We all struggle with forward motion

My mom didn't plan my birth very well. Tomorrow is my birthday and sometimes I wish it wasn't. I don't like having my birthday so close to Christmas and I feel even worse for those with birthdays on Christmas. People seem to forget about you. Most are usually recovering from a hangover on my birthday.

I wanted to be born in summer. That way, we would have Christmas and get presents and then half-way through the year I'd get another dose. And yes, this is all about presents. (Jokes).

My birthday has been getting better as I'm getting older. I party more and care less about presents. I don't even know if I'll be able to keep my eyes open until midnight. How sad is that. Getting older is scaring the shit out of me. Tomorrow I will be 19! Eeek.

I'm disappointed in you IGA

I love grapes. So today when we went to our local grocery store I *had* to buy grapes. These grapes are huge, almost the size of golfballs. The sign above them also said they were seedless. Heaven, right? Not quite. I bit into one of these juicy grapes and I think I chipped my tooth on a seed. A Freakin' SEED! Does that stop me from eating them? Nope...I just molest them to try and get the seeds out, three to be precise. Who actually eats seedy grapes anymore?

I might have to put movie watching on hold for awhile

I must attract the most annoying people at movie theatres. My Aunt and I went and saw King Kong today. A hispanic couple came and sat down next to us after the movie started and would. not. stop. talking. It seemed like the girl didn't understand English so her boyfriend was translating it for her. I almost flipped my shit but I didn't, I remained calm. That is until the last 15 minutes of the movie. It wasn't the hispanic couple this time, it was a little boy sitting kitty-corner from me. He was coughing. Loudly. Hacking up a freakin' lung in the theatre when King Kong is grabbing at the airplanes in the sky. I dealt with the coughing, but then he started hawking loogies (I have no idea how you spell that). He hawked his loogies and spit them in his cup. Over and Over. His friend then took his cup away so he started spitted them on the floor. I freaked out. This kid is like 8, no parent in the whole theatre, and he's spitting his nasty ass boogers on the floor. I didn't even get to enjoy the last 15 minutes of the movie because I was to focused on this little freak. C'mon people. Teach your kids some damn manners.

Zapatos

Ever since the latest Harry Potter came out my Mom and I have been wanting to go see it. Today we got that opportunity. I was so stoked on seeing this movie because I'm a huge loser. We got to the theatre 20 minutes early and picked our seats. After awhile I got this big whiff of nasty rank feet smell. Someone had taken off their shoes and the smell was overwhelming. People, please leave your effin' shoes on in a public place. I wanted to vomit.

Sorry about the cookies Santa

My sister, her husband and my two nieces came down for Christmas. It's been a lot of fun having the girls here to play with and to watch them light up about Santa coming. Of course that's all we hear about is Santa and opening presents. Over and over again.

I got a box yesterday from my step-mom (she's not my step-mom anymore but I still love her). As I was beginning to open it my niece came over and was all excited. I guess I wasn't opening it fast enough for her because in a huffy little voice she said Aww...Gosh, Open it already. At least she's at an age where those kind of remarks are still cute.

Break time

Have a great holiday with whatever y'all are celebrating.

I'll be back after Christmas

Blast from the not-so-long-ago past

In between Gilmore Girls re-runs and taking my daily nap I decided to go through some old pictures of me.


So this is me eating oreos, peas and what looks to be a pot sticker. Quite gross.

And here I am on the beach with a cheesy smile.

And this is one of my favorites. Very 90's outfit and I rocked it! Look at those socks...I still wear them like that.

And back to napping.

I'm growing up

I have a question. A very important question.

At what age is it appropriate to start cursing in front of your parents? I obviously don't think it's appropriate for under 17 but after that...I'm lost. My mom cusses, not very often, but I don't think she would react if I dropped the "s" bomb in front of her.

What shall I do? Just walk into the room one day and loudly express that I am indeed old enough to start incorporating bad words into my conversations.

Why don't they teach this in high school.

buzzin

I am the type of person who thinks caffeine doesn't affect me. I could drink 8 dr.peppers...still the same person. Have to pee a lot..but that's the only difference.

Last night I was talking with a friend on the internet. It was 11 o'clock, and I was thirsty so I grabbed this old latte thingy from Starbucks off of the counter and started drinking.

I didn't go to sleep until after 3 o'clock this morning. My eyes were tired, my body was tired, but my mind was running laps around the fucking room. It sucked.

Lesson Learned: Don't drink coffee at 11 o'clock at night. It does affect you even though you think it doesn't.

I'm still laughing

My Mom brought over a holiday magazine last night that you could order things from. She wanted me to explain this picture.
I've seen a lot of nativities, but I havn't seen any quite like this before.

I am SO going to buy it.

See that little boy and the sheep? I have no clue what they are doing, but it's funny as hell.

Here we go

Oregon is a very interesting state. It's a culture shock coming up from California. The people go shopping in their pajamas. They barely have any teeth. They think couches look good in their yard. It's kind of nice actually, because now I don't really have to get myself "made-up" to go anywhere. I can just blend in without feeling odd.

Theres also a down-side to this. Yesterday I decided to get half-way "made-up" and go to the city with my friend/cousin for shopping and a movie. (I saw Aeon Flux, It rocked!) We walked a bit, shopped a lot and sat down for lunch to talk. We discussed how everybody was looking at us and wondered if we had toilet paper hanging off of our shoes. Nope...we looked fine. The staring continued.

After the movie I decided I pulled in to the little lot next to this white minivan filled with guys, not very nice looking guys. Oregon is also a state where they pump the gas for you (the hell?) but I was confused so decided to get out and investigate. As I was getting out apperently I was being stared at by all of the humans in the minivan. They don't do it subtly either...Its some big. ass. staring going on. Jesus people.

And today at Wally-world I was sitting in the car talking with my Mom and this guy was sitting in a blazer kitty corner from us....staring! Forever! I finally drove away because I'm tired of people staring at me. I'm not that fucking pretty. But in Oregon...maybe I am.

Mourning my future

If you would have asked me three years ago where I wanted to be today...This would not be it.

My step-mom recently sent me my yearbook from the high school I attended up until halfway through my junior year. All I could do was cry. Looking at everyones senior pictures with their fake smiles plastered all over the place made me actually miss high school.

Why did my "dad" have to pull me out and make me homeschool a year and a half before I graduated? I wanted to graduate. I wanted to continue going to school...but no, he had to go and screw things up for me because he wanted to live closer to his girlfriend.

I wanted to go to college. I wanted to become a nurse. Those things are now becoming more of a dream, slipping further and further away.

I'm strong though and I will go on to accomplish the things that I've set before myself. It just might take me a little longer than my high school peers.

By the way...After looking through the yearbook I noticed that the "popular" girls got really ugly since I left. Ha! Bitches.

Whatevah

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I just had this amazing post typed up(yeah right) and for some reason when I clicked on spellcheck, cause I'm a dumbass, my whole post disappeared.

Fuck that...I'm grabbing a beer and heading to bed.

You will have to wait for my brilliance another day

My exciting life

My life is so boring right now, which I guess is a good thing.

I'm going to look for some job today, fun fun fun. I hate job hunting.

