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Since my own mother is on the other side of the country, I'm celebrating today with myself.  I called her to wish her a Happy Mother's Day she said "you too".  She retracted that statement and then said, "Well maybe half a Mother's Day".

Being a step-mom is tricky.  I guess I'm technically not one yet because Matt and I are not married but is marriage the only thing that makes someone a step-mom?  I've been in Adrian's life for almost two years and take on the duty of "mom" every week when he is with us.

Matt didn't say anything to me this morning so I'm not exactly sure when we cross that line over into celebrating this day.  There sure as hell isn't a manual for this whole step-mom gig.

Either way, I think Mom's of all situations deserve to be celebrated no matter how they came to be.

The first few days at my new job having been going well. I get to ride this beauty up to the fifth floor. It's an old style elevator where you manually have to open and close the doors and you can see the floors as you pass them by. For some reason it makes me happy.

I do not enjoy being the new person or having to learn everything. I would rather fast forward a month to where I kind of have things down but I can't. This office is really laid back though so I get a lot of down time where I try to look busy. My lunch breaks are being enjoyed though, who would not love to go explore Boston one hour a day. I'll never grow tired of this city.

Tomorrow is my last day of work at my current job and while I'm a little sad, I am extremely glad to be down. 

I had my exit interview today and gave my company constructive criticism.  I gave my boss glowing reviews and told them they what I though about one particular manager who is miserable all the time, condescending and rude to her employees.  I've had the pleasure of sitting right next to her and how she talks to me and it has been extremely hard for me to sit there while she is so mean to people.  Apparently the HR lady took my exit interview, flipped my words around and will now be speaking to my boss tomorrow.  What in the hell?  I had nothing bad to say about my boss, my boss is not the problem, this other manager is.  Nobody likes her, nobody.  Except for the HR lady. She also had the balls to tell me I may be sad at work because of my home life.  Excuse me?! No, I'm sad at work because the work environment sucks and they don't see it. I'm half tempted to write another note about how misconstruing my words is total bullshit so please don't. 

Another girl also gave her two weeks and she works for the other manager.  She also doesn't have another job lined up.  What should that tell them?  That she's so completely miserable she will quit her job in this job market and throw caution to the wind. I applaud her and think more people need to speak up but they probably won't.

Tomorrow our sweet stinker Emma is getting fixed.  It's something that we feel strongly about and needs to be done but I can't help but worry.  I hope she does okay. 

It's funny how things eventually work themselves out.  I never heard back from that job I had two interviews with.  I followed up once and then nothing.  I'm also not the type to hound someone, if they want me then they'll let me know.  I decided not to apply for jobs before my vacation in June but last week at my job made me feel differently. 

I woke up and went into work each morning depressed.  Work was taking it's toll on me, and I started to hate it.  I don't want to be the type of person to ever hate work.  I realize that, especially in this economy, you get what you can take and sometimes that means working at someplace that doesn't leave you happy.  I went home and decided to be proactive about the situation instead of just complaining and started applying more places.

Thursday I received an email wanting me resume in a different format, and after I re-sent it there was a whirlwind of e-mails and I had an interview set up for yesterday.  I went to the interview, talked a bit with the girl who's leaving the position due to a move,  and then talked to the attorney.  It was the easiest interview ever.  No real questions, he made a statement that I seemed "smart" from my e-mails and on top of things (hahahah) and then he offered me the job. I'm still a little shocked.

I start in a week, I'll be making a bit more than I am now but they pay salary.  My hours are 9-5 with an hour lunch.  The office is located on one of the nicest shopping streets in Boston, close to the Common and everything else you could possibly want.  It seems like it's going to be great.  I need a less stressful environment where management actually appreciates the hard work I do and doesn't make rules on how to sit in chairs.

This is it, this is what I was waiting for.  I try to believe that things happen for a reason which is what I told myself after the other job disappointment and now I could not be happier for this opportunity.

