This week is moving in week! Finally back to being in my own space again.  Although I still have yet to get a mattress so I may be sleeping on my friends couch for a little while longer. I did go test some out though and that was quite the experience.

This past week has been a whirlwind.  This past month has been, it's gone by fast. One of my good friends from Montana flew in the past week and I was able to spend a few hours on Thursday night and Friday with her.  It was a lot of fun catching up.  It's pretty amazing when you don't see someone for 7 years and then just hang out again like it was yesterday. 

 



The next few weeks/months are going to be extremely busy.  I just finished this last semester and now I'm taking a summer class in which my teacher explained that we need to devote 25-30 hours a week to.  Uh huh.  So between work and school I'll be a zombie. It's only for six weeks though and then VEGAS.

Where to begin. 

Friday I had my 'date' and I was extremely nervous all day. I psyche myself up and over-think everything. I met him once before but it was in a group setting so being alone would be different. He was cute but quiet.  I'm not used to seeing quiet guys.  I had to talk a lot, maybe more than usual, just to keep things going and I really don't enjoy talking about myself that much.  We had a beer and then headed over to see the Avengers which I enjoyed.  It was so long though that I had to fight to stay awake.  The movie ended at almost 1 in the morning and then came the part of first dates that I HATE...the end.  Do we hug? What if he tries to kiss me?  What if  I'm not feeling it? In the end I gave him a quick hug and headed out.  I don't want to lead him on into thinking I want something more with a kiss but when a guy pays for dinner I feel like I owe him something?  I'm weird. This is why I like to pay for myself on dates. So that was that. You'd think with all of the practice I have going on first dates I'd be a pro at this.

Saturday my friend and I went to the drive in to see Dark Shadows. Going to the drive in was something I did a lot in Montana. It made me miss home.  We didn't prepare very well so we ended up sitting in the car instead of under the stars but we had a lot of fun.  People watching at the drive in is most excellent.  The movie was okay.  I expected it to be more of a comedy and while it had its funny moments, it was not.  I still enjoyed it though and the soundtrack was really good.

Meanwhile, my friend texted me and let me in on a lead to an absolutely adorable guy whom I knew nothing of.  He is a tattoo artist and one of our mutual friends goes to him.  I messaged this mutual friend to see if he was single and it turns out, he is.  I ended him sending him a message myself asking him out for beers and he said yes.  Know I am having really really good butterflies. I don't want to get too ahead of myself but I'm hoping we can grab some beers soon and see what happens.

I can finally breathe a little.  My Algebra final is over and even though I bombed, I still passed the class with a high C, shit-balls.  I have my macroeconomics final left on Monday and while that one makes me want to pull my hair out, it's not as stress inducing as Algebra.

Bar hopping is happening a lot, maybe too much. This is what happens when you are couch surfing with a friend who lives right smack dab in the middle of hipster central and there are 30+ bars within walking distance. Apparently it's my goal to try all of them. I even have a date tomorrow night. AH. I've done my fair share of dating and going on a lot of first dates so this will either be very entertaining or good writing material. I'm not looking to get married next week so I'm going in with the intention of having fun and trying some new things.


Also, my friend from Montana is flying in next week and I could not be more excited. I haven't seen her since I was 17/18, so, 7 years?  Absolutely crazy.  We used to be the little rebels in Sunday school.  I can't wait to show her around this lovely city I call my home.  It's so fun when friends visit because you can play tourist with them and not look like a total toolbag. Lets just hope it stops raining.

A few days ago I packed everything up that I had left and closed the door to that apartment that has been my home for the past years.  It was weird, surreal.  Matt was there and actually helped my friend and I move a piece of furniture, almost killing himself in the process.  I didn't know what to say though and my friend could tell I was clearly flustered.  I'm ready to move on but some things still hold me back, like the over $500 he still owes me that I'll probably never see again.  I just need to let it go.

I'm now in a transition period where I've yet to move into my new place so I'm living out of suitcase in my friends living room, potentially staying with a few other friends in between.  My friends have been so amazing through this whole ordeal, I'm not quite sure what I'd do without them.  I've gone out more in the past three weeks than I have in the past three years.  It's fun, I'm getting a new sense of life and feeling refreshed and happy!

Emma's new mom is still keeping me updated.  It looks like her new home is going to work out.  She told me that they absolutely love her and they needed her just as much as she needed them.  (tears, tears and more tears)  I still look at pictures of her and cry but I'm so glad she's in a great home and not sitting in a shelter.

This semester is coming to an end, summer is around the corner which means a trip to Las Vegas with friends and I'm looking forward to ALL of it.

