My leg will probably fall off next

On Tuesday morning I woke up with my right eye feeling as though it had been punched. The area all around it was very sore but no bruising. Wednesday I woke up and my right glad in my neck was swollen. This morning I woke up and the swollen gland is now like the size of a grape. I don't know whats going on. Maybe I contracted some weird Swedish illness when I went to Ikea. Hopefully the swelling goes down before the St. Pattys day parade in Boston and the partying in Providence this weekend.