Last night was perfect. It was chilly but not cold, the sun was setting as I took Emma for a walk and I let her do whatever her little dog heart wanted because I was in no rush. These pictures do not do the sunset any justice. The colors of pink and orange in the sky were so bright, I didn't want to go home.







We did finally make it home where we met Matt and while he cooked dinner, I perused my social media sites. I've been noticing more and more with the election coming up and the whole occupy movement that people have been vocal about their affiliations/religious thoughts/etc. I find myself reading some of them and wanting to reply because I wholeheartedly disagree but I never click that reply button. I don't want to get into a war but it's also very hard for me to just sit on my hands and not let MY voice be heard.

After Obama was elected President, some of my facebook friends and family went absolutely nutso. One of my Aunts posted a status about them going to buy a shitload of guns because Obama was going to take all of their guns away!!!1! And she was serious. I can't remember exactly was I responded with but it was probably along the lines of, "are you fucking high?" and so I got unfriended. It kind of makes me laugh now because y'all can still buy guns and I kind of miss going head to head with her. 

I also have a cousin who used to post political stuff all the time and most of it made my eyes roll so far back into my head, it hurt. I don't know if people post it to get a rise out of others or what,  but they almost feel offended when I respond. You can't post your cray cray rantings and not expect my big mouth not to respond. Luckily these are all family members so I can get in healthy debates about our government.

Religion is another subject I feel awkward with.  I grew up in a Christian household but no longer claim to be any religion.  I've attended services with other denominations, I've taken classes.  Religion is pretty fascinating to me but not something I ascribe to.  So when I read blogs that talk about God, I admit, I get a little weird.  I'm not sure what to say so I usually exit quietly and wait for their next post.

I think my biggest issue with these hot topics is that very infrequently are people going to change their minds about what they believe in.  AND, not everybody believes in the same thing, and that's okay.  The great thing about this country is that we are allowed to have any religion we want or none at all.  AND we could still be friends! Unless you're my Aunt, apparently, because unfriending on facebook is serious business.

As soon as the calender flips to November, my brain starts going on the fritz.

My mind initially starts racing about all the shit I need to get done and my to-do list just keeps getting longer and longer with nothing ever getting accomplished.

The freak snow-storm caused my school's systems to be off-line until last night so not only am I trying to complete my classes, I'm now trying to play catch up which I absolutely HATE. 

I also need to start getting ready for Thanksgiving and Christmas and I look at all of these people decorating their homes and I think, when the fuck am I ever going to be able to do that?!  Not right now, that's for damn sure.  We'll be lucky if I make it to Thanksgiving and if we even get a tree at Christmas.  Friends are texting asking if I want to hang out and I'm like SURE and then I look at my calendar and think, when?  We have one car, a dog that's needy and homework.  I already cancelled dinner plans tonight because I just can't do it.  School will be finishing up 2 days before Christmas which, who in the hell decided that having finals a week before Christmas was a good idea?  I'd like to talk to them.

I'm so exhausted and I literally have to peel myself out of the house to get to work in the mornings when all I want to do is sleep and forget my list of to-do's.  I'm feeling very overwhelmed today.  Can you tell?

Lot's of things suck about sharing custody of a child but holidays just like to throw in a little extra suckage.

We had A this weekend but took him back yesterday so we will be missing out on all the Halloween festivities.  So while I see everyone and their kids dressed up in super cute costumes, I get a little sad knowing that won't be us this year. We will probably hit the sales after Halloween to grab A a costume just to play with around the house and I guess I could take pictures and pretend but we know the truth.

He will probably have fun regardless tonight and I guess that's all that matters and maybe in a few years, when Halloween falls on a weekend, we will get our turn with him.

I have some sad news.  I didn't get the American Nightmare tickets.

I had an alarm set on my phone, I was logged onto the computer all day waiting patiently and then 5 minutes before they went on sale, I was put into a "waiting room" that I never was able to get out of.  I had two computers going and tried to call but was told they sold out in 30 seconds.  SECONDS.

