I know I mention a lot on here that I don't ever want kids. But theres this little part of my brain (very little) that knows eventually I will probably have the little devils. The whole process really scares the shit out of me. It amazes me as well, but not as much as the being scared. Plus the whole part of actually having the baby doesn't sit to well. And then once you have the baby it. never. goes. away. Commitment phobe in me coming out again.

I'm young though. I have plenty of time to have kids. No rushing. No. No. No. I'd like to enjoy this tattoo on my side for a little bit before I get knocked up and have stretch marks everywhere. And you bet your ass I'll be using something to prevent stretch marks. Actually I should probably start using that stuff now so in 10 years when I actually do have kids I'll be nice and lubed up. Or maybe kids won't ever happen and I'll be fine with that too.

I never want to show my face in our Target again. And another reason was just added to my list of 'why I never want kids'.

Christmas. Photo. Shoots.

Of course the photo studio was running behind schedule. They only have on photographer and one overly happy man working at the counter. The kids were crazy even before we went into the tiny room. They were crazy just sitting there. We finally got called in and started setting up. The photographer was a young girl who you could tell was a bit frazzled. It doesn't help when the kids act like spawns of satan.

The oldest boy was the worst. We set him in position and within .3 seconds he changed positions, or put his hands in the air, or in his socks, or was touching his mouth, or was touching something. Grr. It makes me angry just typing it. She took about 15 photos and NOT one is really that good. Someones not smiling. Someones falling out of the picture. Someones eyes are closed.

Then it was my turn to jump into the picture. We took two pictures with me. Not two fairly nice pictures, two really shitty pictures but another family was waiting so we had to hurry!hurry!hurry!

Why people pay for this shit...And my host mom ordered 250 cards. 250 shitty cards. God...to be rich and just have money flying around. Hmpf.

I think I found the problem to my whole dating disasters.

The guys actually like me. And tell me about it, all the time. Which I don't know if I like.

Yes...you told I'm beautiful but do you really have to say it all the time? Haha. I'm probably the only girl that doesn't want to hear it over and over. Tell me once, I'm good. I'm know I'm cool and all but don't tell me all the fucking time or else I'm going to start being a bitch.

Boys...why they like me? I don't know.

I'm going to a concert tonight. Geez...Do I ever do anything else? No.

This is the concert. The one band I've wanted to see since they came out, like, a year ago. I'm dragging along the boy with me. I asked him if he would come, he said yes he just wanted to know how much. I told him it's $29 but then they added all the taxes on so its actually $40. Ha. He wasn't to happy about that. Oops.

He really only decided to come with me because Bloc Party was supposed to be playing and he does like them. Now, Bloc Party is awesome. If you haven't downloaded their music...Go do it! It's awesome. I can't explain it. It's just happy music. Yesterday he called me and told me that Bloc Party canceled because the drummer has a collapsed lung or some shit like that. Are you kidding me? I'm pissed. Guess I'll just have to see them another time.

The main band though-Panic! at the Disco. AHHH. Good dance music! And I love dancing.

So tonight, the boy and I will be in the 9th row at this pre-teen festival. I'm sure he really likes me now..haha.

As I mentioned before, I can't cook. It's not that I don't want to cook I really just don't know how. I've been cooking for kids for three years instead of myself. Here's the problem. In three months I'm moving out. On my own. Not all by myself, with friends, but no adults. They can cook. Really well! But I'd like to cook for them every now and then too, yah know. As a kind gesture. Because I'm nice that like. I have a feeling I'm going to be going to the BigOven Recipe Software - 160,000 Recipes, page quite often. You just type in a few of the items in your fridge and it will give you a list of recipes you can use. I don't really eat that much at home so I wonder what kind of recipes it will give me for Frosted Flakes and Pb&J. Hm.


I really want some of these. Yummy.

Talked to my step-dad last night about my Mom. Shes doing great! Better than she should be. They might move her into another room today which they don't normally do until a week after surgery but she's doing so good they might do it! I guess shes really hot now since the blood is actually flowing through her body like normal. And she already feels SO much better.
I can't wait to talk to her!

While living in California I first came to realize a new trend called Uggs. Oh, the lovely little Uggs. Beautiful little creatures.

The kids I nannyed for did swimming and for some reason Uggs were VERY popular at swim meets. And all around California pretty much. Wear them with mini-skirts and I guess you're cool. Not me though. I can't pull that off.

One day I finally decided to figure out what was so great about these boots. I slipped them on my feet and I swear to God...never wanted to take them off. They are pure heaven. My feet loved them compared to the slip ons I usually wear. I would take a pair for Christmas but it might be a little funny seeing my tattooed and pierced ass walking up and down the street in them. Although I would SO wear them in the house if anybody wanted to get them for me.

2 days. phew. That was a long relationship. My longest one yet.
Commitment phobe? Me? I didn't think so...but it looks like that.

Last night the boy picked me up. We were going to go see a concert in Boston, one of his favorite bands, New found glory. When I got in the car I told him we had to talk. The past few days I have been sick. Nauseous. All I've been thinking about was him and the other girl. Even though we weren't going out when it all went down I was still hurt by it. I told him not to hang out with her because I knew this exact thing was going to happen and he would end up regretting it. And what happened? Well...It happened.

Only about 20 words were spoken the entire trip into Boston. You could tell he was holding back tears. This whole situation really makes me feel like shit. We didn't end up going to the concert. We sold our tickets to some pimply boys standing outside. We didn't talk the whole way back.

We decided to go watch Laguna Beach at his house for some comic relief. That show wasn't as funny last night. But we talked. And I told him that no matter what I will always be friends with him. And maybe even eventually something more, it's just going to take some time. It hasn't even been a week since the little incident.

2 days. God. I'm almost 20 years old, and I can't even hold a relationship for longer than 2 days.

Theres this boy. And I've hung out with him a lot since I moved over here. He asked me out a couple of months ago and I said no, I just wanted to be friends. The last couple of months though I've had more-than-friends feelings for him, I just didn't tell. On Sunday night I told him. Boy was my timing shitty.

Last week he started hanging out with another nanny, my friend. We all usually hung out together but just them two hanging out was weird to me. I told the boy this and how I didn't like it. I thought she was in it only to sleep with him. Sadly, I was wrong. Saturday night that very thing happened. He told me it didn't mean anything to him and that he regretted doing it. He told me yesterday, the day after I told him I like him.

Well isn't my life just another crappy episode of some t.v. show.
But we decided to start going out anyways. I'm still in shock and def. taking things slow.
I'm such a loser, I really have no clue what I'm doing.

Got another phone call.
They have another heart! And it's local!

I might be getting my Mommy back:)

Last night I got the phone. THE phone call that my mom got a HEART!

I was excited, cry happy tears, jumping up and down in my room.

Happy! Happy! Happy!

Then about an hour later I got a call saying that the heart was to far away and their was to many weather delays so she wouldn't be able to get it.

I hope someone else got that heart and another family is just as happy as I was last night.

