Tuesday, October 31, 2006

So I've started running at the gym. (Insert laughing here)
I don't know what possessed me to start.

Actually it;s the fact that I wanted to start smoking. Really bad. I know the health risks, stench, teeth and all that other fun stuff. But I wanted the 5 minutes to myself every couple of hours. On Sunday my friend and I went and saw Running with Scissors, don't go see that. Everybody smoked in that movie and it just tempted me even more. I was itching on the way home. I wanted to go buy cigarettes so baaaddd.

But I didn't.

I went to the gym and started running. It's a slow process. I've been working out since January and can do the elliptical for well over an hour but running, not so much. I'll keep it at though.

But those cigarettes are still there...and tempting. I've never even smoked one if my life.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Yah know what sucks?

When your friend starts making out the guy you like at a Halloween party. The same friend who had countless conversations with me about him and how we would make a really good couple.


Saturday, October 28, 2006

I would like to say that I fell asleep listening to the rain against the windows. That wasn't the case last night. I couldn't hear anything over my tears. My mom called me yesterday. The doctor has put her on complete bedrest and her kidneys are starting to fail. She goes back to the doctors on Monday and if she gets worse than they'll admit her to the hospital.

In the back of my mind I know that she must be doing okay. If she wasn't then she would already be in the hospital.

But the other part of me knows she getting worse and she just needs a new heart and everything will be all better. What if she does start to decline and eventually doesn't make it out.

I'm a full days plane ride away so when do I go see her...I don't know. I can't leave my job, but I would in a heartbeat if something happened. I can't afford it, but my friend would loan me money.

I hope she can hang on for two more months and then I can see her. I already have my ticket booked for that.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Theres been a nasty little sickness spreading itself through the house the past couple of weeks.
At least I haven't gotten it yet. 3 of the 4 kids have had it so now we are just waiting to see if the 4th will get it, hopefully not becasue its really messing up my schedule of working out when they are in school.
On to some cooler news!
I won tickets off the radio today to go see The Killers in Boston on Thursday! I'm super excited and wanted to go but the show was sold out.

This week just got a little better.

Plus on Saturday I have another concert to go to. It involves the uber attractive Jared Leto and his band 30 seconds to Mars. I saw that at Warped Tour, and Wow. That man is hot and I would have his babies even though I don't want babies. Then After the concert I have a Halloween party where I will be going as a "ladybug". Slutty, of course. It shall be fun.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Did I ever mention that my host mom doesn't work? Right, well she doesn't.
Let's add this up:

She has a nanny to take care of her four spawn

She has a housecleaner to clean up her shit

She has yard people to do her yardwork

And I'm sure hiding in her bathroom is someone to wipe her ass.

What exactly does she do you ask? Not really much of anything.
Today she watched The View while I folded laundry right next to her. Didn't bother to help once.
I took all three boys to karate tonight, but only one actually participates. She needed to organize a closet while I tried to tame two wild beasts in a space the size of a bathroom.
One the way home from karate she even had to call and ask me what I was making the kids for dinner. She obviously couldn't throw something in the microwave even though the kids were already eating an hour late. So I got home, had to rush and get the kids fed, eat dinner myself ( an orange..wohoo) and try and get them all prepared for when I got off at 7. At 6:55 she comes over to the dinner table and asks me to work until 7:30 so I could give one of the kids a bath. She can't even throw her own fucking son into the god damn shower for 5 minutes, she makes me do it.

Needless to say the highlight of my week has been these warty pumpkins.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

I hate my job. If I had my own car I would be packing my stuff and leaving tonight. It has turned me into a person I don't want to become. I'm unhappy, I'm snippy, I cry to much, I don't laugh enough. I'm hard now and I hate it.

So I'm doing something to change it. I bought an S.A.T. study book last night so that in a couple of months I can take my S.A.T.'s. Then I'm going to apply for college. I'm also saving up to buy a car, a shitty one that runs, I don't care. After that...I'm gone.

I want to be happy again. I don't even smile during the day and I know this isn't me. This job has changed me into something I don't want to be and I'm getting out of it. It might take me a couple months, but it needs to happen.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Been a little down the past few days.

I'm tired taking of other peoples lives/kids and ready to move on with my own.

This picture makes me happy though because I really and a big dork. And thats good.

Monday, October 09, 2006

I'm ready to go home
I'm ready to move on
I'm ready to not cry
I'm ready to realize that I am beautiful
I'm ready to laugh
I'm ready to love
I'm ready to like myself
I'm ready for my family to realize that I have changed for the better

Saturday, October 07, 2006

I scare little kids. Obviously. Look at me. Ohhh, scary.


Friday, October 06, 2006

The tattoo is finally finished. Not without a few bazillion phone calls, some crying and a lot of road rage. I'll post a pic later.

The rest of the week has been good. I'm super tired, still haven't recovered from walking hundreds of blocks in New York.

I have Monday off though and I plan to sleep.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

I'm always available for my bosses when they need me, unless I go out of town. I've never said no to them unless I had plans made already. Which sucks, because I only get about 4 hours every night to myself and then sometimes twice I week I have to work later. Meaning no real time for "me".

So today I have an appt. at 3 to get my tattoo finished. My bosses and I have known about this appt. for TWO months now, so you would think if there was a conflict in scheduling we could have had it resolved by now. My Hostmom informs me this morning that shes going to go to Rhode Island, get stuff out of storage, waste time, blah blah blah. I mention again about my tattoo and she's like 'Well, I'll try and be home by 2:30'. I need to leave by 2:30, the tattoo shop is 30 minutes away. We went over this all last week. She wants me to pick the kids up from school at 2:30, drop them at home...assuming she's here...and then leave. I'll at least be 15 minutes late to my appt. which pisses me off. I HATE being late and I hate when people are late meeting me.

For some reason I won't feel so bad if the next time she needs me to watch the kids I'll have something magically pop up. And the next time I'm watching the kids is tonight. I love being used.