I can't wait for this week to be over.  On Tuesday morning I woke up feeling like I had been run over by a bus.  I called out of work hoping this would be a one day sickness.  Matt was also home from work and was in such a great mood all day!  (that's sarcasm)  Needless to say I didn't really get much resting done.  Wednesday I toughed it out and tried to go to work.  I had to be in court which made it a little easier.  Wednesday night was accounting and to my surprise I got a 73.5 on my test.  I wanted to jump up and down in class because I was so excited but I refrained.  I'm definitely not totally understanding it but I think I might be on my way there.

This morning I woke up still feeling gross but tried to go to work, but it didn't turn out so good.  I only had 4 hours of sick time left which leaves me with a dilemma.  I'm obviously sick, hacking up my lungs, sneezing, eyes watering all over my cubicle yet I'm expected to work?  It doesn't make sense.  I'd rather take the 8 hours of pay and just stay home, which I'm sure my co-workers would appreciate as well.  One of the girls in our small department is also on vacation this week so I feel bad having to be out but I'm really not adding any sort of value when I'm there. We will see how tomorrow goes.  I'm trying to rest and while my eyelids are burning they are so tired, my body just won't sleep.  

On top of all of this my lovely boyfriend has been driving me up a wall. :)  It would be nice if he tried to pick up some slack while I'm sick.  He had an appointment to get tattooed over two hours away tonight and while I agree, tattoos are life threatening, I probably would have re-scheduled.  Leaving your sick girlfriend at home to deal with a 4 year old and crazy dog when she can barely move off the couch is probably not the greatest decision ever. 

I hope he doesn't expect me to actually be in a good mood tomorrow.

If I thought I was busy before, I was mistaken.  Holy cow, this dog has taken over our lives.  There were a few days there where I wondered if we had made a mistake getting her.  She's so much work and I didn't know if we were up for it.  Not because we didn't want her but because of time.  I won't give up on her though and the mere thought of giving her away broke my heart.  It's only been a week and we are all adjusting and learning.  It's a process and one that we elected to go through. Between working full time, going to school, having a kid, having a long commute, having a relationship, an apartment and also having a moment to myself...my days are definitely full. She's worth it though. 

 

Now it's Saturday night and I'm sitting at home by myself, for the second night in a row.  Matt and I had planned a movie night for last night but then he found out that his friends' band, one that he used to play in, was having their last show so he went to that.  We moved movie night until tonight and then he got a text around 8 that Slapshot was playing in Providence so he hopped in the car and headed down. Emma and I are snuggled on the couch watching bad t.v.  There is nothing on. 

She is asleep on my couch right now.  The last few days have been a whirlwind and I'm worn out!  Matt and I have discussed getting a dog for some time now and it's always been an "in the future" type though.  I found a post on craigslist about a pitbull puppy mix that needed a new home.  I wrote the lady who had her, we exchanged e-mails, pics and this past Friday we went to meet her. The only thing that's throwing a thorn in our spine is our landlord.  I texted him on Wednesday to let him know we were looking at dogs, he was okay with this but wanted us to stay away from "aggressive breeds".  I told him about our meeting with Emma on Friday and if we should skip it, no response from him so we went.  

We didn't expect to take her home so soon but the owner asked if we wanted her and we said "sure!".  We had no supplies.  We get her home and that's when we receive another text from the landlord that he would prefer a different breed.  I wanted to bang my head against the wall.  If this guy is so concerned with us getting a dog, specifically one that has a little pitbull in her, then why is he taking days to respond. I texted him back stating that we had her for the weekend and we wanted him to come meet her before he makes a final decisions.  Still no response and that was on Friday!  Honestly, it sucks that this whole breed of dogs gets a bad rap because of media hysterics.  I understand that some of these dogs are bred to fight and obviously that's not okay and I feel bad for those little guys.  Emma has lived with a family since she's been born, a family with kids and another dog.  She's been nothing but friendly with us, doesn't bark and only get's a little crazy every now and then because she's still a puppy.  

I can't sleep, I just wish he would come and meet her and we would be all set.  I don't know what we are going to do if he won't let us have her :(  

These past few days have been incredibly busy though.  Man, I though I was busy before.  The focus is now totally on her.  She did have a few accidents inside but now we have her little potty spot outside and I think she's beginning to get it.  I still watch her like a hawk though.  We have hardwood floors which makes clean-up easy but I'd rather not have her peeing in the house.  I also feel incredible guilt leaving her alone. It's so bad and probably so irrational.  We are discussing putting her in a doggie daycare once a week or something just to get her out and socializing.  Matt has two days off during the week and I have the weekends off so she'll only be by herself for 3 days a week and even though his schedule staggers.  I keep telling myself she'll be okay but seeing her in her crate is depressing.  Eventually we will let her roam but that's probably a few months out.  We are definitely enjoying her snuggles though.

ETA-  While I was writing this post our landlord texted Matt and said we could keep her.  Yay yay yay!!

Just put my mom in a cab and sent her on her way to airport.  This visit was not all rainbows and butterflies like I wanted it to be.  I could lie and say it was but I won't.  My mom and I have a complex relationship.  I didn't live with her growing up, I would stay with her for a few weeks during the summer.  She's very motherly and likes to make sure everybody has everything they need but almost to the point of being overbearing.  I'm an adult now with my own little family, I have no interest in being mothered anymore. 

We also live two very different lives. Everything from our locations, what we eat, religion, politics...you name it, it's different.  There were a few moments where she was crying and stated she just wanted to go home.  It broke my heart because I was the one who was making her feel this way.  I felt like I was being judged the whole time she was here.  My sister kept texting me giving me ideas of what we should be doing, I should be feeding her meat, I should be doing this and that.  At one point even her boyfriend texted me and I've never even met the guy.  It was frustrating to say the least.  I don't tell them what they should be doing, I don't expect them to do it to me.  I think this would lead anybody to feel judged. 

I didn't want it to go this way.My aunt was supposed to fly in with my mom but because she was flying stand-by, they bumped her off.  I feel if my aunt was here the visit would have gone differently.  My aunt and I can usually laugh at my mom's antics.  I don't know if she will come visit again and after not seeing her for two years it makes me sad. 