And that pretty much sums up what I've been doing.

Toodles.

Why I am not having kids

I've come down to Oregon now where I will attempt to find a job that doesn't require doing other peoples nappy laundry. The ride down here was of pure hell. A trip that would normally take 3 hours turned into a 6 hour journey. Being stuffed into the back of a two-door jeep thingy with two kids in two huge carseats is NOT fun.

Before we hit Portland both of the girls had shit their pants. I passed out from the fumes so I can't really recall what happened after that. All I remember is the driver did not stop before going into Portland and could not stop while in Portland so we had to drive all the way through Portland before changing shitty diapers. Brilliant. My sister and her husband are freakin brilliant.

On to Today...which was Thanskgiving. Last Thanksgiving I was on a plane from San Diego all day so my dinner consisted of pretzels. Today, I made up for last year. We only had like 10 people there so it was very quiet. My family gets a little crazy so having a nice relaxing time is unbelievable. My sister and her husband were not there...thats why.

Can I just say that I'm not used to these freezing temperatures yet. Going from 80 degrees to 30 degrees is quite a shock.

Mall Rats

My sister and I ventured to the mall today because I seriously need to get. out. of. this. house.

We walked around staring at the people staring at us. I guess they stare because I'm so freakin hot. Anyways, were walking and I see this old guy ahead of us with a camera. He's standing in front of Victorias Secret taking pictures of the barely dressed mannequins but he's trying to be sneaky about it. Whenever someone walks past he puts his camera down and starts looking around. Uhh...dude...thats gross and wierd and wrong and I can totally see what you're doing.

x-mas

So my sister is a little excited about Christmas which caused her to put her tree up like a month ago.

I was bored last night and started playing around with my camera. Here's a shot I got of the lights. Pretty weird huh?

Sisterly love

Staying with my sister has been an interesting experience. Her and I are opposite of each other...very opposite. I've been trying not to gouge my eyeballs out, but it has been tough.

We'll see what else happens while I'm here.

Teaching my nieces naughty words

I made it to Washington! Alive!

I'm staying with my sister for a week and visiting my nieces. I'm having a lot of fun. My nieces are great. Can't you tell?



No really, they are





Off to play!

Here birdy, birdy, birdy

I just flipped three people off while driving over the course of 15 minutes

I think I met my quota for the day

Stupid. California. Drivers.

I will be free tomorrow!

I'm exhausted. I didn't think trying to pack all my shit would be this tiring, but it is. I have 4 suitcases that each weigh over 40 pounds and I shipped two boxes home that weighed 20 pounds each. I have obviously collected a lot of crap while I've been down here.

I also made the mistake of watching Laguna Beach on Monday night. This was the episode where everyone was leaving for college and saying good-bye and crying, and oh my god, I was crying so hard. I'm such a loser.

Why now

My Mom informed me last night that she needs a heart transplant. She also said that if something happens to her I need to take care of my step-dad.

Shes 44....nothing better happen to her. I need my Mom.

It's just emotions takin' me over

I am an emotional wreck. I just hear the word "leaving" and I start balling my eyes out.

Yesterday my friends and I went to San Fran. We took a little book I had of the "non-touristy" places and headed into the castro district. If you do not know what the castro district is, let me just say there is a lot of rainbow flags flying around. (Nothin' wrong with that)

We started looking around for some shops that were in the book, but we couldn't find any. No big deal. Then we started searching for the fantastic resteraunt we were going to eat dinner at. It's called the Zodiak Club and it was supposed to serve food according to your zodiak sign and the decor was supposed to be awesome! But we couldn't find it. We found where it was supposed to be, but it wasn't there anymore. Then I decided to check and see when the book was published. It was published in 2001! 4 forkin years ago. Hello...blonde moment. No wonder we couldn't find any of the stores. Jesus. But we did find one store.

I don't recall what the name of this store was, but we liked the slogan on the window. If you can't read it, it says "Tested on boyfriends, not animals". Heh.

So instead of going to our cool resteraunt, we went to The Cheesecake factory for dinner and dessert. The places was packed! We waited an hour and 45 minutes just to get a table. But the cheesecake was delicious, and our waiter was hot. While at dinner my friends gave me a scrapbook of pictures and notes of things we've done while I've been here. I coudln't read it at dinner because I knew I would start to cry, so I read it when I got home. The notes that they wrote me were so incredibley nice. I cried and cried and cried.

I have a feeling the next few days will be filled with this sort of emotion.

Death by cheesecake

Tomorrow is going to be my last trip to SF. but that is not the important thing. The important thing is that I will be going to The Cheesecake Factory for the first time.

I love cheesecake.

Cheesecake and I are lovers.

I just hope I can contain myself enough and not try every-single-piece of cheesecake they offer...because I totally might.

Reflecting.

11 months. That's how long I've been this familys bitch. But not anymore. I'm free-well almost.

I thought this experience would be so much more different than it has been. I had my expectations set a little bit to high.

Being a nanny is fucking hard. I don't know what the hell I was thinking when I took this job. Everybody says that being a Mom/Dad is the the toughest job in the world. I totally agree, but let's add nanny into that equation as well. At least with your own kids you can tell them to shut the hell up, but I can't do that with these kids. I have to respect the little demons, even though they could give two shits about me.

I also have to deal with the screwy parents. Ones that tell me they would like their daughter to read everyday after school for 20 minutes. But today, when the oh-so-wonderful-nanny, asks the little girl to read something snaps, and the girl turns into a raging hormonal bitch. She even goes as far as calling me a butthole. (ouch!) I call up her mother (thinking she would yell at girl and tell her to get her ass moving on the whole reading thing) but instead, Host mom decides that girl doesn't have to read. What-huh? The whole reading situation is what made girl grow devil horns and now she doesn't have to read? Lovely. Let me just drop this child off at your work and you can have the pleasure of dealing with her.

Anyways...oh yes, I'm supposed to be telling you about the great year I had in California. Hmmmmmm, well. I met some great people, smoked some fine green(just kidding Mom), and got wasted on more than one occasion. I think my 11 months have been a success!

I'm ready to leave though. I know I'm going to cry when I say goodbye and I'll tell them all that I'm going to miss them. And I will, for about 20 minutes. My flight next Thursday was the earliest flight I could get. That should tell them something, right? Something like-she must want to get the fuck outta here.

So Goodbye, for now.

The Golden Gate is truly behind all this fog

My brain is mush from trying to get everything done before I leave in 9 days!

The thought of taking a bath skeeves me out. I just cannot get over the fact that you are sitting in your own dirty water.

Does this make me weird?

Frick

After dropping out of high school my junior year and quickly moving to another city I lost touch with a lot of my good friends. One of my best friends was Brittney. Her and I were friends since 7th grade. She has this huge laugh that would get everybody else laughing as well.

When I got a job at a craft store I learned that Brittney worked there as well. Our boss lovingly nick-named us Frick and Frack. We were the youngest two working in this store and we had a blast. The store closed at 9 pm but then we had to stay until 10:30 to clean it up. Usually it was only one person but on occasion Frick and I would be together for closing. We never actually got a whole lot done in the closing time because we would be playing hide-and-go seek in the store. She used to scare the shit out of me sometimes by coming up behind me when I was putting away fabric.