I know she'll get one soon.

I had to babysit for a diff. family ALL weekend. When I got done with that job this morning I came back to my regular family and I had to take the kids out of the house for 3 hours while they had an open house.

There goes my weekend. My time to rest and prepare for the next week. The kids better watch out. I'm sure I'm not going to be in the best mood.

I was going to buy my host family a Christmas gift this year. They have this old clunky coffee maker and I just think something like this would make life a whole lot easier. You just pop in a little disc encoded with a barcode and the machine does the rest! Pretty nifty if you ask me. It can also make hot cocoa or tea and since I don't drink coffee I could use this feature instead. But then I looked at the price tag. And I need a dresser, and a car, and another job, and insurance and pretty much everything so I'm not homeless. Maybe they could buy it for me instead.

I was looking through old photos on my picture cd's tonight. I'm trying to get together some pictures of the kids so I can make my host family a gift for Christmas. I'm cheap and I also have no clue what to buy people who have everything.


Looking through I found pictures of time that I spent on Cape Cod during the summer. It was SOOOO nice. Just a bunch of friends laying on the beach all day. And having their pictures taken with drag queens(which won't be posted, hehe)

Ah, Summer. Goodbye-I'll miss you! I'll be waiting for you my love<3

I offered to stay my host family this Thanksgiving. I don't really want to, but I think I need to. We are going to be having a gluten free Thanksgiving. 4 people in our house are on gluten free diets, so thats what it's going to be. I don't have a problem with this. I just have a problem with my culinary skills. I can't cook. At all. I can make a mean mac n' cheese, but stuffing? turkey? pumpkin pie? Psh. Right.

I think I'm just going to order something off this page call it a day. It is not gluten free, so more for me! I'll sit in my bedroom and indulge by myself. And theres alchohol in it. Even better.

I'm leaving. The words have now been said. I told them today that on December 23rd my little booty is out of here.

Actually, it wasn't me that got the first chance to tell them my news. One of the preschool teachers had the honors. She came over this morning because she helps us. She tells us what to do. A teacher for us stupid people who really have no clue what to do with 4 screaming children who like to talk in a rather annoying 'baby' voice all the fucking time. .She helps us.

Enough of that. She started asking me questions...one question in particular.

"You came in January. Right? So that means your leaving in January. Right? Because this is like a one year deal. Right?"

"Well..........we've talked about me staying longer but my Mom's having some health issues right now and I'm thinking of leaving the end of next month."

Our conversation went on after that but then I went upstairs with the kids. While I was upstairs she informed my host mom of my escape plan.

The day goes on...

My stomache was in knots. I couldn't eat or drink without feeling sick. I still don't feel okay. I was trying to find the right moment to tell her.I didn't know that she was already informed.
After dinner I told her that I wanted to talk to her about my situation regarding whether I'm leaving or staying. She told me she knew. And she was fine with it. She understands!

Phew. I'm relieved. I hope this takes some of the stress off me. Now I just have to worry about getting a car, a job, my license, money, taking the SAT's (kids-stay in school) and getting into college. The joys of growing up.

Greener Christmas Song

Halloween is Over. That means Christmas is the next holiday..right? Thanksgiving just kind of gets skipped. Poor guy.

I was in my car the other day flipping through stations and I came across Christmas music. Already. I'm not usually a big fan of Christmas music. Reminds me to much of church I guess.
I found the Greener's Christmas Song which I actually like. Go download it. It's pretty good. They are also giving a portion of their proceeds to charity, so its good too!



Back to work now. Yay.
Just to update. My Mom was admitted to the hospital yesterday. Her kidneys are starting to get worse. Not a good thing. I told my host mom and she just said "oh". Not a hug, or I'm sorry, or how are you doing. Just "oh".

People really do amaze me.

I nannied for a family in California before I came over to the East Coast. I spent a year of my very short 19 years on the earth with these people. You would think they would like to stay in contact considering I helped raise their children for those months.

I wrote them an e-mail tonight asking them how their Halloween was, how the kids are, other bullshit. I wrote them a pretty lengthy e-mail. This is what I get back. No joke. Only the kids' names have been changed.

"Girl was a rabbit and Boy a zombie....I don't think we took pictures...they were out with friends.
It rained this week. First time since April....but it's sunny now."

Oh no. Holy shit! You really don't have to write me a freakin' novel to fill me in a little. Glad I spent the time writing you one...bastards.

I've worked past 7 pm every single night this week except for tonight.

And I have to work tomorrow. Which is Saturday. Which sucks.

I'm so tired of fucking working when the parents don't do shit. Well besides drinking coffee and lounging in the chair.

Why can't I have there job?

So I've started running at the gym. (Insert laughing here)
I don't know what possessed me to start.

Actually it;s the fact that I wanted to start smoking. Really bad. I know the health risks, stench, teeth and all that other fun stuff. But I wanted the 5 minutes to myself every couple of hours. On Sunday my friend and I went and saw Running with Scissors, don't go see that. Everybody smoked in that movie and it just tempted me even more. I was itching on the way home. I wanted to go buy cigarettes so baaaddd.

But I didn't.

I went to the gym and started running. It's a slow process. I've been working out since January and can do the elliptical for well over an hour but running, not so much. I'll keep it at though.

But those cigarettes are still there...and tempting. I've never even smoked one if my life.

Yah know what sucks?

When your friend starts making out the guy you like at a Halloween party. The same friend who had countless conversations with me about him and how we would make a really good couple.

Ouch.

I would like to say that I fell asleep listening to the rain against the windows. That wasn't the case last night. I couldn't hear anything over my tears. My mom called me yesterday. The doctor has put her on complete bedrest and her kidneys are starting to fail. She goes back to the doctors on Monday and if she gets worse than they'll admit her to the hospital.

In the back of my mind I know that she must be doing okay. If she wasn't then she would already be in the hospital.

But the other part of me knows she getting worse and she just needs a new heart and everything will be all better. What if she does start to decline and eventually doesn't make it out.

I'm a full days plane ride away so when do I go see her...I don't know. I can't leave my job, but I would in a heartbeat if something happened. I can't afford it, but my friend would loan me money.

I hope she can hang on for two more months and then I can see her. I already have my ticket booked for that.

Theres been a nasty little sickness spreading itself through the house the past couple of weeks.
Strep.Throat.
Yay.
At least I haven't gotten it yet. 3 of the 4 kids have had it so now we are just waiting to see if the 4th will get it, hopefully not becasue its really messing up my schedule of working out when they are in school.
On to some cooler news!
I won tickets off the radio today to go see The Killers in Boston on Thursday! I'm super excited and wanted to go but the show was sold out.

This week just got a little better.

Plus on Saturday I have another concert to go to. It involves the uber attractive Jared Leto and his band 30 seconds to Mars. I saw that at Warped Tour, and Wow. That man is hot and I would have his babies even though I don't want babies. Then After the concert I have a Halloween party where I will be going as a "ladybug". Slutty, of course. It shall be fun.

