Is this week over yet? Between school, work, trying to find a job, being sick and trying to find a job, I'm spent. Seriously spent. I don't know at what point my body and mind start mentally breaking down but I feel like it's close, and it scares me. I have a working interview with a family in Belmont on Sunday and before that I have an interview with a family in Lexington. I also have one on Monday with some family somewhere else. Still, I'm scared. I just want this whole thing to be over so I can move on with my life and stop stressing about every little thing. Less than two weeks to go.

This weekend was interesting. I had a lovely Friday night with Nicole. We went to dinner and shopping. Got caught up on all of the gossip that we needed to. It was nice to hang out and her pregnant belly is pretty damn adorable. So weird seeing your good friends pregnant. On Saturday morning I drove down to New Jersey to see the boy. I get there and he wants to take his truck to the car wash, no big deal. Then he comes home and wants to vacuum out the fucking thing. I am literally sitting on the steps of his house for a good hour, hour and a half while he vacuums. We went for a long drive after that and chatted a bit. It was at this point that he started to become distant I guess? It was weird. We went back to his house and he played video games and then we ate dinner with his family. I adored his parents, they were amazing.

After dinner we decided to go out to a bar with one of his friends. In Nicks words, he wanted to get fucked up. Lovely, eh? Have a nice girl visiting from another state and you want to get completely smashed. We're sitting at dinner and I'm chatting with his friend about life and what not. While we're talking, Nick starts talking to the two girls that are sitting at the table next to us. I seriously was speechless. I'm still speechless and want to know what the fuck was running through that boys head. We went to his friends house to hang out, we were there for all of 20 minutes when Nick needed to go home because he was plastered.

He came home, passed out on the futon and that was it. I should have just left then but I had had some drinks so that was out. I woke up in the morning, he started cleaning his room for a house showing and then I left. He hasn't talked to me all week and I sure as hell am not initiating conversation with him. He wanted to come up this weekend since his friends were but I doubt that is going to happen. Don't know if I even really want to see him anyways. I would like to talk to him to see what the fuck is going on.

Oh well, plenty of other fish in the sea. I'm not wasting my time on someone like that.

I'm just sayin', getting complimented by a suicide girl when your tattoos are not even visible will really boost your confidence.


I went to Heathers art show tonight in Southie. It was really really fun. I went with Dan and all of his roommates who kept me laughing the entire time. Tears rolling down my face laughing.

I was talking to one of Heathers friends and this group of people was standing next to us, four of them. They kept looking over at me and then looking away. This went on for a good 10 minutes. I was getting very embarrassed because I thought they were making fun of me and honestly had no idea why. :( I walked over to Heather and asked if she knew them, of course she did. She went to talk to them and the girl came over and said they kept looking at me because they thought I was adorable. Serious self confidence booster!

I need to go to bed, but I'm still pumped from tonight. Might be heading to Jersey this weekend and dinner date tomorrow with Nicole!

All of a sudden my life has been throw into busy mode. I'm not liking it, I probably shouldn't even be writing this because I have so much to do.

I just had to jot down my first time ever getting pulled over. It's a historic moment in many peoples lives and mine was no different. Heather needed me to drive her to Southie to drop of some prints for her show next weekend. Of course I said yes. We're driving along and hit a red light. It turns green and the car in front of me just starts inching forward, I wait, he sits there so I honk and drive around him. This was legal because it was a one way street. Not even two seconds later he flips on his lights. I don't think I registered at this point that I was getting pulled over because, seriously, who gets pulled over for honking. Especially considering I always drive at least 10 miles an hour over the speed limit, I guess they don't care about that. The officer got out of his car and gave me a nice little chat about exactly what a horn is used for. Apparently it's not allowed to be used to tell people to "get the eff out of my way". I'm still cracking up about it.

Thursday night is free night at the ICA so we went. Shepard Fairy's art exhibit is being shown right now. He is the one that did the very popular Obama print.



