Couch to 5k

Today I started the third week of the couch to 5k program. It sucked. I did it though!

Hopefully by the end of this thing I'll be able to run a full thirty minutes. Right now I can't even fathom that. 3 minutes just about kills me.

BoB is going with me on Thursday to see if he can keep up. Of course he'll be able to keep up. He can run a 5k in like two steps.

We have $10 riding on it though. I am not so secretly hoping he sucks.

The perfect plot for a horror film

On Friday (the 13th) my friends Heather, Nicole and I set out to go take pictures of an abandoned warehouse.

I had never done this before but was rather excited. We parked at a local VFW and walked over to the warehouse. Getting into the building was not hard since there were various openings everywhere.
Inside the warehouse was amazing. There were old piles of checks and papers just left around along with boxes of cortisone 10. The warehouse itself was huge, with big windows and lots of light.


Then came the fun part. Right after I clicked this picture, I saw the end of a cop car drive by.
I might have had a little heart attack, okay, a rather large heart attack. All 3 of us ran over to the side of the building and crouched down. We could see a sliver of the cop car outside and watched where it was going. At one point we thought it left so we started taking pictures again but it started looping back around. He paced back and forth in his cop car and idled for a few minutes. Finally he left. And I died.
The rest of the time I was there I was paranoid he was going to return, but he didn't.

The next time I go someplace abandoned I'm bringing diapers and Valium.

Oh Hey Blog

I haven't seen you in a year.

Lots has changed and I need a new name.

In Lincoln, Nebraska my car decided it didn't want to go any further. Pretty sucky considering we still had half of the United States to go. $450 later...we got on our way. Ouch to my checking account. We stopped at the Mall of America and spent some more money. That mall is amazing. All of my favorite four stores wrapped up in one little place=heaven. We stopped in Chicago as well. This is the one picture I took of that city:

IT. WAS. SO. COLD. we couldn't walk around. Kinda sad really. We spent less than an hour eating lunch of got charged $12 for parking. Chicago parking sucks. I hope to go back when it's warmer and see a taping of the Jerry Springer Show.

As I mentioned before I didn't have 'real' license plates. On the day we passed through upstate New York all the cops were on the road. We even had one following us for awhile but never pulled us over. Weird. Now we are home safe, my car has real plates and I still don't have a job.
The job searching continues.

We made it back from the road trip one week ago! In one piece! The car didn't fair to well, but that's another story.

I've been super busy applying for jobs(don't have one yet), trying to get my car registered and inspected, paiting, blah blah blah. More to come when the brain starts functioning again.

We just completed Day Three of our road trip!

Day one was Oregon to California. Going through the Redwood forest was awesome! We saw some pretty big trees but of course my camera battery was dead and the boys' camera needed batteries. We did get some pictures of the coast though.



The second day was California through Nevada.



Today we went through the rest of Nevada, Utah and are now stopped in Wyoming. We stopped in Salt Lake to see the Morman temple. We were sure out of place! Two freaks looking a church getting stared at by the missionaries.

Now we are just seeing how long it takes us to get pulled over because our temporary plates are homemade. I don't know if thats legal or not. We have all the documentation and stuff, but since we didn't buy the car from the dealer we didn't get those nice temporary plates.

I just sold my mp3 player on Ebay. What a chore that was. They make you choose a category to put it under and I guess I clicked the wrong one...even though that's the one they told me to pick. After 2 days of it being listed, they took it down. So I tried again! And this time it worked. I remember selling things on Ebay before and it wasn't this difficult. I always wonder what happens to those Ebay Typos. I'm sure you could find a damn good deal on something if the person who listed it misspelled the listing. Typos.cc let's you put in the item that you're looking for and it will come up will all the listings along with all the misspelled listings. Pretty neat if you ask me. When I have money and I'm actually able to afford something I'll be sure to use it.

I'm picking my boyfriend up from the airport tomorrow. I'm so excited! I haven't seen him for 2 weeks, and thats a long time. I hate talking on the phone so are phone conversations during this time have been pointless to say the least. I'm doing nothing so I tell him about my weird dreams, like white spiders attacking me from underneath a deck. I'm strange. Then on Friday morning we are starting our road trip! First stop...Eureka, California to see the Redwoods and one more sunset on the West Coast before we head back to our sunrises on the East Coast. I'm looking forward to going home though. PLUS...my roomates sister and my friend had a baby yesterday whom I'm dying to see. I saw one picture of Jackson already and he's beautiful! Usually newborns are not that attractive, but he's a looker!

I have super sensitive skin. I can't use very many facial cleansers because they actually burn my skin. Even 'sensitive' ones. Now that it's winter my face has become very dry. I've tried lotions, but nothing seems to be working. My mom gave me this really nice lotion to try. She used it but didn't like the smell. I would put it on my face and it would turn my face bright red and burn. It hurt so bad I had to scrub it off, but the next day my face felt great! Come to find out after I read the bottle she had given me hand soap, not face lotion. Ha.

Now that I'm headed back to New England in a couple of days I figured I'm going to have to try something new. Humidifiers actually help, so maybe I'll try one of those. They also help with dry throats and cracked lips, which I have also been blessed with the past few months. Thanks Winter! Here's a complete guide to buying a house humidifier. I'll be sure to shop around when I do buy one.

I'm in Oregon. Translation=theres nothing to do. Just sitting here. Doing nothing. Waiting for my road trip to start in one week!

Going to see my sister on Friday, let's see if I can survive the couple of days I'm there. It shall be interesting.

Before I said that my Vegas trip almost didn't happen. Three days before I was supposed to fly down there I got a text message from my friend saying that she had been kicked out of her house, and had nowhere for me to stay. She didn't know what to do and thought that I couldn't come.



I called her and got the story. Apparently she got a tv for a Christmas gift and didn't act thankful enough so her mom flipped out and told her she needed to leave. I told her not to worry about it and I'm sure her mom needed a day to cool down and then everything would be fine.



The next day she e-mailed me and told me that her mom was still flipping out and that I shouldn't come. I didn't know what to do. I had a plane ticket to Las Vegas, so I had to go. I called my boyfriend and he said that if things didn't work out than he would fly down and be with me. What a guy, eh? I cried. I was looking forward to see my friend. I hadn't seen her since high school, three years ago. I looked into hotels and hostels...I was going to Vegas. I had to.



About two hours after her e-mail she called me and told me nevermind. Her family is crazy and I can still come. I'm assuming her mom just wanted to scare her a little, but that wasn't cool. So I went and we had a blast. I thought that since we hadn't seen each other in three years things would be awkward, but they weren't.



And if you have the chance, go see this show. It was amazing!

My friend has this boy whom is an ass. They were dating for all of last year I think and then he decided to just be friends with her, friends with benefits though. I told her she needed to stop that. My momma always said why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. My friend called this boy on New Years Eve to tell him Happy New Years and he told her that he was making out with some other girl and hung up on her. In fact, he wasn't making out with anybody, he just thought that would be a funny joke. She cried the rest of the night and the next day she wasn't very happy. I'm now going to send her to an Online Dating service. I want her to shove it in this guys face that she can do way better. He's an ass and she deserves more, she just can't see that.