Did I ever mention that my host mom doesn't work? Right, well she doesn't.
Let's add this up:

She has a nanny to take care of her four spawn

She has a housecleaner to clean up her shit

She has yard people to do her yardwork

And I'm sure hiding in her bathroom is someone to wipe her ass.

What exactly does she do you ask? Not really much of anything.
Today she watched The View while I folded laundry right next to her. Didn't bother to help once.
I took all three boys to karate tonight, but only one actually participates. She needed to organize a closet while I tried to tame two wild beasts in a space the size of a bathroom.
One the way home from karate she even had to call and ask me what I was making the kids for dinner. She obviously couldn't throw something in the microwave even though the kids were already eating an hour late. So I got home, had to rush and get the kids fed, eat dinner myself ( an orange..wohoo) and try and get them all prepared for when I got off at 7. At 6:55 she comes over to the dinner table and asks me to work until 7:30 so I could give one of the kids a bath. She can't even throw her own fucking son into the god damn shower for 5 minutes, she makes me do it.

Needless to say the highlight of my week has been these warty pumpkins.

I hate my job. If I had my own car I would be packing my stuff and leaving tonight. It has turned me into a person I don't want to become. I'm unhappy, I'm snippy, I cry to much, I don't laugh enough. I'm hard now and I hate it.

So I'm doing something to change it. I bought an S.A.T. study book last night so that in a couple of months I can take my S.A.T.'s. Then I'm going to apply for college. I'm also saving up to buy a car, a shitty one that runs, I don't care. After that...I'm gone.

I want to be happy again. I don't even smile during the day and I know this isn't me. This job has changed me into something I don't want to be and I'm getting out of it. It might take me a couple months, but it needs to happen.

Been a little down the past few days.

I'm tired taking of other peoples lives/kids and ready to move on with my own.

This picture makes me happy though because I really and a big dork. And thats good.

I'm ready to go home
I'm ready to move on
I'm ready to not cry
I'm ready to realize that I am beautiful
I'm ready to laugh
I'm ready to love
I'm ready to like myself
I'm ready for my family to realize that I have changed for the better

I scare little kids. Obviously. Look at me. Ohhh, scary.


Not.

The tattoo is finally finished. Not without a few bazillion phone calls, some crying and a lot of road rage. I'll post a pic later.

The rest of the week has been good. I'm super tired, still haven't recovered from walking hundreds of blocks in New York.

I have Monday off though and I plan to sleep.

I'm always available for my bosses when they need me, unless I go out of town. I've never said no to them unless I had plans made already. Which sucks, because I only get about 4 hours every night to myself and then sometimes twice I week I have to work later. Meaning no real time for "me".

So today I have an appt. at 3 to get my tattoo finished. My bosses and I have known about this appt. for TWO months now, so you would think if there was a conflict in scheduling we could have had it resolved by now. My Hostmom informs me this morning that shes going to go to Rhode Island, get stuff out of storage, waste time, blah blah blah. I mention again about my tattoo and she's like 'Well, I'll try and be home by 2:30'. I need to leave by 2:30, the tattoo shop is 30 minutes away. We went over this all last week. She wants me to pick the kids up from school at 2:30, drop them at home...assuming she's here...and then leave. I'll at least be 15 minutes late to my appt. which pisses me off. I HATE being late and I hate when people are late meeting me.

For some reason I won't feel so bad if the next time she needs me to watch the kids I'll have something magically pop up. And the next time I'm watching the kids is tonight. I love being used.

One thing I have gained from being a nanny is tons and tons of patience. To much sometimes. But my patience wears a little thin on Fridays. I've been dealing with 4 kids all week and they. never. stop. And then when I wake up this morning and my bangs are not doing at all what I want them to do. This royally pisses me off. I'm usually not a big "girly girl", but if my hair is not co-operating...well then shit. And it's raining outside.

On the plus side-I'm headed off to New York City for the weekend with friends. It's so weird for me to be saying that. A small town girl from Montana headed to the most awesomest* city in the United States just because. I'm thinking of getting my lip tattooed there. Just for fun. Nobody can see it, don't worry. I won't be scaring the children.

*San Francisco is probably my favorite...but shhh.

I feel like I'm in an episode of Grey's Anatomy.

Mom needs heart transplant. Daughters halfway across the country. They need it soon or else she won't live. They have conversations about the will and the funeral and what not.

My life is a t.v. show.



It all feels so surreal. My mom is on ''the list'' for a heart transplant. Weird. Shes getting a beeper soon and then anytime after that she could be called in. I don't like being this far away from her in case something happens. It would take me a whole day to get there in an emergency, which doesn't sit well with me. She called me tonight to talk about the will and how I'll be getting money if she dies. Thats not important to me.

I want her to live and see me get married, and I don't want kids but she has other grandchildren that she needs to see grow up.

I'm flying over to see her for Christmas. She doesn't know, and it's so hard keeping it a surprise.

I wonder if she'll have a new heart by then.

I'm tired. Of people. And they're judging.

Why the fuck does it matter if I have my lip pierced, my septum pierced, my fucking eyeball pierced. Who the fuck cares. Does that make me any less of a person. According to my host dad it does. And the fucking soccer moms at preschool.

This is me. I'm one of the most down to earth girls I know. I'm nice, I smile (sometimes, I'm kinda shy) I love laughing, I like babies, I love life. But no, you can't accept that. You look at this weird piece of metal hanging from my nose and automatically think otherwise.

It makes me tired. Honestly people, get over it. It's just ink and metal. Thats all. It doesn't change me.

We put an American flag on the side of the house for 9-11.

When the kids and I go outside to ride bikes they like to pull on it and pretend its a toy. Today they did the same thing. I told them that if they touched it again they were going to time-out.

One of the boys piped up "Yeah, because if the flag falls we won't be American anymore".

The date never happened


Why do boys have to be so lame? Erg. I saw him Saturday night thought and we hung out.

But I'd rather be alone.

All the kids are finally back in school. This summer had to be the longest summer ever. Now I actually have time to breathe, even though I'm alone for only 2 1/2 hours. Its a nice 2 1/2 hours.

Enough about them...on to me. I'm going on a date tonight! AHHH. I think is my first 'official' date since I've been here. The guy is super awesome. We hung out Saturday night at the karoake and soooo yeah. We are going to go see the movie Beerfest and then something else afterwards. Beerfest..hehe. We are classy, don't be jealous.

I laughed super hard this weekend. Laughing is what I need.

Some friends and I went into Boston light night to another friends apartment. We sat and did On-demand Karaoke for like 3 hours. We all sang together. It was so fucking funny I couldn't even sing...I just laughed. And drank. And met a hot boy. Ahhhhhh.We are meeting up this week to hang out. I'm excited, that a little school girl.

One more week down. Only 4,685 more to go. Not really, but it feels like that.

