It's Sunday afternoon already, hrmpf.  I love my weekends and they just fly by so fast. I was a little scared this weekend was going to be dreadful.  We got a call from Adrian's mother on Tuesday saying that she had Adrian with her at the hospital for her ultrasound and he had been hitting and kicking her.  Of course this behavior is not acceptable, but her calling us was also kind of baffling.  Because of this, I thought we were in for a weekend of hell but it was surprisingly nice.  We had a long discussion with Adrian about that type of behavior and how it is not okay in either household and he seemed to understand.  I just think he was overwhelmed with the prospect of getting a new baby brother and realizing that the world is no longer going to revolve around him.  While that is perfectly normal thinking, acting out in the way he did was unacceptable and his mother's reaction was also less than thrilling.

What else happened this week.....The interview on Wednesday went well! I met the office manager who was really nice too.  They asked me a few more interview type questions, I asked some more questions and it was over.  I'm hoping that I hear something this week but again, I don't want to get my hopes too high.  I'm trying to remain positive though and if I don't get the job that makes planning a vacation in May a lot easier.  I'm crossing my fingers though!

I'm not feeling very well today, I don't know what's going on.  I've felt very blech since this morning.  I do have exciting news though, I have a second interview with that company next week!  I was actually expecting her to tell me she decided to go with someone else when she called but was presently surprised when it was the opposite. Now I just need to go plop myself on the couch.

Valentine's Day.  The over commercialized love-fest.  One that I got to enjoy this year.  We wanted to celebrate yesterday since we wanted Adrian to join in on some of the festivities and also because Matt is working tonight. Hmpf.

We started the morning making vegan mini donuts.  Yum yum yum.  Adrian made "special" ones with bits of chocolate on top.  

Matt also surprised me with some roses.  I'm not one of those girls that needs flowers but it sure is nice. 

After I dropped Adrian off, I spent the afternoon shopping with a friend to make the night really special. I bought ingredients to make vegan chicken potpie and vegan red velvet cupcakes, two little heart containers to bake the potpies in and some cologne for Matt.

I get home and only  have a few hours to get everything prepared so I'm feeling a little rushed.  I whip up the cupcakes and put them in the oven.  The recipe said to let them cook for 20 minutes which seemed a little long so I checked them around 7 minutes.  They were definitely cooking.  I started to smell something burning around 9 minutes.  I quickly grabbed them out of the oven and the bottoms of them were burnt to a crisp.  Ergh. I turned the stove down 150 degrees lower than it was supposed to and tried again, but the same thing happened!  I texted Matt that I didn't think the stove was working correctly and was way over-heating.  He texted me back that that may be the "thing" he ripped from the oven on Saturday.  Apparently there was something like a wire hanging in the oven the day before and it was annoying him so he ripped it out.  :blink blink:

I wasn't able to make the cupcakes or the potpies, so everything did not go according to plan.  He came home and we made wraps and watched Netflix.  I'm still laughing about it because sometimes boys can be so dumb.  Gotta love him. 

Today is another lazy Saturday.  Not as lazy as I would like it to be, there is laundry, homework, taxes to file and an apartment to clean up. 

I've been listening to her: 

Her music puts me in a good mood.  I listen to her songs on the commute home from work and they just make me calm.  Her voice, the music...it's amazing. 

The interview yesterday went well, I thought.  I interviewed with the owner of the company, she seemed to like me but she was also a little hard to read.  She said she might not make a decision for a few weeks because she wants to find the "right person".  To me that meant that I'm not it, haha, but we will see. Interviewing is always a learning experience.  

Also, my mom is coming to visit in March!  It was going to be too much of a headache for us to go see her, so she decided to come see us.  She is bringing my Aunt who has never been to Boston and they will be staying with us for about 5 days.  The apartment will be cramped but I imagine we won't be in it much.  She already bought tickets to go see Mary Poppins and the rest of the time will be spent relaxing and exploring.  I'm excited.  I haven't seen my mom in 2 years and I haven't seen my Aunt in probably 3.  It will be fun :) 

Today/this week have had some pretty exciting events.  This might be a reaction to my PMA thinking, ha!  

Matt and I have had some heated conversations about my lack of PMA (positive mental attitude).  I feel like winter just drags it out of me.  Not to mention, I'm just not one of those types to have sunshine shining out of my ass. But I'm trying to remain positive and to not let the little things, of which there are plenty, drag me down.  