Las Vegas was awesome. I don't know what else to say. Just walking around the strip could keep me entertained for days. The first night I got there we went to the top of the Strastophere. The view up there was amazing but since I'm afraid of heights and rides I didn't have the balls to ride anything up there. The second day we tried to go to the Hoover dam but it was so crowded we turned around and went to the the m&m factory instead. We stayed home that night and rented movies, preparing ourselves for the crazy new years eve. On New Years Eve my friend had the hook-up and we got to stay in a free hotel suite and the SunCoast. The Suncoast isn't on the strip but it overlooks the strip was rocked. We bowled and drank margaritas and then close to midnight we went to the room, drank champagne and watched the fireworks. They also brought a cake for me since it was my birthday, 20 years old. eek. eek. eek. We didn't go to crazy though because right after midnight my friend has boy troubles which ruined her evening. Stupid boys. On New Years we walked around the strip and then went to the Cirque du Soleil show Love. The show was sooooo GOOD. I would go see it again and again and again. I didn't want it to end but it did and now I'm back in Mass...and I haven't eaten breakfast because I need to go buy food. HA. Being a grown up sucksss.

I'm leaving for Las Vegas tomorrow to celebrate New Years/my birthday. This leg of the trip almost didn't happen but I'll tell that some other time. Wish me luck.

A huge weight has now been lifted off my shoulders. The stress is just gone. I'm done! I have been a nanny for 3 years now and I'm finally childless. For once! Now I'm off to Seattle to go enjoy my vacation with my awesome nieces and my Mom...

Ever wonder what your employers are doing while at work? Or your kids? Or yourself? Keystroke logger can help you out. This program records everything that is typed so you can monitor what exactly is going on. Since I don't have employees or children I could use this program for myself. Everytime I sign up for a new website I put in some username and password...but sometimes I forget them. If I had this program I could go back and look to see what my information is. Helpful, really helpful. I should have bought it years ago. It probably works way better than writing all that 'personal' information on slips of paper and shoving them in some drawer.

1 and a half more days of work. GrrrUGhhhhhhhhBlehhhB. I'm done. I gotta little choked up dropping the kids of at preschool today realizing that tomorrow will be my last day to that. They won't be the first ones in line anymore! Uh! I'm always stupidly early and there mom...isn't.

Super excited to fly home for Christmas though and see my Mom who I haven't seen in a year, and her new heart! And to see my nieces who I haven't seen since April!! OHHH..I'm excited. And then Vegas for New Years with my friend from high school who I haven't seen in 3 years. Totally stoked on that one! And we are going to see Cirque du Soeileil with the Beatles. Totally butchered that spelling but I don't care! I'm excited!

The boy and other friends of ours are all going out to dinner tonight. A nice 'dress up' dinner. That means I have to look somewhat presentable and actually brush my hair. I'm working all day though and I will probably only have a whole 15 minutes to get ready, but I'll do my best. I haven't been feeling to happy about myself the past week. Feelings of hate have wandered into my brain. I HATE how fat I am. I HATE IT. And I'm not really that fat, sadly. I hate how I think bad thoughts. It makes me grumpy. I'm going to do my best tonight thought to pretend I look pretty in my dress. It will be hard to think those thoughts though.

Want to build a personal ringtone with a matching Avatar character? Yes! Ha. Check it out here. U-Doo is a new program that let's you do exactly that and then you can e-mail them to yourself or your super cool myspace page. And the first 60 days are free! Now, I just need to go find out exactly what an Avatar is and I'll be all set.

Pictures of NYC. Not much, but enough.
Only 4 more days left of work. I'm angry. I want to be done NOW.

Because I follow rules. cough cough. Here I am disclosing that I do in fact get paid sometimes for posting. It goes to my food, yah know, cause I need to eat. And I'm poor.

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New York was amazing. Again. That city will never cease to amaze me. We walked up and down 5th avenue. What a fucking mess. I've watched videos on t.v. about NYC where the streets were so crowded nobody could move but I never thought it was true until yesterday. 5th Ave. during Christmas season is nuts! We went to Rockafeller center and saw the big tree and all the little ice skaters falling. Other than that we just walked around and looked at shit. And then I came come and started being grumpy because I'm sick and I really just want to sleep and do nothing but when your leaving your job in a week, you really don't have that opportunity.

My host mom asked me to write up a schedule so that she knows what to do when I leave. Pretty sad....she also wanted me to write down what I fed them and such, what the didn't like. Here it is...I didn't go to overboard or to into detail. She'll figure it out.
My not so formal schedule

9-9:30: Finish up breakfast, get kids dressed, pick up dishes
9:30-11: Kids play with toys, read books, color, computer time. (If bath day, give kids bath)
11:Have lunch
11:30:Done with lunch, start packing backpacks, going to the bathroom…ect.
12-2:30: School
2:30-3: Put away things from school, get snack ready
3: Snack time
3-5: Play time, get D off the bus, Go to the 3rd floor, Play outside, read books
5: Dinner
6: Pajamas
7: Bed

Lunch Ideas:
-Sandwiches. H likes bologna, sometimes ham. O and C like Ham. C likes Cheese, H sometimes
-Yogurt
-Mac n Cheese
-Dino Chicken
-Grilled Cheese

Dinner Ideas:
-Chicken
-Ham
-Spaghetti
-Hot Dogs
-Pizza. H and C white pizza, C’s with broccoli. D and O Amy’s pizza, D’s with broccoli.
H eats carrots, O will eat most veggies but doesn’t really like any.

Anybody need some bar stools? I sure don't, but my host parents sure do! We have this great long counter/bar area....with no bar stools. It collects junk underneath it. Boxes, toys, garbage...just No bar stools. Growing up my cousins house had this great downstairs with a built in bar area. We would play down there all day, with the bar stools, and pretending we were running a bar. Great for 10 year olds eh? And when I'm really, really, old and can afford to own my own kitchen table, I want to get one with bar stools instead of chairs. Have you seen those tables that are really high up...yeah, I like those. It makes me feel superior. And then I'd pick out some totally tubular stools and be the talk of the neighborhood. One day.

I haven't been sleeping to well the past week thanks to the outrageous amounts of snot in my nose. Last night wasn't any diff. ( I use diff. because I really don't know how to spell diff. ) This morning though I fell into some awesome sleep. It was soooo good. Until like 7, when I was rudely awakend by the screaming of kids. My host-mom went out last night and I went to bed before she got home, but then I started thinking....maybe she didn't make it home. Maybe the kids are being so fucking loud because she's not there. Then the oldest boys bus came and went and I still noticed his voice downstairs. He missed the bus. Uh oh. Is my host mom awake? Is she home? Why are these fucking kids waking me up! I waited for like another half an hour and finally came downstairs. I turned the corner and noticed a massive pile up of blankets, pillows, sleeping bags, stuffed animals and who knows what else. The kids had brought all the shit downstairs and were 'playing'. My host mom was there too...taking pictures. These kids woke me up, me being two stories above them. Do you think she could've kept them quite, until like 8. Nope. Gosh.

