Thursday, September 13, 2012

Holy hell...

I definitely was not into blogging this summer.  I had freedom for the first time in a few years and jumped at the chance to do anything and everything.  I went out on dates, went camping with my girlfriends, flew to Vegas for a friends wedding, drank too much, dyed my hair blonde/grey, didn't dance enough, floated down rivers and enjoyed the hell out of every minute.  It may have been one of the best summers yet.

Now fall is arriving, I'm starting the last two classes for my degree and I thought maybe I would write a bit.  I'm alone in my bed with pumpkin beer, which could be a bad combination, or the best. Things are going so so so well in my life.  These past few months have really shown me what incredible friends I have and how thankful I am for them. There's also a certain boy is making me smile.  I'm excited to see what's next.

Monday, May 21, 2012

This week is moving in week! Finally back to being in my own space again.  Although I still have yet to get a mattress so I may be sleeping on my friends couch for a little while longer. I did go test some out though and that was quite the experience.

This past week has been a whirlwind.  This past month has been, it's gone by fast. One of my good friends from Montana flew in the past week and I was able to spend a few hours on Thursday night and Friday with her.  It was a lot of fun catching up.  It's pretty amazing when you don't see someone for 7 years and then just hang out again like it was yesterday. 


The next few weeks/months are going to be extremely busy.  I just finished this last semester and now I'm taking a summer class in which my teacher explained that we need to devote 25-30 hours a week to.  Uh huh.  So between work and school I'll be a zombie. It's only for six weeks though and then VEGAS.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Where to begin. 

Friday I had my 'date' and I was extremely nervous all day. I psyche myself up and over-think everything. I met him once before but it was in a group setting so being alone would be different. He was cute but quiet.  I'm not used to seeing quiet guys.  I had to talk a lot, maybe more than usual, just to keep things going and I really don't enjoy talking about myself that much.  We had a beer and then headed over to see the Avengers which I enjoyed.  It was so long though that I had to fight to stay awake.  The movie ended at almost 1 in the morning and then came the part of first dates that I HATE...the end.  Do we hug? What if he tries to kiss me?  What if  I'm not feeling it? In the end I gave him a quick hug and headed out.  I don't want to lead him on into thinking I want something more with a kiss but when a guy pays for dinner I feel like I owe him something?  I'm weird. This is why I like to pay for myself on dates. So that was that. You'd think with all of the practice I have going on first dates I'd be a pro at this.

Saturday my friend and I went to the drive in to see Dark Shadows. Going to the drive in was something I did a lot in Montana. It made me miss home.  We didn't prepare very well so we ended up sitting in the car instead of under the stars but we had a lot of fun.  People watching at the drive in is most excellent.  The movie was okay.  I expected it to be more of a comedy and while it had its funny moments, it was not.  I still enjoyed it though and the soundtrack was really good.


Meanwhile, my friend texted me and let me in on a lead to an absolutely adorable guy whom I knew nothing of.  He is a tattoo artist and one of our mutual friends goes to him.  I messaged this mutual friend to see if he was single and it turns out, he is.  I ended him sending him a message myself asking him out for beers and he said yes.  Know I am having really really good butterflies. I don't want to get too ahead of myself but I'm hoping we can grab some beers soon and see what happens.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

I can finally breathe a little.  My Algebra final is over and even though I bombed, I still passed the class with a high C, shit-balls.  I have my macroeconomics final left on Monday and while that one makes me want to pull my hair out, it's not as stress inducing as Algebra.


Bar hopping is happening a lot, maybe too much. This is what happens when you are couch surfing with a friend who lives right smack dab in the middle of hipster central and there are 30+ bars within walking distance. Apparently it's my goal to try all of them. I even have a date tomorrow night. AH. I've done my fair share of dating and going on a lot of first dates so this will either be very entertaining or good writing material. I'm not looking to get married next week so I'm going in with the intention of having fun and trying some new things.

Also, my friend from Montana is flying in next week and I could not be more excited. I haven't seen her since I was 17/18, so, 7 years?  Absolutely crazy.  We used to be the little rebels in Sunday school.  I can't wait to show her around this lovely city I call my home.  It's so fun when friends visit because you can play tourist with them and not look like a total toolbag. Lets just hope it stops raining.

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

A few days ago I packed everything up that I had left and closed the door to that apartment that has been my home for the past years.  It was weird, surreal.  Matt was there and actually helped my friend and I move a piece of furniture, almost killing himself in the process.  I didn't know what to say though and my friend could tell I was clearly flustered.  I'm ready to move on but some things still hold me back, like the over $500 he still owes me that I'll probably never see again.  I just need to let it go.

I'm now in a transition period where I've yet to move into my new place so I'm living out of suitcase in my friends living room, potentially staying with a few other friends in between.  My friends have been so amazing through this whole ordeal, I'm not quite sure what I'd do without them.  I've gone out more in the past three weeks than I have in the past three years.  It's fun, I'm getting a new sense of life and feeling refreshed and happy!

Emma's new mom is still keeping me updated.  It looks like her new home is going to work out.  She told me that they absolutely love her and they needed her just as much as she needed them.  (tears, tears and more tears)  I still look at pictures of her and cry but I'm so glad she's in a great home and not sitting in a shelter.

This semester is coming to an end, summer is around the corner which means a trip to Las Vegas with friends and I'm looking forward to ALL of it.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Emma seems to be doing well in her new home. Her new owner has been texting me quite a bit keeping me updated.  I guess they are all bonding with each other and Emma is being her usual lovable self.  It makes me feel good but man do I miss her.