I may have cried.  I may have lashed out at Matt.  I may have been irrational. I'm so sad and feel kind of stupid for feeling so sad.  We do know a girl that works at the label that's putting on the show so we're hoping by some small miracle we can entice her with some delicious dinner to do us a favor.  Or I'll just go to the venue and sneak in through the roof.  Or stand out in the parking lot and pretend I'm inside.

To drown our sorrows, we bought tickets to Fright Night at Fenway Park.  Hopefully being scared will make me forget.

In honor of Halloween, I'll show y'all what I dressed up as 2/3? years ago.  I flew out to Los Angeles for a Halloween party.  Those were the days.  One of my friends' friend throws a pretty awesome party every year and we spontaneously decided to go.  I had just started dating Matt so I really wasn't into meeting anybody but this guy who was on the show, and I quote, "Parks and Rec" talked to me the whole night.  So LA.  I don't know if he thought I gave a shit, but I didn't. After awhile, I took him inside and made him listen to some hardcore.  HA. I'm so smooth. Matt and I still laugh about him.  I have no idea if he was on that show, I don't watch it but Matt says he's never seen him.

Onto the costume, I went as Octomom, which I thought was fitting for being in Hollywood.  Finding 8 plastic babies in LA was no easy task, but I made it happen.  ps.  My lips are not really that big.





Happy Halloween-eve, I'm going to go shovel my car out.  F-this.

Today, I found out some news that changed my outlook on the next couple of months.

It's kind of silly but I wanted to jump up and SQUEE loudly when I saw. One of my favorite hardcore bands, actually probably my favorite, is playing a reunion show. I have never had the chance to see them play because they disbanded before I got into hardcore. 

They started out as American Nightmare but changed their name to Give up the Ghost. And they are playing 15 minutes from house in December. Tickets go on sale in two days and I'll be damned if I don't get them.

Matt and I have talked about flying anywhere in the world to see them play again, but seeing as how they started in Boston, it makes sense that they play again here, lucky for us.I feel like a little school girl who just found out Justin Beiber is coming to town.

Be warned, if you want mushy gushy fluffy shit about relationships, turn away now.
It's a good thing my boyfriend makes a mean sandwich because he's on my shit list.

He called me at work this morning, which is a rare event, and told me the car got towed.

::deep breath::

I don't get how men operate.  I really don't.  He knows how to read.  He knows Boston is vicious when it comes to ticketing and towing cars, hence why we've paid over $500 this year alone in parking tickets.  YET, he still manages to park somewhere he's not supposed to and gets slapped with a $170 ticket and tow charge.

We are literally flushing money down the toilet.  Do you know how frustrating this is for me?  I don't even drive the damn car.  Yet, if I don't take car of the tickets and things, they won't get paid. The cars needed an oil change for about 3,000 miles now and one of the tires has a nail or something in which needs to be fixed.
He keeps saying he's going to do it but IT NEVER GETS DONE. 

I'm trying not to go apeshit on him but it's not working.  Also, in situations like this, I wish I wasn't a type A personality because it probably wouldn't faze me, but it does and I want to smash my head against the desk.

It also doesn't help that I'm pmsing and all I want to do is go home and take a nap.

We need three day weekends.  I don't understand how this hasn't become a law yet, what the crap.

Saturday I was having my first "I-drank-the-kool-aid" party which meant I actually had to clean my apartment since I had guests coming over.  Matt conveniently scheduled himself to work that day so it was up to me.  I got up at the butt-crack of dawn, took Emma to her favorite place ever (daycare), got a coffee, and got crackin'.  Within 3 hours, or 4, I was done and was pretty impressed with myself. Matt says I need to have a party every weekend so the apartment can look that nice all the time.  He's so funny.

