This past weekend was hard. There is no other way to explain it. Adrian was fresh and then some. It just makes me so aggravated because Matt and I try so hard to get this little boy to behave and he goes home to his mother and it all goes to shit. He was such an adorable, caring little boy a few months ago and now something is changing.

He told Matt he didn't want to see him. I don't know, but I can't wrap my brain around a 4 year old saying this by himself. I know kids get upset and say mean things but he said it over and over again this weekend. Out of the blue.

We bend over backwards for him, and we are supposed to. We try and do fun things like the movies, special toys, fun nights, but we do expect him to behave. Nothing insane but enough to make him not be a hellion. I have a feeling his mother let's him to whatever he wants and there are no boundaries. This sucks for us because now we come off as the mean ones.

We are going to keep plugging away and try and reward the good things that he does and not draw too much attention to the bad. It's a fine line.

The tree is up, stockings are hung, presents are under the tree...now we are just waiting for Santa!

Those 25 days leading up to Christmas used to take forever when I was a child. I remember the torture of them. Now they whizz by and I feel like I can't get everything done. We started early this year so we can actually get some enjoyment out of it. Adrian was pretty funny yesterday when he came home and saw the tree and presents. He then proceeded to talk to himself and plan out all of Christmas morning and how it was going to go. I'm assuming the next few weeks will go by extremely slowly for him.

Tomorrow is more Christmas shopping and Harry Potter with the girl(s). I've been thinking about it all week, I can't wait.

I didn't go to work today. I needed a day off, a mental health day. I feel incredibly guilty though.

I worked all weekend on homework, stressed myself to the max. I needed a day to just sit and do nothing, even though I've already worked on homework. I looked at my grades from the last assignments I turned in and I still only received a 75%. It's so deflating. I thought I did a really great job on the assignments I turned in, even after meeting with her. It's a punch in the gut. Just goes to show me that I'm really tearing my hair out for nothing.

So I'm going to relax today, cook some dinner for the cutest boy ever and try and enjoy it as much as possible.

This picture makes my heart squeel. I want one!

Thanksgiving has now passed and now crunch time is setting in for Christmas.

Matt and I went to his parents house for Thanksgiving. It was nice, quieter than last year. Some of his siblings couldn't make it. It makes me miss my family though, haven't seen my mom in a year and a half or my sister and nieces in two. Matt and I are planning to go to Oregon in March to see my mom but missing holidays with them still sucks. His family is great though.

I have a little less than a month left of classes, yay! I already registered for next semester and realize I have about 10 classes left to get my degree. If I keep taking 2 classes a semester that's 2 and a half years but I may start taking summer courses if I can to be done a little faster. I'm so ready to be done. I might go for my bachelors eventually but I want to get this associates out of the way.

Baby fever is also starting to creep back up. Whyyyyy?! Probably because I watch 16 and Pregnant and those babies are so freaking cute. We were watching it the other night and Matt, out of the blue, said I could have a baby at 25. Ahem, that's a year away. No. As much as I want one, I just can't right now.

Wedding fever is also there, ruh roh. That's probably more normal and manageable. I already have ideas running through my head and he hasn't even proposed. Shhh, don't tell him. I've never been one of those girls that has dreamed of their wedding day since they were little. Now that the possibility is inching closer, I'm getting more into it. Plus, it's much more fun than doing homework.

I found this dress about 2-3 years ago and I love it. I don't know if it will hold my boobs but I'll keep dreaming.

I'd love to do a 1940's-50's type theme with a vintage glamour feel to the wedding. I'v ran that idea by Matt and he liked it as well. Now I just have to get a ring on it ;)

Itttttt's already half way through November. Pfffff, I'm ready. Going to do some Christmas shopping, christmas tree hunting, looking at lights and enjoying this as much as possible. I love this season so lets hope school doesn't stress me out too much.