I'm supposed to be at my friends bridal shower right now but I'm sick, again. It's frustrating to say the least. I've been sick for about two weeks now and I thought I was getting better but yesterday morning I woke up feeling awful again. I annoy myself with how much I'm coughing so I really didn't want to attend the shower and be hacking up my lungs all over the place.

On Friday, since I was feeling better, Matt and I went out on a real date. It was amazing.  I felt almost giddy, like it was one of our first dates.  We also went to dinner at the place we went for our second date.  After dinner we heading over to Fenway to watch the game.  The Sox were ahead, and then we fell behind and most people left but in the 7-8 innings we came back.  We still lost by 1 but it was definitely a good game to attend. My friend who's having the bridal shower today was actually at the game and her and her fiancee sat a few rows behind us.  I didn't know they were going to be there so it was a nice surprise when I saw them walking up the stairs.

I feel like Spring is finally on it's way though, and the trees on our street are finally starting to bud.I'm so excited to be done with the cold weather.

 

I can't believe how fast that weekend went.  I blinked and it was over.  At least the sickness seems to be leaving our house, thank you. 

Had a low key weekend.  Emma seems to have boundless amounts of energy and even though we take her for approximately 18 walks a day, she still is energetic.  My friend invited me with her dog to a place called The Fells which is a huge open field with lot's of doggies running around. There are trails and a lake too.  It sounded like the perfect opportunity for Emma to go run so we went.  It was kind of crazy walking up to the field because there was sooo many dogs, almost intimidating. I was a little hesitant to let Emma off the least because I didn't want her running away but it's almost more dangerous keeping her on.  I let her off and she ran and played for hours! She played so well with all of the other dogs, I was a proud dog mama.  She went over to people and they would all pet her and tell her how pretty she was, of course!  At one point a dog the size of my hand came over and Emma started sniffing her.  I didn't want her to sniff too hard because this dog could have probably fit in her mouth but she did great, just sniffed and that was it. We also walked on the trails a bit and dipped her paws in the water.  I think she enjoyed it just as much, or more, than I did.

She was conked out for the better part of last night and I even had to wake her up this morning to take her out.  I think I might make this a weekly thing because she just has so much energy that needs to be let out.

I can't wait for this week to be over.  On Tuesday morning I woke up feeling like I had been run over by a bus.  I called out of work hoping this would be a one day sickness.  Matt was also home from work and was in such a great mood all day!  (that's sarcasm)  Needless to say I didn't really get much resting done.  Wednesday I toughed it out and tried to go to work.  I had to be in court which made it a little easier.  Wednesday night was accounting and to my surprise I got a 73.5 on my test.  I wanted to jump up and down in class because I was so excited but I refrained.  I'm definitely not totally understanding it but I think I might be on my way there.

This morning I woke up still feeling gross but tried to go to work, but it didn't turn out so good.  I only had 4 hours of sick time left which leaves me with a dilemma.  I'm obviously sick, hacking up my lungs, sneezing, eyes watering all over my cubicle yet I'm expected to work?  It doesn't make sense.  I'd rather take the 8 hours of pay and just stay home, which I'm sure my co-workers would appreciate as well.  One of the girls in our small department is also on vacation this week so I feel bad having to be out but I'm really not adding any sort of value when I'm there. We will see how tomorrow goes.  I'm trying to rest and while my eyelids are burning they are so tired, my body just won't sleep.  

On top of all of this my lovely boyfriend has been driving me up a wall. :)  It would be nice if he tried to pick up some slack while I'm sick.  He had an appointment to get tattooed over two hours away tonight and while I agree, tattoos are life threatening, I probably would have re-scheduled.  Leaving your sick girlfriend at home to deal with a 4 year old and crazy dog when she can barely move off the couch is probably not the greatest decision ever. 

I hope he doesn't expect me to actually be in a good mood tomorrow.

If I thought I was busy before, I was mistaken.  Holy cow, this dog has taken over our lives.  There were a few days there where I wondered if we had made a mistake getting her.  She's so much work and I didn't know if we were up for it.  Not because we didn't want her but because of time.  I won't give up on her though and the mere thought of giving her away broke my heart.  It's only been a week and we are all adjusting and learning.  It's a process and one that we elected to go through. Between working full time, going to school, having a kid, having a long commute, having a relationship, an apartment and also having a moment to myself...my days are definitely full. She's worth it though. 

