Phat or Fat

I was a little hesistant to write this post because of the critiscism I might recieve, but what the hell...I need to tell somebody.

I've always had a problem with how I view myself weight wise. I think I'm fat. At 5' 7'' weighing 145 pounds most people see me as average. I acually got up to 150 pounds and thats when I decided to lose weight. Right now I'm at 135...I lost 15 pounds. Most people say I look really good right now but I still feel fat. Grossly fat.

For the past few months I've been *trying* to eat as healthy as possible but every once in awhile I get this urge to binge. Last night for example I ate four pieces of pizza. I NEVER eat four pieces of pizza. I felt disusting afterwards and when I went to the bathroom I wanted to throw-up. The throw-up urge has hit me on more than one occasion. I'm scared I'm going to give in. I also went into the backyard and ran around the pool I don't know how many times wanting to rid my body of the calories I just consumed. I hate running as well...so why am I doing this to myself.

For now...I'll weigh myself on the scale 25 times a day and become even more neurotic about losing more weight. Uggh.