My mother flew in a day early, threw a little wrench in our plans but I got one more day off and we are going out to enjoy it.

Yesterday I was joking around with Matt about wedding songs.  I don't know if he finds my jokes funny but that's beside the point.  He told me he already knew the song we would have our first dance too.  He has never shared this with me so of course I was curious.  He then played me "A Rainy Night In Soho" by The Pogues and that was it. 

I've been loving you a long time
Down all the years, down all the days
And I've cried for all your troubles
Smiled at your funny little ways
We watched our friends grow up together
And we saw them as they fell
Some of them fell into Heaven
Some of them fell into Hell

I took shelter from a shower
And I stepped into your arms
On a rainy night in Soho
The wind was whistling all its charms
I sang you all my sorrows
You told me all your joys
Whatever happened to that old song
To all those little girls and boys

Now the song is nearly over
We may never find out what it means
But there's a light I hold before me
And you're the measure of my dreams
The measure of my dreams

Sometimes I wake up in the morning
The gingerlady by my bed
Covered in a cloak of silence
I hear you in my head
I'm not singing for the future
I'm not dreaming of the past
I'm not talking of the fist time
I never think about the last

Now the song is nearly over
We may never find out what it means
Still there's a light I hold before me
You're the measure of my dreams
The measure of my dreams 

He had tears in his eyes by the time the song was done.  He said this would be the only thing he would ask for.  How can I say no to that.  

We don't have Adrian this weekend because he is with his mother, participating in his Uncle's wedding.  While I feel incredibly guilty for thinking it, the break has been nice.  Every parent needs a break every now and then.  Of course I miss him, but I'm enjoy sitting on the couch all day.  We've also taken advantage of our free weekend.

On Friday we went to see The Pogues. I bought the tickets for Matt for his birthday, some of the most expensive tickets I've ever bought for one act.  We went with friends and had a really good time.  This is their last US tour and Matt had a smile plastered on his face the whole time as well as all day yesterday.

Saturday after Matt got of work we went did dinner and movie.  We've been wanting to see The Adjustment Bureau since we saw the preview about a year ago-or at least it felt that long ago.  It was really good, a movie that kept your interest. 

I also booked our trip to Puerto Rico! I'm so excited.  I haven't traveled in forever which is not okay with me.  I have this need to see other places, cultures and I haven't been anywhere in far too long.  We chose Puerto Rico because we wanted to go somewhere and relax but I'm not that type of traveler so we will also see some sights while we are there.  Matt works with some guys who are from there and have the hook-up to a zip-lining, bridge adventure type place.  We will definitely be doing that and I would like to do one other sightseeing adventure.  The rainforest?  Caves?  Ponce?  I'm still re-searching them all. We will also be staying at a Sheraton which I'm not too sad about either.  This trip can't some soon enough.

My mom and Aunt are supposed to fly in this Thursday so today will be spent cleaning and getting ready for their arrival.






Photo source

Quite evening at home, waiting for the boy and then it's homemade pizza and t.v time.  I love nights like this.

I'm in a funk.  I've been so irritable the last few days and not exactly happy.  Walking into work this morning only to realize that my job was just one huge problem didn't help.  It amazes me that these attorneys can complete three years of law school, pass the bar, and still cannot get the simplest shit right.  I came home and I'm going to veg on the couch for the rest of the evening.  Of course, I came home to a bill for 'property sales tax' on my car for over $200.  I already paid excise on it, I'm rather confused and pissed. 

I did get to spend yesterday with a cute little baby but, it didn't bring me out of the grumpies.  I'm hoping the rest of the week is better.

The past 24 hours have been r o u g h. Wednesday are my long days, with a whole day of work and almost 4 hours of school after.  I'm taking an accounting class this semester and my professor might as well be speaking Russian, because I do not get it.  We had an exam last week and while I didn't think I did terrible, I was not expecting the grade I got.  My paper came back with a 44%.  I didn't even know getting a grade that low was possible!  I'm pissed.  I want so much to be able to understand this but it's just. not. clicking.  We read a chapter and do problems, that's it.  I don't learn that way because what I'm reading is not making sense.  It's frustrating.  I know it's just going to keep compiling onto each other so I set up an appointment for tutoring.  (in my spare time, hah).  I also e-mailed my professor to see what could be done. I can't fail this class, I can't fail any class. I've never failed a class.  I had a mini-anxiety attack at work and pretty much had tears rolling down my face all day.  I want to go to sleep and have this all be over.

I changed my name, I kind of hate the fact that my old blog just goes *poof* and I can't really tell anyone it moved.  Not that I had any followers, but still.

Still no word about the job, I'm getting so anxious.  I hate waiting!  I just want to know, either way.

and it's March 1st, C'mon Spring!  I'm ready!

photo source

It's Sunday afternoon already, hrmpf.  I love my weekends and they just fly by so fast. I was a little scared this weekend was going to be dreadful.  We got a call from Adrian's mother on Tuesday saying that she had Adrian with her at the hospital for her ultrasound and he had been hitting and kicking her.  Of course this behavior is not acceptable, but her calling us was also kind of baffling.  Because of this, I thought we were in for a weekend of hell but it was surprisingly nice.  We had a long discussion with Adrian about that type of behavior and how it is not okay in either household and he seemed to understand.  I just think he was overwhelmed with the prospect of getting a new baby brother and realizing that the world is no longer going to revolve around him.  While that is perfectly normal thinking, acting out in the way he did was unacceptable and his mother's reaction was also less than thrilling.

What else happened this week.....The interview on Wednesday went well! I met the office manager who was really nice too.  They asked me a few more interview type questions, I asked some more questions and it was over.  I'm hoping that I hear something this week but again, I don't want to get my hopes too high.  I'm trying to remain positive though and if I don't get the job that makes planning a vacation in May a lot easier.  I'm crossing my fingers though!

I'm not feeling very well today, I don't know what's going on.  I've felt very blech since this morning.  I do have exciting news though, I have a second interview with that company next week!  I was actually expecting her to tell me she decided to go with someone else when she called but was presently surprised when it was the opposite. Now I just need to go plop myself on the couch.