 

Now it's Saturday night and I'm sitting at home by myself, for the second night in a row.  Matt and I had planned a movie night for last night but then he found out that his friends' band, one that he used to play in, was having their last show so he went to that.  We moved movie night until tonight and then he got a text around 8 that Slapshot was playing in Providence so he hopped in the car and headed down. Emma and I are snuggled on the couch watching bad t.v.  There is nothing on. 

She is asleep on my couch right now.  The last few days have been a whirlwind and I'm worn out!  Matt and I have discussed getting a dog for some time now and it's always been an "in the future" type though.  I found a post on craigslist about a pitbull puppy mix that needed a new home.  I wrote the lady who had her, we exchanged e-mails, pics and this past Friday we went to meet her. The only thing that's throwing a thorn in our spine is our landlord.  I texted him on Wednesday to let him know we were looking at dogs, he was okay with this but wanted us to stay away from "aggressive breeds".  I told him about our meeting with Emma on Friday and if we should skip it, no response from him so we went.  

We didn't expect to take her home so soon but the owner asked if we wanted her and we said "sure!".  We had no supplies.  We get her home and that's when we receive another text from the landlord that he would prefer a different breed.  I wanted to bang my head against the wall.  If this guy is so concerned with us getting a dog, specifically one that has a little pitbull in her, then why is he taking days to respond. I texted him back stating that we had her for the weekend and we wanted him to come meet her before he makes a final decisions.  Still no response and that was on Friday!  Honestly, it sucks that this whole breed of dogs gets a bad rap because of media hysterics.  I understand that some of these dogs are bred to fight and obviously that's not okay and I feel bad for those little guys.  Emma has lived with a family since she's been born, a family with kids and another dog.  She's been nothing but friendly with us, doesn't bark and only get's a little crazy every now and then because she's still a puppy.  

I can't sleep, I just wish he would come and meet her and we would be all set.  I don't know what we are going to do if he won't let us have her :(  

These past few days have been incredibly busy though.  Man, I though I was busy before.  The focus is now totally on her.  She did have a few accidents inside but now we have her little potty spot outside and I think she's beginning to get it.  I still watch her like a hawk though.  We have hardwood floors which makes clean-up easy but I'd rather not have her peeing in the house.  I also feel incredible guilt leaving her alone. It's so bad and probably so irrational.  We are discussing putting her in a doggie daycare once a week or something just to get her out and socializing.  Matt has two days off during the week and I have the weekends off so she'll only be by herself for 3 days a week and even though his schedule staggers.  I keep telling myself she'll be okay but seeing her in her crate is depressing.  Eventually we will let her roam but that's probably a few months out.  We are definitely enjoying her snuggles though.

ETA-  While I was writing this post our landlord texted Matt and said we could keep her.  Yay yay yay!!

Just put my mom in a cab and sent her on her way to airport.  This visit was not all rainbows and butterflies like I wanted it to be.  I could lie and say it was but I won't.  My mom and I have a complex relationship.  I didn't live with her growing up, I would stay with her for a few weeks during the summer.  She's very motherly and likes to make sure everybody has everything they need but almost to the point of being overbearing.  I'm an adult now with my own little family, I have no interest in being mothered anymore. 

We also live two very different lives. Everything from our locations, what we eat, religion, politics...you name it, it's different.  There were a few moments where she was crying and stated she just wanted to go home.  It broke my heart because I was the one who was making her feel this way.  I felt like I was being judged the whole time she was here.  My sister kept texting me giving me ideas of what we should be doing, I should be feeding her meat, I should be doing this and that.  At one point even her boyfriend texted me and I've never even met the guy.  It was frustrating to say the least.  I don't tell them what they should be doing, I don't expect them to do it to me.  I think this would lead anybody to feel judged. 