I've been keeping myself busy. I have 3 days left in my apartment so I'm busy packing, finishing up homework  and having the occasional margarita (or two) with friends.  I've also been pulling things together for my new room, it's so exciting!  No more boy shit and scarface posters.

This is going to be good, I can feel it!  Things may or may not be quiet around here, I'm not sure.  I'm going to be couch surfing for about three weeks before moving into the new place but I might get wicked bored so we'll see.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

I took Emma to (hopefully) her new home last night.  Waking up this morning without her snuggly butt in my face was quite weird. 

This family contacted me through a mutual friend because they had been thinking about getting a dog for sometime.  When they saw her picture they started considering it more seriously but when they learned I only had a week left to find her a good home, they wanted to meet her.

I packed up all of her belongings last night and her and I took the hour drive out of the city to the suburbs.  She was whining pretty much the whole way, she really doesn't do well in the car.  She would rest her head on the side of my seat and I would reach over and scratch her chin, something I would do quite often.

We got to the house and she was extremely excited. I let her run around the backyard a bit before bringing the family out.  Once she stretched her legs, they came out and she went running over in all of her wiggling butt glory.  She played and played for over an hour with the kids and then we went inside to let her sniff around.  I typed out a page about every little thing I could think of about her.  How she likes to sleep, how she loves jumping in the tub after you shower, all of the things I've come to love over the past year. We sat and chatted more about her little quirks. 

I shed more than a few tears and eventually said goodbye.  I came home to a quiet apartment, it's just weird without her there.  I really hope she blends into this family.  I know how much work she is and I think they are ready to take that on. They do have cats and Emma managed to chase one up a tree but maybe her and the cats will just stay away from each other.  I'm nervous that she'll be too much work and they'll be calling me in a week saying they can't take her.  I can't really take her back as much as I would love to.  Sigh.  I'm staying positive that it will work out though.

I love you little Emma.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Can I take back that post about wanting the best for Matt and hoping he finds happiness?  Because dammit if I haven't been slapped across the face the past few weeks.

He no longer communicates with me, which is fine, but the only time I want to communicate with him is about Emma.  Apparently he's totally okay with just dropping her.  I'm taking her to meet a lady and her kids on Tuesday so I'm crossing my fingers that they will be a good fit. I have a week left in my place so my anxiety is in high gear.

I just went down to talk to my neighbor and she asked me how I was doing.  I explained the communication issue and she agreed it was best to just distance myself.  She also informed me that Matt used to text her at night after I had gone to bed because he was "bored".  I'm still sitting here quite shocked.  When we first started dating I had my fair share of trust issues and gut feelings about things.  Over time those quickly faded and I fully trusted him. To learn this just makes me sick to my stomach.  I know it could be nothing but no guy needs to be texting his attractive neighbor at all hours of the night because he was bored. Makes me wonder what else he was doing.  Maybe I don't want to know.

What a fucking douchebag. I really hope i don't ever have to see him again because I'm disgusted.  Completely disgusted.  His loss though.  I'm too good for him.  Yep, I said it.  Good luck buddy.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Isn't that the truth.

Matt was MIA again last night.  I needed the last four of his social so I could split up our T-Mobile accounts but from about 3 pm on, he was nowhere to be found. I could give two shits less what he's doing or who he's doing it with, but while we are still living together and tying up loose ends, it would be nice for him to at least respond when I ask him a question. I'm not asking him to get back together, far from it.  I just want to get everything squared away so I can peace out.

I slept on the couch but he didn't come home so that was a wasted effort.  Guess he went over to his 'friends' house, left his phone in the car and fell asleep. Uh huh.  And I was born yesterday. Maybe he's telling the truth, maybe he's not but disappearing twice in the matter of week is slightly suspicious.  If I still didn't have the responsibility of dealing with Emma, my shit would be packed so fast but he's apparently washed his hands of her as well.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Why is my life filled with a bunch of useless men who can't do anything? I'm so irritated with ALL OF THEM.

My landlord for one has been a complete piece of shit this whole time.  It started with him giving me 4 hours notice that he was showing the place.  I got into it with him on the sidewalk because I told him that wouldn't work, yet he completely disregarded that fact and has been an asshole ever since.  He says he'll keep our deposit if he can't get the place rented. HA.  Good luck buddy.  Yesterday he texted me that people are interested in the apartment but are turned off by the dark colors.  Uh, the living room is gray?  AND IT'S PAINT. For the love of Christ, we can paint over it before we move out but I sure as hell am not painting it now between trying to wrangle a dog and pack.  He eventually called Matt because he didn't like the answers he was getting from me because I can't take his shit.  He picked the wrong person in the relationship to be a dick to.

Matt, oh Matt.  I've been trying to deal with him civilly and I think I've done a pretty good job but why am I the only that has to drop everything and re-arrange my schedule when we have apartment showings?  He's out gallivanting around town doing God knows what, won't even respond to a pretty important text message, while I'm trying to pick up all the pieces.  I have my own shit to do but I guess that's not important. 

This needs to be over soon before I fucking murder someone.

Friday, April 13, 2012

I have a place to live!  I got word this morning that the girls in the apartment I went to look out would love to have me. I'm so relieved and excited.  It will be a fresh start, I'll (hopefully) make some new friends and things will be okay.  I still have a long list of things to accomplish but at least that's over with.

Last night I went out with an old coworker.   We always have a great time bitching about men and drinking margaritas.  She's a big music fan and usually drags me along to great shows.  We went and saw Snow Patrol.  Their music takes me back to road tripping across the US with my ex, him sleeping the whole fucking way and me being left alone with my thoughts on long dark roads. 