I hadn't seen very much of his work before this but I'm in love with it! It's amazing. They had this huge piece of a little girl smelling a rose out of a grenade and I think it might be my favorite. The print in the show looked different than this but I like how he pastes them in cities.



Back to work. I have an interview today that I'm feeling very hopeful about, I really really need this job so I need it to go well.

**Warning, vent ahead**

If you don't want to know my true feelings than turn back now. This is the reason I have a blog. For me to get my thoughts out. I don't give my blog address to family or very many friends because frankly, some times I need to bitch about them.

This is one of those times.



After the break-up of Bob and I, he admittedly took it harder than I did. Does that mean that I didn't hurt? No, I did. I cried through a good week for him. I felt like a total bitch hurting him but I didn't love him and needed to move on. I had never experienced a break up before and thought that my friends would come running with pints of Ben and Jerry's ice cream and movies for us to watch. They didn't. I made it through that time by myself. I remember on one occasion asking to go to a club to get my mind off of things. That didn't happen. A party was thrown but since Bob was there, I wasn't invited. I totally understand that he doesn't want to hang out with me, especially at his house. I just thought maybe my friend would say screw the party, want to go to dinner? I sat at home that night crying again.

I'm not used to this kind of 'friendship'. Growing up I had a very very few select people who I called my friend. I would bend over fucking backwards for these people if they ever needed me. I know they would do the same. Coming here it's been quite a shock to the system because that isn't necessarily happening.

So, since Nicole's birthday is right around the corner and her being what I would consider one of my best friends, I wanted to celebrate it with her. Especially since this is her last childless birthday. It's kind of a big one. I had been talking to her about it for awhile. I even mentioned once planning something if John wasn't going to. I was assured that John had it handled and I didn't need to worry about it. I have been bugging her for a few weeks, let me know what the plan is. I also told her to let me know if Bob was going to be there. This was when I thought Nick might be coming down and that would be awkward for all involved, but I highly doubt he's coming so now I don't care if Bob will be there.

Imagine my surprise when today I'm informed that me, Nicole, John and possibly Heather can go to dinner. Then they are going to Bobs house for a party, but I'm not invited. I wasn't going to get offended or hurt, but it happened. I'm human. So that's it. I'm going to spend an hour at dinner with them and then come home.

Why does this upset me so much? Because I've been there for Nicole a lot. We used to spend pretty much every single day together and now that I'm living in Boston that hasn't been happening. She see's Bob all of the time now so I don't quite understand why it's of the up most importance to spend the evening with a bunch of fucking underage drunken teenagers. It makes me feel like shit. I'll probably spend the evening planning her baby shower where I see hundreds and hundreds of dollars flying out of my bank account and absolutely no business spending that kind of money. But I want to. Because that's what friends do. Or so I thought.

Yesterday I called my mom and told her that I wanted to try and contact my read dad.

This is something I have been thinking about for awhile but watching Dr. Phil yesterday made me make the call. He had families on who from the help of The Locater, had been re-united.

When I was younger I always said I never had any interest in knowing him. But as I've gotten older, I've been more curious. What is he like? What personality traits of mine did I get from him? I know I have half-siblings, what are they like? Do they even know I exist?

I don't know if I'll even been able to find him, or talk to him, but I'm going to try.

This weekend was a total blast. Tiring but fun.

I left work early on Friday and headed to New Jersey first. Didn't think I was going to stop there but at the last minute Jersey boy found out he could get out of the photoshoot early so we could grab dinner. I wasn't nervous to meet him because we had talked online for months and I felt like I knew him already. He took me to this little Mexican restaurant with no tables, just a bar. The food was delicious, the Spanish soap opera in the background was amusing and the conversation flowed easily. I didn't want to seem to into him, but man, the boy is cute.

We talked and talked and then drove around looking for ice cream. I met his parents who seem fun and all of his 5 crazy dogs. We had a quick little peck of a kiss when I left. Awwww. I don't want to get to excited just yet because I don't want to get crushed, but there is something there. He is supposed to come up to Boston two weeks. Yay!