We had a good time though!  Nicole brought some individual apple pies, Kate brought wine, I made Matt make some hummus and guacamole and we were set.  Did I take pictures of any of this?  No. We still had a good time though despite no pictures. It's nice to have friends who are supportive of your crazy endeavors and I appreciate them all. :)

Saturday night Matt and I ventured out to see Paranormal Activity 3.  We planned to go to a late movie to hopefully weed out the obnoxious teenagers but that didn't happen.  We could barely here the movie because people were giggling and talking and laughing and being obnoxious during the whole thing. I hate paying an arm and leg to see a movie only to have it ruined by assholes.  Matt was seething by the end of it. No more opening weekend movies for us.  We are officially fuddy duds.

Sunday I spent snuggling my super tired adorable puppy.  Had breakdowns over accounting and planted my butt on the couch for the rest of the day.  Accounting and I are going to spend some time again together today.  He's like a bad date I can't get rid of.

As a little girl I loved Barbies.  LOVED THEM.  I would sit in my room for hours upon hours and play with my little families.  I would go over to my friends house and we would play for days.  I accumulated a disgusting amount of Barbies during my childhood. 

While growing up I never once thought of my Barbies as "role models".  I never looked at their very unrealistic body proportions and wanted to aspire to be that.  I play with them, used my imagination and had fun.  So when I saw an uproar lately about a new Barbie coming out that has tattoos, I just shake my head. 

I think we as a society are becoming so overly invested in our child's psyche and trying to protect them from every little thing that we got lost. We forget that kids are kids and we as the ones raising them, are usually the ones to plant little seeds of prejudice. After all, these are only tattoos.  That does not mean Barbie is going to begin a deep downward spiral into drugs and whoring herself off in the crack alley.

I don't have any daughters yet, or children of my own, but I hope one day to instill in them to be what they want to be.  I hope that my parenting skills will trump any messages they may get from a tv program or playing with a doll.  I hope they have enough self confidence to do what they want with their bodies, once they are of legal age, or to do nothing at all.  I also hope they never feel the need to judge others based on what they put on their bodies. 

Isn't it weird how you live with someone but you never see them?  It's such an odd phenomenon.  I can't remember the last time I saw Matt, minus when he comes rolling into the bedroom and I'm 5% awake.  I know he's working late again tonight so it will just be me and my overly energetic dog.

After my commute from hell home (think wind gusting, cheap umbrella smacking in you the face, water logged flats), I was a wee bit torqued. Instead of doing homework like I should have been I watched trashy reality tv, which, is what I live on.  They were replaying some episodes of Real Housewives from various cities.  I love that show, it's such a trainwreck.  I don't understand how grown women can have SO much drama in their lives.  Maybe it's for the tv, I don't know, but I'm lucky I have nowhere near that going on.

I've also wondered why they haven't done a Real Housewives of Boston.  I know they're are some rich folk around here.  Then I saw this making it's way around the internet last night and pretty much laughed until my sides hurt.



Maybe it's only funny to those of us that live around here but I would so watch this tv show. I guess the news was saying that some people are up in arms about it, which I find to be ridiculous. It's funny! Lighten up people. Also, if you've ever been in my apartment during Red Sox season, it's pretty spot on.

**Lot's of f-bombs dropped in that clip so put some earmuffs on your children**

This week has been pretty quiet. I realize it's only Tuesday but I'm thinking positive ;)

My patience has been wearing extremely thin at work, AKA I have none. It leads me to question whether or not I went into the right profession. I like the legal aspect of my job but I hate being talked down and made out to be the "I-don't-want-to-do-my-work-so-here-you-go" of the office.

I want to go back to working with babies. I loved that job. Put me in a room with 7 screaming infants and I will be happy as a clam. I just wish they would pay daycare workers more. I can't survive on that salary.

I'm hanging on though.  I've been here since May and have a serious case of job searching going on but I realize that doesn't look good on one's resume so I wait.  It's not the my job is bad, I'm sure some people would eat it up, but it's almost too easy.  I kind of feel wasted. Once I get my degree I'll start looking into other ventures.

My first Steppin' Out Saturday! I actually got out of the house instead of burying my nose in school books.