The host mom, kids and I went to a neighbors house last night for a going away party for their aupair. Everybody kept asking my host mom how she did 'it'. It being raising four little fuckers. Her reply-Oh yah know. My reply-She doesn't fucking do it, I DO IT. And how do I it? Lots of alcohol on the weekends.

So its Friday and I'm off.

I think I've had enough of my host dad. Honestly, he can just leave now and I would be perfectly happy. For the first six months I was here he always travelled for work so he was never home. Now for the whole fucking summer he's been on 'vacation'. He needs to leave....go do something. He doesn't help out with the kids. He just gets them super hyped up and then leaves the room leaving me to calm them down. Joy.

Him and I don't really talk much but my host mom told me that he said something about my room today and it really pissed me off. I just changed rooms so my bedroom is now also part of the playroom/office. I don't really think it's my room because I have NO privacy but they are building a room for me in the basement so this is what I get. The dad goes up there to work during the day, sometimes. He complained about my stuff and how my bedroom is not picked up. UGH. If he would move his fucking office downstairs to the empty OFFICE room then he wouldn't have to deal with my shit. I'm sorry I have a pile of clothes on the floor there is no other place for me to put them. Until this douchbag decides to either move his desk or build my room faster than I'm going to keep hanging my underwear out for him to see them. God...men...and people, they are so...bleh

After moving all the way across the country and starting my own life I've left behind a world of crazyness. In the past month my

-Brother got married

-Brother-in-law went over to Iraq again

-My Grandma was diagnosed with cancer which they won't be treating

-My Aunt who has breast cancer only has weeks left to live

-The Dad whom I no longer talk to has tried to contact me and now wants a relationship...pff

And then on Wednesday my sister calls me telling me that Mom only has six months to live. I couldn't really believe her because she tends to over exaggerate everything so I called my Mom. Then my Mom under exaggerates, so I really don't know who to believe. All I know is that my Mom needs a heart transplant and I wouldn't doubt that if she doesn't get one within six months her health would be VERY bad. Just something else to add to the list of growing stresses.

Plus I think I broke a boys heart this week. Damn.

During the summer I normally get off work at 6:30. Tonight my host mom asked me to work late so she could have a ladies night out. No big deal...except Bob and I watch Project Runway every Wednesday night together. I asked her if he could come over here and she didn't mind, but she would have to talk to my host dad. We thought everything was fine until my host dad said that he wanted to watch t.v. downstairs tonight so he'll just let me get off a few minutes early so I can go to Bob's house. What the fuck? He never watches t.v. downstairs plus he has a t.v. in his room. So now he's home...three of the four kids are in bed and I'm. still. working.
The guy obviously can't handle putting one child to bed and can't stand the thought of a cool dude sitting on his couch.

My friday night was spent at the tattoo shop. It was awesome. She's not done yet, but I'll go back in a month and have her finished up.

2. and. a. half. weeks. until. school.

I don't know if I can make it.

I went to a 'hardcore' show last night. People...you have NOT lived until you have been to a hardcore show. It will change your life.

I saw Gorilla Biscuits, This is Hell, Comeback Kid, Righteous Jams, Set your Goals and a few others that I totally forgot.

The mosh pit area is chaos. They stage dive, they walk on each others shoulders, they do this weird arm punches and its crazy. I didn't even step foot in it because I got kicked in the head more than enough times at Warped tour. But...someday I will. Stagediving looks like so much fucking fun!

Who's harder to deal with: Parents or Kids?

Most of the time I would say the parents. Both of my host parents have been at home all day long for about 2 months now and it is driving me i.n.s.a.n.e. Why do they need a fucking nanny if they are home all day and do nothing. The Mom will go upstairs and take naps (because she's so tired, bullshit) and the Dad will go out on the boat. These are not my kids. I did not shoot them out of my girly bits, yet I'm the one spending the most time with them. Sad.

Tomorrow I have the day off though. I'm going to Warped tour, an all day outdoor rock concert. It's also supposed to be over 100 degrees. I'm kinda not looking forward to it. We shall see.

So excited, I can hardly stand it

I talked with her and she doesn't care if I get more ink.

First up: My arm

Then my other arm

Then my collarbones

Then my feet(well...adding to the feet)

Then my stomach

I'll be inked all over and still a nanny. Deal with it.

Shy

I have to bring up the conversation today that I want to start getting a tattoo on my arm.

I don't know exactly how to bring that up though.

So I'll just sit here and write....waiting for the perfect moment.

New Hampshire reminds me of home

Vacation is a word that usually makes me as a nanny shudder. So when my host family came up with the idea of going to New Hampshire this past weekend for the oldest childs birthday, fear just kind of swept over me. On vacation schedules just fly out the window which is a great thing for adults, but for kids...it sucks. They act like fucking little brats. But sometimes the parents are worse to deal with than the kids. For instance. On Friday morning we decided to sit down for breakfast. I ordered some awesome banana nut crunch pancakes which I wanted to fully enjoy. But of course 5 minutes into my indulgence two of the kids decided they needed to use the bathroom. My host mom told me that I could have the pleasure of taking them, so I did. As soon as I got back and took a bite another child informed the table that they to had to go to the bathroom. For fucks sake. The mom was now finished with her meal, I was not..but she told me I could take the child to the bathroom. Uhhhhhh.....She was not doing anything besides staring into space and I'm not even halfway done with my breakfast, why couldn't she take him? I take his to the bathroom and after we get back the dad informs us that everybodys done so he's just going to take the kids outside. The host mom then quickly replies that she'll go to to help him. That leaves me, sitting at a huge ass table by myself finishing my breakfast. Nice. I wasn't into that so I just left as well.

The rest of the weekend sucked. Rainy miserable weather. Now I'm tired as shit and have to work this whole next week without really getting a break. Hooray.

Berkeley is where I belong

I guess you could say I'm not the first person that would come to mind when you think of the word "nanny". I have my nose and lip pierced, two tattoos(so far) and my hair color changes about every six weeks.

Do these things make me a bad person? I sure hope not. But some people choose to believe differently.

I had another nanny friend whom I used to visit quite frequently. After meeting her host parents I knew they didn't like me. Their actions spoke WAY louder than words. They are conservative, and I am...not so much. I didn't mind them though. I respect them and what they choose to do with their life. They didn't have that consideration with me. After innocenlty visiting my friend about 5 times they kindly informed her that I was no longer welcome at their househould. They told her I was "to quite". ME? To quite? I know it's because my hair changes colors, and, well thats about it. I never really talked to them and they didn't even get to know me as a person. You look at these people on the streets with tattoos and piercings and think of them as weirdos. Some of them are, but most of them can be some of the nicest people you will ever meet. This family has since gotten a new nanny who is by far the most quite person I have ever met. I sure hope they are happy.

Numb

The kids have been actually quite good the past few days. I don't know why, but it's really nice. Of course things can never just be. Something always has to come up. This time it's the word cancer. My Aunt was diagnosed a couple of years ago with this disease. I had sort of forgot about it until my Mom e-mailed me saying that my Aunt now only has 6-8 weeks left to live. I don't really know how to react. Those words are just stinging right now. I have hope though....I really do. I hope the doctors are wrong.