After I quit the job at the fabric store I got some news about Brittney. Apparently there had been an undercover cop in our high school who was going to parties and eventually busted a whole bunch of kids for illegal activities. Brittney was the only girl to get arrested out of, I think, 16 people. I never spoke to her after this happened. Not because I didn't want to, but because I didn't know how to get a hold of her.

I still think about her, and her laugh. I have a lot of friends I've lost touch with and it kills me everyday.

My Doorbell

"I've been thinkin about my doorbell, when yah gonna ring it, when yah gonna ring it"

This song by the Whitestripes has become my new favorite song of the day.

Question though-Are Jack and Meg married?


***I'm off to see Jarhead tonight, hopefully its good.

Dear Santa

All I want for Christmas is a fairly tall, dark haired male. He needs to have great eyes and the ability to make me laugh until it hurts (which doesn't take much).

Thats all I want, I'm tired of hanging around girls.

Men

People need to start learning to pick up their own shit.

Don't leave your nappy socks laying around, put them in the dirty clothes bin.

Pick up your own damn plate after eating a meal and put it in the sink.

When you decide to "clean out" your room, don't just throw everything at the bottom of the stairs and call it good.

After going through the mail don't just leave the junk mail scattered about all over the floor.

Sadly you have passed these horrible traits onto your children. BUT...I'm leaving in 16 days so I don't have to deal with it anymore.

I'm sick from eating to much candy

I went to a Halloween party on Saturday night dressed up as a knight. The party was lame but I had a good time talking with my friends.

Yesterday the kids and I attempted to carve a pumpkin. What a sad pumpkin it was.



Both Boy and Girl went with friends so Host Mom and I stayed home to pass out candy. We only had a handful of trick-or-treaters which was sad. We could hear kids pass by the house but they didn't want to come to the door because it was to "spooky". It's Halloween kids, you're supposed to be scared. So they all went to the friendly old neighbors house. Oh well...more candy for me.

Pot smoking and Male Strippers

The Foozer tour is officially over. Oakland was the last stop for these two bands.

The show fucking rocked! This was by far the best concert I have ever been to.

We'll start with Weezer. These guys are hot. Nerdy Hot. Rivers, the lead singer, can't dance worth shit. It's funny to try and watch him though. He's hopping/jumping around stage. I laughed my ass off.

When they started singing their song "We are all on drugs" you should have seen the massive amount of lighters that went *poof* and then joints and bongs started making their way through the crowd. It was crazy.

The final song they sang was "Buddy Holly". Six males also joined them onstage. Halfway through these six males started stripping. AHHH..yeah! They stripped until they were only wear these little sock-thongs. Then they started shaking their asses. HAHA...it was funny.
We later found out the the Foo Fighters had hired these strippers for Weezer as a prank since this was the last show.

Weezer:



On to the Foo Fighters. Can I just say that Dave Grohl's hair is...well....awesome.

Foo Fighters rocked, seriously rocked. I was in awe pretty much the whole time.

Dave Grohl-if you want me to have your babies, I will...I promise.

Sadly not as much pot smoking during their performance but the drinking was rather abundant. We also didn't get to see any male strippers but we did get to hear Dave talk a lot. He likes to say Fuck. I officially love him.

Foo Fighters:

My name is Jonas

I have a date tonight with:

Foo Fighters. Weezer. and Hot Hot Heat

It's gonna be fun!

Wholly Mammoth?

Okay, after reading my last post I think I was wrong in calling girl "stupid". But something is wrong with her in the learning department. She needs help. For your viewing pleasure I will type up her story that she needed to write and give me your thoughts. Personally, this story looks like a 1st grader wrote it.

The Lost Costume

On Sunday, October 31, 2004, I was looking for my Haloween costume. So I started looking for my costume, I went down stairs and looked in the laundry room, no not there. Is it in the kichen, no. maybe my mom put it in the closet. So I opened the door slowely and walked in and AHHHHH HHHELLLPPP! Thump I went on the ground.

Gross there is this mucky green stickey mush on the ground, so I stood you tried to wipe the gunk off. So I kept creeping around, and there was graffiti all over the walls, and a picture of a clown too. There was a lot of garbage, and spit balls. There was also blood dripping from the ceiling, and the plants growing out of the walls. So I just kept walking, and on the left of me there was a Wholly Mammonth and flies all over it. Then something pulled me to the wall, and choked me, so I kicked it and it went away, well that's what I thought, then I heared a bell like the sound in a wrestling mach ding, ding. So I pretended to wrestled the ghost.......after a while I was taken by the hand, and it was shoken by some thing. Then this door led open and led me to the costume.

After I climbed out of the "closet" I took a shower, and got chaned to go trick or treating!

Good Lord! That was hard for me to type with all the mistakes. I feel bad for girl. This is acceptable work in her eyes. Her parents and I are stuck with what to do with her. I don't know anymore.

Tyra, what will I do without you

The Child Development class I took in high school is not helping me out at all. At 10 years old, kids are still supposed to be loving, gentle, creatures. I don't know what the fuck happened in girls gene-pool but she's one crazy, pyscho bitch.

Today for the first time I actually remained calm during her meltdowns and mood-changes. I spoke to her in a non-harsh tone and stood my ground. She needed to study for her social studies test tomorrow before she got on the computer to do homework due next week. She didn't like that idea so she pissed and moaned all afternoon. She told me numerous times to "just shut up already" and "you're annoying". I just let those phrases roll of me. Karma is a bitch and one day I have a feeling it's going to bite her in the ass.

So now I'm off of work and the one and only thing I would like to do is sit and watch America's Next Top Model in the family room. Can I do it?? NOOOO. Girl is in there finally studying for her stupid god damn test and won't leave the room. I asked her if she could study up-stairs, or in the living room or dining room but she won't move. Bitch.

I hope she fails tomorrow, I really do. Maybe that will teach her a lesson.
And she probably will fail because she's not very good at school work..hah!

Smile

Piss me off

You know what I hate...folding sheets.

I just don't understand the whole process and they always end up looking like shit. My philosophy: Roll them in a ball and toss them in cupboard.

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it

Phat or Fat

I was a little hesistant to write this post because of the critiscism I might recieve, but what the hell...I need to tell somebody.

I've always had a problem with how I view myself weight wise. I think I'm fat. At 5' 7'' weighing 145 pounds most people see me as average. I acually got up to 150 pounds and thats when I decided to lose weight. Right now I'm at 135...I lost 15 pounds. Most people say I look really good right now but I still feel fat. Grossly fat.

For the past few months I've been *trying* to eat as healthy as possible but every once in awhile I get this urge to binge. Last night for example I ate four pieces of pizza. I NEVER eat four pieces of pizza. I felt disusting afterwards and when I went to the bathroom I wanted to throw-up. The throw-up urge has hit me on more than one occasion. I'm scared I'm going to give in. I also went into the backyard and ran around the pool I don't know how many times wanting to rid my body of the calories I just consumed. I hate running as well...so why am I doing this to myself.

For now...I'll weigh myself on the scale 25 times a day and become even more neurotic about losing more weight. Uggh.

30 days

It's Fo Sho...I'm leaving in a month.

