Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Phew. It's been a wild week and a half.

Matt and I did finally hang out. We went to grab food, walked around Davis Square and went and saw a movie. I expected him to get in the car and just declare that "Yes, he missed me and wants to be with me". That didn't happen though. He said he was definitely feeling better about life and was almost to the point of being ready to be in a relationship again. We didn't really talk anymore about it and just got caught up on life in general. It was really fun and just made me realize how much I missed him.

He texted me the next day, and ended up coming over that night. I didn't really know what was going to happen. He came in and said I'm ready to do this. I wasn't expecting it. Of course this is what I've wanted for three months but I didn't think it was going to happen. He said he knows he wants to be with me and he wants this to be it. He's been seeing his counselor, which I believe helps immensely. I also kind of want to give his counselor a hug for making him pull his head out of his ass. He was explaining to his roommate yesterday the situation between us and Matt said, "I had this great girl who's smart, beautiful, loves me and is going places in her life and I let her go. I was stupid". That gave me warm fuzzies and I truly believe that he wants this to work.

We talked more about my reservations. I explained to him that I will do this again but that's it. We are working through things when they get tough and not just bailing.

I met with Kate the next day and we talked about things. I was deciphering whether I should tell him about me hooking up with someone while we were broken up. In the end, I decided to tell him. I was feeling sick all day thinking that once he heard he was just going to ask me to leave...but he didn't. He just said okay, I did hang out with a girl for about two weeks but she sucked so nothing happened. I feel much better knowing that we both told each other because I hate having secrets. While it really was none of his business what I did during the break, I couldn't keep it from him. Also why I can never cheat, that shit would just eat me up from the inside out.

Things are going really well. I'm learning to let go of some things, he's putting in the effort and now I'm just enjoying the moments.

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