Friday, October 21, 2005

Phat or Fat

I was a little hesistant to write this post because of the critiscism I might recieve, but what the hell...I need to tell somebody.

I've always had a problem with how I view myself weight wise. I think I'm fat. At 5' 7'' weighing 145 pounds most people see me as average. I acually got up to 150 pounds and thats when I decided to lose weight. Right now I'm at 135...I lost 15 pounds. Most people say I look really good right now but I still feel fat. Grossly fat.

For the past few months I've been *trying* to eat as healthy as possible but every once in awhile I get this urge to binge. Last night for example I ate four pieces of pizza. I NEVER eat four pieces of pizza. I felt disusting afterwards and when I went to the bathroom I wanted to throw-up. The throw-up urge has hit me on more than one occasion. I'm scared I'm going to give in. I also went into the backyard and ran around the pool I don't know how many times wanting to rid my body of the calories I just consumed. I hate running as well...so why am I doing this to myself.

For now...I'll weigh myself on the scale 25 times a day and become even more neurotic about losing more weight. Uggh.

5 comments:

  1. It sounds like you may need some help. Not because you ate four pieces of pizza ... but because you're having trouble getting over the fact that you ate four pieces of pizza. Don't be afraid to talk to a professional. There was a time in my life that I had to get counseling for something I was going through. It helped me immensely.

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  2. Anonymous3:57 PM

    Get help now before the problem gets worse. You are exhibiting signs of an eating disorder. Don't hesitate or procrastinate, love yourself and be gentle, and thow away that damn scale!
    Be well :)

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  3. Throw away the goddamn scale. Now. Never again buy one. They are evil. (And you are hot.) :)

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  4. I have a friend who is anorexic.. next you'll be "tasting" food instead of eating it..

    Please, get some help now!

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