On to Delaware. I didn't get in until after 12:30 (sorry Erika!) even though I hauled ass on the Jersey Turnpike. Saturday morning we all woke up to rain. We decided to still head into Philadelphia, and lucky for us, it never rained. Just stayed overcast. We hit the zoo which was fun.


After the zoo we went to the King of Prussia mall which was GINORMOUS. Right after walking through the front doors we were confronted by some man that was bleeding heavily from his foot region. As we walked into the mall more there were puddles upon puddles of his blood. It made me nauseous. We stopped in a few stores but were all so pooped we took off for dinner. Joe and Erika took me to this awesome Asian restaurant. We went back to their house and I tortured them with watching Twilight! It's an obsession.

Sunday we just hung out around the house. It was so much fun catching up on everything that has been going on in these past years. So glad I went down and I can't wait to hang out again! Micah is just to adorable for words and such a good baby!

Seriously, how am I not getting dates? :)

This week went by fast, it was nice not having school but back to the grind this week.

I'm on week 4 of my running program and I'm feeling SO much better. It's amazing what a little exercise will do in my life. I've even gained weight, but I don't really care. I can tell my clothes are fitting better and I just feel better overall. Today was a tough run though. I made it all the way through but felt like I was going to pass out when it was over.

I can't wait for this weekend! I'm going to see Erika, her husband and her adorable little boy. I think the last time I saw Erika was probably a good 4 years ago, maybe even longer. It'll be nice to catch up. I'm also stopping in NJ on the way down to meet Nick for dinner, which I'm also very excited about. We'll see where it goes.

This weekend was lovely, went by way to fast though. Saturday I went for a jog and then drove to Hyde Park to hang out with Dustin. His mother was their and I absolutely adore her! She brought out so much food, drinks and chatted. It was nice. We watched the movie Lost Highway. I'm not one to usually hate a movie, but it's official, I hated that movie. The movie itself was good, suspenseful, creepy, but it had multiple stories going on and never really closed them or brought them together.

Sunday I went to Southie for the St. Patrick's Day parade. Betsy invited me over to Marks apartment and we partied on the roof deck. From the roof you could see the parade which was fun. No drinking for me which was a bummer, I was the only sober one their. It was nice to catch up with Betsy and hang out with her friends. I met a few new cool people as well. I had to babysit Maddie later that day so I headed out after the parade, making my way through all the drunks on the T. Always fun.

Still job hunting. Still anxious. I hate it but I'm trying not to dwell on it. What happens, happens.

Just last week I was saying to my mom that life was going great, too great. I told her that I was expecting something bad to happen. Boy, I was right. She just called to tell me that the dog died. Just because this week couldn't get any better.

Well, I guess you can add me to the list of people who have lost their job in this economy. Ironically enough, it isn't because of the economy. When L goes on maternity leave they won't be able to pay me as much and her mom is retiring from teaching and will be able to watch the babes during the day. I would still be able to watch N two days a week but financial I can't do that so the job hunt is on.

It gets me a little teary eyed thinking about it. I have come to think of my employers more like my family. I come in every morning and chat/gossip with them. They are my friends, and I'm not just hired help. I've been watching these boys since they were just little blobs laying on the carpet, and now they are big kids. Granted, they are the slowest walkers known to mankind but that will be my mission before I leave. So, it's going to be sad to leave and it's a little scary knowing that I won't have a job after April. I started putting in resumes last night as soon as I found out. Not having a job is not an option. I have bills and rent and nowhere to go if I can't afford them.

Everything will work out though and I just need to stay positive. With school, finals and life it's just a little overwhelming.

Random picture taken at Wait St. last weekend. Seems appropriate now.

Since my lovely lovely mother sent me money to take my friends out to dinner, I made her happy and took them out last night. We walked from Mission Hill to the South End at had dinner at the Beehive. The weather was amazing, so nice for walking around Boston. The restaurant was cool, it was in a basement with exposed brick and chandeliers. Heather, Dan, Julian and I each got awesome food, mine being a very rare burger. It was delicious. They also have frites which are a type of french fry that were soooo good.