The weather was screaming fall so we set out on an apple picking adventure.  This is our yearly tradition, although we picked pumpkins last year and after they broke my bank account, we went back to apples.



Shirt & Cardian- F21, Jeans- H&M, Shoes- Vans (it was muddy, no cute shoes)




 We also hit the beach since it was only a few miles down the road.  During the summer, parking is $25, we don't go at all much






Time for a nap

Last week I jumped in to the Scentsy business and became an "Independent Scentsy Consultant".  Yes. ME. 

It makes my apartment smell amazing!  Which is nice, especially when you have a boyfriend and a dog competing for who can stink up the place faster.

I have no plans to quit my job and start rolling in the big bucks but I like the product and was hooked after my first order.  Scentsy is a flameless/wickless candle system and I probably would have never heard about it if I didn't hang out with a bunch of scrapbookers on a message board.  (I'm just releasing all of my nerd qualities in one fell swoop) 

I got my intro kit in the mail last night which includes samples of all 80 (!) scents.  Matt and I sat around burning our nose hairs off smelling them all.  I think I'm going to buy one for his mom for Christmas instead of buying her those damn yankee candles.  I love yankee candles, but those things are SO expensive.  This system is cool because you buy a warmer and then just replenish your scents, which at $5 each, are much more budget friendly.

All done nerding out now ;)

It's so hard coming back to work after a nice long weekend.

This weekend was perfect. The weather was gorgeous, we had a fun day Saturday, no fights (ha) and had some laughs and lot's of relaxing. It also reiterated the point that I would make a terrible stay at home wife, because I do nothing.

I've felt much more calm this past week which is quite different from the feeling of wanting to crack skulls 2 weeks ago. I'm hoping this turn around is for good, we'll see once my next major exam comes up.

I'm also trying to come to terms with my life path. That sounds like something Dr. Phil would say. When I was younger, hell, even a few years ago, I thought I would be married at 25, have a baby at 26 and live happily ever after. How so very wrong I was. I'm going to be 25 in a few months and the thought of marriage and a baby right now make me want to squirm. So, now all life plans are out the window. I also wanted to be a "younger" mom but that may not be what's in the cards for me. I may even be around 30 before I have a kid and telling myself that all will be okay. By then, maybe my friends kids could babysit for me! The time will come for all of these adventures.

Yesterday, we got to see some whales. 3 humpbacks to be exact. I was a little nervous that we were not going to see them because apparently a lot of them have already started migrating towards the Dominican Republic for winter (luckies).  Most of the 208 pictures I took were off the whale's backs, which look like little gray blobs in water.  I did get some whale tails though!  I was afraid Matt was going to throw up all over because he gets motion sickness so incredibly easy, but he didn't.  Phew.





















Now I need to go pound out some homework so I can enjoy two more days of 80 degrees.

OH this gets me excited. Do you see that? 80 degree weekend in October? This is what I live in Boston for, even though I was cursing under my breath yesterday because it was so cold outside.

This weekend is going to be good. I can feel it. Tomorrow, Matt and I have a date. We are going to go whale watching! I've never been and neither has he. I hope we get to see some cute little whales flopping around in the ocean. We might have dinner with his friend who recently told us she's having a baby girl! So exciting. Other than that, I think we are just going to relax and enjoy our time. We are going to save apple picking for next weekend when we have A because that's our tradition and it wouldn't be the same without him.

So here's to a great Friday and hopefully I'll be back with some pictures of whale butts!

I seem to attract the crazies.  Normally in the morning, the train is filled with people heading to work, most of them zoned out into some electronic device or book.  This is usually me as well and was this morning.

I walked onto a particularly empty train and took a seat near the front and sat down.  A man got on a few stops later and stood right in front of me.  I noticed he was mumbling a little to himself but didn't think anything of it.  And then it happened.  My foot brushed his pants.  (!!!!!!!!) I shit you not. This guy went off.