Of course I sat behind the two biggest lovebirds in the whole place.  She couldn't stop touching his butt and sucking his face.  After awhile it was comical because it was SO over the top. He went to grab a beer at one point and I didn't think he would come back. But he did.  Snow Patrol put on a great show though.  Some of their songs give me chills...

Emma and I are having a date night tonight.  It saddens me that my days of snuggling her are getting fewer :( 

Saturday I have some appointments and then will be going to a basement hardcore show.  I plan to get a little tipsy with Nicole and stay over.  Maybe paint our nails in between bottles of wine, we'll see.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Nothing has changed.  No home for Emma, no home for me. 

My days are filled with tears because I'm barely hanging on.  This is way way too much change at once.  I go between moments of being incredibly angry at Matt to just completely exhausted with no emotion. I'm not mad at him for breaking up with me, but right now?  The timing couldn't have been more worse.  I'm getting closer to the end of school which means finals and my work is slammed. Plus that whole doing this all in three weeks thing.

I haven't even started packing and I still need to sell a lot of furniture but I don't want to sell the big stuff until sooner to the move, but then what if I don't sell it?  Tons of money just down the shitter which seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life.

Algebra has me incredibly tense.  It's so difficult to concentrate with all of this going on.

I hope things start falling into place soon.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Now I'm getting stressed.  In 3 weeks I'll need to be out of my apartment but I have yet to find a new place, find a new home for Emma, pack, sell furniture, all while staying on top of my schoolwork and functioning at my job.

I also got a lovely email from my insurance company this morning that any money above the $15/day I have for rental coverage is my responsibility. Huh? I went over this and over this with them.  Some drunk bitch hit me, her insurance will have to pay.  Yet, that's not happening?  So help me God, I'm going to strangle someone through my phone. My boss already said we would send her insurance company a letter if they dick around so, yay for working for a law firm! I shouldn't have to pay over $200 so some twat can walk away from an accident and be all set.  (Yes, I said twat)

Things might be a little quiet around here for awhile but come May, please send lot's of alcohol.

Friday, April 06, 2012

Amazingly, I'm feeling pretty peaceful about this whole situation.  It's quite weird. 
(Minus the stuff to do with Emma.  I don't like thinking/talking about her, it makes me cry).

This is so different from last time.  Maybe because I've been  through it before? I don't know.  Although, this time there is a lot more stuff to figure out.  We've furnished an apartment together, merged health insurance, phones, etc., so dividing all of that up is going to be a fun task.  As well as trying to move an apartment worth of stuff into a room.  I can't afford a place in Boston by myself so I'm going to have to go back to living with roommates.  Sigh.

I woke up this morning and things felt normal.  I came out of the bedroom and Emma leaped off the couch doing her little tail wags, unbeknownst to her that things are going to drastically change soon. Things in our relationship have been kind of rocky for the past few months and I just kept on trudging on.  I thought maybe things would eventually change or our stresses would start to die now and we'd be okay.  Writing about your shitty relationship isn't something that's normally done, nor is talking about it, so while this break up may not be as much of a shock to me, most of my friends and family are. My friends have been great and I think it's during times like these that you really find out what you are capable of.

I hope Matt comes out okay too.  I hope he finds what he's looking for in life and can find happiness. 

Wednesday, April 04, 2012

The joke about Matt being single if he won wasn't a joke I guess.  He didn't win but now I'm single.

I spent my whole day planning out A's birthday party.  I was excitedly chatting with Nicole all during work as we came up with a thousand fun ideas.  I texted Matt and emailed him my plans but no response.  He texted me when he got off of work that he was sorry, he was just having a crazy day and we would talk when I got home.  Something felt off about this text message so I asked him if everything was okay.  He said yes.

I walked in the door and he was sitting in the bedroom.  Just sitting.  He said we needed to talk.  Everybody on the face of the earth knows what that means.

So, that's it. I didn't melt down like before.  I almost feel okay, like I need to power through it.  We are practically married, having everything intertwined in our lives besides the legal aspects so that sucks.  Also, I'm not sure I'm going to be able to keep Emma which absolutely rips me apart.  I just know she deserves more than I'm going to be able to give her by myself.  I think that's what I'm most sad about now.

I'll never do this again though.  I'm jaded.  Extremely extremely jaded.  I will never ever date a man who already has a child.  It's not for the weak and I'm not weak but we still couldn't make it.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Anybody else pick up some tickets (or 5, like myself)? I've never played before but I thought why the hell not.  It's a buck (or 5) and it's kind of fun. I know the chances of me winning are like, one in 30 billion but somebody eventually has to win so I may as well take that chance.

If I win, none of y'all will know because I would keep my identity a secret.  I can't imagine the crazies that would come out of the wood work for some of that. I would also talk to attorneys and financial people to see what the best way to go about investing or what not. I hear it's best to not spend any of the principal and just live off the interest but I'd want to help some people out first.  Enough of that boring stuff, now the fun stuff.

-Pay off my Mom's house and debts, buy her or build her a house anywhere she wanted.  This goes for my siblings and friends. I would probably give them a hefty chunk, like 10 million each, to be comfortable. I'd set up college funds for my nieces and nephew, although with that kind of money, would you go to college?

-I'd buy myself a few properties around the world. Nothing crazy like a palace, but modest, like a charming cottage in Ireland (with lots of sheep).

-Finish school?  Man, I don't know.  With that kind of money, I think I'd be all set.

-Quit my job.  Yep, sorry job!

