a call saying that the heart was to far away and their was to many weather delays so she wouldn't be able to get it.

I hope someone else got that heart and another family is just as happy as I was last night.

I know she'll get one soon.

I had to babysit for a diff. family ALL weekend. When I got done with that job this morning I came back to my regular family and I had to take the kids out of the house for 3 hours while they had an open house.

There goes my weekend. My time to rest and prepare for the next week. The kids better watch out. I'm sure I'm not going to be in the best mood.

I was going to buy my host family a Christmas gift this year. They have this old clunky coffee maker and I just think something like this would make life a whole lot easier. You just pop in a little disc encoded with a barcode and the machine does the rest! Pretty nifty if you ask me. It can also make hot cocoa or tea and since I don't drink coffee I could use this feature instead. But then I looked at the price tag. And I need a dresser, and a car, and another job, and insurance and pretty much everything so I'm not homeless. Maybe they could buy it for me instead.

I was looking through old photos on my picture cd's tonight. I'm trying to get together some pictures of the kids so I can make my host family a gift for Christmas. I'm cheap and I also have no clue what to buy people who have everything.


Looking through I found pictures of time that I spent on Cape Cod during the summer. It was SOOOO nice. Just a bunch of friends laying on the beach all day. And having their pictures taken with drag queens(which won't be posted, hehe)

Ah, Summer. Goodbye-I'll miss you! I'll be waiting for you my love<3

I offered to stay my host family this Thanksgiving. I don't really want to, but I think I need to. We are going to be having a gluten free Thanksgiving. 4 people in our house are on gluten free diets, so thats what it's going to be. I don't have a problem with this. I just have a problem with my culinary skills. I can't cook. At all. I can make a mean mac n' cheese, but stuffing? turkey? pumpkin pie? Psh. Right.

I think I'm just going to order something off this page call it a day. It is not gluten free, so more for me! I'll sit in my bedroom and indulge by myself. And theres alchohol in it. Even better.

I'm leaving. The words have now been said. I told them today that on December 23rd my little booty is out of here.

Actually, it wasn't me that got the first chance to tell them my news. One of the preschool teachers had the honors. She came over this morning because she helps us. She tells us what to do. A teacher for us stupid people who really have no clue what to do with 4 screaming children who like to talk in a rather annoying 'baby' voice all the fucking time. .She helps us.

Enough of that. She started asking me questions...one question in particular.

"You came in January. Right? So that means your leaving in January. Right? Because this is like a one year deal. Right?"

"Well..........we've talked about me staying longer but my Mom's having some health issues right now and I'm thinking of leaving the end of next month."

Our conversation went on after that but then I went upstairs with the kids. While I was upstairs she informed my host mom of my escape plan.

The day goes on...

My stomache was in knots. I couldn't eat or drink without feeling sick. I still don't feel okay. I was trying to find the right moment to tell her.I didn't know that she was already informed.
After dinner I told her that I wanted to talk to her about my situation regarding whether I'm leaving or staying. She told me she knew. And she was fine with it. She understands!

Phew. I'm relieved. I hope this takes some of the stress off me. Now I just have to worry about getting a car, a job, my license, money, taking the SAT's (kids-stay in school) and getting into college. The joys of growing up.

Greener Christmas Song

Halloween is Over. That means Christmas is the next holiday..right? Thanksgiving just kind of gets skipped. Poor guy.

I was in my car the other day flipping through stations and I came across Christmas music. Already. I'm not usually a big fan of Christmas music. Reminds me to much of church I guess.
I found the Greener's Christmas Song which I actually like. Go download it. It's pretty good. They are also giving a portion of their proceeds to charity, so its good too!



Back to work now. Yay.
Just to update. My Mom was admitted to the hospital yesterday. Her kidneys are starting to get worse. Not a good thing. I told my host mom and she just said "oh". Not a hug, or I'm sorry, or how are you doing. Just "oh".

People really do amaze me.

I nannied for a family in California before I came over to the East Coast. I spent a year of my very short 19 years on the earth with these people. You would think they would like to stay in contact considering I helped raise their children for those months.

I wrote them an e-mail tonight asking them how their Halloween was, how the kids are, other bullshit. I wrote them a pretty lengthy e-mail. This is what I get back. No joke. Only the kids' names have been changed.

"Girl was a rabbit and Boy a zombie....I don't think we took pictures...they were out with friends.
It rained this week. First time since April....but it's sunny now."

Oh no. Holy shit! You really don't have to write me a freakin' novel to fill me in a little. Glad I spent the time writing you one...bastards.

I've worked past 7 pm every single night this week except for tonight.

And I have to work tomorrow. Which is Saturday. Which sucks.

I'm so tired of fucking working when the parents don't do shit. Well besides drinking coffee and lounging in the chair.

Why can't I have there job?

So I've started running at the gym. (Insert laughing here)
I don't know what possessed me to start.

Actually it;s the fact that I wanted to start smoking. Really bad. I know the health risks, stench, teeth and all that other fun stuff. But I wanted the 5 minutes to myself every couple of hours. On Sunday my friend and I went and saw Running with Scissors, don't go see that. Everybody smoked in that movie and it just tempted me even more. I was itching on the way home. I wanted to go buy cigarettes so baaaddd.

But I didn't.