I'm still shocked that I'm actually leaving. This has been my life for the last 10 months and I'm so used to it now. Right now things around the house are fairly well. No big fights and no big complaints. Just when we all got used to one another, I'm leaving.

I'm happy to go, but sad as well. The kids have made me cry soooo many times yet I'll miss them sooooo much. They've grown a lot since I've been here.

Today they both asked me if the new nanny will listen to rock music like I do when I drive them places. They love my rock music. Boy also asked if she will be able to make the specail mac-n-cheese that he loves so much. I don't know kids...

I hope she's good to them.

Domino.

I went and saw this movie last night. GREAT movie.


Y'all should go see it.

Friday FunDay

Here are 10 things you probably never knew (or wanted to know) about me:

1) I was born on New Years Day, and my best friend was born on New Years Eve

2) I have never met my real dad but the guy I consider my dad I don't talk to anymore

3) I once had a snowball fight with friends from midnight until 6 oclock in the morning

4) I slept outside one night with no blanket and no pillows...in Montana

5) I have been within 3 feet of one huge ass Grizzly Bear ( I was in a car..but still)

6) I was on the debate team in high school and made a boy cry during one of our rounds

7) I have been to 21 states and 5 countries

8) I'm allergic to Sour Patch Kids (but I love them)

9) I miss Montana

10) I cut the tip of my finger once with electric pruning shears. It was danglin' by a thread of skin

AND...that's all for today!

You think you know, but you have NO idea

When I first got this job I had about two days with the nanny that was leaving. She showed me what to do and things around town. We went out to lunch and talked and she told me stories about the "real" family I would soon be working for.

Things are going to be diffrent this time. I got an e-mail from Host Mom yesterday asking if I would mind leaving the same day as the new nanny arrived. Her reasoning was that girl didn't like sharing her room last time with the old nanny because I had taken old nanny's bedroom. I guess me sleeping on girl's floor would cause maybe household drama, therefore I should leave.

I'm fine with leaving the same day, but I'm scared of what the new nanny is going to be going through. Host Dad is going to be showing her how to do the job, showing her around town, eating lunch..yada yada yada. If a whole week with him doesn't make her want to leave then she's one tough chick.

But now I'm curious. Why don't they want me showing her the job and all the other stuff. If it's only because girl doesn't want me sleeping in her bedroom then theres other places to sleep in the house.

Maybe it's because I would tell the new nanny to just go back home....everything is not as it seems.

Is someone getting the best of you

Today as I was waiting for the kids to get out of school I watched a mother get rather annoyed with her child. She had dropped an envelope while carrying her other child and wanted her little boy to pick it up. Her son bent down, picked up the envelope and then accidentally dropped it. She got quite irratated and started saying to him that he needed to use both hands and to just hand her the envelope. I started thinking to myself that him dropping the envelope again wasn't that big of a deal and the lady just needed to calm down. I judged her...without even knowing her story.

When the kids and I made it home from school I told boy that he needed to get ready for swim practice. He usually whines and complains about going and today was the same thing. He started repeating over and over again that he wasn't going. To me there was no discussion-I said you are going to swim practice so therefore you are going to swim practice. He continued testing my patience. He just stood at the table and played with an eraser...just standing there...annoying me further.

He did finally make it up to his bedroom but when he didn't come back down I went upstairs to investigate. He was just sitting there sucking on his shirt(gross). I finally was to the point of yelling so I decided to give him three options.

-Go play outside(so you don't piss me off even further)
-Give me your gameboy and stay in your room(again...no bugging me)
-Go swimming

He just sat there again...but smiling this time. SO...I decided to go with another approach. I told him that he had 5 seconds to choose one. I started counting. I STARTED COUNTED. TO AN 8 YEAR OLD. I'm turning into my Mom. When I got to 4 he choose to go swimming. Swimming. The very event we had been fighting about for 20 minutes.

Children. They get the best the of me. The probably get the best of you as well. Sometimes when arguing with them I don't know who I've become. They make me reach into parts of my personality that I would rather not reach into.

So this Mom that I was talking about in the beginning...are her children getting the best of her? Probably. And thats okay. It happens to the best of us.

Cardboard boxes are spacious...right?

I'm freaking out. TOTALLY Freaking out.

I'm going to be leaving this family at the end of December and I don't know what the hell I'm going to be doing after that. That scares me. I know I want to move to the Portland area, but then what? I need to get an apartment, a car, a job....and I have no money.

The anal plan freak in me is scared shitless.


So what do I do?


***Now I might be leaving at the end of next month!!! AHHHH!!!

Over the river and through the woods to psycho Grandmas house we go

Why does my family have to be so weird. Its not my immediate family, thank god, but more like my *Grandmas by marriage* that are just plain out of touch.

Today I got a letter in the mail from my step-dads mom whom I've met once and have really never talked to, but she sent me a letter. A full two page letter. After reading it I wanted to gouge my eyeballs out but I couldn't because I was laughing so hard as to why she wrote me.

Get this....She wrote me about cleaning out her freezer room. TWO PAGES. I'm stunned. Purely stunned. I called my step-dad and told him about his mom and he said...yeah, I got one of those letter too. Even more unbelievable. Who else did she send this letter to.

On to my other Grandmother. She sends me letters all the time as well, but in poem form. The last poem I got was about celebrities naming their children weird names. Who the hell would write a poem about this stuff? My Grandma. AND...she wears hoochie clothes. I won't be seen with her because she is usually exposing her ass and her wrinkly breasts. Gag.

In comparison to my family I think I've turned out alright considering what I'm up against.

Trust me..I am a blonde

And now...What $150 gets you at the hair salon:




TA DAAAA... I LOVE IT. When somebody sees me there reaction is "Holy Shit". HEHE....

I realize this photo is fuzzy but it's just showing how much of a true rockstar I am.

Hopefully darker hair will make me look less pale

Blonde. That's what I've been for all of my life (except that time my sister and I tried to dye my hair auburn but it turned orange). I'm getting tired of the blonde though. I planned to dye my hair darker like 9 months ago but as soon as I moved to California that idea went down the poop shoot. I think it's actually illegally to be brunette in California. But now...it's time. Next Tuesday I will officially become a brunette. *GASP*

I'm scared though. I've had a few bad haircuts and I never want to go back to looking like I had a mullet. But I'm trusting in these people. I'm also going to be paying them over $150 so it better make me look DAMN GOOD. The last haircut and highlights I got cost me $110 and I was not happy so I hope paying $50 more will work.

Now I need to go spend the last few days with my highlighted blonde hair and dirty blonde roots...excuse me.

Hammer Strength

I usually work out most nights around 8 o'clock but today I got a wild hair to go work out a 8 in the morning. BAD IDEA. I was sooo tired after only like 5 minutes on the eliptical that I wanted to quit. I didn't...I stayed on that damn machine for 22 minutes but it was pure hell.

OH...and what happened to this "you'll be happy after you work out because endorphins are released". Didn't work. I was so bitchy I seriously wanted to tackle the next person who walked by me with a smile on their face. Obviously I'm missing some endorphins.

I knew working out wasn't good for you.

California

My friends and I went down to Santa Cruz yesterday to watch the sunset.