Emma seems to be doing well in her new home. Her new owner has been texting me quite a bit keeping me updated.  I guess they are all bonding with each other and Emma is being her usual lovable self.  It makes me feel good but man do I miss her.

I've been keeping myself busy. I have 3 days left in my apartment so I'm busy packing, finishing up homework  and having the occasional margarita (or two) with friends.  I've also been pulling things together for my new room, it's so exciting!  No more boy shit and scarface posters.

This is going to be good, I can feel it!  Things may or may not be quiet around here, I'm not sure.  I'm going to be couch surfing for about three weeks before moving into the new place but I might get wicked bored so we'll see.

I took Emma to (hopefully) her new home last night.  Waking up this morning without her snuggly butt in my face was quite weird. 

This family contacted me through a mutual friend because they had been thinking about getting a dog for sometime.  When they saw her picture they started considering it more seriously but when they learned I only had a week left to find her a good home, they wanted to meet her.

I packed up all of her belongings last night and her and I took the hour drive out of the city to the suburbs.  She was whining pretty much the whole way, she really doesn't do well in the car.  She would rest her head on the side of my seat and I would reach over and scratch her chin, something I would do quite often.

We got to the house and she was extremely excited. I let her run around the backyard a bit before bringing the family out.  Once she stretched her legs, they came out and she went running over in all of her wiggling butt glory.  She played and played for over an hour with the kids and then we went inside to let her sniff around.  I typed out a page about every little thing I could think of about her.  How she likes to sleep, how she loves jumping in the tub after you shower, all of the things I've come to love over the past year. We sat and chatted more about her little quirks. 

I shed more than a few tears and eventually said goodbye.  I came home to a quiet apartment, it's just weird without her there.  I really hope she blends into this family.  I know how much work she is and I think they are ready to take that on. They do have cats and Emma managed to chase one up a tree but maybe her and the cats will just stay away from each other.  I'm nervous that she'll be too much work and they'll be calling me in a week saying they can't take her.  I can't really take her back as much as I would love to.  Sigh.  I'm staying positive that it will work out though.

I love you little Emma.

Can I take back that post about wanting the best for Matt and hoping he finds happiness?  Because dammit if I haven't been slapped across the face the past few weeks.

He no longer communicates with me, which is fine, but the only time I want to communicate with him is about Emma.  Apparently he's totally okay with just dropping her.  I'm taking her to meet a lady and her kids on Tuesday so I'm crossing my fingers that they will be a good fit. I have a week left in my place so my anxiety is in high gear.

I just went down to talk to my neighbor and she asked me how I was doing.  I explained the communication issue and she agreed it was best to just distance myself.  She also informed me that Matt used to text her at night after I had gone to bed because he was "bored".  I'm still sitting here quite shocked.  When we first started dating I had my fair share of trust issues and gut feelings about things.  Over time those quickly faded and I fully trusted him. To learn this just makes me sick to my stomach.  I know it could be nothing but no guy needs to be texting his attractive neighbor at all hours of the night because he was bored. Makes me wonder what else he was doing.  Maybe I don't want to know.

What a fucking douchebag. I really hope i don't ever have to see him again because I'm disgusted.  Completely disgusted.  His loss though.  I'm too good for him.  Yep, I said it.  Good luck buddy.

Isn't that the truth.

Matt was MIA again last night.  I needed the last four of his social so I could split up our T-Mobile accounts but from about 3 pm on, he was nowhere to be found. I could give two shits less what he's doing or who he's doing it with, but while we are still living together and tying up loose ends, it would be nice for him to at least respond when I ask him a question. I'm not asking him to get back together, far from it.  I just want to get everything squared away so I can peace out.

I slept on the couch but he didn't come home so that was a wasted effort.  Guess he went over to his 'friends' house, left his phone in the car and fell asleep. Uh huh.  And I was born yesterday. Maybe he's telling the truth, maybe he's not but disappearing twice in the matter of week is slightly suspicious.  If I still didn't have the responsibility of dealing with Emma, my shit would be packed so fast but he's apparently washed his hands of her as well.

Why is my life filled with a bunch of useless men who can't do anything? I'm so irritated with ALL OF THEM.

My landlord for one has been a complete piece of shit this whole time.  It started with him giving me 4 hours notice that he was showing the place.  I got into it with him on the sidewalk because I told him that wouldn't work, yet he completely disregarded that fact and has been an asshole ever since.  He says he'll keep our deposit if he can't get the place rented. HA.  Good luck buddy.  Yesterday he texted me that people are interested in the apartment but are turned off by the dark colors.  Uh, the living room is gray?  AND IT'S PAINT. For the love of Christ, we can paint over it before we move out but I sure as hell am not painting it now between trying to wrangle a dog and pack.  He eventually called Matt because he didn't like the answers he was getting from me because I can't take his shit.  He picked the wrong person in the relationship to be a dick to.