After dinner we decide to walk to the North End to get cupcakes. If we are going to eat shitty we might as well eat really shitty, right? While walking there the city was re-enacting the Boston Massacre. Apparently they do this every year, except none of us knew about it. HA. We also watched break dancers for a bit who were insane.

For cupcakes we stopped at LuLu's and got 4 different flavor cupcakes to split. Carrot (me, still on that kick), orange creme, vanilla and oreo. Splitting them 4 ways was so fun, we each got to try all the different flavors and ended up only eating one cupcake. It started raining as we were sitting in the park so we started walking back. We got a wild to go see the Watchmen so we walked to the Common and hunkered down for the longest. movie. of. my. life. Good thing it was entertaining!

After the movie we then made the walk home. My body was so tired by the time I got home, I was a happy little clam when I got to crawl in bed.

Nothing to terribly exciting happening around here these days. I applied this week to Urban Outfitters after having a mini meltdown with Heather. It's hard living so far way from your friends and family and I've had a hard time meeting new people. I'm grateful for the few friendships I have but when they are busy I sometimes feel lonely. She suggest getting a weekend retail job to meet people and make a little extra cash so that's exactly what I'm trying to do. I realize in this economy it's not going to be the easiest but we'll try.

I also had a random hang out session today with a boy from my computer class. He came up to me after class and asked if I could help him. I sat with him for like 20 minutes getting some files in order and then he asked if I wanted to hang out after school. I said sure, why not. We went and grabbed some coffee's, took a little walk and then went back to the college to play frisbee. So random! It was fun, something to shake up the usual routine week.

She came to the daycare nearly the exact same day I started working. She was adorable and all the teachers were in love, for all of about 15 minutes. That's when she started screaming. Nobody had the time,energy or patience to try and calm her down so I took on that task. What a task it was and thus our relationship began.

Her parents went up to Betsy one day asking if she was available to babysit, she said she would look at her calendar and let them know. She already had something scheduled that day so I offered to watch her. The tattoos might have freaked them out at first but they agreed.

I've been babysitting her for about 2 years now and I can't believe the time is going that fast. Her family and I have become good friends and talk regularly. When I was going through the break up with Bob the mom let me have a good cry before they left and even offered for me to stay there if I needed to. It's nice to have people whom act like my adopted family since mine is so far away. I babysat her last Saturday and she is growing up to be such a big girl. It was surreal, she seemed like a little 12 year old walking around. I can't wait to see what their new baby is going to be and hopefully the fun will just continue.

Last night Heather and I decided to throw a cupcake party, as part of our 'Anti-Valentine's Day' protest.



We had so many cupcakes it was insane. All I ate for 24 hours was cupcakes, way to go eating healthy! We talked, ate and watched youtube videos of insane things. It started out as watching Barnatt brother videos and progressed into weird, gross and things I've never even thought about. I'd say the night was a success.

This whole eating healthy thing is HARD. I'm really trying though and today I did really well. This weekend, eh, not so much. I blame it on my period. I feel like I could eat an elephant and not be satisfied.

Today was a wonderful day in the state of Massachusetts. It hit 50 degrees. My body did a little happy dance called a 4 mile way through the streets of Boston. It was windy, a little drizzly but dammit, it was 50 degrees. I took my camera with me but wasn't inspired to take a single picture. It's a little ugly right now, I think that's why.

After I got home I started planning Nicole's Baby Shower. I'm getting really excited, I think it is going to turn out really cute. This evening I dragged Conor to go see Coraline with me. We had some awesome 3d glasses which they just happened to charge an extra $2.50 a ticket for. The movie was really amazing. A little creepy and dark, just what I like.

That's it. This 5 pounds has got to come off. I've given myself a month, hopefully shorter (ha!) to do it. I'm starting tomorrow. Waking up at 4 am to take Heather to the airport and getting a coffee for myself is a great way to start. 130, here I come!