Valentine's Day.  The over commercialized love-fest.  One that I got to enjoy this year.  We wanted to celebrate yesterday since we wanted Adrian to join in on some of the festivities and also because Matt is working tonight. Hmpf.

We started the morning making vegan mini donuts.  Yum yum yum.  Adrian made "special" ones with bits of chocolate on top.  

Matt also surprised me with some roses.  I'm not one of those girls that needs flowers but it sure is nice. 

After I dropped Adrian off, I spent the afternoon shopping with a friend to make the night really special. I bought ingredients to make vegan chicken potpie and vegan red velvet cupcakes, two little heart containers to bake the potpies in and some cologne for Matt.

I get home and only  have a few hours to get everything prepared so I'm feeling a little rushed.  I whip up the cupcakes and put them in the oven.  The recipe said to let them cook for 20 minutes which seemed a little long so I checked them around 7 minutes.  They were definitely cooking.  I started to smell something burning around 9 minutes.  I quickly grabbed them out of the oven and the bottoms of them were burnt to a crisp.  Ergh. I turned the stove down 150 degrees lower than it was supposed to and tried again, but the same thing happened!  I texted Matt that I didn't think the stove was working correctly and was way over-heating.  He texted me back that that may be the "thing" he ripped from the oven on Saturday.  Apparently there was something like a wire hanging in the oven the day before and it was annoying him so he ripped it out.  :blink blink:

I wasn't able to make the cupcakes or the potpies, so everything did not go according to plan.  He came home and we made wraps and watched Netflix.  I'm still laughing about it because sometimes boys can be so dumb.  Gotta love him. 

Today is another lazy Saturday.  Not as lazy as I would like it to be, there is laundry, homework, taxes to file and an apartment to clean up. 

I've been listening to her: 

Her music puts me in a good mood.  I listen to her songs on the commute home from work and they just make me calm.  Her voice, the music...it's amazing. 

The interview yesterday went well, I thought.  I interviewed with the owner of the company, she seemed to like me but she was also a little hard to read.  She said she might not make a decision for a few weeks because she wants to find the "right person".  To me that meant that I'm not it, haha, but we will see. Interviewing is always a learning experience.  

Also, my mom is coming to visit in March!  It was going to be too much of a headache for us to go see her, so she decided to come see us.  She is bringing my Aunt who has never been to Boston and they will be staying with us for about 5 days.  The apartment will be cramped but I imagine we won't be in it much.  She already bought tickets to go see Mary Poppins and the rest of the time will be spent relaxing and exploring.  I'm excited.  I haven't seen my mom in 2 years and I haven't seen my Aunt in probably 3.  It will be fun :) 

Today/this week have had some pretty exciting events.  This might be a reaction to my PMA thinking, ha!  

Matt and I have had some heated conversations about my lack of PMA (positive mental attitude).  I feel like winter just drags it out of me.  Not to mention, I'm just not one of those types to have sunshine shining out of my ass. But I'm trying to remain positive and to not let the little things, of which there are plenty, drag me down.  

The first bit of news was on Sunday.  This wasn't a great event, actually the opposite.  Every Sunday we drop the boy off with his mother.  We have a set time & meeting place.  She no longer will answer her texts and rarely her phone calls.  Last week she did us a favor by dropping the boy off at Matt's mothers house.  In return, we told her we would drive him to her house on Sunday, no need to meet up.  We get to her house on Sunday and she is nowhere to be found.  She must have completely spaced and went to the meeting place.  We called her and agreed to meet about halfway in-between.  She then called back and started yelling at Matt about how much of a horrible father he is and other bullshit.  I don't get it.  I sat there in awe.  We tried to do something nice for her and she STILL has to throw it back in our faces.  I will never understand it.  My only conclusion is that she is so miserable in her own life that she is trying to project it onto other people.  I don't think someone who is genuinely happy would act this way.  It makes me sad.  Sad that the boy is going to have to grow up with this.  We really just want to do the best for him and let him enjoy his childhood with as much normality as possibly but she won't let it happen.  I don't think she realizes the damage she is doing.  

One the flipside of this equation, Matt's lawyer called him today in regards to the letter we had send to her attorney.  They got a letter back saying that they are no longer representing her.  Now, to some people, this would really mean nothing.  TO ME...this means a lot!  Her lawyer was part of her Uncle's firm, aka she got of her legal visits/consults/paperwork/everything for free.  That is why she kept pulling Matt back into court time and time again, because it was no sweat off of her back.  I think it's horrible that I let out a little squeel at work when I found out, but honestly, I'm so tired of her getting everything handed to her.  I have a few solutions: some drama must have gone down in her family or they were tired of wasting their time in resources and court for absolutely nothing.  They have paying clients they could be spending their time on and instead they are wasting it on her.  I'm assuming if she is now going to have to pay for a lawyer and anything legal related, we will not be stepping instead a courtroom for a long time.  This could also be why she is being so bitch.  

Geez, didn't think I was going to write that much.  

My other news, Matt's brother and his wife found out today that they are expecting a little boy!  His family has our boy and then two little nieces so adding another boy to the mix is going to be lot's of fun.   I'm sure A is going to be ecstatic.  

And...I have an interview Friday!  It's in downtown Boston, literally 8 minutes from my house.  I'm not trying to get my hopes up too high but this would be amazing.  The job is somewhat related to what I'm doing now.  I'm not sure on the pay which is my only concern.  I have a bare minimum that I need to make just to survive and I'm hoping it's not below that.  I'm still excited though! 

A few pictures I came across today that just made sense for me, right now, and where I'm at.  That's all. 

The show last night was a success.  I feel like I'm turning into such an old lady, I could barely keep my eyes open, but I perked right up when she started performing.  It was nice to get out and actually be a human being, although just sitting on the couch with my boyfriend is as equally appealing. 

The other morning when I was the train to work, a girl was holding a french bulldog in her lap.  I about died.  

I can't handle the cuteness.

I also decided that this is the type of dog we should get and Matt agrees.  It's a small enough dog to appease the landlord but they are so cute that I will just be smothering it with kisses all day. 

Tomorrow I have an Ikea date.  Matt and I had crazy schedules this week and didn't really get to see each other so we are choosing to spend our time together there.  That's true love.

I think I'm going to change the name of my blog this weekend.  This name seems so depressing.