I see cars driving around with plates obviously not from the United States. And since I'm so cool and have totally been to Europe, I know that they are in fact, European. They are usually on cool cars, probably from Europe...but I want one! They are only like $40. Do they count as regular license plate? I don't think so. They would look so rad though on my Ford Contour. Ow! OW! European License plates make a wide selection of these awesome things that you don't really need but are much cooler if you do have them.

Still have the cold! I'm about ready to drop kick my own ass and get this thing out of me. It just keeps getting worse and worse. It's not horrible but bad enough that I wouldn't have gone to school if I was in school. I'm going to NYC this weekend to look at lights and shit and I really hope I'm better by then. I also just got then news that one of the pregnant preschool teachers lost her baby and had to have a hysterectomy. That fucking sucks! It was her second child, a girl, and she was so excited! Every day she would come out and talk about the baby and you could tell she was happy. I feel so bad for her. Words can't describe how shitty that situation is. My thoughts go out to her family.

I'm off to lay on the couch. Hopefully two hours of doing nothing will magically cure my cold.

What I really should be doing on top of all the other stuff I should be doing. Applying to college. Buh. I'll probably do that after I get back from my vacation. Then I'll have to go to FAFSA, fill out some FAFSA forms and get some moolah. FAFSA's online, FAFSA's on the web...FAFSA's everywhere! Can I say FAFSA anymore? FAFSA FASFA FASFA. I've been sick for a week, I can say FAFSA as many times as I want. I'm loopy and haven't slept.

Yah know what makes me feel better when I have a cold besides chicken soup....grilled cheese with tomatos. (tomatoes?) Mmmm. I just learned about this awesome food like a month ago when I was at my friends house. I don't really like tomatos but in grilled cheese it's SO good. Now I'm all hungry again.

Ha. I found what I need. A free online calender at American Greetings. It lets you put in birthdays, anniversaries, concerts...whatever! It can also send you e-mail reminders or text messages. Remember how I missed my nieces birthday like two weeks ago? Well, if I would have done this I wouldn't have missed it. She only turned two though so she won't remember. I'll make it up to her next year. I miss a lot of peoples birthdays. I only remember my own because I was born on New Years and thats easy to remember. My best friend was born on New Years Eve so I don't forget her, but everyone elses...poof. Gone. So I need to sign up for this. It's free and wonderful and it will help me be a better Aunt.

My lingering cold that I've had for the past week is now getting worse. The back of my throat is so sore I don't like to swallow. The sneezes are non-stop. My eyes feel like they are going to burn out of my head. Lovely.

I have a few extra vacation hours (like a whole day) so I asked my Host mom if I could take them today so I could rest and try and get a little better. She said No because shes so busy trying to find this one piece of paper and she needs to get the house ready for a brokers open house tomorrow, which I get to stay home and deal with. Well she found the paper and now shes not doing shit on the house. She's been writing e-mails to her friends and blah blah blah. Only 10 more days of work, Thank God!

My last family had nanny cams. I didn't know about them until my friend came over and said 'Hey, do you know if they ever turn those cameras on?'. What cameras? Haha. She had to point them out to me but after she did I always thought how come I've never seen them before. They are right there. Not hidden or anything. I do think that having some type of camera in your home is a good idea. I also think that if you have people working for you, you should let them know that you do have cameras and they will be recorded. The California family never turned them on when I was there, I don't think. We did use them for when we went on vacations though. Just in case someone broke in while we were gone we would hopefully have some evidence to find the criminals. Theres these Stealth Spy hidden cameras that you can buy that come in all diff. types of shapes. Teddy bears, alarm clocks, plants, smoke alarms...anything. Kinda scary if you ask me. I prefer to know if I'm being taped or not. I don't know if the family I'm working for now has hidden cameras. I hope not, because they could tell that I'm totally supposed to working right now. And that the kids are driving me crazy.

The temperatures in New England are cold. Very cold. Just two days ago it was fairly warm. Warm enough you could wear a light sweater outside and be comfortable. In just a matter of hours the temperature shifted and now it's freezing. I even had to break out some hot cocoa yesterday, which I never do. The boy and I decided to go see a movie last night. Turistas, which makes me never want to travel alone...ever ever ever. We parked pretty far away because the theatre was packed. I decide that it's to fucking cold out and started to run/jog in. I have this weird thing with my ankle and if I land on it a certain way it makes my leg give out. Well that's exactly what happened! I ran like 10 steps, did the little ankle hurt and boom. On the ground on I went. The freezing cold asphalt hurt. But I couldn't stop laughing, cause thats what I do. I skinned my pinky and I think that hurts the worse. The boy couldn't stop laughing either and I'm just glad lot's of little teeny-boppers weren't around to add the to laughter.

Road trip. I'm getting so excited for it! Halfway through I probably won't be to excited anymore. Yah know after seeing Oregon, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, South Dakota, Minnesota, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Connecticut and finally home. There's this site: 50 Travel Sites - courtesy of Luggage Online thats been helping me a lot. One of those 50 sites actually lets you put in your interestes and then it finds shit for you to do along the way! And another one picks out the best nightlife. Hehe. Lot's of other nifty stuff too. The boy is very much a tourist and I would rather just blend in so hopefully we find things that we can both agree on. Like the worlds biggest rubberband, or something equally as cheesy.

I guess you could say that the boy and I are 'dating' now. Again.

Theres just one little problem. The other girl. She still texts him and wants to hang out and do stuff together but I feel weird. She hasn't gotten the hint that it's super awkward when the three of us hang out together. I know the boy feels like a piece of shit for what happened and I just don't like it. But she sees no problem with it.

Last night she texted me asking me what I was doing because she needed to get out of the house. I told her I was going Christmas shopping with the boy and then we were going to watch some awesome drama unfold on the Real World. I didn't invite her. Then I texted her this morning saying sorry about last night...I just feel weird when the three of us hang out together. She wrote me back saying she went to bed early, had nightmares the whole night and now shes going to the gym. She sounded pissed. I don't know what to do. She's leaving in 2 months and she knows nothing more is going to become of her and the boy. What happened, happened...and that's it. I don't like being put in this position.

I don't have my own computer but if I did I would put lots of pretty wallpapers on my desktop. American Greetings has free desktop wallpaper! Free! I love free. And they are actually pretty and not ghetto looking. The wallpapers contain no spyware or adware so you don't have to deal with any of that junk. You can just enjoy your pretty wallpaper. Pick one for Christmas or another one thats just plain cool looking. Such as:

Now if I could just get a nice shiny new laptop to put that pretty wallpaper on. Sigh.