Nicole posting a new blog made me think, I really need to do that more often. Even if my life is nothing but school and work, I really enjoy looking back and seeing what I've been doing. Heather isn't helping either because when I know she is going to be around I don't take my camera. I need to not let that stop me and just accept the fact that she blows me out of the water and I can still appreciate her pictures while posting my lame attempts here.

I'm starting this post at 10pm on a Sunday night which is insane because I need to be up very early. I have finally moved into Boston and am totally in love. Walking around the city this weekend made me realize that this is where I have needed to be. Living in the suburbs was rather hard for me because I didn't grow up there. I didn't no anybody or any cool spots to hang out. I couldn't go to the townie bar and see all my old classmates, it didn't work like that.

Friday night I went out with Heather and her friend who came into town from San Diego. His name was Andy and if she wasn't totally smitten by him, than I am. He was funny, charming, and a gentlemen. We started off getting pizza at Joseph's. We sat and talked and made weird pizza eating faces while the people waiting for the T outside watched. We hopped on the T and made our way into downtown where Heather realized she didn't bring her I.D. Off to the Hard Rock Cafe for drinks it was. We drank, I went to the bathroom and had a menu, glasses and straws miraculously jump in my purse and then we went to the North End.

We grabbed some cannolis, eclairs and cupcakes from some place that I can never remember the name too. After taking some romantic pictures, all for the sake of the shot, we sat and fed each other our treats. The whole night we had been trying to get Andy's friend to come join us so I could have someone to mack on but the boy chickened out so it was only us three. After realizing we were being ditched we headed to the karaoke bar where we finagled in without having to pay a cover, took a shot and listed to 'She's a Super Freak' by Andy. He was amazingly good. Andy then wanted to take naked pictures on the Charles River but after we all realized we were nowhere near drunk enough, he opted for clothed ones instead.

We walked through the common, over the bridges and the tree lit streets. It was incredibly romantic and I'm sure I ruined every shred of it for them. It's what I do best! We came upon this drunk guy who was walking into cars on Comm. Ave and decided we needed to stay with him until the police came to make sure he didn't get run over. We waited and waited, he fell in puddles and tried to walk away. Right before the cops showed up he got a burst of energy, hopped in a cab and remembered where he lived. We were talking to his wife on the phone and she didn't seem too thrilled with him. I wonder how that turned out.

We decided to catch a cab home at that point because my toes were frozen from chasing him around puddles. Once back to the apartment we all snuggled in bed and finished the chocolate cupcake. In the morning Andy made us amazing cupcakes and we said good-bye. I hope more weekends like this come my way.

Bone tired

Mike and Lauras wedding was absolutely beautiful. The ceremony overlooked the cliffs of Cape Cod Bay. I shed a few tears during the ceremony, which is good for me! Usually I ball my eyes out. Laura looked stunning, so pretty.

The reception was also great.

I danced to much
I ate to much
I drank I don't know how much

I didn't take my camera but others did. Hopefully they send me pictures because I saw some funny ones.

Worlds end

I needed to get out of the house, and have needed to, since summer started. I didn't want this summer to pass by like last. I decided to find someplace to hike close by and Worlds end was the winner.

I packed BoB into the car, told him we were headed to Hingham and off we went. We stopped at McDonalds for a bite to eat before we left and we stood in line for 20 minutes. Slowest. McDonalds. Ever.

We arrived, without fighting!, and walked the 3 mile loop. It was muggy and hot but we had a really nice time. There were no mountains to climb which meant no complaining from me.

The hike around Worlds end was 3 miles. On clear days you can see Bostons skyline which I would have liked to get some pictures of but since it was hazy we couldn't see it.

Finally, got out of the house! Now if I could just convince him to go to Marthas Vineyard.

Happy 4th of July

We went down to Plains Park last night to go watch the fireworks. Nicole and I decided we needed to get there early because it was going to be packed. We walked over at 5 o'clock even though the fireworks didn't start until 10. Around 6:30 a big rain cloud came in and gave us a little shower. It went away and the show went on as planned.