just another story

The joke about Matt being single if he won wasn't a joke I guess.  He didn't win but now I'm single.

I spent my whole day planning out A's birthday party.  I was excitedly chatting with Nicole all during work as we came up with a thousand fun ideas.  I texted Matt and emailed him my plans but no response.  He texted me when he got off of work that he was sorry, he was just having a crazy day and we would talk when I got home.  Something felt off about this text message so I asked him if everything was okay.  He said yes.


I walked in the door and he was sitting in the bedroom.  Just sitting.  He said we needed to talk.  Everybody on the face of the earth knows what that means.


So, that's it. I didn't melt down like before.  I almost feel okay, like I need to power through it.  We are practically married, having everything intertwined in our lives besides the legal aspects so that sucks.  Also, I'm not sure I'm going to be able to keep Emma which absolutely rips me apart.  I just know she deserves more than I'm going to be able to give her by myself.  I think that's what I'm most sad about now.


I'll never do this again though.  I'm jaded.  Extremely extremely jaded.  I will never ever date a man who already has a child.  It's not for the weak and I'm not weak but we still couldn't make it.