-Travel.  I'd probably take a year or two and travel the globe.  ALL of it. I want to see everything.

-Since I would no longer be working, I'd start doing something that I'm passionate about, such as helping animals.  I think I would set up animal sanctuary around the US, or animal rescues.  Maybe have a huge piece of land with just a ton of dogs running around who were discarded.  Definitely something to help my furry friends.

-Donate, donate, donate.  Or else anonymously help families or people in need.  I always thought it would be so cool to leave a $1,000 tip for a waitress just because. I obviously can't do that at this point, but we're dreaming.

Now, on to Matt's dreams.  I asked him last night what he would do.  He said:

-Buy the Red Sox

-Be single.  NOTED. ;)

Monday, March 26, 2012

I'm still in a bit of a funk and instead of just spewing my hatred for everything on my blog, I just stay away.  Sometimes I bitch it out on Twitter so if you're feeling brave, you can find me there.

Last week I was on Spring Break from school, sadly I still had to come to work.  It was glorious.

But, just because the universe loves shitting on my parade, my car was hit by an "alleged" drunk driver Friday night.  Matt decided to go to bed early because he had to wake up early to go to a meeting so I was just settling in to watch some tv on the couch with Emma.  I heard him start screaming and really didn't think much of it.  (He's known to be a little dramatic) I thought maybe his guitar fell off the bed or something but no, he came running out in his underwear, running to the front door and screaming that a driver just hit our car. 

I jumped up, and ran outside too (Bra-less and shoe-less, we were quite the sight).  Sure enough, there was a Camry just smushed into our car. The driver, a female, took off on foot and I called 911.  She drove the wrong way up our one way street, playing ping pong off cars all the way up and eventually landed on mine.  She did leave her purse which had her license in the car as well as the car registration.  Miraculously, I was cool as a cucumber during this incident.  I think minor annoyances in the workplace set me off more. 

The person who was driving was driving a company vehicle with livery plates so we assumed they had insurance, they do, so when all is said and done, we won't have to pay anything and we get to drive around a rental for awhile. That was part of my weekend but I was determined not to let it ruin it.

This is the damage.  Not too bad but considering about 4 dents were over $1400 to fix, I'm sure this will reach maybe $5000.  She took the wheel off too, not sure if they'll be able to put it back on or how that works.

Saturday, Emma and I played at the park for a bit and then both took like 6 hour naps.  Emma was not invited back to daycare due to an incident which I believe is bullshit so, that's also another thing we've had on our plate, a crazy energetic dog.  But she did great on Saturday and Sunday.

Yesterday Matt and I went and saw the Hunger Games with some friends of mine.  He didn't read the books, I devoured them and I loved the movie.  We went out to lunch, came home, I took another nap and then we settled in to watch Mad Men. It was a pretty great weekend.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

I hate logging into Blackboard, expecting to see an 80% on your test, only to see that you got a 65%.  OH WELL. I had a 90% in Algebra, until yesterday.  I kind of bomb it on tests.

But...I decided I'm going to do something fun.  I'm going to plan a "Yay, I graduated" trip!  I was looking through photos the other day of my trip to Frankfurt, Germany and Amsterdam and I got a little teary.  That trip was so much fun.  No worries, just friends.  There was a meltdown walking through the red light district of Frankfurt but we pulled ourselves together and had a blast.

This trip probably won't happen until next Summer or a little later but it gives me something to focus on.

My friend lives in Frankfurt and I would love to go see her again.  It sucks living in two different countries but it also kind of awesome when you want to visit.  Maybe a road trip to Spain?  A side trip to Morocco?


(I can't believe those are the only two pictures I have from the whole trip in my photobucket.  Kind of sad)

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

As I was watching the news last night, they shared a story about a fire in Boston's Back Bay area of the city.   I didn't think much of it but when I woke up this morning they were still talking about it.  Apparently it caused a transformer to blow and that section of the city was without power.  I work in that section of the city so I was fluttering around all morning hoping I would get into work, the lights would be off, and I would return soon after to my couch. 

That didn't happen.  

I got off the train and started walking.  Cops were everywhere direction traffic, news crews were set up and as I walked, nothing was open.  I turned the corner, still dark.  As soon as I got to my building, the lights were on.  Fuck.

The days gone downhill since then.  I have a midterm tonight and I'm trying to study between writing up 146 different versions of a stupid memorandum and every time I switch to my algebra, I don't remember any of it.  It's all escaped me. My face is breaking out, I can't stop twitching or bouncing my foot, tears have been flowing while trying to type. This day needs to end.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Things have been awfully quite around here.  I kind of lost the blogging umpf. Sometimes I want to write multiple posts in one day, and sometime I want to be silent for weeks.

This weekend consisted of good and bad.  It was our first weekend of not having A after having him for 3 weeks so Matt worked on Saturday meaning that Emma didn't go to daycare.  And that's our routine, Emma goes to daycare on Saturday.  Her not going meant that she was extremely hyper and after having a terrible week, I really had no energy to deal with her.  We had some freak show weather on Saturday, it was cold and some snow fell so I couldn't take her to the park so her and I sat inside and sulked.  It wasn't pretty. I tried to do homework which is impossible with a 55 pound dog up your ass, so nothing got done. I was in tears most of the day and night. I put myself to bed early on Saturday and just wanted the week to be over with.

I hate when I have these days.  It makes me question if there's a deeper problem going on, like depression.  I'm not sure if these are "normal" outbursts or if I'm just so incredibly overwhelmed that this is what happens when I break. "Normal" 25 year olds are not working full time, going to school, trying to take care of an apartment, a relationship and share custody of a 5 year old. I think, if I wasn't in school, my life would be easier to control.  I only have 3 classes left though (after the two I finish that I'm in now) so I can't stop.