There's this little girl on the west coast who turned 2 on Saturday. And me being the most put together Aunt ever kinda forgot to call her. I'm sorry baby...I love you more than anything, along with your sister. I can't believe your already two! I remember holding your tiny body the day you came home from from the hospital. Seems like yesterday. I'll see you soon my RyRy.

We just sat around the table and told the kids I was leaving. I cried, they didn't. I don't want this year to be another year wasted like it was with my last family. I want to be involved with these kids still. I want to see them grow up and because awesome little dudes. I didn't get that oppurtinity with the family in California, but I want it now. Even if there parents are not always there for them, I want them to know that I will be.

Cranium and Hot Tub party at the boys house tonight.

It's gonna rock.

Sweet baby Jesus. I know I told my family I didn't really want anything for Christmas, but come on! I'm drooling. If you know me or anything about me you know that this bike fits me and my personality. I would ride it ALL. OVER. TOWN.

It's pretty!

They have lots of neato beach bikes and if I was rich I would buy lot's of them! I haven't really been that into bikes because most bikes have boring old shapes and boring old colors. And I'm just not a boring girl. I'm not really much of a bike rider either but after seeing these gas prices and having to fill up, I think I'm might become one. Plus the exercise! Maybe thats how I'll sell the idea to my parents. Buy me a bike and I'll get exercise...and save the enviroment.

I hope santa treats me with one of those next year. I'll even ride it in the snow! I promise! Well probably not the snow, but I would sure as hell ride it in the summer. I'm hardcore like that.

I've been sick for most of the week. 'Tis fun! I haven't really been sick since I've been here and this week it wasn't so bad except for yesterday afternoon when I thought my head was going to pop off from all the congestion.

My host dad was gone for most of the week. (yes!) Things just run WAY more smoothly when he's not here. I don't know why. When he walks in the house everything falls apart. The house turns into a zoo and I don't like zoo's.

Tonight was no different. I told the kids that at 6 we could all sit down, cuddle and watch Rudolph. Perfect easy night. (My host parents are going out for dinner tonight so I can get away with this shit) Host Dad walks in the house at 5:40 and decides that he is going to whip out the fancy saw and start cutting the blocks of wood for the kids' derby race cars. Beh. The house.....it was a zoo. I couldn't get them settled down until 6:45. After he disrupted us he went upstairs and they got ready for dinner. So much for my nice low-key evening with the kiddies. Hmpf.

I'm really bad with sending out cards. Really bad. The process of buying the card, writing in it, getting a stamp to put on it, and actually mailing it makes me want to cry. I ordered my Christmas cards yesterday so hopefully I'll get those mailed before Christmas comes around. Probably not. Ecards are a good way for me to go. Egreetings is an awesome site for funny animated ecards. You can also sign up for a 30 day free trial membership and a regular memebership is only $13.99. I think I'm going to spend that much on stamps this year and I know I spent way more than that on the cards themselves. I think next year I'll just do on-line cards! It won't be so exspensive. I'll just tell all of my family to Have a Hap-pee Holiday.

Only 18 more days left of being a nanny for these guys. Deep Breath.

The boy and I are planning our road trip. Haha. Oregon to Mass, with a trip to the Mall of America thrown in there?

I might be able to see my cousin, her husband, and new baby though! And I might be taking a little trip to Montana to see my friend and her three kids! And I might also be able to see my Aunt and Uncle again! It's amazing all the family you see when you drive across the whole fucking country.

Myspace. What a tricky little site that is. I have one. I use it mainly for keeping in touch with my friends from Montana. It's also really useful for listening to new bands and check tour dates and such.

But for smaller kids/tweens myspace is kind of a scary scene. If I was a parent I would be worried about what my child was doing on there. Lot's of creepers spend time on that site and I would want to know if they were talking to my kid. Parents really have no clue what their kids do on there. But now you can with Myspace tracking software. Hey...now you can actually be involved. Which...in today's world is a VERY good thing. You can see when they update their profile, post new pictures(which, ehum, girls...put some clothes on), make comments and receive messages. You can also tell when someone messages them or if they make multiple profiles.

I'm only 20, and I can't believe kids these days and what the do. Let's just say they have probably seen way more things than I will ever see. Scary.

I have the itch. The tattoo itch. I want another one RIGHT NOW. I already know what I want and where I want it. I just don't have the money. Grr.

But the boy said he might buy me one for Christmas. Now isn't that the greatest Christmas present ever?!?! Besides...a car. A Tattoo! You'll have it forever! I like it.

I'm getting a pin-up girl sleeve on my right arm and the next tattoo I want is another Vargas girl, this time on my forearm. He might have an opening Dec. 6th. Oh lord. How I want to take it.

I know what I'm getting for Christmas.

A car. Let me repeat, a CAR! Holy wowsers. My mom and her husband are buying a new car so I'm going to get their old one. It's a 96 Contour and it only has like 40,000 miles on it. Whee! And its free!

It's in Oregon though and I'm in New England. In January I'll fly back to Oregon and then the boy and I are going to take a long road trip back. By the end of the trip we will either be really close or about to kill each other. Stay tuned.

I'm probably one of the few girls in this world who actually enjoys playing video games. A fun day for me consists of breaking out my brother in laws xbox and kicking the shit out of him in Halo. (not really, i'ts usually the other way around)

One of our friends just bought the new Nintendo Wii..or whatever the fuck it is. Lame.Lame.Lame. You actually have to put forth effort to play. Like stand-up and swing a bat(controller) if you are playing baseball. It's just not the same as the good ol' classics. I'm a happy girl now though because there's this site where you can play free online games. Nintendo classics here I come! This is how I will spend my Thanksgiving.

This is my first Thanksgiving where I'm not with family. A little weird and I'm more sad than I thought I would be.
And we might not even be having stuffing:(

I know I mention a lot on here that I don't ever want kids. But theres this little part of my brain (very little) that knows eventually I will probably have the little devils. The whole process really scares the shit out of me. It amazes me as well, but not as much as the being scared. Plus the whole part of actually having the baby doesn't sit to well. And then once you have the baby it. never. goes. away. Commitment phobe in me coming out again.

I'm young though. I have plenty of time to have kids. No rushing. No. No. No. I'd like to enjoy this tattoo on my side for a little bit before I get knocked up and have stretch marks everywhere. And you bet your ass I'll be using something to prevent stretch marks. Actually I should probably start using that stuff now so in 10 years when I actually do have kids I'll be nice and lubed up. Or maybe kids won't ever happen and I'll be fine with that too.

I never want to show my face in our Target again. And another reason was just added to my list of 'why I never want kids'.

Christmas. Photo. Shoots.

Of course the photo studio was running behind schedule. They only have on photographer and one overly happy man working at the counter. The kids were crazy even before we went into the tiny room. They were crazy just sitting there. We finally got called in and started setting up. The photographer was a young girl who you could tell was a bit frazzled. It doesn't help when the kids act like spawns of satan.