I went to the gym and started running. It's a slow process. I've been working out since January and can do the elliptical for well over an hour but running, not so much. I'll keep it at though.

But those cigarettes are still there...and tempting. I've never even smoked one if my life.

Yah know what sucks?

When your friend starts making out the guy you like at a Halloween party. The same friend who had countless conversations with me about him and how we would make a really good couple.

Ouch.

I would like to say that I fell asleep listening to the rain against the windows. That wasn't the case last night. I couldn't hear anything over my tears. My mom called me yesterday. The doctor has put her on complete bedrest and her kidneys are starting to fail. She goes back to the doctors on Monday and if she gets worse than they'll admit her to the hospital.

In the back of my mind I know that she must be doing okay. If she wasn't then she would already be in the hospital.

But the other part of me knows she getting worse and she just needs a new heart and everything will be all better. What if she does start to decline and eventually doesn't make it out.

I'm a full days plane ride away so when do I go see her...I don't know. I can't leave my job, but I would in a heartbeat if something happened. I can't afford it, but my friend would loan me money.

I hope she can hang on for two more months and then I can see her. I already have my ticket booked for that.

Theres been a nasty little sickness spreading itself through the house the past couple of weeks.
Strep.Throat.
Yay.
At least I haven't gotten it yet. 3 of the 4 kids have had it so now we are just waiting to see if the 4th will get it, hopefully not becasue its really messing up my schedule of working out when they are in school.
On to some cooler news!
I won tickets off the radio today to go see The Killers in Boston on Thursday! I'm super excited and wanted to go but the show was sold out.

This week just got a little better.

Plus on Saturday I have another concert to go to. It involves the uber attractive Jared Leto and his band 30 seconds to Mars. I saw that at Warped Tour, and Wow. That man is hot and I would have his babies even though I don't want babies. Then After the concert I have a Halloween party where I will be going as a "ladybug". Slutty, of course. It shall be fun.

Did I ever mention that my host mom doesn't work? Right, well she doesn't.
Let's add this up:

She has a nanny to take care of her four spawn

She has a housecleaner to clean up her shit

She has yard people to do her yardwork

And I'm sure hiding in her bathroom is someone to wipe her ass.

What exactly does she do you ask? Not really much of anything.
Today she watched The View while I folded laundry right next to her. Didn't bother to help once.
I took all three boys to karate tonight, but only one actually participates. She needed to organize a closet while I tried to tame two wild beasts in a space the size of a bathroom.
One the way home from karate she even had to call and ask me what I was making the kids for dinner. She obviously couldn't throw something in the microwave even though the kids were already eating an hour late. So I got home, had to rush and get the kids fed, eat dinner myself ( an orange..wohoo) and try and get them all prepared for when I got off at 7. At 6:55 she comes over to the dinner table and asks me to work until 7:30 so I could give one of the kids a bath. She can't even throw her own fucking son into the god damn shower for 5 minutes, she makes me do it.

Needless to say the highlight of my week has been these warty pumpkins.

I hate my job. If I had my own car I would be packing my stuff and leaving tonight. It has turned me into a person I don't want to become. I'm unhappy, I'm snippy, I cry to much, I don't laugh enough. I'm hard now and I hate it.

So I'm doing something to change it. I bought an S.A.T. study book last night so that in a couple of months I can take my S.A.T.'s. Then I'm going to apply for college. I'm also saving up to buy a car, a shitty one that runs, I don't care. After that...I'm gone.

I want to be happy again. I don't even smile during the day and I know this isn't me. This job has changed me into something I don't want to be and I'm getting out of it. It might take me a couple months, but it needs to happen.

Been a little down the past few days.

I'm tired taking of other peoples lives/kids and ready to move on with my own.

This picture makes me happy though because I really and a big dork. And thats good.

I'm ready to go home
I'm ready to move on
I'm ready to not cry
I'm ready to realize that I am beautiful
I'm ready to laugh
I'm ready to love
I'm ready to like myself
I'm ready for my family to realize that I have changed for the better

I scare little kids. Obviously. Look at me. Ohhh, scary.


Not.

The tattoo is finally finished. Not without a few bazillion phone calls, some crying and a lot of road rage. I'll post a pic later.

The rest of the week has been good. I'm super tired, still haven't recovered from walking hundreds of blocks in New York.

I have Monday off though and I plan to sleep.

I'm always available for my bosses when they need me, unless I go out of town. I've never said no to them unless I had plans made already. Which sucks, because I only get about 4 hours every night to myself and then sometimes twice I week I have to work later. Meaning no real time for "me".

So today I have an appt. at 3 to get my tattoo finished. My bosses and I have known about this appt. for TWO months now, so you would think if there was a conflict in scheduling we could have had it resolved by now. My Hostmom informs me this morning that shes going to go to Rhode Island, get stuff out of storage, waste time, blah blah blah. I mention again about my tattoo and she's like 'Well, I'll try and be home by 2:30'. I need to leave by 2:30, the tattoo shop is 30 minutes away. We went over this all last week. She wants me to pick the kids up from school at 2:30, drop them at home...assuming she's here...and then leave. I'll at least be 15 minutes late to my appt. which pisses me off. I HATE being late and I hate when people are late meeting me.