I woke up Sunday, took Emma to daycare, grabbed a coffee on the way home and determined not to have another awful day.  I got to work on my homework, completed it within an hour and took off to go do some shopping by myself before Matt woke up.  I grabbed some new coral skinny jeans, a flowy top and cardigan and some new nail polish.  It's amazing what a little retail therapy does. We later went to the movies and saw Wanderlust, came home and relaxed.  It was a nice way to end the week and hopefully this week will be less miserable.

So, speaking of new nail polish, I think I've rekindled my love for it.  I wasn't very big on wearing polish but after Zoya did a promotion for two free bottles, I've been on a kick lately.  I bought that pretty plum color this weekend and have about 10 more bottles in my cart waiting to be purchased.


Here's to a new week filled with lot's of sunshine (at least in Boston) so I'm hoping to make it a good one.

Wednesday, March 07, 2012

Things have been boring lately, which I guess is a good thing.  I don't really want to bore everyone else with the mundane details of life though. Get up, go to work, come home, sleep and get up to do it all over again.  Very titillating.

But, now that the weather is starting to warm up and Spring is on its way, we will actually be able to go do things. So, in short, I'm still here, just boring. Also not pregnant or engaged or getting married so...very uninteresting.

Monday, February 27, 2012

This weekend was refreshing.  I'm back at work Monday with a smile on my face again, ready to tackle the week.  I'm sure by Friday, I'll be ready to jump out the window, but for now, we're good!

This week we had A again since it was school vacation.  We wanted to do something fun instead of watching tv or playing wii so we headed out to Castle Island again with Matt's brother, girlfriend and niece.  This time Sullivan's was open which is a local icon in South Boston.  As soon as we walked in, Matt was asked for an interview by the Boston Globe.  I was warding off old ladies trying to cut me in line so I didn't get mentioned. Usually people steer clear of Matt because he's kind of scary looking.

This wind was absolutely insane this weekend so we stayed for about 3 minutes before deciding to go bowling instead.

Us girls sat and watched the boys and kids bowl because it was like $15 a person to bowl, how crazy is that?  I like bowling but not that much.
Last week we tried to take the kids to the Rainforest Cafe but after hearing there was an hour and a half wait, meltdowns ensued (by the adults) and it didn't happen.  This weekend we were more prepared and we made a reservation for Saturday night.  This was both of the kids' first time to the Rainforest and their reactions to all of the theatrics were pretty darn cute.
We got a great seat right next to the aquarium and talked about all of the "Dory's" most of the night.  My heart started hurting when the bill came, but it's nice to have these fun adventures every once in awhile. 

After eating, Matt's brother's girlfriend (that's a mouthful), went shopping while the boys wrangled the kids.  We stopped in Forever 21 since I still had leftover gift cards from Christmas and I picked up a pair of Glee sweatpants.  Yeah. I'm wearing them all over my neighborhood while I walk Emma.  No shame! I also signed up for Hulu Plus so I could get caught up on season 3 of Glee and...

(spoilers ahead, don't keep reading if you don't want to know)

WHAT THE?  The last episode certainly was a heaving one but they can't leave us hanging like that.  Quinn is my favorite, if they kill her off, I'll be sad. I love how they go in depth to issues that are plaguing a lot of high schools these days though and the first part of that episode was...oof.  Okay, enough Glee talk.

I hope you all three of you had a lovely weekend ;)

Friday, February 24, 2012

I've been up to my earlobes in homework this week because I took Monday off and then I logged on Tuesday only to find that I had 2 math quizzes and a macroeconomics test all due on Friday.  That was a wake-up call.   I've knocked the two quizzes out and I can't start the test until I get home tonight so I'm feeling a little less psychotic.

Today is dreary in Boston.  We've been having some pretty awesome weather for February but it's very grey right now.  Since it's so grey, I've started looking at pictures of other destinations and dreaming of what to do in a matter of 2, potentially 3 short days. Oh, California.  As much as I can't stand most of your inhabitants, your beauty makes my heart hurt.

I lived in California for a year as a nanny, coincidentally that was also when I started blogging.  I was a young 18 year old girl who still hadn't received a high school diploma, on my own, taking care of someone else's kids.  While there I got to go up and down the coast and really explore, but Matt has never been and California is probably at the top of his "to visit" list.

This July, my friend is getting married.  She lives in Las Vegas but I've been to Vegas so many times, I really have no interest in spending another week there.  So Matt and I decided to rent a car and go on a little road trip to California while we have a few days free between when we fly in and when she gets married.  I kind of wanted to go to Disney for a day but now I'm rethinking that decision.  I'm thinking maybe a drive up or down the coast and stopping at little towns/picturesque views and just enjoying our time.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

3 day weekends, I LOVE YOU.

Some things I did this weekend:

-Met with my girls for some karaoke on Friday night.  I did not have big enough balls to karaoke on my own and nobody else would sing "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls with me, so we mainly just watched everyone else make a fool out of themselves.  Except for the girl who sang "Shoop".  She put us all to shame.  This might become a monthly thing.

-Having my own karaoke in the car ride there, singing at the top of my lungs to show tunes.  Even I could tell I sucked but that's okay!

-Going to Castle Island and dressing completely inappropriately. It's always windy and cold since it's right by the ocean and I always forget.

-Trying to eat at the Rainforest Cafe only to realize the wait was 2 hours.  HAHA.  So much for driving 30 minutes to go to dinner.