Until then, Matt and I have recently become obsessed with the show Mad Men.  I wasn't able to watch it when it first started but now we are catching up on demand. 

 

We come home pretty much every night to see if a new episode has been posted.  I wish I worked in an office like this one, mainly for the dress.  I love the time period.

 

and in other randomness I'm going to see Robyn tomorrow in Boston.  My friend Kate had an extra ticket and asked me to tag along.  I really don't know who she is but Kate says she has fun dance music and I can get into that. 

  Should be fun. One more long day of work and then onto a the weekend.

Another frickin' snow day here.  Grumble grumble grumble.  I had the lovely task of driving to court about 45 minutes away from work yesterday.  It took me two hours to get there because the roads were not plowed.  It then took me almost three hours to get home.  I am staying put today and getting caught up on some housework.  Also gives me time to catch up on this ol' thing.

Saturday was Matt's birthday and ice skating went off without a hitch.

Adrian did so good ice skating.  He was really scared for a few days about going but once he saw the rink got more excited.  He held on to the edge of the rink for dear life the first few times but then would skate around holding our holds.  By the end, he was skating by himself.  

We then went and had a nice dinner and came home and crashed.  

Off to go shovel.

Today is my other half's birthday.  He is going to be 26! Last night I surprised him with dinner with friends at one of our favorite vegan restaurants.  

He is having band practice right now but when he gets home we are headed downtown to meet his family.  We are going ice skating at the frog pond at out to dinner in Chinatown.  I'm wicked excited.  I haven't been on ice skates in probably 15 years so I'm a little nervous I'm going to break something but it will be worth it.  

I feel like we are finally starting to find our grove.  

This step-mom gig is hard, as I've talked about before.  I have a really hard time conveying what I want to say because I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings and come off as a bitch.  I know there is a parent/child connection that I have not yet experience and will never experience with him.  He is not mine.  As much as that sounds selfish, it just will never be there.  I don't think that is something you can duplicate and since I haven't had my own child, I'm not exactly sure what it feels like. That doesn't mean I don't love him unconditionally as if he wasn't my own though.  I would do anything for him.  I go into mama-bear mode when we are at a playground and somebody is mean to him.  These past few weeks have been really great though.  I miss him during the times that we don't have him.  I feel like we are both finally starting to get one another and he is realizing that I'm not going anywhere.  It's a good feeling. 

As much as I really wish school was over for me, there is an incredibly nerdy part that still enjoys going.  I even started researching what it would take for me to get my bachelor's degree today.

I'm putting myself through school, working while doing so and not accumulating any school loans.  I feel good in that sense but then I look at my peers who are my age or younger and have bachelors degrees.  It makes me feel like I did something wrong.  I looked into transferring to Suffolk and with the 60 credit hours I would need, it would cost me around $40,000 just in tuition.  That doesn't include any books or other fees.  I have such a hard time justifying that to myself.  I was really getting excited and that just deflated all of the excitement I had. Suffolk is a private university so it does cost quite a bit more but it is the only college around that offers a bachelors in legal studies.

Decisions, decisions.  On one hand I just want to be satisfied with my associates and just be done.  Get my degree, get married, have some babies and enjoy life. I still have probably another year left of school though so these thoughts can wait for a little while more.  Hopefully before then, I will have a new job where I'll be happy and things will all be okay.

I start school again tomorrow.  Welcome to having no life again.  I'm taking a night class this time from 6-9:45pm one night a week...on top of working full time.  Yay!  I have such a bad taste in my mouth from last semester and my Professor from hell but I'm keeping positive that I don't think it could get much worse than that.  I'm ready to get this semester over with, get school over with all together and be done.

I'm going to enjoy my last night of doing nothing with some snuggle time, Jersey Shore and Teen Mom 2.  In all likelihood I'll fall asleep before Teen Mom 2 even starts because I can't stay awake past 9:30 these days, but it's nice in theory.

One of my goals this year was to scrapbook at least two pages a month.  To some that may seem like no real goal at all but considering I scrapbooked about 3 pages last year, I have to work in baby steps.  Scrapbooking is my outlet, as lame as it may be.  I've done it since I was little and enjoy going back and looking at the memories.  It's different than just looking at pictures.  I did this page about a week ago and will probably try to work on another one tonight.  It is our Christmas card from this past year, as if you can't tell.

Last February I did not think I would be at this place I am today.  Back in a relationship with Matt, living together and starting our lives.  We've come a long way and while we get under each other's skin and have our arguments, we also love each other just as much.  I couldn't ask for anything more from him. <3

Why do horrible things happen to good people.  It's one of those things in life I don't understand.  The people who do so many great things are the ones who get shit on.

My friend's infant daughter passed away today.  She has been fighting to be here since the end of September and just couldn't fight anymore.  I'm at a loss for words.  I wish I had the means to hop on a plane and fly to Delaware and hug them all and cry.  I can't imagine the pain they are going through and never would pretend that I do.  <3

We ended 2010 with a blizzard and we started 2011 with another one.  All set with snow for the rest of the season!  This one wasn't as fun as the last one, we didn't have heat until 4 o'clock this afternoon.  Plus Matt had to go into work.  He got a lovely call from his back chewing him out for not going in at 7am, even though he left the house at 5:30 am only to come back home because it was too dangerous.  His job is not worth risking his life for.  Once he did finally make it to work they didn't have power and only about 20 out of 100 people showed up.  I'm sure they didn't get a nasty call from their boss though.  She's such a bitch, can't wait until he switches positions.

Now I'm dreaming about this...flighs and hotel for less than $600 a person.  YES PLEASE

The past year was tough for some of my friends and their relationships.  Two of my friends and I started dating guys around the same time and then also were broken up with around the same time.  It was nice in the regard that we all had something in common and could cry our eyes out for hours and we would understand.

After about a month of us all being broken up with they both found out they were pregnant.  I know these girls and it was most definitely not on purpose or to trap anybody...they were accidents.  One of my friends was in Montana so I was not able to be there physically but my other friend lives close.  We spent a lot of time together after the father decided he really didn't want to be in the picture.  My friend in Montana was working it out with her baby's father, even getting engaged to him.  They moved to Seattle and were ready to start their lives together.  I got an e-mail about a month and a half ago that rocked that image.  She lost her baby boy at 8 months along.  After going through the loss of her baby her fiance also decided to tell her that he wanted to be single.  It's at points like this in my friends lives that I wish I could just hop on a plane and be there, but unfortunately my life can't be put on hold like that.  I wish it could.

