Last night during our catch up session of watching Mad Men, I decided to jump in the shower before it got to late. (Blasphemy, I know). When I came out of the shower, Matt was sitting on the couch with a few tears in his eyes. Apparently the episode hit him hard. It had to do with Don and Betty sitting down with their kids and telling them about their impending divorce.
As we were going to bed he started talking about A and how he wished he could spend more time with him which then led to a discussion about wanting to make the time we have with him extra special. I agreed with him to a point, but coming from a divorced family, I know what it's like when one parent tries to "out do" the other parent.
I try to make A's time with us special, just as I would any other child. But I don't want those special times to be every single day he's with us because the novelty is going to wear off and I will be broke. We take him to the movies, bowling, the beach, out to dinner, the library, museums, and then some weekends we have days where we stay at home and play with toys or hang around the house.
Matt thinks A is sad when he comes to our house and he thinks it's his fault. For instance, last weekend on our quest to get an air conditioner, we stopped at Best Buy. They had these remote controlled helicopters that A thought were the coolest things ever. We did not end up buying him one and as soon as we got back to the car he was mopey. He told us that "every day is a bad day." I took this as him being upset about not getting a toy but I guess Matt took it more to heart. He feels guilty only getting to spend a limited amount of time with him when he wants to spend more and that guilt translates into wanting to do all these extravagant things for him.
I think this is a subject that a lot of parents who share custody of children can relate to, and maybe even ones who don't. I, personally, think we just need to keep doing what were doing. I don't want A to think that every weekend is going to be some sort of spectacle and have that be the only reason he wants to come see us. It's a fine line.
That is tough one. Especially since kids can be manipulative and it's hard to tell the difference. I think you're on the right track though, and you can make it a fun weekend doing normal things, like cooking together instead of going all out with material items or trips to places.
ReplyDeleteGood luck, I know it's tough!