The oldest boy was the worst. We set him in position and within .3 seconds he changed positions, or put his hands in the air, or in his socks, or was touching his mouth, or was touching something. Grr. It makes me angry just typing it. She took about 15 photos and NOT one is really that good. Someones not smiling. Someones falling out of the picture. Someones eyes are closed.

Then it was my turn to jump into the picture. We took two pictures with me. Not two fairly nice pictures, two really shitty pictures but another family was waiting so we had to hurry!hurry!hurry!

Why people pay for this shit...And my host mom ordered 250 cards. 250 shitty cards. God...to be rich and just have money flying around. Hmpf.

I think I found the problem to my whole dating disasters.

The guys actually like me. And tell me about it, all the time. Which I don't know if I like.

Yes...you told I'm beautiful but do you really have to say it all the time? Haha. I'm probably the only girl that doesn't want to hear it over and over. Tell me once, I'm good. I'm know I'm cool and all but don't tell me all the fucking time or else I'm going to start being a bitch.

Boys...why they like me? I don't know.

I'm going to a concert tonight. Geez...Do I ever do anything else? No.

This is the concert. The one band I've wanted to see since they came out, like, a year ago. I'm dragging along the boy with me. I asked him if he would come, he said yes he just wanted to know how much. I told him it's $29 but then they added all the taxes on so its actually $40. Ha. He wasn't to happy about that. Oops.

He really only decided to come with me because Bloc Party was supposed to be playing and he does like them. Now, Bloc Party is awesome. If you haven't downloaded their music...Go do it! It's awesome. I can't explain it. It's just happy music. Yesterday he called me and told me that Bloc Party canceled because the drummer has a collapsed lung or some shit like that. Are you kidding me? I'm pissed. Guess I'll just have to see them another time.

The main band though-Panic! at the Disco. AHHH. Good dance music! And I love dancing.

So tonight, the boy and I will be in the 9th row at this pre-teen festival. I'm sure he really likes me now..haha.

As I mentioned before, I can't cook. It's not that I don't want to cook I really just don't know how. I've been cooking for kids for three years instead of myself. Here's the problem. In three months I'm moving out. On my own. Not all by myself, with friends, but no adults. They can cook. Really well! But I'd like to cook for them every now and then too, yah know. As a kind gesture. Because I'm nice that like. I have a feeling I'm going to be going to the BigOven Recipe Software - 160,000 Recipes, page quite often. You just type in a few of the items in your fridge and it will give you a list of recipes you can use. I don't really eat that much at home so I wonder what kind of recipes it will give me for Frosted Flakes and Pb&J. Hm.


I really want some of these. Yummy.

Talked to my step-dad last night about my Mom. Shes doing great! Better than she should be. They might move her into another room today which they don't normally do until a week after surgery but she's doing so good they might do it! I guess shes really hot now since the blood is actually flowing through her body like normal. And she already feels SO much better.
I can't wait to talk to her!

While living in California I first came to realize a new trend called Uggs. Oh, the lovely little Uggs. Beautiful little creatures.

The kids I nannyed for did swimming and for some reason Uggs were VERY popular at swim meets. And all around California pretty much. Wear them with mini-skirts and I guess you're cool. Not me though. I can't pull that off.

One day I finally decided to figure out what was so great about these boots. I slipped them on my feet and I swear to God...never wanted to take them off. They are pure heaven. My feet loved them compared to the slip ons I usually wear. I would take a pair for Christmas but it might be a little funny seeing my tattooed and pierced ass walking up and down the street in them. Although I would SO wear them in the house if anybody wanted to get them for me.

2 days. phew. That was a long relationship. My longest one yet.
Commitment phobe? Me? I didn't think so...but it looks like that.

Last night the boy picked me up. We were going to go see a concert in Boston, one of his favorite bands, New found glory. When I got in the car I told him we had to talk. The past few days I have been sick. Nauseous. All I've been thinking about was him and the other girl. Even though we weren't going out when it all went down I was still hurt by it. I told him not to hang out with her because I knew this exact thing was going to happen and he would end up regretting it. And what happened? Well...It happened.

Only about 20 words were spoken the entire trip into Boston. You could tell he was holding back tears. This whole situation really makes me feel like shit. We didn't end up going to the concert. We sold our tickets to some pimply boys standing outside. We didn't talk the whole way back.

We decided to go watch Laguna Beach at his house for some comic relief. That show wasn't as funny last night. But we talked. And I told him that no matter what I will always be friends with him. And maybe even eventually something more, it's just going to take some time. It hasn't even been a week since the little incident.

2 days. God. I'm almost 20 years old, and I can't even hold a relationship for longer than 2 days.

Theres this boy. And I've hung out with him a lot since I moved over here. He asked me out a couple of months ago and I said no, I just wanted to be friends. The last couple of months though I've had more-than-friends feelings for him, I just didn't tell. On Sunday night I told him. Boy was my timing shitty.

Last week he started hanging out with another nanny, my friend. We all usually hung out together but just them two hanging out was weird to me. I told the boy this and how I didn't like it. I thought she was in it only to sleep with him. Sadly, I was wrong. Saturday night that very thing happened. He told me it didn't mean anything to him and that he regretted doing it. He told me yesterday, the day after I told him I like him.

Well isn't my life just another crappy episode of some t.v. show.
But we decided to start going out anyways. I'm still in shock and def. taking things slow.
I'm such a loser, I really have no clue what I'm doing.

Got another phone call.
They have another heart! And it's local!

I might be getting my Mommy back:)

Last night I got the phone. THE phone call that my mom got a HEART!

I was excited, cry happy tears, jumping up and down in my room.

Happy! Happy! Happy!

Then about an hour later I got a call saying that the heart was to far away and their was to many weather delays so she wouldn't be able to get it.

I hope someone else got that heart and another family is just as happy as I was last night.

I know she'll get one soon.

I had to babysit for a diff. family ALL weekend. When I got done with that job this morning I came back to my regular family and I had to take the kids out of the house for 3 hours while they had an open house.

There goes my weekend. My time to rest and prepare for the next week. The kids better watch out. I'm sure I'm not going to be in the best mood.

I was going to buy my host family a Christmas gift this year. They have this old clunky coffee maker and I just think something like this would make life a whole lot easier. You just pop in a little disc encoded with a barcode and the machine does the rest! Pretty nifty if you ask me. It can also make hot cocoa or tea and since I don't drink coffee I could use this feature instead. But then I looked at the price tag. And I need a dresser, and a car, and another job, and insurance and pretty much everything so I'm not homeless. Maybe they could buy it for me instead.

I was looking through old photos on my picture cd's tonight. I'm trying to get together some pictures of the kids so I can make my host family a gift for Christmas. I'm cheap and I also have no clue what to buy people who have everything.