For some reason I won't feel so bad if the next time she needs me to watch the kids I'll have something magically pop up. And the next time I'm watching the kids is tonight. I love being used.

One thing I have gained from being a nanny is tons and tons of patience. To much sometimes. But my patience wears a little thin on Fridays. I've been dealing with 4 kids all week and they. never. stop. And then when I wake up this morning and my bangs are not doing at all what I want them to do. This royally pisses me off. I'm usually not a big "girly girl", but if my hair is not co-operating...well then shit. And it's raining outside.

On the plus side-I'm headed off to New York City for the weekend with friends. It's so weird for me to be saying that. A small town girl from Montana headed to the most awesomest* city in the United States just because. I'm thinking of getting my lip tattooed there. Just for fun. Nobody can see it, don't worry. I won't be scaring the children.

*San Francisco is probably my favorite...but shhh.

I feel like I'm in an episode of Grey's Anatomy.

Mom needs heart transplant. Daughters halfway across the country. They need it soon or else she won't live. They have conversations about the will and the funeral and what not.

My life is a t.v. show.



It all feels so surreal. My mom is on ''the list'' for a heart transplant. Weird. Shes getting a beeper soon and then anytime after that she could be called in. I don't like being this far away from her in case something happens. It would take me a whole day to get there in an emergency, which doesn't sit well with me. She called me tonight to talk about the will and how I'll be getting money if she dies. Thats not important to me.

I want her to live and see me get married, and I don't want kids but she has other grandchildren that she needs to see grow up.

I'm flying over to see her for Christmas. She doesn't know, and it's so hard keeping it a surprise.

I wonder if she'll have a new heart by then.

I'm tired. Of people. And they're judging.

Why the fuck does it matter if I have my lip pierced, my septum pierced, my fucking eyeball pierced. Who the fuck cares. Does that make me any less of a person. According to my host dad it does. And the fucking soccer moms at preschool.

This is me. I'm one of the most down to earth girls I know. I'm nice, I smile (sometimes, I'm kinda shy) I love laughing, I like babies, I love life. But no, you can't accept that. You look at this weird piece of metal hanging from my nose and automatically think otherwise.

It makes me tired. Honestly people, get over it. It's just ink and metal. Thats all. It doesn't change me.

We put an American flag on the side of the house for 9-11.

When the kids and I go outside to ride bikes they like to pull on it and pretend its a toy. Today they did the same thing. I told them that if they touched it again they were going to time-out.

One of the boys piped up "Yeah, because if the flag falls we won't be American anymore".

The date never happened


Why do boys have to be so lame? Erg. I saw him Saturday night thought and we hung out.

But I'd rather be alone.

All the kids are finally back in school. This summer had to be the longest summer ever. Now I actually have time to breathe, even though I'm alone for only 2 1/2 hours. Its a nice 2 1/2 hours.

Enough about them...on to me. I'm going on a date tonight! AHHH. I think is my first 'official' date since I've been here. The guy is super awesome. We hung out Saturday night at the karoake and soooo yeah. We are going to go see the movie Beerfest and then something else afterwards. Beerfest..hehe. We are classy, don't be jealous.

I laughed super hard this weekend. Laughing is what I need.

Some friends and I went into Boston light night to another friends apartment. We sat and did On-demand Karaoke for like 3 hours. We all sang together. It was so fucking funny I couldn't even sing...I just laughed. And drank. And met a hot boy. Ahhhhhh.We are meeting up this week to hang out. I'm excited, that a little school girl.

One more week down. Only 4,685 more to go. Not really, but it feels like that.

The host mom, kids and I went to a neighbors house last night for a going away party for their aupair. Everybody kept asking my host mom how she did 'it'. It being raising four little fuckers. Her reply-Oh yah know. My reply-She doesn't fucking do it, I DO IT. And how do I it? Lots of alcohol on the weekends.

So its Friday and I'm off.

I think I've had enough of my host dad. Honestly, he can just leave now and I would be perfectly happy. For the first six months I was here he always travelled for work so he was never home. Now for the whole fucking summer he's been on 'vacation'. He needs to leave....go do something. He doesn't help out with the kids. He just gets them super hyped up and then leaves the room leaving me to calm them down. Joy.

Him and I don't really talk much but my host mom told me that he said something about my room today and it really pissed me off. I just changed rooms so my bedroom is now also part of the playroom/office. I don't really think it's my room because I have NO privacy but they are building a room for me in the basement so this is what I get. The dad goes up there to work during the day, sometimes. He complained about my stuff and how my bedroom is not picked up. UGH. If he would move his fucking office downstairs to the empty OFFICE room then he wouldn't have to deal with my shit. I'm sorry I have a pile of clothes on the floor there is no other place for me to put them. Until this douchbag decides to either move his desk or build my room faster than I'm going to keep hanging my underwear out for him to see them. God...men...and people, they are so...bleh

After moving all the way across the country and starting my own life I've left behind a world of crazyness. In the past month my

-Brother got married

-Brother-in-law went over to Iraq again

-My Grandma was diagnosed with cancer which they won't be treating

-My Aunt who has breast cancer only has weeks left to live

-The Dad whom I no longer talk to has tried to contact me and now wants a relationship...pff

And then on Wednesday my sister calls me telling me that Mom only has six months to live. I couldn't really believe her because she tends to over exaggerate everything so I called my Mom. Then my Mom under exaggerates, so I really don't know who to believe. All I know is that my Mom needs a heart transplant and I wouldn't doubt that if she doesn't get one within six months her health would be VERY bad. Just something else to add to the list of growing stresses.