My other friend was now at the point of delivering her baby boy but he just didn't want to come out.  We waited and waited and finally a day after my birthday he decided to join us.  She had a 28 hours of back labor and did it all at home.  After watching videos and researching home-births, that is the route that she decided to take.  I had previously come to that decision that eventually when I want to have children that is the avenue I would like to take.  Seeing her actually accomplishing it and doing amazing just made my decision even stronger, not that I will be having a baby anytime soon though ;).

I got to go visit her and her little boy today and he was so sweet.  She is going to be doing it alone and she has my upmost respect.  I can't imagine the things both of these girls have gone through but they are such an inspiration to me as well as a motivator.  When I think my life is hard, I just look at them and see that they are overcoming incredibly difficult things and that I can do the same.

Here it is, January 1st of 2011.  I'm officially 24 and looking to this New Year as a new opportunity to wipe out the old and start fresh.  

2010 was a mixed year.  Of course any year isn't going to be perfect but I experienced things in 2010 that I had never experience before.  Love and heartbreak. Luckily 2010 ended with more love but those few months of absolute hell will always be remembered.  I've met some amazing people and lost a friend.  I guess these things happen in life and we must move on.  

2011 is full of promise.  New adventures, new (hopefully) jobs, new babies, and new memories.  I'm looking forward to it!

Well, that was fun.  A nice little storm decided to dump on us right before the end of the year.  I stayed home for work, the office was closed but apparently decided to open at 11 am.  I live 40 minutes away on a good day, there was no way I was making it there before noon.  My boss mentioned that they wouldn't be paying us for the hours the office was closed, ha  ha  haha.  I'll be speaking to her about that tomorrow.

I'm trying to enjoy my day off, Matt has the day off as well so we've been laying on the couch and watching movies.  We never get to do that.

Christmas was really really good.  One of the best Christmas' I've had in awhile.  Adrian was so well behaved and thoroughly enjoyed all of his gifts.  We ventured to Matt's parents house to meet up with his siblings and niece.   His niece recently broke her femur (poor thing) so she has pretty much a full body cast on.  She's in a wheelchair, it was so pathetic looking.  She's only 3, I can only imagine how miserable she must have been.  We also learned that a new little niece or nephew will be making an entrance next June so that's exciting!  His parents got us Red Sox tickets for next April and it was nice to hang out with them, chat and spend time with family.

Now I'm just waiting for Matt to come inside after shoveling, he's been helping the whole freakin' block. Only 5 more days until my birthday, eep!

It looks like Wordpress has the option of password protecting some posts so I may move over there. I just have to figure out how to download it.

Today is going to be filled with cleaning, a visit from Nikki, going grocery shopping (eek) and making cookies for Santa and cinnamon rolls for us. We have one very excited 4 year old and two very excited adults.

Merry Christmas :)

I think I'm going to be making my blog private. I've thought about it for a few days and I'm not entirely comfortable talking freely about the situation regarding Mother of the Year. If you want to continue reading (and I'm not sure anybody reads this thing anyways), shoot me an e-mail at rcknrollqueen at gmail.com

It's December 15th already, yikes! Luckily the Christmas cards are mostly sent out and the shopping is pretty much done but not all of it. I really don't understand why they schedule finals so close to Christmas because I'm going to be a ball of stress up until then, not exactly enjoying the holidays.

Another reason why our enjoyment is being thwarted is because of a little boy's mother. I don't know exactly how or why anybody could be so vile and nasty towards the father of their child but she is. I might understand if he did something horribly wrong but he pays more child support than he's supposed to, we have him over the weekend meaning she has every weekend off, and we do our best to give him what he needs. Apparently that isn't good enough for her. Matt woke up to some nasty texts about the plan for Christmas. There never is a discussion with her, it's just her way or you can go kick rocks. Doesn't quite work that way when you have a court agreement that you need to abide by. She's tried to pull this not abiding by the court agreement before and it's only come back to bite Matt in the ass so we try and stick by the agreement. The agreement says on even years we get to spend Christmas morning with Adrian and then she gets him from 1-6. Well she doesn't like that and was very vocal about it. We did have him last year in the morning but she never made a peep so we thought nothing of it but this year she is making a stink. You snooze, you lose sweetie.

So she threatened us by taking us back to court again but it's all a joke. We are abiding by the court agreement, hardly think the Judge is going to give us crap about that. It does get me upset though because I just don't understand it. If she would talk to us like normal human beings we actually would have compromised with her and let her spend more time with Adrian but she's being a bitch.

It just makes me think that she is so miserable in what's going on in her own life that she needs to pass that onto Matt. She sees that we are doing alright and I'm sure it pisses her off when her own boyfriend doesn't have a job and just leeches off of her. But according to her he has a Ph.D. @@ right.

Phew, those last few posts were fun! East coast is bringing out the fiestyness and Im so tired of just being expected to jusy take it. So im not. And my sailor mouth comes out, oopsies. Last year I made a list of goals I wanted to set out for this past year. I can't believe 2010 is already over. ::sigh::

Last years list included:

-Get my paralegal certificate...DONE!

-Land a paying job in the paralegal field...DONE!

-Learn to knit...Not done. BUT, my friend Kate said she knows how to knit so I think during these gross winter months we will have to have some knitting dates. Especially since she lives about 10 minutes away now.

-Take another vacation...Well, if Las Vegas and New York City count, then DONE! Going to have to tweak that one for this year.

And this years list:

-Land a job closer to/in Boston

-Get out of debt...I don't really have a lot but Matt and I bought a TV, enough said

-Learn to knit

-Take more pictures...I've been seriously slacking lately and with that comes

-Scrapbook more...I'm going to set a goal of at least 2 pages a month

-Travel outside the United States...I have such the travel bug right now, it's bad. Next year I'm going to save up all of my school money and surprise Matt with a trip somewhere. I get e-mails weekly about these insane deals and one of those weeks I'm just going to pick one. Ideally it would be Ireland but we will see.

