just another story

I love real blogs.  Ones that show the not so glamorous side of kids, relationships, work, life, whatever.

I like reading fluff blogs too, but seeing that other people struggle with issues makes me feel normal and not so out of touch.  All & Sundry posted about how her and her husband mishandled some parenting moments. It just made me appreciate her blog even more, nevermind the fact that I have so been there.

This weekend didn't have all pretty moments.  It was hot, I was irritated and I snapped more than I should have. 

I felt trapped.  Matt works every. single. weekend. and after awhile it gets extremely old.  He takes Fridays off to be with A, and then I have him on Saturday.  Sometimes I resent it and then I feel horribly guilty for thinking that way. It puts pressure on our relationship and then we snap at each other.

We've talked about going to couple's counseling and I just feel so defeated but I know I shouldn't.  Our relationship isn't normal. We were thrust into being a family.  There was no chance to just be us and unless you've been there, it's hard to understand. 

Matt and I want to be together, get married, have our own children and we need a solid base for that.  It would be easier to just give up and move on with my life .  I remember during our brief split that someone said I don't deserve to have to live like this, I deserve to travel and be in a relationship without the burden of someone else's child.  That statement really stuck with me.  Am I really settling in my life to be with Matt?  I don't believe so. 

We just have to work twice as hard at our relationship but I think it's worth it.  I know Matt does too and that's all that matters.