Plus I think I broke a boys heart this week. Damn.

During the summer I normally get off work at 6:30. Tonight my host mom asked me to work late so she could have a ladies night out. No big deal...except Bob and I watch Project Runway every Wednesday night together. I asked her if he could come over here and she didn't mind, but she would have to talk to my host dad. We thought everything was fine until my host dad said that he wanted to watch t.v. downstairs tonight so he'll just let me get off a few minutes early so I can go to Bob's house. What the fuck? He never watches t.v. downstairs plus he has a t.v. in his room. So now he's home...three of the four kids are in bed and I'm. still. working.
The guy obviously can't handle putting one child to bed and can't stand the thought of a cool dude sitting on his couch.

My friday night was spent at the tattoo shop. It was awesome. She's not done yet, but I'll go back in a month and have her finished up.

2. and. a. half. weeks. until. school.

I don't know if I can make it.

I went to a 'hardcore' show last night. People...you have NOT lived until you have been to a hardcore show. It will change your life.

I saw Gorilla Biscuits, This is Hell, Comeback Kid, Righteous Jams, Set your Goals and a few others that I totally forgot.

The mosh pit area is chaos. They stage dive, they walk on each others shoulders, they do this weird arm punches and its crazy. I didn't even step foot in it because I got kicked in the head more than enough times at Warped tour. But...someday I will. Stagediving looks like so much fucking fun!

Who's harder to deal with: Parents or Kids?

Most of the time I would say the parents. Both of my host parents have been at home all day long for about 2 months now and it is driving me i.n.s.a.n.e. Why do they need a fucking nanny if they are home all day and do nothing. The Mom will go upstairs and take naps (because she's so tired, bullshit) and the Dad will go out on the boat. These are not my kids. I did not shoot them out of my girly bits, yet I'm the one spending the most time with them. Sad.

Tomorrow I have the day off though. I'm going to Warped tour, an all day outdoor rock concert. It's also supposed to be over 100 degrees. I'm kinda not looking forward to it. We shall see.

So excited, I can hardly stand it

I talked with her and she doesn't care if I get more ink.

First up: My arm

Then my other arm

Then my collarbones

Then my feet(well...adding to the feet)

Then my stomach

I'll be inked all over and still a nanny. Deal with it.

Shy

I have to bring up the conversation today that I want to start getting a tattoo on my arm.

I don't know exactly how to bring that up though.

So I'll just sit here and write....waiting for the perfect moment.

New Hampshire reminds me of home

Vacation is a word that usually makes me as a nanny shudder. So when my host family came up with the idea of going to New Hampshire this past weekend for the oldest childs birthday, fear just kind of swept over me. On vacation schedules just fly out the window which is a great thing for adults, but for kids...it sucks. They act like fucking little brats. But sometimes the parents are worse to deal with than the kids. For instance. On Friday morning we decided to sit down for breakfast. I ordered some awesome banana nut crunch pancakes which I wanted to fully enjoy. But of course 5 minutes into my indulgence two of the kids decided they needed to use the bathroom. My host mom told me that I could have the pleasure of taking them, so I did. As soon as I got back and took a bite another child informed the table that they to had to go to the bathroom. For fucks sake. The mom was now finished with her meal, I was not..but she told me I could take the child to the bathroom. Uhhhhhh.....She was not doing anything besides staring into space and I'm not even halfway done with my breakfast, why couldn't she take him? I take his to the bathroom and after we get back the dad informs us that everybodys done so he's just going to take the kids outside. The host mom then quickly replies that she'll go to to help him. That leaves me, sitting at a huge ass table by myself finishing my breakfast. Nice. I wasn't into that so I just left as well.

The rest of the weekend sucked. Rainy miserable weather. Now I'm tired as shit and have to work this whole next week without really getting a break. Hooray.

Berkeley is where I belong

I guess you could say I'm not the first person that would come to mind when you think of the word "nanny". I have my nose and lip pierced, two tattoos(so far) and my hair color changes about every six weeks.

Do these things make me a bad person? I sure hope not. But some people choose to believe differently.

I had another nanny friend whom I used to visit quite frequently. After meeting her host parents I knew they didn't like me. Their actions spoke WAY louder than words. They are conservative, and I am...not so much. I didn't mind them though. I respect them and what they choose to do with their life. They didn't have that consideration with me. After innocenlty visiting my friend about 5 times they kindly informed her that I was no longer welcome at their househould. They told her I was "to quite". ME? To quite? I know it's because my hair changes colors, and, well thats about it. I never really talked to them and they didn't even get to know me as a person. You look at these people on the streets with tattoos and piercings and think of them as weirdos. Some of them are, but most of them can be some of the nicest people you will ever meet. This family has since gotten a new nanny who is by far the most quite person I have ever met. I sure hope they are happy.