I think that's a good list for this year.

Since the travel bug has hit I have also been dreaming of my home state of Montana. I watched a show on tv this morning about the Last American Cowboy which is filmed there. The scenery makes me want to go back incredibly bad. I was so lucky to grow up there and have this as my backyard.

My patience is wearing very thin for bullshit. Especially when it comes to customer service. I don't expect the royal treatment but any kind of treatment that doesn't suck would be nice.

Matt and I ordered our couch almost 4 weeks ago now. Online it specifically states that a special order (which is what ours was) will be delivered in less than 21 days. No asterisks, no fine print, that's it. Well guess what! That didn't happen. They still haven't told us when it will be delivered.

I called the store last night and talked to a girl named Bitch. She said that our order form states 3-5 weeks. I told her that the order form may in fact say that, although it's in their code so I can't really tell that's what it says, but that was never explained to us. We were still under the assumption it would be delivered within 3 weeks. She just told me again the order form states 3-5 weeks. I wanted to reach through the phone and punch her in the fucking throat because she obviously didn't listen to a god damn word I said. I don't pay almost $800 for a fucking couch to be treated like a piece of shit. She told me to call back on Saturday and talk with the lady who sold us the couch. She even went ahead and said she would pass the message along to her. Don't bother, bitch.

Honestly. I pay for a service, I expect to get what I paid for. Fuck you.

This past weekend was hard. There is no other way to explain it. Adrian was fresh and then some. It just makes me so aggravated because Matt and I try so hard to get this little boy to behave and he goes home to his mother and it all goes to shit. He was such an adorable, caring little boy a few months ago and now something is changing.

He told Matt he didn't want to see him. I don't know, but I can't wrap my brain around a 4 year old saying this by himself. I know kids get upset and say mean things but he said it over and over again this weekend. Out of the blue.

We bend over backwards for him, and we are supposed to. We try and do fun things like the movies, special toys, fun nights, but we do expect him to behave. Nothing insane but enough to make him not be a hellion. I have a feeling his mother let's him to whatever he wants and there are no boundaries. This sucks for us because now we come off as the mean ones.

We are going to keep plugging away and try and reward the good things that he does and not draw too much attention to the bad. It's a fine line.

The tree is up, stockings are hung, presents are under the tree...now we are just waiting for Santa!

Those 25 days leading up to Christmas used to take forever when I was a child. I remember the torture of them. Now they whizz by and I feel like I can't get everything done. We started early this year so we can actually get some enjoyment out of it. Adrian was pretty funny yesterday when he came home and saw the tree and presents. He then proceeded to talk to himself and plan out all of Christmas morning and how it was going to go. I'm assuming the next few weeks will go by extremely slowly for him.

Tomorrow is more Christmas shopping and Harry Potter with the girl(s). I've been thinking about it all week, I can't wait.

I didn't go to work today. I needed a day off, a mental health day. I feel incredibly guilty though.

I worked all weekend on homework, stressed myself to the max. I needed a day to just sit and do nothing, even though I've already worked on homework. I looked at my grades from the last assignments I turned in and I still only received a 75%. It's so deflating. I thought I did a really great job on the assignments I turned in, even after meeting with her. It's a punch in the gut. Just goes to show me that I'm really tearing my hair out for nothing.

So I'm going to relax today, cook some dinner for the cutest boy ever and try and enjoy it as much as possible.

This picture makes my heart squeel. I want one!

Thanksgiving has now passed and now crunch time is setting in for Christmas.

Matt and I went to his parents house for Thanksgiving. It was nice, quieter than last year. Some of his siblings couldn't make it. It makes me miss my family though, haven't seen my mom in a year and a half or my sister and nieces in two. Matt and I are planning to go to Oregon in March to see my mom but missing holidays with them still sucks. His family is great though.

I have a little less than a month left of classes, yay! I already registered for next semester and realize I have about 10 classes left to get my degree. If I keep taking 2 classes a semester that's 2 and a half years but I may start taking summer courses if I can to be done a little faster. I'm so ready to be done. I might go for my bachelors eventually but I want to get this associates out of the way.

Baby fever is also starting to creep back up. Whyyyyy?! Probably because I watch 16 and Pregnant and those babies are so freaking cute. We were watching it the other night and Matt, out of the blue, said I could have a baby at 25. Ahem, that's a year away. No. As much as I want one, I just can't right now.

Wedding fever is also there, ruh roh. That's probably more normal and manageable. I already have ideas running through my head and he hasn't even proposed. Shhh, don't tell him. I've never been one of those girls that has dreamed of their wedding day since they were little. Now that the possibility is inching closer, I'm getting more into it. Plus, it's much more fun than doing homework.

I found this dress about 2-3 years ago and I love it. I don't know if it will hold my boobs but I'll keep dreaming.

I'd love to do a 1940's-50's type theme with a vintage glamour feel to the wedding. I'v ran that idea by Matt and he liked it as well. Now I just have to get a ring on it ;)

Itttttt's already half way through November. Pfffff, I'm ready. Going to do some Christmas shopping, christmas tree hunting, looking at lights and enjoying this as much as possible. I love this season so lets hope school doesn't stress me out too much.

My humanities class took such a tole on me that I decided to set up a meeting with Dean at my college. Well guess who showed up randomly.. my Professor!!! So, I didn't end up really being able to speak with the Dean but I did get a smack down from the teacher. It was nice. I think it ended though with both of us realizing where each other stood and now I just need to eek it out another month.

A new girl started at work and her and I have been having a lot of fun. It's nice to not be all alone anymore. I thought I was going to get stuck with a crotchety old lady but I got lucky!

We also bought a couch this week! But it won't be delivered for about a month, dun dun. It will be worth it though. We are so tired of sitting on top of one another.

I feel like I'm missing about 300 things but I can't think right now, I just want to shut my brain off.

The stress of my one humanities class is pushing me to the brink. I'm busting my ass for this lady and I'm still doing poorly. The professor is out of her god damn mind and my next step is calling the Dean of my school and going to talk to them. I'm not letting this one person ruin my grades. She has me in tears at least once a week because I do not understand her assignments at all. I sit here for hours trying to rack my brain to figure out what she wants and I apparently do it wrong. She doesn't want to be contacted and has repeatedly told us she teaches 7 classes and yadda yadda yadda. It's frustrating.

