The last few days have be rainy and gross making me feel gross. Weather really affects my mood, as does sleep and pretty much everything else.
School started yesterday and I logged on only to want to log back out and go cry in a corner. I'm taking two online classes, Accounting 2 and Business Management, of which neither has to do with my degree. I find them to be pointless and just eating away money for nothing. I'm already working in the paralegal field and I have yet to use any of this useless shit. Accounting 1 and I had a battle last semester. It was not pretty. I did so incredibly well with my legal classes and then going into Accounting, I was holding on by a thread. I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect, to get A's. I've always been that way. If I can't do it well then I may as well not do it.
I've had a few classes in college that have knocked me down a few pegs. I put so much time and energy into them to barely pass. After many tears and hair pulling and fights with the computer and anything else that would fight back, I said Fuck It. Nobody in an interview is going to ask how well I did in my "History of World Religions" class with my nutty super feminist professor. Nobody. I exert all of this energy for nothing, really. I want my GPA to be great but at the end of the day, as long as I pass and get my degree, that's all that matters.
Both of my classes are online this year and they say on average I'm going to have to dedicate between 12 to 16 hours a week to them. I'm not exactly sure where I'm going to pull that time out of but I'll try. Working full time and going to school part time is not for the faint of heart. I'm not sure how people work full time and go to school full time without relying heavily on medication, alcohol or both.
I about had a mental breakdown yesterday looking at all the crap I have to go through and assignments that are already needing to be done but I'll get through it. It may not be pretty and I may not be happy about it but I'll do it.
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