Monday, April 27, 2009

I think all of Massachusetts heard me let a big huge SIGH today because I got the JOB!

Yay Yay Yay Yay Yay Yay

I start May 12th. Just looking at the boys today made me tear up, I am going to miss them so much. Even on the days they are little shits, they are still MY little shits and I love them :( 5 more days together. I need to think of something to get their parents...hmm....ideas?

Sunday, April 26, 2009

I needed this weekend. The weather was amazing, even though I'm sweating like a pig. I had a great night out for Conor's birthday. We went out to Charlies Kitchen in Harvard Square. It's a little dive bar with amazing burgers and okay drinks. I had a total of three drinks and could barely walk, I'm such a lightweight. The guys were all extremely funny and I almost laughed until I cried on numerous occasions, along with almost peeing myself. Colin tried to get me to make out with him the whole night and at the very end he got a kiss on the cheek. Lucky dude!

Today I had two interviews. They both went extremely well and now I'm afraid I'll be offered two jobs and have to decline one :( They are both pretty much the same thing and I like both families equally so the we'll see what happens. By the end of the week I hope to finally know if I have a job. I'm treating myself to a pedicure when I get one and I need a pedicure BAD.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Is this week over yet? Between school, work, trying to find a job, being sick and trying to find a job, I'm spent. Seriously spent. I don't know at what point my body and mind start mentally breaking down but I feel like it's close, and it scares me. I have a working interview with a family in Belmont on Sunday and before that I have an interview with a family in Lexington. I also have one on Monday with some family somewhere else. Still, I'm scared. I just want this whole thing to be over so I can move on with my life and stop stressing about every little thing. Less than two weeks to go.

This weekend was interesting. I had a lovely Friday night with Nicole. We went to dinner and shopping. Got caught up on all of the gossip that we needed to. It was nice to hang out and her pregnant belly is pretty damn adorable. So weird seeing your good friends pregnant. On Saturday morning I drove down to New Jersey to see the boy. I get there and he wants to take his truck to the car wash, no big deal. Then he comes home and wants to vacuum out the fucking thing. I am literally sitting on the steps of his house for a good hour, hour and a half while he vacuums. We went for a long drive after that and chatted a bit. It was at this point that he started to become distant I guess? It was weird. We went back to his house and he played video games and then we ate dinner with his family. I adored his parents, they were amazing.

After dinner we decided to go out to a bar with one of his friends. In Nicks words, he wanted to get fucked up. Lovely, eh? Have a nice girl visiting from another state and you want to get completely smashed. We're sitting at dinner and I'm chatting with his friend about life and what not. While we're talking, Nick starts talking to the two girls that are sitting at the table next to us. I seriously was speechless. I'm still speechless and want to know what the fuck was running through that boys head. We went to his friends house to hang out, we were there for all of 20 minutes when Nick needed to go home because he was plastered.

He came home, passed out on the futon and that was it. I should have just left then but I had had some drinks so that was out. I woke up in the morning, he started cleaning his room for a house showing and then I left. He hasn't talked to me all week and I sure as hell am not initiating conversation with him. He wanted to come up this weekend since his friends were but I doubt that is going to happen. Don't know if I even really want to see him anyways. I would like to talk to him to see what the fuck is going on.

Oh well, plenty of other fish in the sea. I'm not wasting my time on someone like that.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

I'm just sayin', getting complimented by a suicide girl when your tattoos are not even visible will really boost your confidence.

I went to Heathers art show tonight in Southie. It was really really fun. I went with Dan and all of his roommates who kept me laughing the entire time. Tears rolling down my face laughing.

I was talking to one of Heathers friends and this group of people was standing next to us, four of them. They kept looking over at me and then looking away. This went on for a good 10 minutes. I was getting very embarrassed because I thought they were making fun of me and honestly had no idea why. :( I walked over to Heather and asked if she knew them, of course she did. She went to talk to them and the girl came over and said they kept looking at me because they thought I was adorable. Serious self confidence booster!

I need to go to bed, but I'm still pumped from tonight. Might be heading to Jersey this weekend and dinner date tomorrow with Nicole!

Saturday, April 11, 2009

All of a sudden my life has been throw into busy mode. I'm not liking it, I probably shouldn't even be writing this because I have so much to do.