I'm starting to feel like I'm one of the kids on Laguna Beach...eek!

Enjoy-

The Real Law and Order

It has been an interesting and exhausting week.

Going through the jury selection process for a murder trial is not fun. I'm not on the jury though....phew.

My mind is mush from going through the process though and I was this close to being on the jury but I told them I didn't know if I could handle looking at all the crime scene photos. The prosecution lady let me go.

I'm off the the beach to go watch the sunset with friends.

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

I need an edumacation

I think just living in a box down by the river for the rest of my life would be nice. I've been thinking I need to start college next year but after looking at a couple of schools my mind is numb.

I went to public school until halfway through my junior year when I dropped out and started home-schooling myself and eventually got my diploma. I never took the SAT's or the ACT's. I never completed two years of a foreign language and now It looks as though I'm fucked. These two schools I've been looking at want both of these things. Uhhh...Why?

I find it very weird that we have to be tested when we come out of high school just so that we can go to college. The people who want to go to college should be able to go to college without having to take a freakin test.

So now I sit here wondering what the hell I am going to do with my life come March when I'm leaving California. Maybe I should just become a stripper.

Grumpy Gills

I'm not a morning person at all.

I would be much happier if people just wouldn't talk to me until like 10 am. Today when I walked downstairs I had a nice little note telling me that host dad couldn't drive himself to the freakin doctors so I had to while trying to get the kids ready for school and leave 15 minutes before we regularly do. Great.

Girl was cranky, boy was in his room not wanting to come out and host dad was being lame and dramatic.

If the morning starts out like this I know the rest of the day is pretty much going to be shitty.

I love Mondays

If you want to destroy my sweater

I just got tickets for the Foo Fighters/Weezer concert

Weee!

You're joking...Right?

Something happened of while we were on the East Coast that just changed my perception of the family I am currently nannying for.

After being in Virginia for a few days we went to see a harp recital at the church in Williamsburg. While walking back Host Mom approached me and told me that Host Dad was upset at me because he doesn't think I'm doing what was expected of me. This pissed me off. We never set expectations before we went on vacation so I was just helping out where I needed to and watching the kids. I guess that wasn't good enough for them.

After we got back to the condo I sat down with them to talk about this. Host Mom started talking about how she's cooked dinner for the past two nights (soo..?) and one night she dirtied the microwave and wanted me to clean it up but didn't know how to ask. I thought she was joking at first, because really, what person asks someone else to clean up their mess in the microwave? But she wasn't joking.

SHE WANTED ME TO CLEAN UP HER MESS IN THE MICROWAVE! What the hell?

This is one of the most bizarre things I've had happen since I've lived with these people.

Berzerkley

My cool new boyfriend

Grey Gooser

Yesterday after finishing her homework girl decided that she wanted to draw me my "dream house". I told her I wanted a three story house, 7 bedrooms, and no kids. She was drawing away for like a half an hour when she came over and told me about the first floor. She's pointing out the kitchen, the study, the 15,000 plasma t.v.'s. I see this weird room and I ask her what that room is for. She told me thats where I'm going to keep all my vodka and beer.

She knows me to well.

Teenagers, Damn Teenagers

After getting back from vacation I recieved a lovely piece of mail which had the big words JURY SUMMONS written on it. I knew what this meant. Jury Duty!

I took the letter to my bosses and told them that I was being summoned for jury duty later this month. They pretty much jumped down my throat wondering how in the earth they were going to work this out, because yah know, they can't survive without me. I just let it go but I sat down and talked to Host Dad about it the next day.

After I asked him what the plan was he gets into this big long lecture about how he doesn't understand why 18 year olds are allowed to be on a jury in the first place and that these teenagers don't know what the hell they're doing and they can't decide a persons fate and BLAH BLAH BLAH.

It got me thinking though. Do the people I work for really think I'm stupid?

Daytime T.V., Here I come!

First Day of School, O how I love thee

Is it wrong of me to insist to the kids that we get to school 25 minutes early?

Or that when we do get to school I push them out of the car driving away even before the door is fully shut?

Nah, didn't think so.

Ahh, School is starting

Host Mom, Host Dad and I sat down and talked last night. It's so hard talking to people that are so cold and intimidating but I did it. I didn't get to express all my frusturations because I'm sure they would've fired me but I did get a lot out. I told them that I'm tired of cleaning up all their shit. I'm not the damn maid. They said that after being home with the kids for a whole week without a nanny they saw what really goes on. Quite sad that they're just realizing it now.

It also feels good that I told them I'm leaving in six months. I really want to go to college and with this job I'd only be able to take one class a semester. I'd be in college for like 10 damn years...not happening.

So now back into the repetition of everyday life. The kids start school this week, THANK GOD!

The trip up to see my Mom went well. She was a little overwhelmed by all the people which made her a bit crabby. I vowed to send some happy pills for Christmas.

Caroline came up with me to Oregon so we got to go the coast which was really cold but beautiful.



I also got to see my nieces and my older niece and I went shopping together for the day. She's getting to be such a little girl it's crazy. It was sad saying good-bye.

It's to late for this shit

I survived, barely.

We flew into Philly and the moment I walked out of the airport I knew I was doomed. The humidity hit me like a ton of bricks and my mood quickly changed. We were in Philly for two days and looked around, toured some sites...it was pretty fun.

Then we went down to Virginia. Good ol' Virginia. After being there for a week I really don't care if I ever see that damn state again. I thought the humidity in Philly was bad...oh no! You just walk outside in Virginia and you become wet. It's disgusting. Of course Host Dad also insisted that we go see all these freaking museums and pretend colonies during the middle of the day in this type of weather. So Virginia...kiss my ass because I don't ever want to come back.

We stayed in Virginia for like a week, and then we headed up to D.C. We stayed in D.C. for a day. I liked D.C. It was fairly clean and seemed like a pretty good city. After D.C. was NYC. New York rocked. The first day we went out to see the Statue of Liberty. The kids and I got on the boat first and Host mom and dad missed the boat. The kids started crying hysterically and I started bashing my head against the window. But, we survived and later went to the Broadway show Hairspray. That rocked. The last day we just walked around and shopped and stuff.



(More trip pics)

The trip was fun but it's nice to have a little break from the fam for awhile. I sent them an e-mail today explaining that we either need to hire the maid back or pay me more for all the cleaning I do. I also told them that I'm only staying for 6 more months and then I'm gone. They haven't e-mailed me back. We'll see what happens.

I'm tired so I'm out. Goodnight

The obligatory I'm leaving on a jet plane title

We are off to the East Coast tomorrow. Philly, D.C, NYC...watch out, here I come. I don't know how I'm going to handle the heat and humidity, I might just die. Our plane leaves at 6 in the morning. Holy Hell. I don't function at that hour so we'll see how it goes. As soon as we fly back from the East Coast I'm flying up to Oregon to see my Mom. I'm only going to be there for 5 days but it will be a nice break. So...peace out!

I have officially become a doormat

NOOOO! It's the very thing I said I would never become. I'm on of those people who doesn't take shit from anyone and tells them when they're pissing me off. BUT...It's happened. I think the whole "living with your bosses" changed me.