Boy problems (real boys, not the ones I look after)

I went out on a 'date' last Thursday with a guy named Bob. We've hung out before and for me he's just a friend. I think he wants more of a relationship but I don't. On Saturday night I'm supposed to go out on a real date with a guy named Tom. I could see myself dating Tom. Bob and Tom are friends and hang out with the same group of guys that I hang out with. This situation seems like it's going to become pretty sticky. Bob texted me tonight asking if I want to go the see the Pirates movie tomorrow but I'm already going with Tom on Saturday. I didn't mention that to Bob. SOOOO....now I'm stuck and this is exactly what I don't want to be stuck in.

Trying not to let loose

I've returned now, with a new name, but the complaining should still be the same. I needed an outlet and so I came back to blogging.

The summer with all of these damn kids is for sure going to kill me. I'm with them from 9 in the morning until 7 at night. Somedays I don't think I can do it. Like today. I just don't understand how a stay at home mom can leave her children with a nanny all day while she goes and takes a nap. Why have kids if you're going to pawn them off on someone else....grrr.

That's all I can really say right now. My brain is so tired from trying to stay polite and nice and not let all my nasty words come to the surface. They will though, on here.

It's time

For me to close down this shop. I'm far to busy and I really have no time to update. It sucks having a social life doesn't it? Maybe in a few months I might be able to start up again, but for now-I'm off to the clubs.

No, I'm not mary poppins

But hell, I have a nice tattoo.


Don't be jealous of my sick pack either.

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, my brain is still on vacation

Back to work. Bleh. I really do like my job, but if I could just be rich without working...I'd do it.

Vacation was nice. My nieces are adorable. My youngest niece wouldn't let anyone else hold her, just me. It was sad to say good-bye knowing that I won't see them for probably another year.

The tattoo is doing well...itchy and scabby. It looks hot. He said not to work out for 10 days but my fat ass needs to get back to the gym, so I'm going tonight. Hopefully it doesn't screw it up to bad.

This Friday I'm going to a club again...............hopefully it's not as skanky as the last one.

Inked

I've dreamed of getting a tattoo for years now. I've thought of the pain, and how much it wouldn't hurt. It's just needles...right? I can take needles.

My thoughts have changed. Today at 4 I went in for what would become a little over 4 hours of torture. I got a koi fish in water with a lotus flower floating on the right side of my body. They say your sides are one of the most sensitive areas to get tattoos, so of course, I choose that area.
The first lines he did were okay. I could handle it. I handled the outline fine.

Then came shading. Now most normal people would have done this tattoo in segments, not all at once. But since I'm visiting I needed to get it all at once because I won't be coming back until like Christmas. Shading was a bitch. My side was already so sore, so puncturing some more was not good. I started crying twice. There was nothing else I could do. A few times I didn't know if I was going to make it.

The guy who did my tattoo said I was one tough girl though. He doesn't even have tattoos on his side because of the pain, and neither did his apprentice. That made me feel somewhat better. Now I'm shaking and going through all sorts of emotions so I better head to bed. I'm already planning on another tattoo though, this time on my arm.

Clubbin' fools

I went to a club in Providence on Saturday night with a bunch of my friends. It was horrible. The people were disgusting. I think I saw more nudity than I have ever seen in my life.

I sat a table the whole night because I was the designated driver. You will not see me out on the dance floor unless I'm drunk, so there I sat.

The first guy to come up to me was about 40. He only told me that he was just in prison for 2 years but honestly, he's a nice guy. My friends boyfriend then came up and started rubbing my back, asking me how I was doing. The old guy got the clue and left. The next guy was a bit more dense. He was talking to my friend first, but she left so then he started talking to me. He asked me why I wasn't dancing and I told him I didn't want to. Bumpin' and Grindin' with some random sweaty dudes is just not my thing. He then pulled me off the chair really hard and tried to get me to go dance with him. This pissed me off. I pushed him away and told him to get the hell away from me. He did, but still, I never want to go back.

Just walking around the club guys would grab my hand, or my waist or try and push themselves onto me. Gross Gross Gross. I almost got taken out by two fights as well. AND I didn't get home until 5 o'clock in the morning. But I still had fun.

Wednesday I'm leaving to go to Pennsylvania. I think for sure I'm going to get a tattoo while there. I'm so excited!

Juicebox

It's always hard moving to a brand new place in the friendship department. I was lucky when I moved to California to have other nannies with kids in the same school as mine.

Here though it has been a little harder to meet people.

But, I finally have met some awesome friends. Awesome.

We went bowling together on Friday night and I was laughing the entire time. It feels good to laugh. On Sunday I went to Providence and shopped and shopped and shopped. I spent WAY to much money on clothes but I deserved them. Last week was a rough one so it was nice to get away.

I also bought tickets to go see the Strokes with some friends and I'm leaving next week to go to Pennsylvania. Hopefully I will still be getting inked while I'm there.

Blonde moment, again

Dinner time around this time is usually a choatic mess. Last night was no different. The oldest child has celiac disease, meaning he can't eat gluten. He wanted to try out a gluten-free enchilada so I made that for him. The triplets were going to eat ham and french fries.

It all sounds simple, but between the painters coming and asking questions, the dog barking, the kids chasing each other, and me taking shots of vodka, things just are not that simple. So I popped the oldest kids enchilada into the microwave and turned on the stove to start cooking the ham. I ran around doing various things while both I presumed were cooking. I started smelling this weird musty smell and assumed it was the enchilada I was making. My host mom came downstairs asking what smelled and I said the enchilada. She told me in a joking manner that I better have some ham ready because he probably won't eat it.

After the enchilada was done cooking the smell started getting worse. It was then I realized that I turned on the wrong burner on the stove and had actually started burning a basket that was on the counter. It was almost in flames. Ha. Ha. Oops. We had to throw the basket away and all the food in it. The house still smells musty. Go me!

Lame o's

Boston's St. Pattys day parade sucked. Lame. L.A.M.E. It was a bunch of firefighters walking the down the street and political people with their signs. No crazyness. My friends and I watched about 30 minutes, said screw it, and went shopping at H and M.

The house is officially on the market now. Painter people are here and have been here for the past week. It's hell. Theres nowhere to walk, no place for the kids to place so they are driving me insane. I want to throw myself off the deck, but...nah.

I'm getting my haircut tomorrow. I'm a little skeptical, like always. I just don't want to leave with a mullet. Thats all I ask.

Remember, Remember the 5th of November

I got the pleasure of going to V for Vendetta tonight on IMAX. If you get the chance to see it this weekend....GO! It was so freakin' good. Well worth the $11.

Off to Boston's St. Patricks Day parade tomorrow. We shall see how crazy these people get.