Matt, oh Matt.  I've been trying to deal with him civilly and I think I've done a pretty good job but why am I the only that has to drop everything and re-arrange my schedule when we have apartment showings?  He's out gallivanting around town doing God knows what, won't even respond to a pretty important text message, while I'm trying to pick up all the pieces.  I have my own shit to do but I guess that's not important. 

This needs to be over soon before I fucking murder someone.

I have a place to live!  I got word this morning that the girls in the apartment I went to look out would love to have me. I'm so relieved and excited.  It will be a fresh start, I'll (hopefully) make some new friends and things will be okay.  I still have a long list of things to accomplish but at least that's over with.

Last night I went out with an old coworker.   We always have a great time bitching about men and drinking margaritas.  She's a big music fan and usually drags me along to great shows.  We went and saw Snow Patrol.  Their music takes me back to road tripping across the US with my ex, him sleeping the whole fucking way and me being left alone with my thoughts on long dark roads. 

Of course I sat behind the two biggest lovebirds in the whole place.  She couldn't stop touching his butt and sucking his face.  After awhile it was comical because it was SO over the top. He went to grab a beer at one point and I didn't think he would come back. But he did.  Snow Patrol put on a great show though.  Some of their songs give me chills...

Emma and I are having a date night tonight.  It saddens me that my days of snuggling her are getting fewer :( 

Saturday I have some appointments and then will be going to a basement hardcore show.  I plan to get a little tipsy with Nicole and stay over.  Maybe paint our nails in between bottles of wine, we'll see.

Nothing has changed.  No home for Emma, no home for me. 

My days are filled with tears because I'm barely hanging on.  This is way way too much change at once.  I go between moments of being incredibly angry at Matt to just completely exhausted with no emotion. I'm not mad at him for breaking up with me, but right now?  The timing couldn't have been more worse.  I'm getting closer to the end of school which means finals and my work is slammed. Plus that whole doing this all in three weeks thing.

I haven't even started packing and I still need to sell a lot of furniture but I don't want to sell the big stuff until sooner to the move, but then what if I don't sell it?  Tons of money just down the shitter which seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life.

Algebra has me incredibly tense.  It's so difficult to concentrate with all of this going on.

I hope things start falling into place soon.

Now I'm getting stressed.  In 3 weeks I'll need to be out of my apartment but I have yet to find a new place, find a new home for Emma, pack, sell furniture, all while staying on top of my schoolwork and functioning at my job.

I also got a lovely email from my insurance company this morning that any money above the $15/day I have for rental coverage is my responsibility. Huh? I went over this and over this with them.  Some drunk bitch hit me, her insurance will have to pay.  Yet, that's not happening?  So help me God, I'm going to strangle someone through my phone. My boss already said we would send her insurance company a letter if they dick around so, yay for working for a law firm! I shouldn't have to pay over $200 so some twat can walk away from an accident and be all set.  (Yes, I said twat)

Things might be a little quiet around here for awhile but come May, please send lot's of alcohol.

Amazingly, I'm feeling pretty peaceful about this whole situation.  It's quite weird. 
(Minus the stuff to do with Emma.  I don't like thinking/talking about her, it makes me cry).

This is so different from last time.  Maybe because I've been  through it before? I don't know.  Although, this time there is a lot more stuff to figure out.  We've furnished an apartment together, merged health insurance, phones, etc., so dividing all of that up is going to be a fun task.  As well as trying to move an apartment worth of stuff into a room.  I can't afford a place in Boston by myself so I'm going to have to go back to living with roommates.  Sigh.

I woke up this morning and things felt normal.  I came out of the bedroom and Emma leaped off the couch doing her little tail wags, unbeknownst to her that things are going to drastically change soon. Things in our relationship have been kind of rocky for the past few months and I just kept on trudging on.  I thought maybe things would eventually change or our stresses would start to die now and we'd be okay.  Writing about your shitty relationship isn't something that's normally done, nor is talking about it, so while this break up may not be as much of a shock to me, most of my friends and family are. My friends have been great and I think it's during times like these that you really find out what you are capable of.

I hope Matt comes out okay too.  I hope he finds what he's looking for in life and can find happiness. 

The joke about Matt being single if he won wasn't a joke I guess.  He didn't win but now I'm single.

