Saturday, January 29, 2011

Today is my other half's birthday.  He is going to be 26! Last night I surprised him with dinner with friends at one of our favorite vegan restaurants.  

He is having band practice right now but when he gets home we are headed downtown to meet his family.  We are going ice skating at the frog pond at out to dinner in Chinatown.  I'm wicked excited.  I haven't been on ice skates in probably 15 years so I'm a little nervous I'm going to break something but it will be worth it.  

Sunday, January 23, 2011

I feel like we are finally starting to find our grove.  

This step-mom gig is hard, as I've talked about before.  I have a really hard time conveying what I want to say because I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings and come off as a bitch.  I know there is a parent/child connection that I have not yet experience and will never experience with him.  He is not mine.  As much as that sounds selfish, it just will never be there.  I don't think that is something you can duplicate and since I haven't had my own child, I'm not exactly sure what it feels like. That doesn't mean I don't love him unconditionally as if he wasn't my own though.  I would do anything for him.  I go into mama-bear mode when we are at a playground and somebody is mean to him.  These past few weeks have been really great though.  I miss him during the times that we don't have him.  I feel like we are both finally starting to get one another and he is realizing that I'm not going anywhere.  It's a good feeling. 

Thursday, January 20, 2011

As much as I really wish school was over for me, there is an incredibly nerdy part that still enjoys going.  I even started researching what it would take for me to get my bachelor's degree today.

I'm putting myself through school, working while doing so and not accumulating any school loans.  I feel good in that sense but then I look at my peers who are my age or younger and have bachelors degrees.  It makes me feel like I did something wrong.  I looked into transferring to Suffolk and with the 60 credit hours I would need, it would cost me around $40,000 just in tuition.  That doesn't include any books or other fees.  I have such a hard time justifying that to myself.  I was really getting excited and that just deflated all of the excitement I had. Suffolk is a private university so it does cost quite a bit more but it is the only college around that offers a bachelors in legal studies.

Decisions, decisions.  On one hand I just want to be satisfied with my associates and just be done.  Get my degree, get married, have some babies and enjoy life. I still have probably another year left of school though so these thoughts can wait for a little while more.  Hopefully before then, I will have a new job where I'll be happy and things will all be okay.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I start school again tomorrow.  Welcome to having no life again.  I'm taking a night class this time from 6-9:45pm one night a week...on top of working full time.  Yay!  I have such a bad taste in my mouth from last semester and my Professor from hell but I'm keeping positive that I don't think it could get much worse than that.  I'm ready to get this semester over with, get school over with all together and be done.

I'm going to enjoy my last night of doing nothing with some snuggle time, Jersey Shore and Teen Mom 2.  In all likelihood I'll fall asleep before Teen Mom 2 even starts because I can't stay awake past 9:30 these days, but it's nice in theory.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

One of my goals this year was to scrapbook at least two pages a month.  To some that may seem like no real goal at all but considering I scrapbooked about 3 pages last year, I have to work in baby steps.  Scrapbooking is my outlet, as lame as it may be.  I've done it since I was little and enjoy going back and looking at the memories.  It's different than just looking at pictures.  I did this page about a week ago and will probably try to work on another one tonight.  It is our Christmas card from this past year, as if you can't tell.

Last February I did not think I would be at this place I am today.  Back in a relationship with Matt, living together and starting our lives.  We've come a long way and while we get under each other's skin and have our arguments, we also love each other just as much.  I couldn't ask for anything more from him. <3

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Why do horrible things happen to good people.  It's one of those things in life I don't understand.  The people who do so many great things are the ones who get shit on.

My friend's infant daughter passed away today.  She has been fighting to be here since the end of September and just couldn't fight anymore.  I'm at a loss for words.  I wish I had the means to hop on a plane and fly to Delaware and hug them all and cry.  I can't imagine the pain they are going through and never would pretend that I do.  <3

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

We ended 2010 with a blizzard and we started 2011 with another one.  All set with snow for the rest of the season!  This one wasn't as fun as the last one, we didn't have heat until 4 o'clock this afternoon.  Plus Matt had to go into work.  He got a lovely call from his back chewing him out for not going in at 7am, even though he left the house at 5:30 am only to come back home because it was too dangerous.  His job is not worth risking his life for.  Once he did finally make it to work they didn't have power and only about 20 out of 100 people showed up.  I'm sure they didn't get a nasty call from their boss though.  She's such a bitch, can't wait until he switches positions.

Now I'm dreaming about this...flighs and hotel for less than $600 a person.  YES PLEASE

Sunday, January 09, 2011

The past year was tough for some of my friends and their relationships.  Two of my friends and I started dating guys around the same time and then also were broken up with around the same time.  It was nice in the regard that we all had something in common and could cry our eyes out for hours and we would understand.

After about a month of us all being broken up with they both found out they were pregnant.  I know these girls and it was most definitely not on purpose or to trap anybody...they were accidents.  One of my friends was in Montana so I was not able to be there physically but my other friend lives close.  We spent a lot of time together after the father decided he really didn't want to be in the picture.  My friend in Montana was working it out with her baby's father, even getting engaged to him.  They moved to Seattle and were ready to start their lives together.  I got an e-mail about a month and a half ago that rocked that image.  She lost her baby boy at 8 months along.  After going through the loss of her baby her fiance also decided to tell her that he wanted to be single.  It's at points like this in my friends lives that I wish I could just hop on a plane and be there, but unfortunately my life can't be put on hold like that.  I wish it could.

My other friend was now at the point of delivering her baby boy but he just didn't want to come out.  We waited and waited and finally a day after my birthday he decided to join us.  She had a 28 hours of back labor and did it all at home.  After watching videos and researching home-births, that is the route that she decided to take.  I had previously come to that decision that eventually when I want to have children that is the avenue I would like to take.  Seeing her actually accomplishing it and doing amazing just made my decision even stronger, not that I will be having a baby anytime soon though ;).

I got to go visit her and her little boy today and he was so sweet.  She is going to be doing it alone and she has my upmost respect.  I can't imagine the things both of these girls have gone through but they are such an inspiration to me as well as a motivator.  When I think my life is hard, I just look at them and see that they are overcoming incredibly difficult things and that I can do the same.

Saturday, January 01, 2011

Here it is, January 1st of 2011.  I'm officially 24 and looking to this New Year as a new opportunity to wipe out the old and start fresh.  

2010 was a mixed year.  Of course any year isn't going to be perfect but I experienced things in 2010 that I had never experience before.  Love and heartbreak. Luckily 2010 ended with more love but those few months of absolute hell will always be remembered.  I've met some amazing people and lost a friend.  I guess these things happen in life and we must move on.  

2011 is full of promise.  New adventures, new (hopefully) jobs, new babies, and new memories.  I'm looking forward to it!