I just had to jot down my first time ever getting pulled over. It's a historic moment in many peoples lives and mine was no different. Heather needed me to drive her to Southie to drop of some prints for her show next weekend. Of course I said yes. We're driving along and hit a red light. It turns green and the car in front of me just starts inching forward, I wait, he sits there so I honk and drive around him. This was legal because it was a one way street. Not even two seconds later he flips on his lights. I don't think I registered at this point that I was getting pulled over because, seriously, who gets pulled over for honking. Especially considering I always drive at least 10 miles an hour over the speed limit, I guess they don't care about that. The officer got out of his car and gave me a nice little chat about exactly what a horn is used for. Apparently it's not allowed to be used to tell people to "get the eff out of my way". I'm still cracking up about it.

Thursday night is free night at the ICA so we went. Shepard Fairy's art exhibit is being shown right now. He is the one that did the very popular Obama print.

I hadn't seen very much of his work before this but I'm in love with it! It's amazing. They had this huge piece of a little girl smelling a rose out of a grenade and I think it might be my favorite. The print in the show looked different than this but I like how he pastes them in cities.

Back to work. I have an interview today that I'm feeling very hopeful about, I really really need this job so I need it to go well.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

**Warning, vent ahead**

If you don't want to know my true feelings than turn back now. This is the reason I have a blog. For me to get my thoughts out. I don't give my blog address to family or very many friends because frankly, some times I need to bitch about them.

This is one of those times.

After the break-up of Bob and I, he admittedly took it harder than I did. Does that mean that I didn't hurt? No, I did. I cried through a good week for him. I felt like a total bitch hurting him but I didn't love him and needed to move on. I had never experienced a break up before and thought that my friends would come running with pints of Ben and Jerry's ice cream and movies for us to watch. They didn't. I made it through that time by myself. I remember on one occasion asking to go to a club to get my mind off of things. That didn't happen. A party was thrown but since Bob was there, I wasn't invited. I totally understand that he doesn't want to hang out with me, especially at his house. I just thought maybe my friend would say screw the party, want to go to dinner? I sat at home that night crying again.

I'm not used to this kind of 'friendship'. Growing up I had a very very few select people who I called my friend. I would bend over fucking backwards for these people if they ever needed me. I know they would do the same. Coming here it's been quite a shock to the system because that isn't necessarily happening.

So, since Nicole's birthday is right around the corner and her being what I would consider one of my best friends, I wanted to celebrate it with her. Especially since this is her last childless birthday. It's kind of a big one. I had been talking to her about it for awhile. I even mentioned once planning something if John wasn't going to. I was assured that John had it handled and I didn't need to worry about it. I have been bugging her for a few weeks, let me know what the plan is. I also told her to let me know if Bob was going to be there. This was when I thought Nick might be coming down and that would be awkward for all involved, but I highly doubt he's coming so now I don't care if Bob will be there.

Imagine my surprise when today I'm informed that me, Nicole, John and possibly Heather can go to dinner. Then they are going to Bobs house for a party, but I'm not invited. I wasn't going to get offended or hurt, but it happened. I'm human. So that's it. I'm going to spend an hour at dinner with them and then come home.

Why does this upset me so much? Because I've been there for Nicole a lot. We used to spend pretty much every single day together and now that I'm living in Boston that hasn't been happening. She see's Bob all of the time now so I don't quite understand why it's of the up most importance to spend the evening with a bunch of fucking underage drunken teenagers. It makes me feel like shit. I'll probably spend the evening planning her baby shower where I see hundreds and hundreds of dollars flying out of my bank account and absolutely no business spending that kind of money. But I want to. Because that's what friends do. Or so I thought.

Saturday, April 04, 2009

Yesterday I called my mom and told her that I wanted to try and contact my read dad.

This is something I have been thinking about for awhile but watching Dr. Phil yesterday made me make the call. He had families on who from the help of The Locater, had been re-united.

When I was younger I always said I never had any interest in knowing him. But as I've gotten older, I've been more curious. What is he like? What personality traits of mine did I get from him? I know I have half-siblings, what are they like? Do they even know I exist?

I don't know if I'll even been able to find him, or talk to him, but I'm going to try.