Numb

The kids have been actually quite good the past few days. I don't know why, but it's really nice. Of course things can never just be. Something always has to come up. This time it's the word cancer. My Aunt was diagnosed a couple of years ago with this disease. I had sort of forgot about it until my Mom e-mailed me saying that my Aunt now only has 6-8 weeks left to live. I don't really know how to react. Those words are just stinging right now. I have hope though....I really do. I hope the doctors are wrong.

Boy problems (real boys, not the ones I look after)

I went out on a 'date' last Thursday with a guy named Bob. We've hung out before and for me he's just a friend. I think he wants more of a relationship but I don't. On Saturday night I'm supposed to go out on a real date with a guy named Tom. I could see myself dating Tom. Bob and Tom are friends and hang out with the same group of guys that I hang out with. This situation seems like it's going to become pretty sticky. Bob texted me tonight asking if I want to go the see the Pirates movie tomorrow but I'm already going with Tom on Saturday. I didn't mention that to Bob. SOOOO....now I'm stuck and this is exactly what I don't want to be stuck in.

Trying not to let loose

I've returned now, with a new name, but the complaining should still be the same. I needed an outlet and so I came back to blogging.

The summer with all of these damn kids is for sure going to kill me. I'm with them from 9 in the morning until 7 at night. Somedays I don't think I can do it. Like today. I just don't understand how a stay at home mom can leave her children with a nanny all day while she goes and takes a nap. Why have kids if you're going to pawn them off on someone else....grrr.

That's all I can really say right now. My brain is so tired from trying to stay polite and nice and not let all my nasty words come to the surface. They will though, on here.

It's time

For me to close down this shop. I'm far to busy and I really have no time to update. It sucks having a social life doesn't it? Maybe in a few months I might be able to start up again, but for now-I'm off to the clubs.

No, I'm not mary poppins

But hell, I have a nice tattoo.


Don't be jealous of my sick pack either.

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, my brain is still on vacation

Back to work. Bleh. I really do like my job, but if I could just be rich without working...I'd do it.

Vacation was nice. My nieces are adorable. My youngest niece wouldn't let anyone else hold her, just me. It was sad to say good-bye knowing that I won't see them for probably another year.

The tattoo is doing well...itchy and scabby. It looks hot. He said not to work out for 10 days but my fat ass needs to get back to the gym, so I'm going tonight. Hopefully it doesn't screw it up to bad.

This Friday I'm going to a club again...............hopefully it's not as skanky as the last one.

Inked

I've dreamed of getting a tattoo for years now. I've thought of the pain, and how much it wouldn't hurt. It's just needles...right? I can take needles.

My thoughts have changed. Today at 4 I went in for what would become a little over 4 hours of torture. I got a koi fish in water with a lotus flower floating on the right side of my body. They say your sides are one of the most sensitive areas to get tattoos, so of course, I choose that area.
The first lines he did were okay. I could handle it. I handled the outline fine.

Then came shading. Now most normal people would have done this tattoo in segments, not all at once. But since I'm visiting I needed to get it all at once because I won't be coming back until like Christmas. Shading was a bitch. My side was already so sore, so puncturing some more was not good. I started crying twice. There was nothing else I could do. A few times I didn't know if I was going to make it.

The guy who did my tattoo said I was one tough girl though. He doesn't even have tattoos on his side because of the pain, and neither did his apprentice. That made me feel somewhat better. Now I'm shaking and going through all sorts of emotions so I better head to bed. I'm already planning on another tattoo though, this time on my arm.

Clubbin' fools

I went to a club in Providence on Saturday night with a bunch of my friends. It was horrible. The people were disgusting. I think I saw more nudity than I have ever seen in my life.

I sat a table the whole night because I was the designated driver. You will not see me out on the dance floor unless I'm drunk, so there I sat.

The first guy to come up to me was about 40. He only told me that he was just in prison for 2 years but honestly, he's a nice guy. My friends boyfriend then came up and started rubbing my back, asking me how I was doing. The old guy got the clue and left. The next guy was a bit more dense. He was talking to my friend first, but she left so then he started talking to me. He asked me why I wasn't dancing and I told him I didn't want to. Bumpin' and Grindin' with some random sweaty dudes is just not my thing. He then pulled me off the chair really hard and tried to get me to go dance with him. This pissed me off. I pushed him away and told him to get the hell away from me. He did, but still, I never want to go back.

Just walking around the club guys would grab my hand, or my waist or try and push themselves onto me. Gross Gross Gross. I almost got taken out by two fights as well. AND I didn't get home until 5 o'clock in the morning. But I still had fun.

Wednesday I'm leaving to go to Pennsylvania. I think for sure I'm going to get a tattoo while there. I'm so excited!

Juicebox

It's always hard moving to a brand new place in the friendship department. I was lucky when I moved to California to have other nannies with kids in the same school as mine.

Here though it has been a little harder to meet people.

But, I finally have met some awesome friends. Awesome.

We went bowling together on Friday night and I was laughing the entire time. It feels good to laugh. On Sunday I went to Providence and shopped and shopped and shopped. I spent WAY to much money on clothes but I deserved them. Last week was a rough one so it was nice to get away.

I also bought tickets to go see the Strokes with some friends and I'm leaving next week to go to Pennsylvania. Hopefully I will still be getting inked while I'm there.

Blonde moment, again

Dinner time around this time is usually a choatic mess. Last night was no different. The oldest child has celiac disease, meaning he can't eat gluten. He wanted to try out a gluten-free enchilada so I made that for him. The triplets were going to eat ham and french fries.