He wasn't speaking English though but he wasn't speaking any other language I could figure out either, so I assume he was speaking his own language.   This went on for a few seconds and then asked him what the fuck his problem was.  Now, there were no kids around and I apparently have no class, so yes, I said "fuck" on public transportation.  He started speaking his own language again, making faces, making fun of me, and all around being a great guy.  I got up, told him to get the fuck out of my way.  People were staring.  I'm not sure if they were staring at me thinking I was crazy, or the actual crazy guy and I got off the train.

Public transportation in the city if tough y'all. I also learned that maybe sometimes I should just keep my mouth shut and be blissfully unaware.  BUT, if you know me, I'm not very good at keeping my mouth shut.  Need a friend to open her mouth and tell someone off?  I'm your girl.

I read an article in the Boston Globe this morning that got me thinking and if you follow me on Twitter, you might have noticed that I responded to the author.  I wish I would have seen her tweets asking for people who are vegan to participate because I would have jumped at the chance.

Whenever I hear people talking about vegans, I start to cringe a little bit because it's usually not met with kind words.  For some reason, people are fascinated by them, extremely critical of them, and can never imagine themselves being one. My answer = so don't?

I went into this article thinking it was going to be an informative piece, potentially inspiring those who are curious and looking at veganism as a good thing.  It was not that kind of piece.  The author didn't even ask any vegans their thoughts.  She interviewed a guy who was vegan for two weeks but gave it up, a person who wants to go vegan but didn't exactly know why and more people who thought it would be a pain in the ass, which it is, at times.

Boston is an extremely friendly vegan city though.  Vegan restaurants are a plenty and we have numerous Whole Foods/Trader Joes to choose food from.  It's not like we live in the middle of Nebraska with nothing.

This whole phenomenon is weird to me.  I could really give two shits what you eat but for some reason, everyone cares what vegans eat or why they do it and then like to critique it.  I like to answer questions about being vegan and why I've chosen to do so, but not when people are being condescending about it.  I think that goes for anything though in regards to ones lifestyle, religion, politics, etc. 

Honestly, if you eat a cheeseburger in front of me, I won't care.

I missed my stop on the subway this morning. I was dozing off into daydreaming land and looked out the window as we started going, leaving my stop behind. I just laughed. It's Monday.

I walked the extra 5 minutes to work and was a frazzled frizzy mess by the time I got here. How do these women keep themselves looking perfect during the commute? I fail miserably.

I also need a new purse. I've needed a new purse for awhile.  It's starting to fall apart.  My trusty purse has been on countless adventures though, to Europe and back, Puerto Rico and back, potentially even China?  I can't remember.

Here are some choices, I'm hitting the buy button on one of them.

Source

 

Source 

Source

 

Source

That mustard color is really calling my name and the price-tag is budget friendly.  Hmm...

I'm so confused as to what I want to do with my life now.

I'm making an appointment tomorrow to speak with my doctor about possible depression. I'm not quite sure what to think of it, but I need help. I'm not quite sure how I'm still functioning or moving along when all I want to do is not do anything. My stomach is in knots and has been for months. There hasn't been a moment of peace.

I told Matt today that I feel like a failure. I feel like the worst step-mom that has ever lived and at sometimes, I get tired of being one. It's an incredible amount of pressure just stacked upon all of the other pressure I have. Matt thinks this is because I'm unhappy with myself and if I fix that then the other things will fix themselves. He says he'll be here for me and only wants to see me happy. Then a few hours later we're fighting and he utters the words of "move out".

This is reality. I'm not sugar-coating it and I may regret it but fuck it. I know he says things he doesn't mean when he's angry and I do too. He's said this before, and many people may find that fucked up too, which it probably is. I'm not quite sure where to go from here besides my doctor but I wish I could just drive away from it all.

A and I went to the movies today and they showed this Chipotle commercial before the movie started. For one, Willie Nelson is covering Coldplay, and two...just watch. I wanted to stand up in the theater and start clapping but I refrained.