My leg will probably fall off next

On Tuesday morning I woke up with my right eye feeling as though it had been punched. The area all around it was very sore but no bruising. Wednesday I woke up and my right glad in my neck was swollen. This morning I woke up and the swollen gland is now like the size of a grape. I don't know whats going on. Maybe I contracted some weird Swedish illness when I went to Ikea. Hopefully the swelling goes down before the St. Pattys day parade in Boston and the partying in Providence this weekend.

This isn't good

The kids didn't have school on Friday. You know a story isn't going to end well when it starts off like that. Same goes for this one.

My host family is building a shiny new home about an hour away for where we are now. We decided to go down there and "visit" with our soon-to-be neighbors. The neighbors have 4 kids as well but the youngest is three and the rest are in school. The neighbors house was also the model home for the development so it is decorated veerrrryyy nicely. Probably not a good place for 5 rowdy kids. The two moms left, so it was just me and them. 5 to 1. Not very good odds. Think about it people. One 3 year old, Three 4 year olds and a 5 year old. THINK. ABOUT. IT. It was hell. I never want to do it again.

I'm taking the weekend to recover but now I have a cold or allergies or something else thats kicking my ass. Gotta love it!

I need cookies

My brain. Is sad. I have nothing to write about. I could write about how my hands are dried out and its driving me insane. Or about how I'm tired of how the kids are fascinated with touching their shit. Or maybe how I would like to go eat the whole tub of cookie dough in the freezer right now. Or what the hell am I doing? Seriously. All of my friends are in college partying all the freakin' time and I'm sitting here watching four children. I don't know what else to do. I'm not going to quit, I'm actually probably going to stay until next summer I've decided. Next summer I want to go to Europe and travel around for a couple of months, and then maybe start college. Am I making the right decision. My friends think it's so awesome that I've travelled as much as I have since high school, but sometimes I wish I was just sitting around in a college dorm eating top ramen for breakfast, lunch, and dinner like the rest of them.

They should make a reality show out of this..oh wait, they did?

I now know why I love going to the gym so much. The people. The crazy people. 45 minutes on the eliptical seems like nothing...I just watch the crazies.

It is mostly 14-15 year old girls. They all wear little abercrombie shorts with a tank top. They might as well be wearing pasties and a thong but who am I to judge. They walk around and talk with their other friends pulling their tank tops up to expose their bellies. The old man riding on the bike likes when they do this. I don't really understand why they come. They are thin as rails and there really are no boys there for them. But I hope the girls are they're tomorrow and the next day and the next day because it really does make my work outs go by sooo much faster.

Life is good

*I went to Salem, Mass yesterday. It was windy and cold. I saw some Witch houses, and that was it. The people in town were more interesting than the actual town.

*My brother-in-law, who's in the Army, has gotten orders to go back to Iraq in June. Hes supposed to stay for a full year this time. Stupid War.

*I'm leaving in like a month to go visit my Aunt and Uncle in Pennsylvania. My sister and nieces are also flying over so I'll get to see them too! I'm super super super excited.

*I promised a nice post this weekend but my life is not really exciting at this point. Except for last night my friend and I stopped in a little diner for dessert and had this very cute waiter. His name is Salso and he's from Brazil. He's probably 30-but still.

*I have an update from my last family in California. The nanny who took over from me has since left. I have no idea why. Maybe because that family is a bunch of weirdos. I think it's funny.

I have a blog?

My God...the days are just flying by. Between working all day and then working out at night I have no time to sit and write in my little diary. Sorry Diary. This weekend I will make it up to you though, with a huge make-out session.

Snow

This stuff is starting to piss me off. Couldn't go work out today because the car wouldn't make it up the driveway. To icy. Damn Damn Damn.

Things that irked me this weekend

*Mother Nature-This past week it's been in the 50's and now for the weekend we get temps not going above 20 degrees and with massive winds blowing.

*Stairs-My first trip down the stairs this morning was not a pleasant one. I fell down them. Not just a little fall-on-my-butt...noooo...it was a slamming into the steps and then riding them down until you crash into a wall. I skinned my hands up. It's really gross actually, the skin was just kind of hanging there but I eventually pulled it off. I'm waiting for my awesome bruises to show up.

*People-
a) annoying ones-I went to a very late showing of Freedomland on Friday night wanting to avoid the crowds and the usual chaos that accompanies me to movies. My movie experience was going great until about the last 20 minutes of the movie when two tweenaged boys decided to wait in the little hallway thing for their parents to get out of the movie. They stood there and banged on the wall and chatted loudly to each other. What the fuck kids. Couldn't you wait out in the lobby?

b) rude ones-Yah know, I'm not really much of a people person. If I could walk around all day with my middle fingers in the air or a big F.U. sign on my shirt, I would. But when I go out in public I try to be good. I try to be polite, smile, chat it up with the Target cashiers, and be respectful of the other people in this world. On two seperate occasions I Saturday I witnessed cart etique gone bad. One lady was lifting a big item out of her cart and just let her cart start wandering freely. It wandered into the back of a minivan and because of the awesome winds we had it just kept going and eventually stopped in the middle of the road. After she put her thing away she just looked at the cart, got in her car and drove away. Bitch. Then when I came out of Target I saw 5 cars swerve around another cart sitting in the middle of the road. I stopped my car, got out and pushed it to one of the cart holders. Lazy bastards.

Pumpin' Iron

Lately I've been having issues. Food issues, again. I might go sign up at the gym tomorrow. I feel fat. I think I look fat. I want to be skinny. Super super skinny. I want to have my clavicle bones popping out of my chest. When is it that I'll feel comfortable in my own skin.

My family must be so proud with what I'm doing with my life

The other day one of the boys needed to use the bathroom. I let them go alone and they call when their done. He was in there for a couple of minutes so I went to check on him. One sentence came out of my mouth that I never thought I would ever say.

"Hey, what are doing? Get your head out of the toilet!"

AHHH..yes.

Maybe I should have just went to college.

Blonde moment #56,932

If you read my last post you noticed that I went to Boston this weekend. While there, actually in Cambridge, I went to one of my favorite stores-Urban Outfitters. I love love love all the clothes there but have never actually bought anything until yesterday. I went to the clearance area and saw these super cute green velvet shoes. I saw the great price of $4.99 and decided to buy them. The shoes were all seperated so I had to dig and dig to try and find two size 7's. The people around me probably thought I was a big freak, digging through that bin like none other. I found two size 7's and took them up to the nice bitchy lady at the register. She rang me up and to my delight the shoes were actually half off..go me! Last night I get home and decide to try them on and see how they look. I take the left shoe out and try it on and then I go back for the other shoe and pull out another freakin' left foot. I bought two left shoes....ha. I don't think I'm going to take them back, I think I'm just going to wear them like they are. Me and my hot green shoes.