I spent my whole day planning out A's birthday party.  I was excitedly chatting with Nicole all during work as we came up with a thousand fun ideas.  I texted Matt and emailed him my plans but no response.  He texted me when he got off of work that he was sorry, he was just having a crazy day and we would talk when I got home.  Something felt off about this text message so I asked him if everything was okay.  He said yes.


I walked in the door and he was sitting in the bedroom.  Just sitting.  He said we needed to talk.  Everybody on the face of the earth knows what that means.


So, that's it. I didn't melt down like before.  I almost feel okay, like I need to power through it.  We are practically married, having everything intertwined in our lives besides the legal aspects so that sucks.  Also, I'm not sure I'm going to be able to keep Emma which absolutely rips me apart.  I just know she deserves more than I'm going to be able to give her by myself.  I think that's what I'm most sad about now.


I'll never do this again though.  I'm jaded.  Extremely extremely jaded.  I will never ever date a man who already has a child.  It's not for the weak and I'm not weak but we still couldn't make it.

Anybody else pick up some tickets (or 5, like myself)? I've never played before but I thought why the hell not.  It's a buck (or 5) and it's kind of fun. I know the chances of me winning are like, one in 30 billion but somebody eventually has to win so I may as well take that chance.

If I win, none of y'all will know because I would keep my identity a secret.  I can't imagine the crazies that would come out of the wood work for some of that. I would also talk to attorneys and financial people to see what the best way to go about investing or what not. I hear it's best to not spend any of the principal and just live off the interest but I'd want to help some people out first.  Enough of that boring stuff, now the fun stuff.

-Pay off my Mom's house and debts, buy her or build her a house anywhere she wanted.  This goes for my siblings and friends. I would probably give them a hefty chunk, like 10 million each, to be comfortable. I'd set up college funds for my nieces and nephew, although with that kind of money, would you go to college?

-I'd buy myself a few properties around the world. Nothing crazy like a palace, but modest, like a charming cottage in Ireland (with lots of sheep).

-Finish school?  Man, I don't know.  With that kind of money, I think I'd be all set.

-Quit my job.  Yep, sorry job!

-Travel.  I'd probably take a year or two and travel the globe.  ALL of it. I want to see everything.

-Since I would no longer be working, I'd start doing something that I'm passionate about, such as helping animals.  I think I would set up animal sanctuary around the US, or animal rescues.  Maybe have a huge piece of land with just a ton of dogs running around who were discarded.  Definitely something to help my furry friends.

-Donate, donate, donate.  Or else anonymously help families or people in need.  I always thought it would be so cool to leave a $1,000 tip for a waitress just because. I obviously can't do that at this point, but we're dreaming.

Now, on to Matt's dreams.  I asked him last night what he would do.  He said:

-Buy the Red Sox

-Be single.  NOTED. ;)

I'm still in a bit of a funk and instead of just spewing my hatred for everything on my blog, I just stay away.  Sometimes I bitch it out on Twitter so if you're feeling brave, you can find me there.

Last week I was on Spring Break from school, sadly I still had to come to work.  It was glorious.

But, just because the universe loves shitting on my parade, my car was hit by an "alleged" drunk driver Friday night.  Matt decided to go to bed early because he had to wake up early to go to a meeting so I was just settling in to watch some tv on the couch with Emma.  I heard him start screaming and really didn't think much of it.  (He's known to be a little dramatic) I thought maybe his guitar fell off the bed or something but no, he came running out in his underwear, running to the front door and screaming that a driver just hit our car. 

I jumped up, and ran outside too (Bra-less and shoe-less, we were quite the sight).  Sure enough, there was a Camry just smushed into our car. The driver, a female, took off on foot and I called 911.  She drove the wrong way up our one way street, playing ping pong off cars all the way up and eventually landed on mine.  She did leave her purse which had her license in the car as well as the car registration.  Miraculously, I was cool as a cucumber during this incident.  I think minor annoyances in the workplace set me off more. 

The person who was driving was driving a company vehicle with livery plates so we assumed they had insurance, they do, so when all is said and done, we won't have to pay anything and we get to drive around a rental for awhile. That was part of my weekend but I was determined not to let it ruin it.

This is the damage.  Not too bad but considering about 4 dents were over $1400 to fix, I'm sure this will reach maybe $5000.  She took the wheel off too, not sure if they'll be able to put it back on or how that works.

Saturday, Emma and I played at the park for a bit and then both took like 6 hour naps.  Emma was not invited back to daycare due to an incident which I believe is bullshit so, that's also another thing we've had on our plate, a crazy energetic dog.  But she did great on Saturday and Sunday.