My humanities class took such a tole on me that I decided to set up a meeting with Dean at my college. Well guess who showed up randomly.. my Professor!!! So, I didn't end up really being able to speak with the Dean but I did get a smack down from the teacher. It was nice. I think it ended though with both of us realizing where each other stood and now I just need to eek it out another month.

A new girl started at work and her and I have been having a lot of fun. It's nice to not be all alone anymore. I thought I was going to get stuck with a crotchety old lady but I got lucky!

We also bought a couch this week! But it won't be delivered for about a month, dun dun. It will be worth it though. We are so tired of sitting on top of one another.

I feel like I'm missing about 300 things but I can't think right now, I just want to shut my brain off.

The stress of my one humanities class is pushing me to the brink. I'm busting my ass for this lady and I'm still doing poorly. The professor is out of her god damn mind and my next step is calling the Dean of my school and going to talk to them. I'm not letting this one person ruin my grades. She has me in tears at least once a week because I do not understand her assignments at all. I sit here for hours trying to rack my brain to figure out what she wants and I apparently do it wrong. She doesn't want to be contacted and has repeatedly told us she teaches 7 classes and yadda yadda yadda. It's frustrating.

On top of that I have been dealing with lovely T-Mobile for a week now and let's just say that the top customer service dogs, those located next to the President's office, are now talking with me. I'm the wrong person to fuck with when it comes to these sorts of things. I'm assuming they want most people to roll over and let them rape you, but I'm not that sort of girl.

Other than that! Halloween went well, Adrian was Iron Man. He refused having his picture taken so we have some running around head shots of the little man. We carved pumpkins and his reaction was heart-melting. He was so in awe, it was awesome. This age is going to be fun for the holidays. We also had our 'family' pictures taken this past week for our holiday cards and I can't wait to see them! Other than that, same old same old. I did get to go out with girls Saturday night which was much needed. I think we need to make that a monthly thing, it's just so hard trying to organize everyone together. For now I'm going to go relax and try not to fall asleep. I should be doing laundry but....meh.

Somedays being a Mom is hard. Especially when you don't feel good and your school assignments are as fun as....well nothing. They get me totally frustrated which is exhausting because school is usually pretty easy for me. The way this professor teaches is so out of the ordinary that it's hard for me to grasp. So I snap at Adrian and it's not fair, but we move on. Matt lovingly told me that nobody's perfect. And it's true. We all have our ups and downs and while I'm in this lovely class I like to call hell, it will probably be filled with more downs.

Also this monday my cube-mate got fired. She was an awesome person and we always had a lot of fun swapping stories and listening to alternative music. She turned me on to quite a few bands, shocking for a Mom of two kids! ;) She's a single Mom, trying her hardest, making a few mistakes-none of which we all haven't made-and they just let her go. It sucks and I've re-vamped me resume and started sending it out to new firms. I was going to wait until 6 months but figured if someone gives me a chance now I might as well take it. I really want to work in downtown Boston because the commute would be a breeze and that's where I'm going to focus for now.

I found this picture a few days ago and it describes what I couldn't put into words. This is exactly what I want to do with the wall in Adrian's room.

I want to find some gig posters and get to work. We've been re-doing the space between the living room and kitchen and that should be finished within a week. Things are slowly coming together. If I could win the lottery they would come together a lot faster.

I came home today ready to vent about work, the commute, school, my cubiclemate getting fired (sad) but then I read my friends 'blog' and that all went away.

I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face as her daughter is clinging to life. This sweet, beautiful little girl has been fighting so hard and the doctors are getting to a point where they are unsure of what else to do.

My problems seem so miniscule compared to that, and they are. I wish I could be there with my friend. I wish I could be there to support her and her family but I can't. So now I just wait and hold onto hope that Hannah is going to shock us all and fight through this.

This is me, procrastinating on homework. I really don't want to do it. I just want to relax on my Saturday but that doesn't happen. I'm looking around and laundry, dishes, cleaning, homework, Adrian and god knows what else all needs to be taken care of. I need a maid.