Looking through I found pictures of time that I spent on Cape Cod during the summer. It was SOOOO nice. Just a bunch of friends laying on the beach all day. And having their pictures taken with drag queens(which won't be posted, hehe)

Ah, Summer. Goodbye-I'll miss you! I'll be waiting for you my love<3

I offered to stay my host family this Thanksgiving. I don't really want to, but I think I need to. We are going to be having a gluten free Thanksgiving. 4 people in our house are on gluten free diets, so thats what it's going to be. I don't have a problem with this. I just have a problem with my culinary skills. I can't cook. At all. I can make a mean mac n' cheese, but stuffing? turkey? pumpkin pie? Psh. Right.

I think I'm just going to order something off this page call it a day. It is not gluten free, so more for me! I'll sit in my bedroom and indulge by myself. And theres alchohol in it. Even better.

I'm leaving. The words have now been said. I told them today that on December 23rd my little booty is out of here.

Actually, it wasn't me that got the first chance to tell them my news. One of the preschool teachers had the honors. She came over this morning because she helps us. She tells us what to do. A teacher for us stupid people who really have no clue what to do with 4 screaming children who like to talk in a rather annoying 'baby' voice all the fucking time. .She helps us.

Enough of that. She started asking me questions...one question in particular.

"You came in January. Right? So that means your leaving in January. Right? Because this is like a one year deal. Right?"

"Well..........we've talked about me staying longer but my Mom's having some health issues right now and I'm thinking of leaving the end of next month."

Our conversation went on after that but then I went upstairs with the kids. While I was upstairs she informed my host mom of my escape plan.

The day goes on...

My stomache was in knots. I couldn't eat or drink without feeling sick. I still don't feel okay. I was trying to find the right moment to tell her.I didn't know that she was already informed.
After dinner I told her that I wanted to talk to her about my situation regarding whether I'm leaving or staying. She told me she knew. And she was fine with it. She understands!

Phew. I'm relieved. I hope this takes some of the stress off me. Now I just have to worry about getting a car, a job, my license, money, taking the SAT's (kids-stay in school) and getting into college. The joys of growing up.

Greener Christmas Song

Halloween is Over. That means Christmas is the next holiday..right? Thanksgiving just kind of gets skipped. Poor guy.

I was in my car the other day flipping through stations and I came across Christmas music. Already. I'm not usually a big fan of Christmas music. Reminds me to much of church I guess.
I found the Greener's Christmas Song which I actually like. Go download it. It's pretty good. They are also giving a portion of their proceeds to charity, so its good too!



Back to work now. Yay.
Just to update. My Mom was admitted to the hospital yesterday. Her kidneys are starting to get worse. Not a good thing. I told my host mom and she just said "oh". Not a hug, or I'm sorry, or how are you doing. Just "oh".

People really do amaze me.

I nannied for a family in California before I came over to the East Coast. I spent a year of my very short 19 years on the earth with these people. You would think they would like to stay in contact considering I helped raise their children for those months.

I wrote them an e-mail tonight asking them how their Halloween was, how the kids are, other bullshit. I wrote them a pretty lengthy e-mail. This is what I get back. No joke. Only the kids' names have been changed.

"Girl was a rabbit and Boy a zombie....I don't think we took pictures...they were out with friends.
It rained this week. First time since April....but it's sunny now."

Oh no. Holy shit! You really don't have to write me a freakin' novel to fill me in a little. Glad I spent the time writing you one...bastards.

I've worked past 7 pm every single night this week except for tonight.

And I have to work tomorrow. Which is Saturday. Which sucks.

I'm so tired of fucking working when the parents don't do shit. Well besides drinking coffee and lounging in the chair.

Why can't I have there job?

So I've started running at the gym. (Insert laughing here)
I don't know what possessed me to start.

Actually it;s the fact that I wanted to start smoking. Really bad. I know the health risks, stench, teeth and all that other fun stuff. But I wanted the 5 minutes to myself every couple of hours. On Sunday my friend and I went and saw Running with Scissors, don't go see that. Everybody smoked in that movie and it just tempted me even more. I was itching on the way home. I wanted to go buy cigarettes so baaaddd.

But I didn't.

I went to the gym and started running. It's a slow process. I've been working out since January and can do the elliptical for well over an hour but running, not so much. I'll keep it at though.

But those cigarettes are still there...and tempting. I've never even smoked one if my life.

Yah know what sucks?

When your friend starts making out the guy you like at a Halloween party. The same friend who had countless conversations with me about him and how we would make a really good couple.

Ouch.

I would like to say that I fell asleep listening to the rain against the windows. That wasn't the case last night. I couldn't hear anything over my tears. My mom called me yesterday. The doctor has put her on complete bedrest and her kidneys are starting to fail. She goes back to the doctors on Monday and if she gets worse than they'll admit her to the hospital.

In the back of my mind I know that she must be doing okay. If she wasn't then she would already be in the hospital.

But the other part of me knows she getting worse and she just needs a new heart and everything will be all better. What if she does start to decline and eventually doesn't make it out.

I'm a full days plane ride away so when do I go see her...I don't know. I can't leave my job, but I would in a heartbeat if something happened. I can't afford it, but my friend would loan me money.

I hope she can hang on for two more months and then I can see her. I already have my ticket booked for that.

Theres been a nasty little sickness spreading itself through the house the past couple of weeks.
Strep.Throat.
Yay.
At least I haven't gotten it yet. 3 of the 4 kids have had it so now we are just waiting to see if the 4th will get it, hopefully not becasue its really messing up my schedule of working out when they are in school.
On to some cooler news!
I won tickets off the radio today to go see The Killers in Boston on Thursday! I'm super excited and wanted to go but the show was sold out.

This week just got a little better.

Plus on Saturday I have another concert to go to. It involves the uber attractive Jared Leto and his band 30 seconds to Mars. I saw that at Warped Tour, and Wow. That man is hot and I would have his babies even though I don't want babies. Then After the concert I have a Halloween party where I will be going as a "ladybug". Slutty, of course. It shall be fun.

Did I ever mention that my host mom doesn't work? Right, well she doesn't.
Let's add this up:

She has a nanny to take care of her four spawn

She has a housecleaner to clean up her shit

She has yard people to do her yardwork

And I'm sure hiding in her bathroom is someone to wipe her ass.

What exactly does she do you ask? Not really much of anything.
Today she watched The View while I folded laundry right next to her. Didn't bother to help once.
I took all three boys to karate tonight, but only one actually participates. She needed to organize a closet while I tried to tame two wild beasts in a space the size of a bathroom.
One the way home from karate she even had to call and ask me what I was making the kids for dinner. She obviously couldn't throw something in the microwave even though the kids were already eating an hour late. So I got home, had to rush and get the kids fed, eat dinner myself ( an orange..wohoo) and try and get them all prepared for when I got off at 7. At 6:55 she comes over to the dinner table and asks me to work until 7:30 so I could give one of the kids a bath. She can't even throw her own fucking son into the god damn shower for 5 minutes, she makes me do it.

Needless to say the highlight of my week has been these warty pumpkins.

I hate my job. If I had my own car I would be packing my stuff and leaving tonight. It has turned me into a person I don't want to become. I'm unhappy, I'm snippy, I cry to much, I don't laugh enough. I'm hard now and I hate it.