I didn't want it to go this way.My aunt was supposed to fly in with my mom but because she was flying stand-by, they bumped her off.  I feel if my aunt was here the visit would have gone differently.  My aunt and I can usually laugh at my mom's antics.  I don't know if she will come visit again and after not seeing her for two years it makes me sad. 

My mother flew in a day early, threw a little wrench in our plans but I got one more day off and we are going out to enjoy it.

Yesterday I was joking around with Matt about wedding songs.  I don't know if he finds my jokes funny but that's beside the point.  He told me he already knew the song we would have our first dance too.  He has never shared this with me so of course I was curious.  He then played me "A Rainy Night In Soho" by The Pogues and that was it. 

I've been loving you a long time
Down all the years, down all the days
And I've cried for all your troubles
Smiled at your funny little ways
We watched our friends grow up together
And we saw them as they fell
Some of them fell into Heaven
Some of them fell into Hell

I took shelter from a shower
And I stepped into your arms
On a rainy night in Soho
The wind was whistling all its charms
I sang you all my sorrows
You told me all your joys
Whatever happened to that old song
To all those little girls and boys

Now the song is nearly over
We may never find out what it means
But there's a light I hold before me
And you're the measure of my dreams
The measure of my dreams

Sometimes I wake up in the morning
The gingerlady by my bed
Covered in a cloak of silence
I hear you in my head
I'm not singing for the future
I'm not dreaming of the past
I'm not talking of the fist time
I never think about the last

Now the song is nearly over
We may never find out what it means
Still there's a light I hold before me
You're the measure of my dreams
The measure of my dreams 

He had tears in his eyes by the time the song was done.  He said this would be the only thing he would ask for.  How can I say no to that.  

We don't have Adrian this weekend because he is with his mother, participating in his Uncle's wedding.  While I feel incredibly guilty for thinking it, the break has been nice.  Every parent needs a break every now and then.  Of course I miss him, but I'm enjoy sitting on the couch all day.  We've also taken advantage of our free weekend.

On Friday we went to see The Pogues. I bought the tickets for Matt for his birthday, some of the most expensive tickets I've ever bought for one act.  We went with friends and had a really good time.  This is their last US tour and Matt had a smile plastered on his face the whole time as well as all day yesterday.

Saturday after Matt got of work we went did dinner and movie.  We've been wanting to see The Adjustment Bureau since we saw the preview about a year ago-or at least it felt that long ago.  It was really good, a movie that kept your interest. 

I also booked our trip to Puerto Rico! I'm so excited.  I haven't traveled in forever which is not okay with me.  I have this need to see other places, cultures and I haven't been anywhere in far too long.  We chose Puerto Rico because we wanted to go somewhere and relax but I'm not that type of traveler so we will also see some sights while we are there.  Matt works with some guys who are from there and have the hook-up to a zip-lining, bridge adventure type place.  We will definitely be doing that and I would like to do one other sightseeing adventure.  The rainforest?  Caves?  Ponce?  I'm still re-searching them all. We will also be staying at a Sheraton which I'm not too sad about either.  This trip can't some soon enough.

My mom and Aunt are supposed to fly in this Thursday so today will be spent cleaning and getting ready for their arrival.






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Quite evening at home, waiting for the boy and then it's homemade pizza and t.v time.  I love nights like this.

I'm in a funk.  I've been so irritable the last few days and not exactly happy.  Walking into work this morning only to realize that my job was just one huge problem didn't help.  It amazes me that these attorneys can complete three years of law school, pass the bar, and still cannot get the simplest shit right.  I came home and I'm going to veg on the couch for the rest of the evening.  Of course, I came home to a bill for 'property sales tax' on my car for over $200.  I already paid excise on it, I'm rather confused and pissed. 

I did get to spend yesterday with a cute little baby but, it didn't bring me out of the grumpies.  I'm hoping the rest of the week is better.