For example:
When I first got this job we had a house cleaner. She would come every two weeks and do all the deep cleaning. I would vacuum like once a week and keep the kitchen picked up. This worked out fine. About a month after I got here they decided to let the house cleaner go because I was doing a good enough job of keeping the house clean. But now it's getting to be to much for me. I feel like thats all I do is clean, clean, clean. Today they left a note for me that they want the house clean before we leave for our vacation on Wednesday. She also left a detailed list of the areas she wants vacuumed. This wouldn't be so bad but somehow over the course of the weekend the house gets to looking like 17 Frat boys had a party in it. EVERY weekend. Normally I would just tell these people to suck it and clean it themselves....but I can't. I don't know why. I told myself that tonight I would ask them if we could hire the house cleaner back but I haven't been able to find the right time. After they let the house cleaner go they didn't even give me a raise for my cleaning abilities.

And another thing. Host Mom asked me to help her out this weekend because boy had soccer and both of them were going to be doing other things, so she wanted me to take him to his games. I didn't have a problem with that. I woke up at freakin 7 o'clock BOTH SATURDAY AND SUNDAY. I don't even wake up that early during the weekdays. Sheesh. I drug him to his games, making sure he had everything and held off on plans with friends. This morning when I got my check I didn't get paid a dollar more for it. I guess thats what I get for doing something nice. Bitches.

Who did I become. I'm not the kind of person who lets people walk all over them. It's so frustrating......

O positive

I went to give blood yesterday.

The lady stuck me in the right arm but somehow missed my vein. I actually think she just went through the vein completely which makes me want to vomit just thinking about it. I have a nice little blue and purple bruise there now. Isn't it kind of weird to think that this needle could've gone straight through my vein. Eww. I hope the veins not danglin there waiting to find the other half of himself.

So...the lady called over another lady and she tried my left arm. I made the mistake of turning my head to look at the needle right before she put it in. I was under the assumption that the needle was this tiny nice little needle, like the kind they give you shots with. I. was. wrong. The needle is HUGE...and HOLLOW. I swear I almost passed out. They got my pint of blood though. They should be happy. Another 56 days and I'll get to do it all over again.

The bruise is starting to turn interesting colors:

Lets go Oakland, Lets go

Tonight I went to my first professional baseball game. I have been a baseball virgin. I don't really like baseball though, I'm a football fan myself (GO RAIDERS!). My friend got some awesome seats though and invited me. I didn't have to pay a thing and we got a VIP parking pass. VIP, I feel so special. The Oakland A's have been doing really good this year but tonight they lost:( 1-0 to the Minnesota..um...whatever team they are...Twins?.

This was our view, right behind home plate.


And my friend and I...yeah I look like crap, oh well. I worked all day and still haven't caught up from the two concerts this week.


Then they put on some cool fireworks. I took a bijjillion pictures but this one was the coolest. They look like palm trees don't they??? I think they do.


Hope you all have a great weekend. I'm working some tomorrow and Sunday so I better go get some sleep....for reals.

In my head

Last night we saw Missy Higgens, Anna Nalick and Howie Day at the Fillmore in SF.

Missy Higgens has an awesome voice. That's all I can say about her.

Anna Nalick was great. I think she had something to drink before she came on-stage so she seemed a little "happy". That's cool though, I totally understand wanting to get liquored up before performing for a bunch of weird dudes who dance funny.

Howie Day...well...um...we only saw him sing one song. We were to tired and it was going to take us a helluva long time to get home so we left, but his one song was good.

On the way back to Bart I saw something that I never want to see again in my life and it breaks my heart. We walked past a lady on the street who was digging for food in the garbage, smoking, and was also very pregnant. She asked me for spare change but I just kept walking. I seriously almost started crying. Why would you bring a child into your life on the streets? Hopefully this child will one day go on to accomplish great things......I hope.

So much for my happy ending

HOLY. SHIT.

I SAW AVRIL LAVGINE LAST NIGHT IN CONCERT!

It was awesome.

Butch Walker and Gavin DeGraw were the openers. Let me just say one thing about Gavin...I HATE his accent. He sounded like he was from Lousiana* but he's orignally from New York. Maybe he was trying to play up his whole "country boy" image but it got on my nerve. And he had fluffy hair.

*I don't mind Louisiana accents...just fake ones

Avril rocked. She did songs from her older album and her newer album. I can listen to her newer album over and over again without it getting old. I LOVE IT.

Another fun part of concerts is looking at all the funny people. Holy hell. What are these people thinking going out of the house looking like that?

Tonight I'm going to see Howie Day and Anna Nalick. Hopefully Howie doesn't have fluffy hair.

Whoevers dog is crapping in our backyard...please come clean it up

No neighborhood would be complete without some crazy folk running around. We got a little taste of the crazies in ours tonight.

Host Dad was outside throwing the ball down the street to the dog and I was getting ready to go work out. The dog is running back up the drive-way wanting us to throw the ball again when this old lady yells out from the other side of the street that our dog is scaring her daughter...who's at least 30. Host Dad was on the phone so I politely said okay and told the dog to stay in the yard.

I guess that wasn't the response she wanted. She started yelling at me that our dog craps in everybody else's yards. Of course she does...I've trained her to do that. How does she crap in everybody else's yards when she's locked in the backyard all day or inside with us. The only time she's out front is if were throwing the ball to her but whatever...I told just told the lady okay. She didn't like that answer either.

I can hear her talking with her daughter and her daughter asks who I am. The old lady told her I was JUST the nanny. I have no idea who these people are and how they know me but it kind of freaks me out. So then the old lady starts yelling at Host Dad about how our dog scares people and she's craps everywhere. She then tells him that she's going to go get her rottweiler so we can see which dog is tougher. Okay?

Lady...chill out. There are other dogs that look like our dog running around so maybe you're a little confused.

When I was going to work out I saw her walking across the crosswalk flailing her arms, making sure the already stopped cars wouldn't accidentally run her over.

Crazy ass neighbors

Thank you Bacardi Raz

Glad you all showed up to my party. We watched movie and ate ridiculous amounts of popcorn and nachos.

The movie Saw was a tad bit weird and twisted but who cares when you have Bacardi flowing through your system.

So for those of you who didn't come...look at all the fun we had

BYOB

Tomorrow my Host family is leaving for Tahoe to get some last minute things out of the condo.
I will have the house to myself for a whole day and a half...BY MYSELF!

I don't even know what do to with myself now.

I will have the luxury of sleeping in on Sunday without getting woken up by one of the kids screaming Mom who I'm assuming, by the decibel of his voice, is somewhere in India. That will probably happen tomorrow morning but not Sunday.

I will also get to watch whatever the hell on want on T.V. It will not be taken over by Spongebob or Pokemon. THANK GOD. I HATE THESE SHOWS. I've never like cartoons and moving into a house where the weekend revolves around them sucks.

SO...Party at my house because the 'rents are outta town!

Also, this is a crazy tree I found today. I thought it looked pretty cool.

I'd take white padded walls over this any day

This week has been hell for Boy and I. Him and I just don't seem to see eye to eye...on anything. I have to physically restrain myself from body-slamming him because I want to really bad.