It all sounds simple, but between the painters coming and asking questions, the dog barking, the kids chasing each other, and me taking shots of vodka, things just are not that simple. So I popped the oldest kids enchilada into the microwave and turned on the stove to start cooking the ham. I ran around doing various things while both I presumed were cooking. I started smelling this weird musty smell and assumed it was the enchilada I was making. My host mom came downstairs asking what smelled and I said the enchilada. She told me in a joking manner that I better have some ham ready because he probably won't eat it.

After the enchilada was done cooking the smell started getting worse. It was then I realized that I turned on the wrong burner on the stove and had actually started burning a basket that was on the counter. It was almost in flames. Ha. Ha. Oops. We had to throw the basket away and all the food in it. The house still smells musty. Go me!

Lame o's

Boston's St. Pattys day parade sucked. Lame. L.A.M.E. It was a bunch of firefighters walking the down the street and political people with their signs. No crazyness. My friends and I watched about 30 minutes, said screw it, and went shopping at H and M.

The house is officially on the market now. Painter people are here and have been here for the past week. It's hell. Theres nowhere to walk, no place for the kids to place so they are driving me insane. I want to throw myself off the deck, but...nah.

I'm getting my haircut tomorrow. I'm a little skeptical, like always. I just don't want to leave with a mullet. Thats all I ask.

Remember, Remember the 5th of November

I got the pleasure of going to V for Vendetta tonight on IMAX. If you get the chance to see it this weekend....GO! It was so freakin' good. Well worth the $11.

Off to Boston's St. Patricks Day parade tomorrow. We shall see how crazy these people get.

My leg will probably fall off next

On Tuesday morning I woke up with my right eye feeling as though it had been punched. The area all around it was very sore but no bruising. Wednesday I woke up and my right glad in my neck was swollen. This morning I woke up and the swollen gland is now like the size of a grape. I don't know whats going on. Maybe I contracted some weird Swedish illness when I went to Ikea. Hopefully the swelling goes down before the St. Pattys day parade in Boston and the partying in Providence this weekend.

This isn't good

The kids didn't have school on Friday. You know a story isn't going to end well when it starts off like that. Same goes for this one.

My host family is building a shiny new home about an hour away for where we are now. We decided to go down there and "visit" with our soon-to-be neighbors. The neighbors have 4 kids as well but the youngest is three and the rest are in school. The neighbors house was also the model home for the development so it is decorated veerrrryyy nicely. Probably not a good place for 5 rowdy kids. The two moms left, so it was just me and them. 5 to 1. Not very good odds. Think about it people. One 3 year old, Three 4 year olds and a 5 year old. THINK. ABOUT. IT. It was hell. I never want to do it again.

I'm taking the weekend to recover but now I have a cold or allergies or something else thats kicking my ass. Gotta love it!

I need cookies

My brain. Is sad. I have nothing to write about. I could write about how my hands are dried out and its driving me insane. Or about how I'm tired of how the kids are fascinated with touching their shit. Or maybe how I would like to go eat the whole tub of cookie dough in the freezer right now. Or what the hell am I doing? Seriously. All of my friends are in college partying all the freakin' time and I'm sitting here watching four children. I don't know what else to do. I'm not going to quit, I'm actually probably going to stay until next summer I've decided. Next summer I want to go to Europe and travel around for a couple of months, and then maybe start college. Am I making the right decision. My friends think it's so awesome that I've travelled as much as I have since high school, but sometimes I wish I was just sitting around in a college dorm eating top ramen for breakfast, lunch, and dinner like the rest of them.

They should make a reality show out of this..oh wait, they did?

I now know why I love going to the gym so much. The people. The crazy people. 45 minutes on the eliptical seems like nothing...I just watch the crazies.

It is mostly 14-15 year old girls. They all wear little abercrombie shorts with a tank top. They might as well be wearing pasties and a thong but who am I to judge. They walk around and talk with their other friends pulling their tank tops up to expose their bellies. The old man riding on the bike likes when they do this. I don't really understand why they come. They are thin as rails and there really are no boys there for them. But I hope the girls are they're tomorrow and the next day and the next day because it really does make my work outs go by sooo much faster.

Life is good

*I went to Salem, Mass yesterday. It was windy and cold. I saw some Witch houses, and that was it. The people in town were more interesting than the actual town.

*My brother-in-law, who's in the Army, has gotten orders to go back to Iraq in June. Hes supposed to stay for a full year this time. Stupid War.

*I'm leaving in like a month to go visit my Aunt and Uncle in Pennsylvania. My sister and nieces are also flying over so I'll get to see them too! I'm super super super excited.

*I promised a nice post this weekend but my life is not really exciting at this point. Except for last night my friend and I stopped in a little diner for dessert and had this very cute waiter. His name is Salso and he's from Brazil. He's probably 30-but still.

*I have an update from my last family in California. The nanny who took over from me has since left. I have no idea why. Maybe because that family is a bunch of weirdos. I think it's funny.

I have a blog?

My God...the days are just flying by. Between working all day and then working out at night I have no time to sit and write in my little diary. Sorry Diary. This weekend I will make it up to you though, with a huge make-out session.