So I'm doing something to change it. I bought an S.A.T. study book last night so that in a couple of months I can take my S.A.T.'s. Then I'm going to apply for college. I'm also saving up to buy a car, a shitty one that runs, I don't care. After that...I'm gone.

I want to be happy again. I don't even smile during the day and I know this isn't me. This job has changed me into something I don't want to be and I'm getting out of it. It might take me a couple months, but it needs to happen.

Been a little down the past few days.

I'm tired taking of other peoples lives/kids and ready to move on with my own.

This picture makes me happy though because I really and a big dork. And thats good.

I'm ready to go home
I'm ready to move on
I'm ready to not cry
I'm ready to realize that I am beautiful
I'm ready to laugh
I'm ready to love
I'm ready to like myself
I'm ready for my family to realize that I have changed for the better

I scare little kids. Obviously. Look at me. Ohhh, scary.


Not.

The tattoo is finally finished. Not without a few bazillion phone calls, some crying and a lot of road rage. I'll post a pic later.

The rest of the week has been good. I'm super tired, still haven't recovered from walking hundreds of blocks in New York.

I have Monday off though and I plan to sleep.

I'm always available for my bosses when they need me, unless I go out of town. I've never said no to them unless I had plans made already. Which sucks, because I only get about 4 hours every night to myself and then sometimes twice I week I have to work later. Meaning no real time for "me".

So today I have an appt. at 3 to get my tattoo finished. My bosses and I have known about this appt. for TWO months now, so you would think if there was a conflict in scheduling we could have had it resolved by now. My Hostmom informs me this morning that shes going to go to Rhode Island, get stuff out of storage, waste time, blah blah blah. I mention again about my tattoo and she's like 'Well, I'll try and be home by 2:30'. I need to leave by 2:30, the tattoo shop is 30 minutes away. We went over this all last week. She wants me to pick the kids up from school at 2:30, drop them at home...assuming she's here...and then leave. I'll at least be 15 minutes late to my appt. which pisses me off. I HATE being late and I hate when people are late meeting me.

For some reason I won't feel so bad if the next time she needs me to watch the kids I'll have something magically pop up. And the next time I'm watching the kids is tonight. I love being used.

One thing I have gained from being a nanny is tons and tons of patience. To much sometimes. But my patience wears a little thin on Fridays. I've been dealing with 4 kids all week and they. never. stop. And then when I wake up this morning and my bangs are not doing at all what I want them to do. This royally pisses me off. I'm usually not a big "girly girl", but if my hair is not co-operating...well then shit. And it's raining outside.

On the plus side-I'm headed off to New York City for the weekend with friends. It's so weird for me to be saying that. A small town girl from Montana headed to the most awesomest* city in the United States just because. I'm thinking of getting my lip tattooed there. Just for fun. Nobody can see it, don't worry. I won't be scaring the children.

*San Francisco is probably my favorite...but shhh.

I feel like I'm in an episode of Grey's Anatomy.

Mom needs heart transplant. Daughters halfway across the country. They need it soon or else she won't live. They have conversations about the will and the funeral and what not.

My life is a t.v. show.



It all feels so surreal. My mom is on ''the list'' for a heart transplant. Weird. Shes getting a beeper soon and then anytime after that she could be called in. I don't like being this far away from her in case something happens. It would take me a whole day to get there in an emergency, which doesn't sit well with me. She called me tonight to talk about the will and how I'll be getting money if she dies. Thats not important to me.

I want her to live and see me get married, and I don't want kids but she has other grandchildren that she needs to see grow up.

I'm flying over to see her for Christmas. She doesn't know, and it's so hard keeping it a surprise.

I wonder if she'll have a new heart by then.

I'm tired. Of people. And they're judging.

Why the fuck does it matter if I have my lip pierced, my septum pierced, my fucking eyeball pierced. Who the fuck cares. Does that make me any less of a person. According to my host dad it does. And the fucking soccer moms at preschool.

This is me. I'm one of the most down to earth girls I know. I'm nice, I smile (sometimes, I'm kinda shy) I love laughing, I like babies, I love life. But no, you can't accept that. You look at this weird piece of metal hanging from my nose and automatically think otherwise.

It makes me tired. Honestly people, get over it. It's just ink and metal. Thats all. It doesn't change me.

We put an American flag on the side of the house for 9-11.

When the kids and I go outside to ride bikes they like to pull on it and pretend its a toy. Today they did the same thing. I told them that if they touched it again they were going to time-out.

One of the boys piped up "Yeah, because if the flag falls we won't be American anymore".

The date never happened


Why do boys have to be so lame? Erg. I saw him Saturday night thought and we hung out.

But I'd rather be alone.

All the kids are finally back in school. This summer had to be the longest summer ever. Now I actually have time to breathe, even though I'm alone for only 2 1/2 hours. Its a nice 2 1/2 hours.

Enough about them...on to me. I'm going on a date tonight! AHHH. I think is my first 'official' date since I've been here. The guy is super awesome. We hung out Saturday night at the karoake and soooo yeah. We are going to go see the movie Beerfest and then something else afterwards. Beerfest..hehe. We are classy, don't be jealous.

I laughed super hard this weekend. Laughing is what I need.

Some friends and I went into Boston light night to another friends apartment. We sat and did On-demand Karaoke for like 3 hours. We all sang together. It was so fucking funny I couldn't even sing...I just laughed. And drank. And met a hot boy. Ahhhhhh.We are meeting up this week to hang out. I'm excited, that a little school girl.

One more week down. Only 4,685 more to go. Not really, but it feels like that.

The host mom, kids and I went to a neighbors house last night for a going away party for their aupair. Everybody kept asking my host mom how she did 'it'. It being raising four little fuckers. Her reply-Oh yah know. My reply-She doesn't fucking do it, I DO IT. And how do I it? Lots of alcohol on the weekends.

So its Friday and I'm off.

I think I've had enough of my host dad. Honestly, he can just leave now and I would be perfectly happy. For the first six months I was here he always travelled for work so he was never home. Now for the whole fucking summer he's been on 'vacation'. He needs to leave....go do something. He doesn't help out with the kids. He just gets them super hyped up and then leaves the room leaving me to calm them down. Joy.

Him and I don't really talk much but my host mom told me that he said something about my room today and it really pissed me off. I just changed rooms so my bedroom is now also part of the playroom/office. I don't really think it's my room because I have NO privacy but they are building a room for me in the basement so this is what I get. The dad goes up there to work during the day, sometimes. He complained about my stuff and how my bedroom is not picked up. UGH. If he would move his fucking office downstairs to the empty OFFICE room then he wouldn't have to deal with my shit. I'm sorry I have a pile of clothes on the floor there is no other place for me to put them. Until this douchbag decides to either move his desk or build my room faster than I'm going to keep hanging my underwear out for him to see them. God...men...and people, they are so...bleh

After moving all the way across the country and starting my own life I've left behind a world of crazyness. In the past month my

-Brother got married

-Brother-in-law went over to Iraq again

-My Grandma was diagnosed with cancer which they won't be treating

-My Aunt who has breast cancer only has weeks left to live

-The Dad whom I no longer talk to has tried to contact me and now wants a relationship...pff

And then on Wednesday my sister calls me telling me that Mom only has six months to live. I couldn't really believe her because she tends to over exaggerate everything so I called my Mom. Then my Mom under exaggerates, so I really don't know who to believe. All I know is that my Mom needs a heart transplant and I wouldn't doubt that if she doesn't get one within six months her health would be VERY bad. Just something else to add to the list of growing stresses.