The first bit of news was on Sunday.  This wasn't a great event, actually the opposite.  Every Sunday we drop the boy off with his mother.  We have a set time & meeting place.  She no longer will answer her texts and rarely her phone calls.  Last week she did us a favor by dropping the boy off at Matt's mothers house.  In return, we told her we would drive him to her house on Sunday, no need to meet up.  We get to her house on Sunday and she is nowhere to be found.  She must have completely spaced and went to the meeting place.  We called her and agreed to meet about halfway in-between.  She then called back and started yelling at Matt about how much of a horrible father he is and other bullshit.  I don't get it.  I sat there in awe.  We tried to do something nice for her and she STILL has to throw it back in our faces.  I will never understand it.  My only conclusion is that she is so miserable in her own life that she is trying to project it onto other people.  I don't think someone who is genuinely happy would act this way.  It makes me sad.  Sad that the boy is going to have to grow up with this.  We really just want to do the best for him and let him enjoy his childhood with as much normality as possibly but she won't let it happen.  I don't think she realizes the damage she is doing.  

One the flipside of this equation, Matt's lawyer called him today in regards to the letter we had send to her attorney.  They got a letter back saying that they are no longer representing her.  Now, to some people, this would really mean nothing.  TO ME...this means a lot!  Her lawyer was part of her Uncle's firm, aka she got of her legal visits/consults/paperwork/everything for free.  That is why she kept pulling Matt back into court time and time again, because it was no sweat off of her back.  I think it's horrible that I let out a little squeel at work when I found out, but honestly, I'm so tired of her getting everything handed to her.  I have a few solutions: some drama must have gone down in her family or they were tired of wasting their time in resources and court for absolutely nothing.  They have paying clients they could be spending their time on and instead they are wasting it on her.  I'm assuming if she is now going to have to pay for a lawyer and anything legal related, we will not be stepping instead a courtroom for a long time.  This could also be why she is being so bitch.  

Geez, didn't think I was going to write that much.  

My other news, Matt's brother and his wife found out today that they are expecting a little boy!  His family has our boy and then two little nieces so adding another boy to the mix is going to be lot's of fun.   I'm sure A is going to be ecstatic.  

And...I have an interview Friday!  It's in downtown Boston, literally 8 minutes from my house.  I'm not trying to get my hopes up too high but this would be amazing.  The job is somewhat related to what I'm doing now.  I'm not sure on the pay which is my only concern.  I have a bare minimum that I need to make just to survive and I'm hoping it's not below that.  I'm still excited though! 

A few pictures I came across today that just made sense for me, right now, and where I'm at.  That's all. 

The show last night was a success.  I feel like I'm turning into such an old lady, I could barely keep my eyes open, but I perked right up when she started performing.  It was nice to get out and actually be a human being, although just sitting on the couch with my boyfriend is as equally appealing. 

The other morning when I was the train to work, a girl was holding a french bulldog in her lap.  I about died.  

I can't handle the cuteness.

I also decided that this is the type of dog we should get and Matt agrees.  It's a small enough dog to appease the landlord but they are so cute that I will just be smothering it with kisses all day. 

Tomorrow I have an Ikea date.  Matt and I had crazy schedules this week and didn't really get to see each other so we are choosing to spend our time together there.  That's true love.

I think I'm going to change the name of my blog this weekend.  This name seems so depressing.

Until then, Matt and I have recently become obsessed with the show Mad Men.  I wasn't able to watch it when it first started but now we are catching up on demand. 

 

We come home pretty much every night to see if a new episode has been posted.  I wish I worked in an office like this one, mainly for the dress.  I love the time period.

 

and in other randomness I'm going to see Robyn tomorrow in Boston.  My friend Kate had an extra ticket and asked me to tag along.  I really don't know who she is but Kate says she has fun dance music and I can get into that. 

  Should be fun. One more long day of work and then onto a the weekend.

Another frickin' snow day here.  Grumble grumble grumble.  I had the lovely task of driving to court about 45 minutes away from work yesterday.  It took me two hours to get there because the roads were not plowed.  It then took me almost three hours to get home.  I am staying put today and getting caught up on some housework.  Also gives me time to catch up on this ol' thing.

Saturday was Matt's birthday and ice skating went off without a hitch.