Snow

This stuff is starting to piss me off. Couldn't go work out today because the car wouldn't make it up the driveway. To icy. Damn Damn Damn.

Things that irked me this weekend

*Mother Nature-This past week it's been in the 50's and now for the weekend we get temps not going above 20 degrees and with massive winds blowing.

*Stairs-My first trip down the stairs this morning was not a pleasant one. I fell down them. Not just a little fall-on-my-butt...noooo...it was a slamming into the steps and then riding them down until you crash into a wall. I skinned my hands up. It's really gross actually, the skin was just kind of hanging there but I eventually pulled it off. I'm waiting for my awesome bruises to show up.

*People-
a) annoying ones-I went to a very late showing of Freedomland on Friday night wanting to avoid the crowds and the usual chaos that accompanies me to movies. My movie experience was going great until about the last 20 minutes of the movie when two tweenaged boys decided to wait in the little hallway thing for their parents to get out of the movie. They stood there and banged on the wall and chatted loudly to each other. What the fuck kids. Couldn't you wait out in the lobby?

b) rude ones-Yah know, I'm not really much of a people person. If I could walk around all day with my middle fingers in the air or a big F.U. sign on my shirt, I would. But when I go out in public I try to be good. I try to be polite, smile, chat it up with the Target cashiers, and be respectful of the other people in this world. On two seperate occasions I Saturday I witnessed cart etique gone bad. One lady was lifting a big item out of her cart and just let her cart start wandering freely. It wandered into the back of a minivan and because of the awesome winds we had it just kept going and eventually stopped in the middle of the road. After she put her thing away she just looked at the cart, got in her car and drove away. Bitch. Then when I came out of Target I saw 5 cars swerve around another cart sitting in the middle of the road. I stopped my car, got out and pushed it to one of the cart holders. Lazy bastards.

Pumpin' Iron

Lately I've been having issues. Food issues, again. I might go sign up at the gym tomorrow. I feel fat. I think I look fat. I want to be skinny. Super super skinny. I want to have my clavicle bones popping out of my chest. When is it that I'll feel comfortable in my own skin.

My family must be so proud with what I'm doing with my life

The other day one of the boys needed to use the bathroom. I let them go alone and they call when their done. He was in there for a couple of minutes so I went to check on him. One sentence came out of my mouth that I never thought I would ever say.

"Hey, what are doing? Get your head out of the toilet!"

AHHH..yes.

Maybe I should have just went to college.

Blonde moment #56,932

If you read my last post you noticed that I went to Boston this weekend. While there, actually in Cambridge, I went to one of my favorite stores-Urban Outfitters. I love love love all the clothes there but have never actually bought anything until yesterday. I went to the clearance area and saw these super cute green velvet shoes. I saw the great price of $4.99 and decided to buy them. The shoes were all seperated so I had to dig and dig to try and find two size 7's. The people around me probably thought I was a big freak, digging through that bin like none other. I found two size 7's and took them up to the nice bitchy lady at the register. She rang me up and to my delight the shoes were actually half off..go me! Last night I get home and decide to try them on and see how they look. I take the left shoe out and try it on and then I go back for the other shoe and pull out another freakin' left foot. I bought two left shoes....ha. I don't think I'm going to take them back, I think I'm just going to wear them like they are. Me and my hot green shoes.

Purple ribbon wearers

I travelled to Boston yesterday. My fragile little body was numb to the 20 degree weather outside. I can't believe people actually live up here. Weirdos. It is a very nice city though, from what I saw. We walked around some mall thing with stores like Gucci, Louis Vuitton, and other fancy shmancy stores. There was some kind of high school Jazz festival going on so there were hundreds of high schoolers walking around in their band clothes. Thats funny to me and I don't know why. After walking around the rich mall I decided that I wanted to go see Harvard. We went to Harvard and snapped some pictures. I chased guys around Harvard asking them questions but they all seemed in such a rush. Actually most people seemed very hurried in this town. No time to talk to me? Pssh. I think I might go back in next weekend by myself. My one friend here is going to L.A. for the week, lucky. We have gotten like 15 inches of snow today so I would love to be going back to Cali to visit.

bitch and moan

I don't know what the hell got into the kids tonight but whatever it is needs to get the fuck out. The coughs need to go as well.

Dear Diary

I saw you looking at our table for at least a half an hour. You would look over and then talk to your friend. Your table had a lot of people at it-5 guys and 3 girls. I could tell your friend was giving you pointers on what to say to me. You both would look over and talk, don't be so obvious next time. Then one of the girls at your table would wonder what you were talking about and eventually she would look over. I pretended to watch the Superbowl, but I could see what was going on. I'm smart like that.

By the time you got up the courage to come over the butterflies in my stomache had gone down. I'm not very good at the whole meeting new people thing. You didn't walk straight to my table, instead you walked behind in and then finally to it. Nerves I guess. You were drunk and you had a very think New England accent so I couldn't hardly make out what you were saying. You asked me who I was rooting for. Seattle...duh. How could you not tell by all the "fucks" that were coming out of my mouth at the damn refs. You then asked me if I had been watching ESPN lately. No, I haven't. I've been wiping asses all day long, I don't have time to watch ESPN. I almost started asking you questions but I could tell you were embarrassed and you sort of walked away. It made me sad. Come back again drunk guy.