This week went by s.l.o.w.l.y. Adrian and I got to hangout last night because Matt attended a Gentleman meeting/Art Show in Providence with his friends. I highly encourage him to hang out with the dudes. Now I just need to start hanging out with the girls more often. I am attending a baby shower tomorrow if that counts...but I don't think it does. I want to go dancing, haven't gone in so long! Anyways-while Adrian and I were sitting on the couch he looks at me and says, "I'm going to go grow a beard". He was serious too. I was trying not to outwardly laugh, but it was pretty funny.

Matt is taking me on a date tomorrow. SQUEE! He's going to be working a lot the next week and has this past week so we need to spend some time together before I murder him in his sleep. :)

It's Monday, I'm at home and getting paid for it. Ahhhhhh, it's lovely. To get paid holidays at this job you need to be there for 90 days and it just so happens I hit my 90 days yesterday. I like to cut it close.

My homework is done. Adrian is playing, we got to keep him a little longer this weekend. It's been fun. We went to the pumpkin patch, picked out some ridiculously expensive pumpkins, around $36 for three pumpkins. I about choked and vomited when the total came up. Once a year is what I kept telling myself, this happens once a year.

And so we all walked out grasping out lovely pumpkins and everything was perfect. HA! Yeah right. We are walking out to the car and Adrian has a complete melt-down that he didn't get to go on the hayride. Kids. I'm sure I did this stuff to my parents as well. We told him he could go get a job and then take us on the hayride. He wasn't too keen on that.

We did have a nice day together though, honestly.

Sitting in my little cubicle all day at work gets a tinge boring. But at least I have a cubiclemate! We have learned a lot about each other these past few months and it's nice to have someone to talk to during the day. She's older, divorced and has two younger daughters. We get along well, which is good.

She's been dating and has what I like to think is a crappy boyfriend right now. He doesn't want anything to do with her kids which is a huge red flag for me and would be a dealbreaker but she's holding out hope. They broke up about 3 weeks ago and she couldn't stay away. It drives me crazy but then I realize I was probably the exact same way when I was dealing with my break up.

Anyways-today we got on the discussion of Matt and I and she started saying things about how I should be out living my life, traveling and not tied down dating someone with a child. I mentioned to her that I have traveled the world and dating someone with a 4 year old doesn't automatically make us shut-ins. I love traveling and don't plan to ever stop, granted I haven't been anywhere this year but that's because of a new job and vacation time. I also stated that potentially within the next 3-4 years we would probably have a baby and she about died. She said I should wait until I was at least 30. I wanted to smack her. I'll be 27-28 years old if all pans out correctly and that is plenty 'old enough' to have a baby in my opinion. I don't want to be in my 30's when I have my first child. I want to be somewhat young. The whole conversation just took me by surprise and I was a little hurt. Matt and I have come a long way and he's great. He even called me today to say that he loved me and to see how I was, yet her boyfriend never even responded to the nice text she sent him this morning. Maybe she's just upset that her boyfriend is dick. She deserves better though and I'm very content with where I'm at in my life and where I'm going. It's not like I'm going to be on 16 and Pregnant.

I'm feeling a little better. I've gotten a grasp on my schoolwork, finances seem to be more under control and all the little things I've had to do are starting to get tied up. Since moving here, I've just had a ton of things I needed to do. Nothing major but a few phone calls a week and I finally feel like those are over.

We just moved the table in and Matt's moving the rest of my stuff from the storage unit tomorrow. We are getting a new fridge delivered Monday and then really making this apartment ours begins. I want to start this weekend with Adrian. I feel like him and I have been on the outs lately and I think making some Halloween crafts together this weekend will be good for both of us.

I've never really blogged about our relationship because it's such an emotional subject. I'm not his Mom, I get that, obviously. But I am a Mom to him and learning to find that groove is an adjustment. He's also going through a fresh phase where it makes liking his adorable butt that much harder. Hopefully we will be coming out of that soon.