-Watched Drive and 50/50.  Good googly moogly.  Ryan Gosling is such a dream boat.  Have you heard of his band Dead Mans Bones?  I saw them on their tour in Boston and it took everything in me not to jump on stage and smooch him.

-Ate too much pizza.  Not vegan.  Yes, I've started eating cheese again.  Just now and then so I still eat mainly vegan but I guess I can't call myself a vegan anymore and I'm cool with that.  I don't need no labels.

-Took Emma to the park next to the ocean, again, it was freezing so we spent about 20 minutes playing but she was a happy pup.  She was so sleepy all weekend from playing at daycare.  I love when she's a sleepy puppy <3

-Got a pedicure. It was heavenly.  Actually, no it wasn't.  My feet are so damn ticklish that it's almost torture but I love my cute painted toes.

Some things I didn't do this weekend:

-Algebra.  WHOOPSIES.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

While I'm sure most everyone else is celebrating with their significant others tonight, I am busy taking pictures of myself in the mirror because Matt scheduled himself to work.  Intentional, perhaps.

I'm also putting off the inevitable...homework.

Matt bought me some flowers yesterday though, yay Matt!  I bought him a card about flatulence.  That's the extent of our Valentines Day.

So, yesterday, Fleur De Moi gave me a Cute Blog Award and since I'm procrastinating like whoa, I may as well accept it.  I really enjoy Fleur's blog.  It isn't pretentious, it's real and her job working on films and living in New Orleans makes it an interesting read.  If I ever venture down there, which I want to, I may call her up and we can go eat cheese together while were both breaking vegan edge.  I have a feeling we would get along seamlessly.

Here are the rules...

Upon receiving this award, you are to:

1) Link back to the person who awarded you;
2) Answer all of the award questions;
3) Tell something about yourself that you haven't told anyone on your blog yet;
4) Award as many bloggers that you think are worthy of this award and make them aware of it.

Here are the questions:

What is your go-to makeup brand:
Oh.  This is assuming I have a make up brand, which I don't.  I wear mascara in the pink/green tube. I need to start trying out lipsticks and stuffs but I'm afraid of looking like a drag queen. 

What was your favorite fashion trend of 2011:
I'm with Fleur, I'm not much of a "fashion maven".  I like wearing leggings though even if I shouldn't. My bum is always covered though. 

What is your favorite dessert: 
I used to have such an insane sweet tooth but after going vegan, that kind of went away.  I love carrot cake though. 

What is your favorite color:

What is your middle name:

The last song you listened to:
Someone Like you by Adele

Dogs or cats?

Something I haven't told anyone of my blog yet:
This is tough, I think I've shared most things here but for people who didn't read 4+ years ago, I've never met my real father and I have half siblings out there.  Who knows, we could be RELATED. 

I'm going to nominate:

Monday, February 13, 2012

So now that I've finished watching all of the 44 episodes of Glee that Netflix has to offer, I'm rather bored.  It was a nice distraction over homework and I'm going through withdrawals.  I can't start watching the newest season because on-demand only has the last few episodes and I don't want to watch them out of order (first world problems).

I've been doing okay school wise.  Macroeconomics and College Algebra seem much more manageable to me than Accounting.  I have my moments of freak outs but I'm learning to YouTube my problems and the results are amazing!  My Algebra professor literally posted one page since the semester started so we are left to our own devices.  Must be nice to not have to answer any questions yet still get paid.

This weekend I had the pleasure of going to babysit two little munchkins who I haven't seen in over a year. I had M in my infants class when I worked at a daycare and now she's 5 years old.  Holy shit.  I remember walking around the center with her because she just cried and cried and cried.  Now she's telling me I'm going to have a baby soon but I need a ring on my finger first, oh, and she doesn't believe in God.  I kept my mouth shut. This family is pretty much the complete opposite of myself.  They look like the stepped out of a pottery barn catalog, and not.  I love that they choose me, the tattooed girl, to babysit their children.  Gives me hope for society. We made chocolate valentines day suckers and stuff and played with Fenway the dog, who I kept calling a boy but is most definitely a girl, sorry Fen.

This week is work work work and school. This Friday we have a scheduled girls night to go to the Chinese food bar place where they do karaoke.  Depending on how many drinks I have will depend on how many songs I sing, but, it will be good. For now, here's a song that I've been playing over and over again, and yes I found it from the commercial which makes me a horrible human being because I didn't know about it before then.  (You'll want to listen, it will make your Monday more happy)

Wednesday, February 08, 2012

Still here.  I'm slammed at work and up to my eyeballs in Algebra.  I've also been falling behind on reading blogs.  Y'all post a lot! ;) I can't keep up. I'm also just feeling blah so things may be a little slow for awhile.

Thursday, February 02, 2012

Life is still moving. It's weird, I feel like I shouldn't be laughing or having fun because my sister is in such pain. There's nothing really I can do, I feel helpless. I know with time things will get better but things will never be the same for her.

One of my co-workers has been extremely insensitive about what happened and the thoughts that go through my head regarding him have been most unpleasant. Just a note, when someone passes away, it isn't polite to yell across the office and ask how that person passed. It's also not very kind to ask the same question again the next morning, and then proclaim that, "It's weird the autopsy hasn't found anything yet." Yes. Bad thoughts regarding him.

Work has been completely swamped this week which makes me go home and want to do absolutely nothing. I'm looking forward to the weekend to get caught up on homework and go back to a little vegan diner to celebrate Matt and I's birthdays.