Brokeback smokestack

I've now survived for two whole weeks. The transition between nannies has been very rough for the kids. Their old nanny was with them for almost 2 years so they don't quite know what to think of me yet. A lot of testing has also been going on. They want to see how far they can push me before I'll say something. I love the beginning phases of getting the children to like you. They also love Zaboomafoo which is driving me up the wall. Who in the hell thinks of these shows.

Last night I went out with some other nannies around the area. We went to this little supermarket and one of them bought some cigs. I was just standing there but for some reason the cashier carded me as well. It was a lady cashier and it happened to have the biggest mustache I've ever seen on a woman.

We then went to see Brokeback Mountain. I was so excited to see it because it's supposed to be this great film but I was kinda bummed. It was so freakin' long I that I almost left. We kept thinking it was going to end but it just kept having another scene after another. The scenery was beautiful though and it reminded me of home. *tear*

Is it Monday

It's been one of those days. 2 of the kids didn't get dressed until after 2:30. Oh well. At least I got dressed today. 4 kids is chaos. I feel like I have no control sometimes but I guess I have to let that go.

Which way will I go

I went to church yesterday for the first time in like a year. I've been to some Mormon churches between that time but they are to crazy for me so I don't count them. I've never really gotten the meaning of church. I know you are supposed to feel this deep connection with God but I've never had that. I sit there listening to the pastor and start daydreaming about what kind of things I might buy at Target when I go later. Then the pastor talks about how people need to start giving more money. I hate that.

I'm confused on the whole religion aspect I guess. I want to believe there is something more but I just haven't been convinced in the right way.

NOT in the job description

Chasing after kids who decided that their fingers would make excellent toilet paper for their poo

Broccoli-Brocolli

I made it. I'm exhausted from the past two days so this will be kinda short. Going from lounging around all day to looking after four kids is quite a challenge, who would have thought? The kids are adorable so that makes it a little easier. As we were eating dinner tonight I was trying to coax one of them into eating their broccoli. I told him his stomache loves broccoli so he should eat it. He then explained to me that his stomache doesn't like broccoli and it makes it burp. I thought that was pretty funny, but maybe it's just because I'm super tired.

Worn me down

Tomorrow I'm leaving. It's kind of surreal that I'm actually doing this whole thing again. After my last experience I said I would never do it again. I figure if I survived the last job, this job should be easy. I just started packing, its not going very well. Packing away my things knowing that I'm going to be moving all the way across the freakin' country. I see the look on my Moms face and I can tell she doesn't want me to leave. I need to leave for me. Her health is not very good and I'm worried that somethings going to happen when I'm gone. I just can't sit here and wait for it to happen. Wish me luck.

Days and Days

The week with my sister and family was great. Couldn't have been better. My Aunt, Uncle and cousin are awesome! It was so nice to see them after so many years. My Aunt and I made a pact that the next time we saw each other we would go get tattoos. My Uncle doesn't like this idea, but his face was priceless when we told him our plan. We also played a crazy amount of Cranium. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Laughing does the body good.

Saying good bye to my nieces was rough. I didn't cry, amazingly. I had just spilt coffee all over myself, maybe thats why. Now I have only 4 days left before leaving. I have soooo much to do including writing thank you notes for Christmas gifts. I'm horrible at things like that.

Fading

Tomorrow I will be going up to Washington to visit my sister, brother-in-law, and two nieces before I leave for the East Coast. I wish my nieces could live closer because I enjoy every single minute I spend with those girls. And they love me too, because I buy them cool toys such as drums. I don't know if I will have the opportunity to see them again before Christmas, and even then I might not be flying back for Christmas.

It will be hard not seeing their little faces for so long.

While at my sisters my Aunt, Uncle and cousin will be there. I've never actually met my Aunt or my cousin. My family says I have, but I don't remember, I think I was like 1. My cousin is now 16-17 so her and I will probably have a lot of catching up to do.

I have an addiction

With a little show on television called The O.C. Seriously...I'm troubled. I can't miss an episode and I've watched seasons 1 and 2 over and over again on my lovely dvd's. I've even started having dreams about the characters. Eek.

Time to sign up for the gym...again

I got the job! People love me, they were throwing job offers at me left and right. Not really, but I can pretend.

This family seems great. I don't think the stories I will be sharing here are going to be like the old ones. I think these ones are going to be happy ones. We can only hope.

So, I'm leaving soon. I will probably have the same feelings for the first couple of weeks.
Think about it...flying to some random persons house to watch their children all the way across the country. Pretty gutsy. At least I'll have lot's of time to think about it on the airplane.

Stay tuned, watching 4 children is going to be fun!

It looks like I won't have to change the name of my blog after all

I've been talking with a new family and it's not certain that I've got the job yet but it looks pretty good.

Rhode Island is close to Montana.....right? I think so.

I couldnt' find anything in Montana so I figured to check out the East Coast for a while. We'll see what happens.

Sweet home Montana

Since turning 19 ( a whole 23 hours ago) my mood has been in the dumps. It hit me hard that I'm 19 and sitting in my Mom's house doing nothing all day. With that...I've started looking at moving back to Montana. I want and need to get on with my life and I don't think this is the place to do it. So for the next couple of days I'll be searching for something...anything.