In other random news, when we first moved in the landlord said he wouldn't mind if we got a little dog. Now to convince him that this adorable thing is a "little" dog.

A mastiff. We want to get one from a rescue center, so now we move onto the landlord. There are no carpets in this apartment-it's all hardwood and tile so I really don't see why a dog would be bad. We also would rather not get a puppy because we both know we can't handle that right now. But I want a dog so bad and rescuing one would make it that much better.

The past few days have been rough for me. Life just sometimes gets you down and then just kicks you in the stomach while you are on the ground. It could also be the fact that I'm pmsing. Yeah....that's probably it. I also feel like I'm always pmsing.

Going to school and working full time is hard. really hard. It takes a lot of time and when I get home from work I go straight to the computer to do school and sit here for hours. So when I get online to view my grades and see that my professors have graded me much lower than I expected I start to fume. I become even more enraged when one professor decides to state on my paper that this was 'probably not my best work'. I'm also not one of those people who doesn't give a fuck, because I do. It broke me. Here I am putting hours upon hours of work into my assignments only to get non-appreciative responses. My classes are also online which makes things a lot harder to get anything accomplished when it comes to questions or problems. Having seen this has now lit a fire under my ass and now I'm going to have to put even more effort into school. I wanted to quit this weekend but I can't, I really can't.

Other than that the only worry is money. Always. I don't think that will never not be a worry in my life so I just deal with it. I'm apparently going to be getting some financial aid this semester which will help a ton but who knows when that will come in.

This weekend was nice. Matt had Saturday off for us to attend the wedding and what a weird wedding it was! The ceremony was approximately 1 minute and then nothing else was announced. People ate food, the couple cut the cake and did the first dance with not a lot of people watching. I'm glad Matt was able to see his friend again and he/we talked with someone he used to know but hasn't seen forever. She was actually friends with some people I knew so we chatted a bit as well.

After the wedding we went to Louis C.K. and, man, he is inappropriate. I think he says things that most of us think but being that we have filters we don't say them. He does and I love him for that. It was a nice change of pace for us since we've been stuck in the house a lot.

Sunday we woke up and literally snuggled until 1:30 pm. We never have that chance and it was nice. Those moments are needed, especially when I'm going through breakdown mode in my brain.

I've completed the homework I wanted to today so now I'm going to relax and watch Teen Mom. That show makes me feel better about life, that's for damn sure. Garyyyyyyyyyyyy.

My amazing friend had a baby this week. It's a time of happiness but also one that is filled with concern and worry. Sweet baby Hannah has some medical issues that need to be addressed. My friend asked if I would be a part of Hannah's arrival day and of course I wanted to be. She trusted me enough to be there through this difficult period and I was honored. Unfortunately I wasn't able to make the trip down south for it. I have been kicking myself for it but it just wasn't possible. Hopefully I'll be able to come down soon to take some pictures of her squishyness but for now they are in my thoughts.

I have to say, working a full time job makes time go by so much faster. I can't believe it's almost October, I feel like I say that everytime I blog. Time just needs to stop for a bit and let me get caught up.

Matt and I have a nice weekend planned. We are attending a tattoo artists wedding tomorrow which should be fun and entertaining. After that is Louis C.K., we both need to laugh a bit. Sunday is a whole day off for me. This is the first Sunday is who knows how long that I'll be able to actually do nothing. Of course I won't, I have homework and housework to do but still...doing nothing will probably happen at some point and I'm going to cherish every minute of it.

Matt just sat down and started rubbing my legs only to be met by a massive amount of prickly hairs. I think the best describes my life right now, I don't even have to time or energy to shave. We are backed up at work so they approved me for some overtime so we can try to get caught up. Now when work is over I really just want to come over and head to the couch. I did have Kate over last night and it was nice to get caught up but she didn't stay too long because we were both beat.