On top of that I have been dealing with lovely T-Mobile for a week now and let's just say that the top customer service dogs, those located next to the President's office, are now talking with me. I'm the wrong person to fuck with when it comes to these sorts of things. I'm assuming they want most people to roll over and let them rape you, but I'm not that sort of girl.

Other than that! Halloween went well, Adrian was Iron Man. He refused having his picture taken so we have some running around head shots of the little man. We carved pumpkins and his reaction was heart-melting. He was so in awe, it was awesome. This age is going to be fun for the holidays. We also had our 'family' pictures taken this past week for our holiday cards and I can't wait to see them! Other than that, same old same old. I did get to go out with girls Saturday night which was much needed. I think we need to make that a monthly thing, it's just so hard trying to organize everyone together. For now I'm going to go relax and try not to fall asleep. I should be doing laundry but....meh.

Somedays being a Mom is hard. Especially when you don't feel good and your school assignments are as fun as....well nothing. They get me totally frustrated which is exhausting because school is usually pretty easy for me. The way this professor teaches is so out of the ordinary that it's hard for me to grasp. So I snap at Adrian and it's not fair, but we move on. Matt lovingly told me that nobody's perfect. And it's true. We all have our ups and downs and while I'm in this lovely class I like to call hell, it will probably be filled with more downs.

Also this monday my cube-mate got fired. She was an awesome person and we always had a lot of fun swapping stories and listening to alternative music. She turned me on to quite a few bands, shocking for a Mom of two kids! ;) She's a single Mom, trying her hardest, making a few mistakes-none of which we all haven't made-and they just let her go. It sucks and I've re-vamped me resume and started sending it out to new firms. I was going to wait until 6 months but figured if someone gives me a chance now I might as well take it. I really want to work in downtown Boston because the commute would be a breeze and that's where I'm going to focus for now.

I found this picture a few days ago and it describes what I couldn't put into words. This is exactly what I want to do with the wall in Adrian's room.

I want to find some gig posters and get to work. We've been re-doing the space between the living room and kitchen and that should be finished within a week. Things are slowly coming together. If I could win the lottery they would come together a lot faster.

I came home today ready to vent about work, the commute, school, my cubiclemate getting fired (sad) but then I read my friends 'blog' and that all went away.

I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face as her daughter is clinging to life. This sweet, beautiful little girl has been fighting so hard and the doctors are getting to a point where they are unsure of what else to do.

My problems seem so miniscule compared to that, and they are. I wish I could be there with my friend. I wish I could be there to support her and her family but I can't. So now I just wait and hold onto hope that Hannah is going to shock us all and fight through this.

This is me, procrastinating on homework. I really don't want to do it. I just want to relax on my Saturday but that doesn't happen. I'm looking around and laundry, dishes, cleaning, homework, Adrian and god knows what else all needs to be taken care of. I need a maid.

This week went by s.l.o.w.l.y. Adrian and I got to hangout last night because Matt attended a Gentleman meeting/Art Show in Providence with his friends. I highly encourage him to hang out with the dudes. Now I just need to start hanging out with the girls more often. I am attending a baby shower tomorrow if that counts...but I don't think it does. I want to go dancing, haven't gone in so long! Anyways-while Adrian and I were sitting on the couch he looks at me and says, "I'm going to go grow a beard". He was serious too. I was trying not to outwardly laugh, but it was pretty funny.

Matt is taking me on a date tomorrow. SQUEE! He's going to be working a lot the next week and has this past week so we need to spend some time together before I murder him in his sleep. :)

It's Monday, I'm at home and getting paid for it. Ahhhhhh, it's lovely. To get paid holidays at this job you need to be there for 90 days and it just so happens I hit my 90 days yesterday. I like to cut it close.

My homework is done. Adrian is playing, we got to keep him a little longer this weekend. It's been fun. We went to the pumpkin patch, picked out some ridiculously expensive pumpkins, around $36 for three pumpkins. I about choked and vomited when the total came up. Once a year is what I kept telling myself, this happens once a year.

And so we all walked out grasping out lovely pumpkins and everything was perfect. HA! Yeah right. We are walking out to the car and Adrian has a complete melt-down that he didn't get to go on the hayride. Kids. I'm sure I did this stuff to my parents as well. We told him he could go get a job and then take us on the hayride. He wasn't too keen on that.

We did have a nice day together though, honestly.

Sitting in my little cubicle all day at work gets a tinge boring. But at least I have a cubiclemate! We have learned a lot about each other these past few months and it's nice to have someone to talk to during the day. She's older, divorced and has two younger daughters. We get along well, which is good.

She's been dating and has what I like to think is a crappy boyfriend right now. He doesn't want anything to do with her kids which is a huge red flag for me and would be a dealbreaker but she's holding out hope. They broke up about 3 weeks ago and she couldn't stay away. It drives me crazy but then I realize I was probably the exact same way when I was dealing with my break up.

Anyways-today we got on the discussion of Matt and I and she started saying things about how I should be out living my life, traveling and not tied down dating someone with a child. I mentioned to her that I have traveled the world and dating someone with a 4 year old doesn't automatically make us shut-ins. I love traveling and don't plan to ever stop, granted I haven't been anywhere this year but that's because of a new job and vacation time. I also stated that potentially within the next 3-4 years we would probably have a baby and she about died. She said I should wait until I was at least 30. I wanted to smack her. I'll be 27-28 years old if all pans out correctly and that is plenty 'old enough' to have a baby in my opinion. I don't want to be in my 30's when I have my first child. I want to be somewhat young. The whole conversation just took me by surprise and I was a little hurt. Matt and I have come a long way and he's great. He even called me today to say that he loved me and to see how I was, yet her boyfriend never even responded to the nice text she sent him this morning. Maybe she's just upset that her boyfriend is dick. She deserves better though and I'm very content with where I'm at in my life and where I'm going. It's not like I'm going to be on 16 and Pregnant.