Adrian did so good ice skating.  He was really scared for a few days about going but once he saw the rink got more excited.  He held on to the edge of the rink for dear life the first few times but then would skate around holding our holds.  By the end, he was skating by himself.  

We then went and had a nice dinner and came home and crashed.  

Off to go shovel.

Today is my other half's birthday.  He is going to be 26! Last night I surprised him with dinner with friends at one of our favorite vegan restaurants.  

He is having band practice right now but when he gets home we are headed downtown to meet his family.  We are going ice skating at the frog pond at out to dinner in Chinatown.  I'm wicked excited.  I haven't been on ice skates in probably 15 years so I'm a little nervous I'm going to break something but it will be worth it.  

I feel like we are finally starting to find our grove.  

This step-mom gig is hard, as I've talked about before.  I have a really hard time conveying what I want to say because I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings and come off as a bitch.  I know there is a parent/child connection that I have not yet experience and will never experience with him.  He is not mine.  As much as that sounds selfish, it just will never be there.  I don't think that is something you can duplicate and since I haven't had my own child, I'm not exactly sure what it feels like. That doesn't mean I don't love him unconditionally as if he wasn't my own though.  I would do anything for him.  I go into mama-bear mode when we are at a playground and somebody is mean to him.  These past few weeks have been really great though.  I miss him during the times that we don't have him.  I feel like we are both finally starting to get one another and he is realizing that I'm not going anywhere.  It's a good feeling. 

As much as I really wish school was over for me, there is an incredibly nerdy part that still enjoys going.  I even started researching what it would take for me to get my bachelor's degree today.

I'm putting myself through school, working while doing so and not accumulating any school loans.  I feel good in that sense but then I look at my peers who are my age or younger and have bachelors degrees.  It makes me feel like I did something wrong.  I looked into transferring to Suffolk and with the 60 credit hours I would need, it would cost me around $40,000 just in tuition.  That doesn't include any books or other fees.  I have such a hard time justifying that to myself.  I was really getting excited and that just deflated all of the excitement I had. Suffolk is a private university so it does cost quite a bit more but it is the only college around that offers a bachelors in legal studies.

Decisions, decisions.  On one hand I just want to be satisfied with my associates and just be done.  Get my degree, get married, have some babies and enjoy life. I still have probably another year left of school though so these thoughts can wait for a little while more.  Hopefully before then, I will have a new job where I'll be happy and things will all be okay.

I start school again tomorrow.  Welcome to having no life again.  I'm taking a night class this time from 6-9:45pm one night a week...on top of working full time.  Yay!  I have such a bad taste in my mouth from last semester and my Professor from hell but I'm keeping positive that I don't think it could get much worse than that.  I'm ready to get this semester over with, get school over with all together and be done.

I'm going to enjoy my last night of doing nothing with some snuggle time, Jersey Shore and Teen Mom 2.  In all likelihood I'll fall asleep before Teen Mom 2 even starts because I can't stay awake past 9:30 these days, but it's nice in theory.

One of my goals this year was to scrapbook at least two pages a month.  To some that may seem like no real goal at all but considering I scrapbooked about 3 pages last year, I have to work in baby steps.  Scrapbooking is my outlet, as lame as it may be.  I've done it since I was little and enjoy going back and looking at the memories.  It's different than just looking at pictures.  I did this page about a week ago and will probably try to work on another one tonight.  It is our Christmas card from this past year, as if you can't tell.

Last February I did not think I would be at this place I am today.  Back in a relationship with Matt, living together and starting our lives.  We've come a long way and while we get under each other's skin and have our arguments, we also love each other just as much.  I couldn't ask for anything more from him. <3

Why do horrible things happen to good people.  It's one of those things in life I don't understand.  The people who do so many great things are the ones who get shit on.

My friend's infant daughter passed away today.  She has been fighting to be here since the end of September and just couldn't fight anymore.  I'm at a loss for words.  I wish I had the means to hop on a plane and fly to Delaware and hug them all and cry.  I can't imagine the pain they are going through and never would pretend that I do.  <3

We ended 2010 with a blizzard and we started 2011 with another one.  All set with snow for the rest of the season!  This one wasn't as fun as the last one, we didn't have heat until 4 o'clock this afternoon.  Plus Matt had to go into work.  He got a lovely call from his back chewing him out for not going in at 7am, even though he left the house at 5:30 am only to come back home because it was too dangerous.  His job is not worth risking his life for.  Once he did finally make it to work they didn't have power and only about 20 out of 100 people showed up.  I'm sure they didn't get a nasty call from their boss though.  She's such a bitch, can't wait until he switches positions.