Yesterday Matt and I went and saw the Hunger Games with some friends of mine.  He didn't read the books, I devoured them and I loved the movie.  We went out to lunch, came home, I took another nap and then we settled in to watch Mad Men. It was a pretty great weekend.

I hate logging into Blackboard, expecting to see an 80% on your test, only to see that you got a 65%.  OH WELL. I had a 90% in Algebra, until yesterday.  I kind of bomb it on tests.

But...I decided I'm going to do something fun.  I'm going to plan a "Yay, I graduated" trip!  I was looking through photos the other day of my trip to Frankfurt, Germany and Amsterdam and I got a little teary.  That trip was so much fun.  No worries, just friends.  There was a meltdown walking through the red light district of Frankfurt but we pulled ourselves together and had a blast.

This trip probably won't happen until next Summer or a little later but it gives me something to focus on.

My friend lives in Frankfurt and I would love to go see her again.  It sucks living in two different countries but it also kind of awesome when you want to visit.  Maybe a road trip to Spain?  A side trip to Morocco?

(I can't believe those are the only two pictures I have from the whole trip in my photobucket.  Kind of sad)

Source

As I was watching the news last night, they shared a story about a fire in Boston's Back Bay area of the city.   I didn't think much of it but when I woke up this morning they were still talking about it.  Apparently it caused a transformer to blow and that section of the city was without power.  I work in that section of the city so I was fluttering around all morning hoping I would get into work, the lights would be off, and I would return soon after to my couch. 

That didn't happen.  

I got off the train and started walking.  Cops were everywhere direction traffic, news crews were set up and as I walked, nothing was open.  I turned the corner, still dark.  As soon as I got to my building, the lights were on.  Fuck.

The days gone downhill since then.  I have a midterm tonight and I'm trying to study between writing up 146 different versions of a stupid memorandum and every time I switch to my algebra, I don't remember any of it.  It's all escaped me. My face is breaking out, I can't stop twitching or bouncing my foot, tears have been flowing while trying to type. This day needs to end.

Things have been awfully quite around here.  I kind of lost the blogging umpf. Sometimes I want to write multiple posts in one day, and sometime I want to be silent for weeks.

This weekend consisted of good and bad.  It was our first weekend of not having A after having him for 3 weeks so Matt worked on Saturday meaning that Emma didn't go to daycare.  And that's our routine, Emma goes to daycare on Saturday.  Her not going meant that she was extremely hyper and after having a terrible week, I really had no energy to deal with her.  We had some freak show weather on Saturday, it was cold and some snow fell so I couldn't take her to the park so her and I sat inside and sulked.  It wasn't pretty. I tried to do homework which is impossible with a 55 pound dog up your ass, so nothing got done. I was in tears most of the day and night. I put myself to bed early on Saturday and just wanted the week to be over with.


I hate when I have these days.  It makes me question if there's a deeper problem going on, like depression.  I'm not sure if these are "normal" outbursts or if I'm just so incredibly overwhelmed that this is what happens when I break. "Normal" 25 year olds are not working full time, going to school, trying to take care of an apartment, a relationship and share custody of a 5 year old. I think, if I wasn't in school, my life would be easier to control.  I only have 3 classes left though (after the two I finish that I'm in now) so I can't stop.

I woke up Sunday, took Emma to daycare, grabbed a coffee on the way home and determined not to have another awful day.  I got to work on my homework, completed it within an hour and took off to go do some shopping by myself before Matt woke up.  I grabbed some new coral skinny jeans, a flowy top and cardigan and some new nail polish.  It's amazing what a little retail therapy does. We later went to the movies and saw Wanderlust, came home and relaxed.  It was a nice way to end the week and hopefully this week will be less miserable.

So, speaking of new nail polish, I think I've rekindled my love for it.  I wasn't very big on wearing polish but after Zoya did a promotion for two free bottles, I've been on a kick lately.  I bought that pretty plum color this weekend and have about 10 more bottles in my cart waiting to be purchased.

 (Pandora*Stacy*Tao)

Here's to a new week filled with lot's of sunshine (at least in Boston) so I'm hoping to make it a good one.

Things have been boring lately, which I guess is a good thing.  I don't really want to bore everyone else with the mundane details of life though. Get up, go to work, come home, sleep and get up to do it all over again.  Very titillating.

But, now that the weather is starting to warm up and Spring is on its way, we will actually be able to go do things. So, in short, I'm still here, just boring. Also not pregnant or engaged or getting married so...very uninteresting.