Plus I think I broke a boys heart this week. Damn.

During the summer I normally get off work at 6:30. Tonight my host mom asked me to work late so she could have a ladies night out. No big deal...except Bob and I watch Project Runway every Wednesday night together. I asked her if he could come over here and she didn't mind, but she would have to talk to my host dad. We thought everything was fine until my host dad said that he wanted to watch t.v. downstairs tonight so he'll just let me get off a few minutes early so I can go to Bob's house. What the fuck? He never watches t.v. downstairs plus he has a t.v. in his room. So now he's home...three of the four kids are in bed and I'm. still. working.
The guy obviously can't handle putting one child to bed and can't stand the thought of a cool dude sitting on his couch.

My friday night was spent at the tattoo shop. It was awesome. She's not done yet, but I'll go back in a month and have her finished up.

2. and. a. half. weeks. until. school.

I don't know if I can make it.

I went to a 'hardcore' show last night. People...you have NOT lived until you have been to a hardcore show. It will change your life.

I saw Gorilla Biscuits, This is Hell, Comeback Kid, Righteous Jams, Set your Goals and a few others that I totally forgot.

The mosh pit area is chaos. They stage dive, they walk on each others shoulders, they do this weird arm punches and its crazy. I didn't even step foot in it because I got kicked in the head more than enough times at Warped tour. But...someday I will. Stagediving looks like so much fucking fun!

Who's harder to deal with: Parents or Kids?

Most of the time I would say the parents. Both of my host parents have been at home all day long for about 2 months now and it is driving me i.n.s.a.n.e. Why do they need a fucking nanny if they are home all day and do nothing. The Mom will go upstairs and take naps (because she's so tired, bullshit) and the Dad will go out on the boat. These are not my kids. I did not shoot them out of my girly bits, yet I'm the one spending the most time with them. Sad.

Tomorrow I have the day off though. I'm going to Warped tour, an all day outdoor rock concert. It's also supposed to be over 100 degrees. I'm kinda not looking forward to it. We shall see.

So excited, I can hardly stand it

I talked with her and she doesn't care if I get more ink.

First up: My arm

Then my other arm

Then my collarbones

Then my feet(well...adding to the feet)

Then my stomach

I'll be inked all over and still a nanny. Deal with it.

Shy

I have to bring up the conversation today that I want to start getting a tattoo on my arm.

I don't know exactly how to bring that up though.

So I'll just sit here and write....waiting for the perfect moment.

New Hampshire reminds me of home

Vacation is a word that usually makes me as a nanny shudder. So when my host family came up with the idea of going to New Hampshire this past weekend for the oldest childs birthday, fear just kind of swept over me. On vacation schedules just fly out the window which is a great thing for adults, but for kids...it sucks. They act like fucking little brats. But sometimes the parents are worse to deal with than the kids. For instance. On Friday morning we decided to sit down for breakfast. I ordered some awesome banana nut crunch pancakes which I wanted to fully enjoy. But of course 5 minutes into my indulgence two of the kids decided they needed to use the bathroom. My host mom told me that I could have the pleasure of taking them, so I did. As soon as I got back and took a bite another child informed the table that they to had to go to the bathroom. For fucks sake. The mom was now finished with her meal, I was not..but she told me I could take the child to the bathroom. Uhhhhhh.....She was not doing anything besides staring into space and I'm not even halfway done with my breakfast, why couldn't she take him? I take his to the bathroom and after we get back the dad informs us that everybodys done so he's just going to take the kids outside. The host mom then quickly replies that she'll go to to help him. That leaves me, sitting at a huge ass table by myself finishing my breakfast. Nice. I wasn't into that so I just left as well.

The rest of the weekend sucked. Rainy miserable weather. Now I'm tired as shit and have to work this whole next week without really getting a break. Hooray.

Berkeley is where I belong

I guess you could say I'm not the first person that would come to mind when you think of the word "nanny". I have my nose and lip pierced, two tattoos(so far) and my hair color changes about every six weeks.

Do these things make me a bad person? I sure hope not. But some people choose to believe differently.

I had another nanny friend whom I used to visit quite frequently. After meeting her host parents I knew they didn't like me. Their actions spoke WAY louder than words. They are conservative, and I am...not so much. I didn't mind them though. I respect them and what they choose to do with their life. They didn't have that consideration with me. After innocenlty visiting my friend about 5 times they kindly informed her that I was no longer welcome at their househould. They told her I was "to quite". ME? To quite? I know it's because my hair changes colors, and, well thats about it. I never really talked to them and they didn't even get to know me as a person. You look at these people on the streets with tattoos and piercings and think of them as weirdos. Some of them are, but most of them can be some of the nicest people you will ever meet. This family has since gotten a new nanny who is by far the most quite person I have ever met. I sure hope they are happy.

Numb

The kids have been actually quite good the past few days. I don't know why, but it's really nice. Of course things can never just be. Something always has to come up. This time it's the word cancer. My Aunt was diagnosed a couple of years ago with this disease. I had sort of forgot about it until my Mom e-mailed me saying that my Aunt now only has 6-8 weeks left to live. I don't really know how to react. Those words are just stinging right now. I have hope though....I really do. I hope the doctors are wrong.

Boy problems (real boys, not the ones I look after)

I went out on a 'date' last Thursday with a guy named Bob. We've hung out before and for me he's just a friend. I think he wants more of a relationship but I don't. On Saturday night I'm supposed to go out on a real date with a guy named Tom. I could see myself dating Tom. Bob and Tom are friends and hang out with the same group of guys that I hang out with. This situation seems like it's going to become pretty sticky. Bob texted me tonight asking if I want to go the see the Pirates movie tomorrow but I'm already going with Tom on Saturday. I didn't mention that to Bob. SOOOO....now I'm stuck and this is exactly what I don't want to be stuck in.

Trying not to let loose

I've returned now, with a new name, but the complaining should still be the same. I needed an outlet and so I came back to blogging.

The summer with all of these damn kids is for sure going to kill me. I'm with them from 9 in the morning until 7 at night. Somedays I don't think I can do it. Like today. I just don't understand how a stay at home mom can leave her children with a nanny all day while she goes and takes a nap. Why have kids if you're going to pawn them off on someone else....grrr.

That's all I can really say right now. My brain is so tired from trying to stay polite and nice and not let all my nasty words come to the surface. They will though, on here.