HostDad stayed home yesterday which is always a pain. The kids act different when their parents are around. They know that they can get away with a hell of a lot more around them.

HostDad kept asking boy to read some books yesterday, but boy always responded with one of these answers:

-NO!!! You can't make me!
-It's a free country, I don't have to do what you say
-You're an idiot
-You're annoying

*See why I want to body-slam the kid?

Since when do 7 year olds get to talk to their parents like that???? It's driving me crazy and if I don't need professional help by the end of this, then I'm one lucky bitch

For Mom

Have you ever gotten a phone call that changed your life? I have about two months ago.

That Saturday morning my Mom was scheduled to have heart surgery. This is nothing new considering she has a rare heart problem. HostMom and I were going out to lunch to discuss the kids' report cards. We pull into the parking lot and I get a phone call from my sister. She told me that Mom was not doing well, her kidneys and liver were failing and they didn't know what else was wrong. My Mom and I haven't had the best relationship but the past couple of months have been great.

What if she died?

I wasn't ready for that. I didn't get to tell her all the things I wanted to. I didn't get to tell her I loved her. What would I do without her?

After I hung up with my sister, hostmom and I went and ate lunch. I didn't really give a shit what the kids' report cards looked like at that point, but I guess she did.

My sister called about an hour later and said that Mom was doing better but she was going to stay in ICU. Now, a couple of months later, shes doing fine. I'm going to see my Mom at the end of this month. I have sooo much to tell her but I especially want to tell her that I love her.

We are such tourists

Caroline, Kelly and I went into SF again yesterday. We finally figured out MUNI (the bus system) so we didn't have to walk everywhere.

We went to Ocean Beach but it was freezing so we decided to go warm up at Hooters.



After Hooters we went for our Alcatraz tour.




The tour was nice. It was kind of cool walking up the long incline that so many famous prisoners walked before you. We touched the bars that prisoners hands had also touched. We went inside a solitary cell that was nothing but cold walls and a cold floor, imagining the door shutting behind us and being in there for up to 19 days.

This night tour was voted one of the best things to do while visiting SF and I highly recommend it as well.



Thats all...I'm going to take a nap now, I'm tired.

My inner thighs are talking to me

I started working out again this week after a month and a half "vacation". I normally did 60 pounds on the inner-thigh machine and thought I could just start with that much weight again.

I. Was. Wrong.

I could not move my legs this morning. They hurt and still hurt really bad. This of course on the day which we were going to SF to walk around.

I walked around all right. I looked like I had a stick up my ass but I don't care, my damn inner thighs hurt!

Note to self...If you stop working out for more than a week ease back into your workout.

Have a great weekend!

Somebodys a Ho-Ho

We went to a little crepe shop the other night and sat down next to these people who seemed to be on their first date. I couldn't help myself and listened in on their conversations. The lady did most/all of the talking. I was shocked by what she was telling this man. Most of it involved how many men she had slept with or her wild drunken parties. The guy just sat there with this cold look on his face. He didn't seem to impressed. She didn't stop though she just kept talking away about her Las Vegas trips and blah blah blah.

I really hope this wasn't there first date. When did people become so "open" with everything...sheesh.

Do you want me to pack for you too?

Raising other peoples children is a tough job. Especially when you disagree about the right way to go about teaching them responsibility.

Host parents and I talked last night about our upcoming trip to the East Coast. In the past I have packed for the kids, but asked them to pack their own toothbrushes since I have no clue who's is who's. Host Dad was talking to me about this and said I should just pack their toothbrushes for them because, MY GOD, they are only 7 and 10. I then opened my big mouth and said these kids need to start learning some responsibilities and asking them to grab their own toothbrush isn't that hard. He didn't seem to like that to much. So I guess I need to grab their toothbrushes for them, pack all their clothes, and pack all my shit too.

If you see these kids sometime in the future and they ask you to wipe their ass it's not my fault. They don't know how to do anything for themselves.

Yes, even more pictures of SF

Caroline and I went to SF yesterday and walked all the way to the Golden Gate. My feet hurt now.

Heres the Exploratorium



And the Golden Gate



Looking up from the Golden Gate



Carolines also been teaching me Swedish, so I'll leave you with this

Du luktar illa

American Idiots

I asked my friend Caroline to tell me what she thought of Americans before she came over from Sweden and here the words she described us as: Arrogant, Rude, Snobby, and Cranky...Just to name a few.

Why are we (Americans) like this?

She said that everybody she's met so far in California only talks about themselves. Tis true..for most Californias anyways. They couldn't give two shits about anybody but there precious little state. Sad, if you ask me.

I've also noticed that a lot of people are very cranky these days. Yes, I know we all have busy, stressfull lives...but is it that hard to say please and thank you. Or SMILE once in awhile. I was in a grocery store last week buying deli meat and the lady who was helping me seemed rather frazzled and annoyed that I needed help. I talked to her politely and asked her how her day ways. By the time she rang me up I could tell she was in a much better mood. Now was that so hard?

So, for all you Americans out there, Listen up! Don't be a meany head. Be nice. Have a great weekend, be polite, and smile once in awhile. Toodles.

I don't know how she got up there

This is what happens when I leave the room. The dog magically appears on the counter top. Lovely.

Shes coming back Canada

Today was a rough day. One of my best friends ever is leaving tomorrow morning to go back home. I cried most of the day, knowing this time would come. I then started crying when the kids were eating dinner. Thats embarrassing.

Her and I went out for one last dinner at Chevys. After we finished eating we both just sat there, knowing that when we left we would have to say good-bye. So we sat there and talked. We sat in silence for what seemed like forever with her finally saying we better go so we could say good-bye. After getting to her house we took a few pictures and exchanged cards...both of us not opening them for fear of crying. We hugged and hugged and hugged and I started crying, so she started crying. I hate good-byes. I miss her already and I just said good-bye to her.

Time to break out the parkas

Marisa and I were talking today about the weather

Marisa: It feels so much nicer today than the past week

Me: Yeah, it's only like 93 degrees today.

I guess this is normal conversation for Californians

I was going to post a picture of a tan lines on my feet, but after looking at the picture I almost vomited at the site of my own feet...so, heres a tree...

Adventures in SF

When I first moved here I used to spend a lot of time with another nanny, Marisa. Unfortunately, shes going back home on Wednesday...to Canada. I'm sad, really sad. We've had so much fun together since I've been here that I don't want to see her go. She wanted to go to San Francisco one last time before she left so yesterday we ventured in.

Our first stop: Forever 21




This store had three floors, THREE FLOORS. I was so lost I didn't know where to go first. Of course the day I have money and plan to spend it all, I only buy two tanktops for a total of $12.

We at lunch at Lori's Diner

The new nanny that is taking over for Marisa, Carolyn, was also in the city and she wanted to meet us and go shopping. We waiting for her in front on Forever 21. While waiting we witnessed an African-American man on crunches going through the crowd screaming "White men are the devil". This pissed me off. It would've pissed me off it was the other way around as well. I hate racist people. Nobody seemed to care though that this man was walking around screaming this. Bastard.

After meeting Carolyn we walked over to this shoe store because in the basement they are supposed to have really good sales. I was shocked when we got into the basement. ALL the shoes down there were hideous. We had a lot of fun trying on shoes though, especially ones that had fake garlic, peas, and peppers on them for $150. Heres a picture of one pair...