My friend texted me this morning asking if I wanted to take a quick weekend trip, no boys allowed, to Montreal.  UM YES.


We will probably shoot for March.  I feel very stifled when I stay in one area for too long and right now, I'm suffocating.  I need to get out, walk around in another city, explore new sights and food and take it all in.  Give myself a break for the day-to-day, which right now,  leaves me unfulfilled. My job is extremely taxing and I'm going to try and wait until May before I start applying other places but it's going to be tough.  This place tests my patience more than I ever thought possible.  Enough job talk, it makes me grouchy.

Monday, January 30, 2012

I woke up at 6:30 today to my alarm going off like I do every day. I look at my phone and see that I have a voicemail, presumably from my Mom since I missed her call.

I groggily listen to the voicemail but instantly wake up when I can tell she's been crying. She tells me through tears that I need to call my sister as soon as possible. My mind starts racing about possible things that may have happened. Did she get hurt? Did one of the girls get hurt? Did her fiance leave?

I call my sister but no answer. I take Emma out to go to the bathroom, come back inside to a text that says she'll call me in a few, she's just getting the girls to bed. I do the math in my head, it's almost 2 am there, something is wrong. But she's texting and it seems that both girls are at least still here. I sigh a little thinking that it must not be too bad but just a bump in the road.

I was wrong.

She called me back and I ask her what's wrong. She answers but I don't understand what she's saying. I ask her to repeat that, and I hear, "Ken passed away."

It takes a minute to sink in. My sister's seemingly healthy, under 30 fiance, died. WHAT?! I don't get it. I sit there for a few minutes just stunned, shocked. I stay on the phone and just let her talk. I can hear my niece in the background saying she's scared. She was there when he wouldn't wake up from his nap. She was there when the ambulance was called and the EMT's tried CPR. She saw all of this. And now she lost him.

I text Matt and e-mail my boss that I'm going to be a little late coming in and explained the circumstances. I get myself out the door and onto the train. Tears start coming but I try to hide them. I get my kindle out and start reading. I flip the pages but I'm not absorbing the words, I'm just in my own thoughts.

I grab a coffee and something to eat although my body has no interest in doing either of those things. I can't get this out of my head. He's gone. This shouldn't be happening. I take the elevator up to work and feel a heaviness. I don't want to go in there. I walk in and nothing is said.

Instead of asking me if I'm okay, he wants to talk about going to the zoo this weekend. Really? My sister just lost her fucking fiance and you want to talk about the ZOO? Work is piling up on my desk yet I'm in a fog. The hurt is so fresh. My heart breaks for my sister and for her kids, for his family as well.

I may head home at lunch. I don't know if I can handle being here.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

I'm supposed to be doing a lot of this:


But that's looks so incredibly boring that I've been doing more of this:


Why didn't anyone tell me about this show? and that it's awesome? and it makes me want to go sing karaoke?

It kind of makes me want to go back to high school, but only if these two were involved:


(yes, that's me in the middle) (i'll take them both)

Friday, January 20, 2012

I don't handle stress well, as if that is not evident enough. Sometimes I need to wig out so that I can return my brain to feeling normal. This includes going off the deep end or having crying outbursts. The other night I wanted to have a good cry in the shower and my tear ducts would not work. Do you know how frustrating that is? I wanted to cry so bad just to get it out and I couldn't. I'm happy to report my tear ducts are working again and I feel a little more in control.

Boston was finally hit with like an inch of snow last night. Last year I think we had about 96 feet at this point so I'm welcoming the break. Although I do love looking at this beautiful city with a layer of snow on top. It covers up all the gross, dead looking trees and drab landscape. I also would rather have a few inches of snow than freezing cold temperatures, thankyouverymuch.

Tomorrow marks 6 years since I moved to Massachusetts. That's so crazy for me to think about. I can still remember landing at Logan Airport and feeling so completely out of place. I had never even been to this part of the country, yet here I was making myself a new home. I didn't know a single person and now I can say I have met some pretty amazing people and have wonderful friends. It's been a trip, that's for sure.

This weekend will be spent with dragging kids to go see Beauty and the Beast in 3D so I can relive some of my days when I was child. A group of my friends are also supposed to get together on Sunday for breakfast and gossip. Come Monday, school starts again. I'm trying to go in with an open mind, we'll see how long that lasts.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

I live my day to day life waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Wondering what's going to hit us next.  I don't think I should be living this way, but that's life.  All of these little annoyances build and build and build and I'm just supposed to keep flinging them off. 

I'm getting tired though.  Work is stressful, home is stressful, school is stressful.  There's no peace.  Something is always happening, life can never 'just be'. I'm treading this water as hard as I can but I wonder how long it will last.  At some point you just kind of have to give up.

I'm trying to take this day by day and I guess that's all I can do.  It just sucks.  Sometimes life just fucking sucks.   I wonder if it will all be worth it.  Working my ass off going to work full time, school part time, stretching myself so thin that I can barely function.  It's disheartening, that's for damn sure and I wonder if in 10 years I'll be proud.  I'm not sure.

Monday, January 16, 2012

If you follow me on Twitter, you might have noticed that I was attempting a DIY project. Over the course of the past few months I kept seeing these rugs where you paint them yourself.  After researching the cost of rugs and gasping out loud ($300+), I decided to go for it.

Matt and I ventured to IKEA where we bought what I thought was a $40 rug but it was actually a $60 rug. It was the bigger version which I'm actually glad we went with because we'd have a bath-mat if I went with the $40 one.  We picked up paint and supplies for around $25, so $85 total.  That's pretty good.