The past 24 hours have been r o u g h. Wednesday are my long days, with a whole day of work and almost 4 hours of school after.  I'm taking an accounting class this semester and my professor might as well be speaking Russian, because I do not get it.  We had an exam last week and while I didn't think I did terrible, I was not expecting the grade I got.  My paper came back with a 44%.  I didn't even know getting a grade that low was possible!  I'm pissed.  I want so much to be able to understand this but it's just. not. clicking.  We read a chapter and do problems, that's it.  I don't learn that way because what I'm reading is not making sense.  It's frustrating.  I know it's just going to keep compiling onto each other so I set up an appointment for tutoring.  (in my spare time, hah).  I also e-mailed my professor to see what could be done. I can't fail this class, I can't fail any class. I've never failed a class.  I had a mini-anxiety attack at work and pretty much had tears rolling down my face all day.  I want to go to sleep and have this all be over.

I changed my name, I kind of hate the fact that my old blog just goes *poof* and I can't really tell anyone it moved.  Not that I had any followers, but still.

Still no word about the job, I'm getting so anxious.  I hate waiting!  I just want to know, either way.

and it's March 1st, C'mon Spring!  I'm ready!

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It's Sunday afternoon already, hrmpf.  I love my weekends and they just fly by so fast. I was a little scared this weekend was going to be dreadful.  We got a call from Adrian's mother on Tuesday saying that she had Adrian with her at the hospital for her ultrasound and he had been hitting and kicking her.  Of course this behavior is not acceptable, but her calling us was also kind of baffling.  Because of this, I thought we were in for a weekend of hell but it was surprisingly nice.  We had a long discussion with Adrian about that type of behavior and how it is not okay in either household and he seemed to understand.  I just think he was overwhelmed with the prospect of getting a new baby brother and realizing that the world is no longer going to revolve around him.  While that is perfectly normal thinking, acting out in the way he did was unacceptable and his mother's reaction was also less than thrilling.

What else happened this week.....The interview on Wednesday went well! I met the office manager who was really nice too.  They asked me a few more interview type questions, I asked some more questions and it was over.  I'm hoping that I hear something this week but again, I don't want to get my hopes too high.  I'm trying to remain positive though and if I don't get the job that makes planning a vacation in May a lot easier.  I'm crossing my fingers though!

I'm not feeling very well today, I don't know what's going on.  I've felt very blech since this morning.  I do have exciting news though, I have a second interview with that company next week!  I was actually expecting her to tell me she decided to go with someone else when she called but was presently surprised when it was the opposite. Now I just need to go plop myself on the couch.

Valentine's Day.  The over commercialized love-fest.  One that I got to enjoy this year.  We wanted to celebrate yesterday since we wanted Adrian to join in on some of the festivities and also because Matt is working tonight. Hmpf.

We started the morning making vegan mini donuts.  Yum yum yum.  Adrian made "special" ones with bits of chocolate on top.  

Matt also surprised me with some roses.  I'm not one of those girls that needs flowers but it sure is nice. 

After I dropped Adrian off, I spent the afternoon shopping with a friend to make the night really special. I bought ingredients to make vegan chicken potpie and vegan red velvet cupcakes, two little heart containers to bake the potpies in and some cologne for Matt.

I get home and only  have a few hours to get everything prepared so I'm feeling a little rushed.  I whip up the cupcakes and put them in the oven.  The recipe said to let them cook for 20 minutes which seemed a little long so I checked them around 7 minutes.  They were definitely cooking.  I started to smell something burning around 9 minutes.  I quickly grabbed them out of the oven and the bottoms of them were burnt to a crisp.  Ergh. I turned the stove down 150 degrees lower than it was supposed to and tried again, but the same thing happened!  I texted Matt that I didn't think the stove was working correctly and was way over-heating.  He texted me back that that may be the "thing" he ripped from the oven on Saturday.  Apparently there was something like a wire hanging in the oven the day before and it was annoying him so he ripped it out.  :blink blink:

I wasn't able to make the cupcakes or the potpies, so everything did not go according to plan.  He came home and we made wraps and watched Netflix.  I'm still laughing about it because sometimes boys can be so dumb.  Gotta love him.