Now, If you can't make out whats on the shoe, I'll tell you. There are little squares of colors with numbers in them. This shoe is selling for $399. Who in the hell would buy this shoe for that much money?!?

Our last stop was Union Square.



Then we came home and went to see Wedding Crashers. GREAT movie. NOT for kids. I saw like 5 kids in the theatre.... bad idea. Its rated R for a reason people.

Just another day in California

Oprah made me think of this

I had "plastic" surgery at the age of 16.

I like to think of it as reconstructive/cosmetic surgery. I had my nose broken as a child, probably from the numerous basketballs my brother chucked at my face. This caused my nose to become bumpy in some parts and rather weird looking. Most people didn't notice it, but I did. I started having breathing problems and eventually went to the doctor. He said my nose was slowly collapsing onto itself causing one of my nostril passages to be closed off. He told me that I would have to have surgery or else I wouldn't be able to breathe.

My mom scheduled the surgery for the Summer of 2003. I couldn't sleep the night before. I kept thinking about all the plastic surgery shows I had watched and thinking about them chiseling my nose down. BARF.

The morning came and I was nervous. We got to the waiting room and I started crying. I cry when I'm nervous or scared. They took me into the back room and made me put on those ugly, huge hospital gowns. They got me situated on a rolly cart and put the I.V. in. I kept crying because I was still scared. As they wheeled me into the room I said I love you to Mom, wondering If I would ever see her again. They made me transfer to the "cutting table". The only thing I really remember is the head rest was extremely squishy. I so wanted to take it home. They put some happy juice into my I.V. and off I slowly went to LaLa land. I mumbled something before I went under...something like "Wow! This stuff is good."

I don't remember waking up. They asked me if I wanted pain medicine and I accepted (stupid me!) Apparently Lortab and I don't get along. It made me so nauseous. I couldn't have anybody come near me because I would throw-up on them. They handed me one of those plastic kidney shaped little bowls to puke in and I laughed at them. Hand me the trash can please, my puke will never make it into this tiny bowl. I hadn't figured out that the Lortab was causing me to be the sick, so when I got home a few hours later I took another one. The same thing happenend so I quit taking my pain meds.

The recovery wasn't that bad. The pain wasn't that bad. My eyes were just really puffy and bruised. I'm sooo happy I had it done.

Now for the people who go a little crazy with the whole plastic surgery stuff. STOP! Your lips are not supposed to look like fish lips...thats gross. Go get some help because changing your outside will not change your inside...believe me.

Off to shower

Oh my God, I cannot handle this heat.

Today it was over 100 and the rest of the week is going to be the same. UGHHH.

I asked Hostdad if this was the hottest part of the summer and he said that September was. I don't think I can survive until September.

I walk outside and I'm just one big pile of sweat, and it's not even humid here. It's disgusting. I feel the need to take a shower every five minutes.

I'm used to -20 degrees, not 120 degrees.

I don't know how the people survive in Southern California, Arizona or Mexico. Of course, I'd like to see them survive a Montana winter...HAH!

Daily totals

I'm to worn out to actually say anything of value, so I'm going to do the lame ass credit card commercial numbers thingy...whatever it is.


*How many times I secretly said "Shut the hell up" to the kids today-426

*Or having to tell girl to get the telephone antenna out of her nostrils-3

*Number of times a lady sideswipes your car because shes trying to fit her huge ass minivan between two lanes of traffic..when in fact theres IS ONLY two lanes of traffic, NOT THREE LANES...DUMBASS-1

*Getting lost on your way home from the swim meet in your own town-Priceless

Hope you all had a great evening because I sure am. It's 9:50 at night and still 90 degrees outside...WHAT THE HELL!

Clean sweep

I hate cleaning my room. Always have, always will.

Yesterday I decided I better clean it...who knows what god awful things were probably growing in the heaps of clothes on my floor. I took me four hours to clean my room....4 HOURS.

When I was little I wasn't "motivated" to clean my room so my parents did it for me.

This wasn't your typical cleaning, this was-let's throw all of your toys into bags and donate them to Goodwill since you obviously don't know how to put them away-type of cleaning.

Twice they cleaned my room for me...yes I hated it that much.

10 year olds are sooo much fun

This morning the kids had a swim meet. After the swim meet we were going to drive down to Santa Cruz and go to the Boardwalk down there. We needed to go home first so the kids could change out of their swimsuits.

After we got home girl decided that she didn't want to go down to Santa Cruz.

WHAT?? I really want to go, now get in the damn car. But...she wouldn't. Hostdad physically picked her up and moved her out of the house, but as soon as she got outside she started running down the street. We all got in the car and drove right along next to her...but she ran home. After realizing that we would not be going to Santa Cruz I went upstairs and went to bed. I can't deal with this shit, so I just slept.

Now I'm getting ready to go see The Fantastic Four with friends. I don't really want to see this movie but I need to get out of the house.

A walk in the clouds...and wind

We went up to a State Park today and went above the clouds. It was so freakin windy up there though, we decided to come back down. Heres some pretty pictures though.




The sunset

Torn

I don't know what to do. A couple of months ago my Host family asked if I would mind staying another year. I told them I probably wouldn't mind, but now that I've been here...I think I want to leave in January. The parenting styles are just not what I was expecting. Maybe I'm a bit more "conservative" in this department.

Right now the kids rule the house. Thats the total opposite of how I was raised (I'm only 18...it wasn't that long ago). When my parents asked me to do something, I did it. No questions asked. Right now the kids are talking back and not listening. They leave the house a total disaster and then tell me it's MY JOB to clean up after them. Yes, it is my job, but they also need to gain life skills. They are going to be 18 years old and not know how to do laundry or use a vaccuum.

I don't think I could handle another year of this. I'm an actually human being and sometimes I'm made to feel like I'm their own personal Cinderella. I havn't told the family yet that I plan on leaving, and I don't want to. I feel horrible for wanting to leave, but I know it's best for me. I'm going to try and find another nanny job close to the Seattle area which is where my sister lives. I need to be close to some family.

Now I just need to decide when the right time to tell them is.

Stop and smell the roses

This is one of my favorite pictures of my niece.



It was taken over Memorial Day weekend of this year. I had flown into Seattle to see my sister and two nieces and then we drove to Salem, OR to see my Mom. The trip was fast, and I wished I could've stayed longer...but I have a job.

On the last day I was there we went over to my Aunts house to have a "graduation" party for me. My niece, Kadence, was playing on this gardening step and fell smack down into the concrete. It was horrible to watch, her little nose was all scraped up and she was screaming like I've never heard a kid scream before. We left shortly there after.

It takes about 4 hours to get back to my sisters house. Our 4 hours were filled with crying, screaming, and that's about all. The. Whole. Way. Back. I had gotten a dozen roses and we set them in the backseat. Kadence started playing with them, so I asked my sister to let her have one but take the rest of the bunch away from her. This did not go over well. I finally just let her have the whole bunch and she mangled them to death, like I thought she would. We got a great picture though, and her smelling the flower for 10 seconds made 10 seconds of silence for us. That's what counts.