Tuesday, April 07, 2009

**Warning, vent ahead**

If you don't want to know my true feelings than turn back now. This is the reason I have a blog. For me to get my thoughts out. I don't give my blog address to family or very many friends because frankly, some times I need to bitch about them.

This is one of those times.

After the break-up of Bob and I, he admittedly took it harder than I did. Does that mean that I didn't hurt? No, I did. I cried through a good week for him. I felt like a total bitch hurting him but I didn't love him and needed to move on. I had never experienced a break up before and thought that my friends would come running with pints of Ben and Jerry's ice cream and movies for us to watch. They didn't. I made it through that time by myself. I remember on one occasion asking to go to a club to get my mind off of things. That didn't happen. A party was thrown but since Bob was there, I wasn't invited. I totally understand that he doesn't want to hang out with me, especially at his house. I just thought maybe my friend would say screw the party, want to go to dinner? I sat at home that night crying again.

I'm not used to this kind of 'friendship'. Growing up I had a very very few select people who I called my friend. I would bend over fucking backwards for these people if they ever needed me. I know they would do the same. Coming here it's been quite a shock to the system because that isn't necessarily happening.

So, since Nicole's birthday is right around the corner and her being what I would consider one of my best friends, I wanted to celebrate it with her. Especially since this is her last childless birthday. It's kind of a big one. I had been talking to her about it for awhile. I even mentioned once planning something if John wasn't going to. I was assured that John had it handled and I didn't need to worry about it. I have been bugging her for a few weeks, let me know what the plan is. I also told her to let me know if Bob was going to be there. This was when I thought Nick might be coming down and that would be awkward for all involved, but I highly doubt he's coming so now I don't care if Bob will be there.

Imagine my surprise when today I'm informed that me, Nicole, John and possibly Heather can go to dinner. Then they are going to Bobs house for a party, but I'm not invited. I wasn't going to get offended or hurt, but it happened. I'm human. So that's it. I'm going to spend an hour at dinner with them and then come home.

Why does this upset me so much? Because I've been there for Nicole a lot. We used to spend pretty much every single day together and now that I'm living in Boston that hasn't been happening. She see's Bob all of the time now so I don't quite understand why it's of the up most importance to spend the evening with a bunch of fucking underage drunken teenagers. It makes me feel like shit. I'll probably spend the evening planning her baby shower where I see hundreds and hundreds of dollars flying out of my bank account and absolutely no business spending that kind of money. But I want to. Because that's what friends do. Or so I thought.

1 comment:

  1. oh my goodness. i am sitting here debating whether or not to let out my true raw feelings in response to your post - but maybe i'll save that for an email or private message. i don't know any of the people involved except for you. and this makes me angry. if it makes me angry, i can only imagine how it makes you feel. you are an awesome friend, an awesome person, and it sucks that people would take advantage of you like that. it just doesn't make any sense to me. it just shows the kind of person you are to continue planning her shower despite it all - hopefully some day she'll see that in you and long to be the same kind of friend to you.