Purple ribbon wearers

I travelled to Boston yesterday. My fragile little body was numb to the 20 degree weather outside. I can't believe people actually live up here. Weirdos. It is a very nice city though, from what I saw. We walked around some mall thing with stores like Gucci, Louis Vuitton, and other fancy shmancy stores. There was some kind of high school Jazz festival going on so there were hundreds of high schoolers walking around in their band clothes. Thats funny to me and I don't know why. After walking around the rich mall I decided that I wanted to go see Harvard. We went to Harvard and snapped some pictures. I chased guys around Harvard asking them questions but they all seemed in such a rush. Actually most people seemed very hurried in this town. No time to talk to me? Pssh. I think I might go back in next weekend by myself. My one friend here is going to L.A. for the week, lucky. We have gotten like 15 inches of snow today so I would love to be going back to Cali to visit.

bitch and moan

I don't know what the hell got into the kids tonight but whatever it is needs to get the fuck out. The coughs need to go as well.

Dear Diary

I saw you looking at our table for at least a half an hour. You would look over and then talk to your friend. Your table had a lot of people at it-5 guys and 3 girls. I could tell your friend was giving you pointers on what to say to me. You both would look over and talk, don't be so obvious next time. Then one of the girls at your table would wonder what you were talking about and eventually she would look over. I pretended to watch the Superbowl, but I could see what was going on. I'm smart like that.

By the time you got up the courage to come over the butterflies in my stomache had gone down. I'm not very good at the whole meeting new people thing. You didn't walk straight to my table, instead you walked behind in and then finally to it. Nerves I guess. You were drunk and you had a very think New England accent so I couldn't hardly make out what you were saying. You asked me who I was rooting for. Seattle...duh. How could you not tell by all the "fucks" that were coming out of my mouth at the damn refs. You then asked me if I had been watching ESPN lately. No, I haven't. I've been wiping asses all day long, I don't have time to watch ESPN. I almost started asking you questions but I could tell you were embarrassed and you sort of walked away. It made me sad. Come back again drunk guy.

Brokeback smokestack

I've now survived for two whole weeks. The transition between nannies has been very rough for the kids. Their old nanny was with them for almost 2 years so they don't quite know what to think of me yet. A lot of testing has also been going on. They want to see how far they can push me before I'll say something. I love the beginning phases of getting the children to like you. They also love Zaboomafoo which is driving me up the wall. Who in the hell thinks of these shows.

Last night I went out with some other nannies around the area. We went to this little supermarket and one of them bought some cigs. I was just standing there but for some reason the cashier carded me as well. It was a lady cashier and it happened to have the biggest mustache I've ever seen on a woman.

We then went to see Brokeback Mountain. I was so excited to see it because it's supposed to be this great film but I was kinda bummed. It was so freakin' long I that I almost left. We kept thinking it was going to end but it just kept having another scene after another. The scenery was beautiful though and it reminded me of home. *tear*

Is it Monday

It's been one of those days. 2 of the kids didn't get dressed until after 2:30. Oh well. At least I got dressed today. 4 kids is chaos. I feel like I have no control sometimes but I guess I have to let that go.

Which way will I go

I went to church yesterday for the first time in like a year. I've been to some Mormon churches between that time but they are to crazy for me so I don't count them. I've never really gotten the meaning of church. I know you are supposed to feel this deep connection with God but I've never had that. I sit there listening to the pastor and start daydreaming about what kind of things I might buy at Target when I go later. Then the pastor talks about how people need to start giving more money. I hate that.

I'm confused on the whole religion aspect I guess. I want to believe there is something more but I just haven't been convinced in the right way.

NOT in the job description

Chasing after kids who decided that their fingers would make excellent toilet paper for their poo

Broccoli-Brocolli

I made it. I'm exhausted from the past two days so this will be kinda short. Going from lounging around all day to looking after four kids is quite a challenge, who would have thought? The kids are adorable so that makes it a little easier. As we were eating dinner tonight I was trying to coax one of them into eating their broccoli. I told him his stomache loves broccoli so he should eat it. He then explained to me that his stomache doesn't like broccoli and it makes it burp. I thought that was pretty funny, but maybe it's just because I'm super tired.

Worn me down

Tomorrow I'm leaving. It's kind of surreal that I'm actually doing this whole thing again. After my last experience I said I would never do it again. I figure if I survived the last job, this job should be easy. I just started packing, its not going very well. Packing away my things knowing that I'm going to be moving all the way across the freakin' country. I see the look on my Moms face and I can tell she doesn't want me to leave. I need to leave for me. Her health is not very good and I'm worried that somethings going to happen when I'm gone. I just can't sit here and wait for it to happen. Wish me luck.

Days and Days

The week with my sister and family was great. Couldn't have been better. My Aunt, Uncle and cousin are awesome! It was so nice to see them after so many years. My Aunt and I made a pact that the next time we saw each other we would go get tattoos. My Uncle doesn't like this idea, but his face was priceless when we told him our plan. We also played a crazy amount of Cranium. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Laughing does the body good.

Saying good bye to my nieces was rough. I didn't cry, amazingly. I had just spilt coffee all over myself, maybe thats why. Now I have only 4 days left before leaving. I have soooo much to do including writing thank you notes for Christmas gifts. I'm horrible at things like that.

Fading

Tomorrow I will be going up to Washington to visit my sister, brother-in-law, and two nieces before I leave for the East Coast. I wish my nieces could live closer because I enjoy every single minute I spend with those girls. And they love me too, because I buy them cool toys such as drums. I don't know if I will have the opportunity to see them again before Christmas, and even then I might not be flying back for Christmas.

It will be hard not seeing their little faces for so long.

While at my sisters my Aunt, Uncle and cousin will be there. I've never actually met my Aunt or my cousin. My family says I have, but I don't remember, I think I was like 1. My cousin is now 16-17 so her and I will probably have a lot of catching up to do.

I have an addiction

With a little show on television called The O.C. Seriously...I'm troubled. I can't miss an episode and I've watched seasons 1 and 2 over and over again on my lovely dvd's. I've even started having dreams about the characters. Eek.

Time to sign up for the gym...again

I got the job! People love me, they were throwing job offers at me left and right. Not really, but I can pretend.

This family seems great. I don't think the stories I will be sharing here are going to be like the old ones. I think these ones are going to be happy ones. We can only hope.

So, I'm leaving soon. I will probably have the same feelings for the first couple of weeks.
Think about it...flying to some random persons house to watch their children all the way across the country. Pretty gutsy. At least I'll have lot's of time to think about it on the airplane.

Stay tuned, watching 4 children is going to be fun!

It looks like I won't have to change the name of my blog after all

I've been talking with a new family and it's not certain that I've got the job yet but it looks pretty good.

Rhode Island is close to Montana.....right? I think so.

I couldnt' find anything in Montana so I figured to check out the East Coast for a while. We'll see what happens.

Sweet home Montana

Since turning 19 ( a whole 23 hours ago) my mood has been in the dumps. It hit me hard that I'm 19 and sitting in my Mom's house doing nothing all day. With that...I've started looking at moving back to Montana. I want and need to get on with my life and I don't think this is the place to do it. So for the next couple of days I'll be searching for something...anything.