Now I'm dreaming about this...flighs and hotel for less than $600 a person.  YES PLEASE

The past year was tough for some of my friends and their relationships.  Two of my friends and I started dating guys around the same time and then also were broken up with around the same time.  It was nice in the regard that we all had something in common and could cry our eyes out for hours and we would understand.

After about a month of us all being broken up with they both found out they were pregnant.  I know these girls and it was most definitely not on purpose or to trap anybody...they were accidents.  One of my friends was in Montana so I was not able to be there physically but my other friend lives close.  We spent a lot of time together after the father decided he really didn't want to be in the picture.  My friend in Montana was working it out with her baby's father, even getting engaged to him.  They moved to Seattle and were ready to start their lives together.  I got an e-mail about a month and a half ago that rocked that image.  She lost her baby boy at 8 months along.  After going through the loss of her baby her fiance also decided to tell her that he wanted to be single.  It's at points like this in my friends lives that I wish I could just hop on a plane and be there, but unfortunately my life can't be put on hold like that.  I wish it could.

My other friend was now at the point of delivering her baby boy but he just didn't want to come out.  We waited and waited and finally a day after my birthday he decided to join us.  She had a 28 hours of back labor and did it all at home.  After watching videos and researching home-births, that is the route that she decided to take.  I had previously come to that decision that eventually when I want to have children that is the avenue I would like to take.  Seeing her actually accomplishing it and doing amazing just made my decision even stronger, not that I will be having a baby anytime soon though ;).

I got to go visit her and her little boy today and he was so sweet.  She is going to be doing it alone and she has my upmost respect.  I can't imagine the things both of these girls have gone through but they are such an inspiration to me as well as a motivator.  When I think my life is hard, I just look at them and see that they are overcoming incredibly difficult things and that I can do the same.

Here it is, January 1st of 2011.  I'm officially 24 and looking to this New Year as a new opportunity to wipe out the old and start fresh.  

2010 was a mixed year.  Of course any year isn't going to be perfect but I experienced things in 2010 that I had never experience before.  Love and heartbreak. Luckily 2010 ended with more love but those few months of absolute hell will always be remembered.  I've met some amazing people and lost a friend.  I guess these things happen in life and we must move on.  

2011 is full of promise.  New adventures, new (hopefully) jobs, new babies, and new memories.  I'm looking forward to it!

Well, that was fun.  A nice little storm decided to dump on us right before the end of the year.  I stayed home for work, the office was closed but apparently decided to open at 11 am.  I live 40 minutes away on a good day, there was no way I was making it there before noon.  My boss mentioned that they wouldn't be paying us for the hours the office was closed, ha  ha  haha.  I'll be speaking to her about that tomorrow.

I'm trying to enjoy my day off, Matt has the day off as well so we've been laying on the couch and watching movies.  We never get to do that.

Christmas was really really good.  One of the best Christmas' I've had in awhile.  Adrian was so well behaved and thoroughly enjoyed all of his gifts.  We ventured to Matt's parents house to meet up with his siblings and niece.   His niece recently broke her femur (poor thing) so she has pretty much a full body cast on.  She's in a wheelchair, it was so pathetic looking.  She's only 3, I can only imagine how miserable she must have been.  We also learned that a new little niece or nephew will be making an entrance next June so that's exciting!  His parents got us Red Sox tickets for next April and it was nice to hang out with them, chat and spend time with family.

Now I'm just waiting for Matt to come inside after shoveling, he's been helping the whole freakin' block. Only 5 more days until my birthday, eep!

It looks like Wordpress has the option of password protecting some posts so I may move over there. I just have to figure out how to download it.

Today is going to be filled with cleaning, a visit from Nikki, going grocery shopping (eek) and making cookies for Santa and cinnamon rolls for us. We have one very excited 4 year old and two very excited adults.

Merry Christmas :)

I think I'm going to be making my blog private. I've thought about it for a few days and I'm not entirely comfortable talking freely about the situation regarding Mother of the Year. If you want to continue reading (and I'm not sure anybody reads this thing anyways), shoot me an e-mail at rcknrollqueen at gmail.com