I'm feeling a little better. I've gotten a grasp on my schoolwork, finances seem to be more under control and all the little things I've had to do are starting to get tied up. Since moving here, I've just had a ton of things I needed to do. Nothing major but a few phone calls a week and I finally feel like those are over.

We just moved the table in and Matt's moving the rest of my stuff from the storage unit tomorrow. We are getting a new fridge delivered Monday and then really making this apartment ours begins. I want to start this weekend with Adrian. I feel like him and I have been on the outs lately and I think making some Halloween crafts together this weekend will be good for both of us.

I've never really blogged about our relationship because it's such an emotional subject. I'm not his Mom, I get that, obviously. But I am a Mom to him and learning to find that groove is an adjustment. He's also going through a fresh phase where it makes liking his adorable butt that much harder. Hopefully we will be coming out of that soon.

In other random news, when we first moved in the landlord said he wouldn't mind if we got a little dog. Now to convince him that this adorable thing is a "little" dog.

A mastiff. We want to get one from a rescue center, so now we move onto the landlord. There are no carpets in this apartment-it's all hardwood and tile so I really don't see why a dog would be bad. We also would rather not get a puppy because we both know we can't handle that right now. But I want a dog so bad and rescuing one would make it that much better.

The past few days have been rough for me. Life just sometimes gets you down and then just kicks you in the stomach while you are on the ground. It could also be the fact that I'm pmsing. Yeah....that's probably it. I also feel like I'm always pmsing.

Going to school and working full time is hard. really hard. It takes a lot of time and when I get home from work I go straight to the computer to do school and sit here for hours. So when I get online to view my grades and see that my professors have graded me much lower than I expected I start to fume. I become even more enraged when one professor decides to state on my paper that this was 'probably not my best work'. I'm also not one of those people who doesn't give a fuck, because I do. It broke me. Here I am putting hours upon hours of work into my assignments only to get non-appreciative responses. My classes are also online which makes things a lot harder to get anything accomplished when it comes to questions or problems. Having seen this has now lit a fire under my ass and now I'm going to have to put even more effort into school. I wanted to quit this weekend but I can't, I really can't.

Other than that the only worry is money. Always. I don't think that will never not be a worry in my life so I just deal with it. I'm apparently going to be getting some financial aid this semester which will help a ton but who knows when that will come in.

This weekend was nice. Matt had Saturday off for us to attend the wedding and what a weird wedding it was! The ceremony was approximately 1 minute and then nothing else was announced. People ate food, the couple cut the cake and did the first dance with not a lot of people watching. I'm glad Matt was able to see his friend again and he/we talked with someone he used to know but hasn't seen forever. She was actually friends with some people I knew so we chatted a bit as well.

After the wedding we went to Louis C.K. and, man, he is inappropriate. I think he says things that most of us think but being that we have filters we don't say them. He does and I love him for that. It was a nice change of pace for us since we've been stuck in the house a lot.

Sunday we woke up and literally snuggled until 1:30 pm. We never have that chance and it was nice. Those moments are needed, especially when I'm going through breakdown mode in my brain.

I've completed the homework I wanted to today so now I'm going to relax and watch Teen Mom. That show makes me feel better about life, that's for damn sure. Garyyyyyyyyyyyy.

My amazing friend had a baby this week. It's a time of happiness but also one that is filled with concern and worry. Sweet baby Hannah has some medical issues that need to be addressed. My friend asked if I would be a part of Hannah's arrival day and of course I wanted to be. She trusted me enough to be there through this difficult period and I was honored. Unfortunately I wasn't able to make the trip down south for it. I have been kicking myself for it but it just wasn't possible. Hopefully I'll be able to come down soon to take some pictures of her squishyness but for now they are in my thoughts.

I have to say, working a full time job makes time go by so much faster. I can't believe it's almost October, I feel like I say that everytime I blog. Time just needs to stop for a bit and let me get caught up.

Matt and I have a nice weekend planned. We are attending a tattoo artists wedding tomorrow which should be fun and entertaining. After that is Louis C.K., we both need to laugh a bit. Sunday is a whole day off for me. This is the first Sunday is who knows how long that I'll be able to actually do nothing. Of course I won't, I have homework and housework to do but still...doing nothing will probably happen at some point and I'm going to cherish every minute of it.

Matt just sat down and started rubbing my legs only to be met by a massive amount of prickly hairs. I think the best describes my life right now, I don't even have to time or energy to shave. We are backed up at work so they approved me for some overtime so we can try to get caught up. Now when work is over I really just want to come over and head to the couch. I did have Kate over last night and it was nice to get caught up but she didn't stay too long because we were both beat.

I just keep telling myself that this is going to be the hardest part. I'm really putting in all of this effort now for things to eventually be worth it, and it will be. This is the starting point. Waking up so early, commuting, school...it's all part of the bigger picture.

I had baby fever for about a year not to long ago and I didn't think it would happen but it's completely gone. A girl at work just found out she was pregnant very unexpectedly and I kept thinking what if that was me. A few months ago I would have been excited but now I think I would be not so excited.

And now I'm going to go shave my legs so my boyfriend and I can smush. Actually we probably won't but I love that word now thanks to the jersey shore..which I love more and more everyday.

I'm still alive, hanging on by a thread. We survived the move minus the rental truck company calling us 45 minutes before we were supposed to pick up the truck to tell us that they had went on strike. I thought I was on a radio prank show because *really*. It was all worth it though. We are slowly making this place our home and things are coming together nicely. Matt comes home and cooks me dinner every night and their is $1 laundry is the basement. City living at it's best.

During the move process I also started school. Because my plate isn't quite full enough I decided to throw that on top. I'm taking two online classes. My critical thinking class should be manageable but I'm taking a humanities class dealing with world religions and the professor seems all over the place so that should be interesting. I've also been sick all weekend. Whine Whine Whine.

I was able to go see Ellie on Sunday and babysit for a bit. She has gotten so big, it makes me so sad. She's walking up a storm, saying my name and I love you's. It was adorable. Ann wants me to potentially come back this weekend and I'll probably oblige seeing as how extra money is most welcome right now since that move nearly wiped me out.

Next few weekends are busy with a nieces birthday party, a wedding, seeing Louis C.K. with Matt and friends and working more on the apartment. I really can't believe it's already September. Ick.