If it wasn't for Matt, this project probably wouldn't have been finished.  I sat at the kitchen table Saturday night trying to figure out exactly how to tape this rug up.  I'm okay with math but my head was spinning.  We laid the rug out and after arguing for 15 minutes, I took up residence on the couch and let him do it.  If you ever need a relationship tester or want to fight with your significant other, do a DIY project.  Or try to put together a piece of furniture from IKEA.  One of you will end up leaving.

First step was the taping, this was probably the worst part and it took a few hours.  I Matt used the green painters tape because it's apparently better than the blue tape.  It did come up very easily.  I choose the very popular chevron pattern that is in right now.


I used regular latex paint with an eggshell base.  It is a little stiff but I'm interested to see how it will hold up over the next few months. Then I started painting.  I did two coats, and it took about 3 hours.  My ass is sore (in case you wanted to know).  Emma was also at daycare during all of this shiz because there is no way I was going to do this with a wild dog around.


I let it dry for about 5 hours before we positioned it under the couch.  We had to go pick up the beast (Emma) 


I was a little nervous to peel the tape up but I think it turned out great!  


I was going to get the living room "photo ready" but Emma is zonked out from daycare so I didn't have the heart to kick her off the couch. 


That's it!

Today's plan was to make the curtain for the windows in these pictures that are naked but my iron (aka hair straightener) has decided it doesn't want to turn on so chaos is happening in my apartment. 

Sorry for the crappy pictures, the light in my apartment sucks and differs greatly throughout the day.  

Monday, January 09, 2012


I think this is my life motto. 

I'm not sure where it went, but it's gone y'all.  My patience went and packed its bags and moved elsewhere.  If there was one resolution I should have made for the New Year, it would be to have more patience.  But, I'm not foolin' myself.  As soon as I get in a situation where it's needed, I completely lose my shit.

Saturday, I was going to my friend's son's birthday party and it was quite a ways out of the city.  We needed air in the tires and I wanted to get them filled before I left.  Matt said it was really easy so off I went with my 75 cents.  I did everything correct and when I went to put the air machine into the tire, the pressure meter started going down. WTF. I went off.  I started checking the other tires, flailing around on the ground, calling Matt in a fury, whipping the air hose was quite the scene I'm sure.  I should have just politely screwed the caps back on, went home and asked Matt to go take care of it.  Instead, I made an ass out of myself. 

Yesterday we went to the mall (UGH) because I needed to return two shirts that Matt brought me for Christmas.  I walked into Forever 21, and the line was wrapped around the store, yet there was about 17 employees standing in a group yapping their lips off.  I went to the second floor check out counter and asked if I needed to return something downstairs.  The girl said this counter was closed.   I told her I wasn't standing in that fucking line and walked out.  I was fuming.  I think I probably had steam coming out of my ears.  When there is that many people waiting to check out, tell your employees to get the fuck to work and open up another register. We went to Target, I got myself a coffee and I said I would go try again.  This was the last possible day for me to return these shirts, so I had to do it.  

I walked back in the store and the line was much more manageable, about 6 people.  I get up to the counter and the girl working calls over the manager to do the return and it was the exact. same. girl. from. upstairs who I just said fuck too. HAH. Maybe she got my message and actually opened up another counter.  I gave her the stink eye the whole time.  

I wish I could be one of those people who lets this kind of stuff just roll of their backs, but I realized, I'm not. I used to be when I was birth control, but I also realized I was pretty devoid of emotions at that point. 

So I guess I need to decide which is the lesser of two evils. Being absolutely bat shit crazy insane or a zombie.

Friday, January 06, 2012

A few weeks ago we learned that neighbor upstairs would be moving out. 

I didn't think anything of it until Matt went upstairs to see the apartment this past week and excitedly came running back downstairs and told us we needed to move up there. It's completely remolded, has 2 bedrooms, an open concept kitchen/living room, and a little deck.  They were only paying $70 more in rent then we are. 

I told him fine, text the landlord, don't get your hopes up, blah blah blah. I then found the listing on Craigslist and saw that they had now listed the apartment for $200 more than what the other guy was paying!  I had gotten my hopes up.  I started envisioning the layout of the place and got excited about a fresh start.  I really do like the apartment we are in now but we kind of just came in and slapped things on the walls and have never really "decorated". Most of the shit on the wall come's from Matt's bachelor days and if I could throw it in the trash, it would be gone in a heartbeat.

Our landlord eventually texted us back saying that the apartment had been rented.  Sad trombone.  Whoever is moving in there is getting ripped off though, no way that apartment should be rented for $1,375.  I also hope they are not loud people and walk around like elephants or play music loudly at 11 pm.  Joys of apartment living!

I decided though that it's about darn time to fix up our apartment though, yah know, with all of this money that doesn't exist.  First order of business is a DIY rug from IKEA.  I'll let you know how it goes and how many swear words exit my mouth when I'm attempting some chevron stripe shit.

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

Oh hey 2012!

I thoroughly enjoyed my 4 day weekend from work.  Wish those would happen all the time, I could get used to it. 

The past few days I turned 25 (!!!), ate too much Chinese food, took way too many naps, snuggled my pup, didn't really clean, watched some movies, saw Young Adult, oh, and saw AMERICAN NIGHTMARE.

Standing outside in the freezing cold for an hour, not being able to feel my toes was so worth it. There was also a rumor of Ryan Gosling being in attendance but I didn't even notice.  In case you have never been to a hardcore show, this is what you are missing out on:

Probably one of the greatest nights. 

My google reader is bursting, my work email is overflowing, so I need to get my bum in gear.