We all struggle with forward motion

My mom didn't plan my birth very well. Tomorrow is my birthday and sometimes I wish it wasn't. I don't like having my birthday so close to Christmas and I feel even worse for those with birthdays on Christmas. People seem to forget about you. Most are usually recovering from a hangover on my birthday.

I wanted to be born in summer. That way, we would have Christmas and get presents and then half-way through the year I'd get another dose. And yes, this is all about presents. (Jokes).

My birthday has been getting better as I'm getting older. I party more and care less about presents. I don't even know if I'll be able to keep my eyes open until midnight. How sad is that. Getting older is scaring the shit out of me. Tomorrow I will be 19! Eeek.

I'm disappointed in you IGA

I love grapes. So today when we went to our local grocery store I *had* to buy grapes. These grapes are huge, almost the size of golfballs. The sign above them also said they were seedless. Heaven, right? Not quite. I bit into one of these juicy grapes and I think I chipped my tooth on a seed. A Freakin' SEED! Does that stop me from eating them? Nope...I just molest them to try and get the seeds out, three to be precise. Who actually eats seedy grapes anymore?

I might have to put movie watching on hold for awhile

I must attract the most annoying people at movie theatres. My Aunt and I went and saw King Kong today. A hispanic couple came and sat down next to us after the movie started and would. not. stop. talking. It seemed like the girl didn't understand English so her boyfriend was translating it for her. I almost flipped my shit but I didn't, I remained calm. That is until the last 15 minutes of the movie. It wasn't the hispanic couple this time, it was a little boy sitting kitty-corner from me. He was coughing. Loudly. Hacking up a freakin' lung in the theatre when King Kong is grabbing at the airplanes in the sky. I dealt with the coughing, but then he started hawking loogies (I have no idea how you spell that). He hawked his loogies and spit them in his cup. Over and Over. His friend then took his cup away so he started spitted them on the floor. I freaked out. This kid is like 8, no parent in the whole theatre, and he's spitting his nasty ass boogers on the floor. I didn't even get to enjoy the last 15 minutes of the movie because I was to focused on this little freak. C'mon people. Teach your kids some damn manners.

Zapatos

Ever since the latest Harry Potter came out my Mom and I have been wanting to go see it. Today we got that opportunity. I was so stoked on seeing this movie because I'm a huge loser. We got to the theatre 20 minutes early and picked our seats. After awhile I got this big whiff of nasty rank feet smell. Someone had taken off their shoes and the smell was overwhelming. People, please leave your effin' shoes on in a public place. I wanted to vomit.

Sorry about the cookies Santa

My sister, her husband and my two nieces came down for Christmas. It's been a lot of fun having the girls here to play with and to watch them light up about Santa coming. Of course that's all we hear about is Santa and opening presents. Over and over again.

I got a box yesterday from my step-mom (she's not my step-mom anymore but I still love her). As I was beginning to open it my niece came over and was all excited. I guess I wasn't opening it fast enough for her because in a huffy little voice she said Aww...Gosh, Open it already. At least she's at an age where those kind of remarks are still cute.

Break time

Have a great holiday with whatever y'all are celebrating.

I'll be back after Christmas

Blast from the not-so-long-ago past

In between Gilmore Girls re-runs and taking my daily nap I decided to go through some old pictures of me.


So this is me eating oreos, peas and what looks to be a pot sticker. Quite gross.

And here I am on the beach with a cheesy smile.

And this is one of my favorites. Very 90's outfit and I rocked it! Look at those socks...I still wear them like that.

And back to napping.

I'm growing up

I have a question. A very important question.

At what age is it appropriate to start cursing in front of your parents? I obviously don't think it's appropriate for under 17 but after that...I'm lost. My mom cusses, not very often, but I don't think she would react if I dropped the "s" bomb in front of her.

What shall I do? Just walk into the room one day and loudly express that I am indeed old enough to start incorporating bad words into my conversations.

Why don't they teach this in high school.

buzzin

I am the type of person who thinks caffeine doesn't affect me. I could drink 8 dr.peppers...still the same person. Have to pee a lot..but that's the only difference.

Last night I was talking with a friend on the internet. It was 11 o'clock, and I was thirsty so I grabbed this old latte thingy from Starbucks off of the counter and started drinking.

I didn't go to sleep until after 3 o'clock this morning. My eyes were tired, my body was tired, but my mind was running laps around the fucking room. It sucked.

Lesson Learned: Don't drink coffee at 11 o'clock at night. It does affect you even though you think it doesn't.

I'm still laughing

My Mom brought over a holiday magazine last night that you could order things from. She wanted me to explain this picture.
I've seen a lot of nativities, but I havn't seen any quite like this before.

I am SO going to buy it.

See that little boy and the sheep? I have no clue what they are doing, but it's funny as hell.

Here we go

Oregon is a very interesting state. It's a culture shock coming up from California. The people go shopping in their pajamas. They barely have any teeth. They think couches look good in their yard. It's kind of nice actually, because now I don't really have to get myself "made-up" to go anywhere. I can just blend in without feeling odd.

Theres also a down-side to this. Yesterday I decided to get half-way "made-up" and go to the city with my friend/cousin for shopping and a movie. (I saw Aeon Flux, It rocked!) We walked a bit, shopped a lot and sat down for lunch to talk. We discussed how everybody was looking at us and wondered if we had toilet paper hanging off of our shoes. Nope...we looked fine. The staring continued.

After the movie I decided I pulled in to the little lot next to this white minivan filled with guys, not very nice looking guys. Oregon is also a state where they pump the gas for you (the hell?) but I was confused so decided to get out and investigate. As I was getting out apperently I was being stared at by all of the humans in the minivan. They don't do it subtly either...Its some big. ass. staring going on. Jesus people.

And today at Wally-world I was sitting in the car talking with my Mom and this guy was sitting in a blazer kitty corner from us....staring! Forever! I finally drove away because I'm tired of people staring at me. I'm not that fucking pretty. But in Oregon...maybe I am.

Mourning my future

If you would have asked me three years ago where I wanted to be today...This would not be it.

My step-mom recently sent me my yearbook from the high school I attended up until halfway through my junior year. All I could do was cry. Looking at everyones senior pictures with their fake smiles plastered all over the place made me actually miss high school.

Why did my "dad" have to pull me out and make me homeschool a year and a half before I graduated? I wanted to graduate. I wanted to continue going to school...but no, he had to go and screw things up for me because he wanted to live closer to his girlfriend.

I wanted to go to college. I wanted to become a nurse. Those things are now becoming more of a dream, slipping further and further away.

I'm strong though and I will go on to accomplish the things that I've set before myself. It just might take me a little longer than my high school peers.

By the way...After looking through the yearbook I noticed that the "popular" girls got really ugly since I left. Ha! Bitches.

Whatevah

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I just had this amazing post typed up(yeah right) and for some reason when I clicked on spellcheck, cause I'm a dumbass, my whole post disappeared.

Fuck that...I'm grabbing a beer and heading to bed.

You will have to wait for my brilliance another day