I just keep telling myself that this is going to be the hardest part. I'm really putting in all of this effort now for things to eventually be worth it, and it will be. This is the starting point. Waking up so early, commuting, school...it's all part of the bigger picture.

I had baby fever for about a year not to long ago and I didn't think it would happen but it's completely gone. A girl at work just found out she was pregnant very unexpectedly and I kept thinking what if that was me. A few months ago I would have been excited but now I think I would be not so excited.

And now I'm going to go shave my legs so my boyfriend and I can smush. Actually we probably won't but I love that word now thanks to the jersey shore..which I love more and more everyday.

I'm still alive, hanging on by a thread. We survived the move minus the rental truck company calling us 45 minutes before we were supposed to pick up the truck to tell us that they had went on strike. I thought I was on a radio prank show because *really*. It was all worth it though. We are slowly making this place our home and things are coming together nicely. Matt comes home and cooks me dinner every night and their is $1 laundry is the basement. City living at it's best.

During the move process I also started school. Because my plate isn't quite full enough I decided to throw that on top. I'm taking two online classes. My critical thinking class should be manageable but I'm taking a humanities class dealing with world religions and the professor seems all over the place so that should be interesting. I've also been sick all weekend. Whine Whine Whine.

I was able to go see Ellie on Sunday and babysit for a bit. She has gotten so big, it makes me so sad. She's walking up a storm, saying my name and I love you's. It was adorable. Ann wants me to potentially come back this weekend and I'll probably oblige seeing as how extra money is most welcome right now since that move nearly wiped me out.

Next few weekends are busy with a nieces birthday party, a wedding, seeing Louis C.K. with Matt and friends and working more on the apartment. I really can't believe it's already September. Ick.

We move tomorrow and I am SO READY. This past weekend was hell. Matt had been receiving very harassing texts from the roommates and I was -- that close to walking down to the police station and getting them charged. We are all adults and for us to feel unsafe in our own home is unacceptable, especially when it all boiled down to painting a fucking room.

But it will all be over tomorrow and then I never have to worry about them again.

I'll head to work in the morning and Matt and his recruitment's will move all of our shit. I don't who wins in that situation.

A week and a half until we move and I can't freaking wait.

I've been needing some inspiration since we are going to be decorating this place and sadly, that Scarface poster of Matt's is not allowed, which will be news to him. Mwahaha.





When blogger is being a pooface so there you have my two inspiration ideas

We found a place and it is such a relief to know that we have someplace to go that is going to be all our own. No roommates, no bullshit, just each other to aggravate.

We looked at about 10 apartments and after seeing shithole after shithole, this one was perfect. The outside looks like an old brownstown and the inside has these little touches that I love, such as a marble fireplace in our bedroom. It's a two bedroom walkthrough so you have to walkthrough our bedroom to get to Adrian's room. Considering we have been sharing a room with him all of this time, we are so excited that he is going to have his own space. It will be so good for us and equally for him.

We move in September first and will be paying out the ass for rent, but that's the city. I'm so ready, he's so ready and I think it will be really good for us.

Now I'm waiting for him to get home with some burritos and it can't happen any sooner. I do love this boy.

Oh life, you are a silly little bitch sometimes

I moved in with Matt this past weekend. We decided to live together with his old roommates, save money, share some space and then next year look for a place by ourselves.

That plan all came crashing down when his roommates decided that they "hated living with a four year old" so we needed to find another place to live. I don't think there are words to describe how angry I am. Matt has lived here for 4 months, had already signed the lease for another year, and if A had been such a problem they should have told us sooner. We could be assholes and stay for the year since he is on the lease but we don't want to deal with them so we are looking for a place.

In September.

In Boston.

Miserable. There is absolutely nothing for $1200 for a two bedroom near to where he's living now unless we want to live in a slum so we are looking a little further outside the city which means our commutes are now going to be worse.

I'm trying to look to the positive that we will have a place that is all our own but until we find something I'm just a ball of stress.