Guess I spoke to soon about everything being okay with Matt.
We were texting back and forth yesterday morning after our normal wake up texts. I told him, just to let you know, Nicole and I are planning on going dancing Friday. Now normally when I tell him I'm going to do something with the girls he says, great, have fun! This time he just wrote back okay. This is also the first week that he has Friday and Saturday off so I texted him asking if he had any plans for us. He said nope. At that point I started to feel bad so I asked if he minded if I went.I should have just dropped it, but my feelings took over. He responded with I don't mind if you go. Do what you want. Was probably just going to sit home anyways.
This is when I thought, hmm...he doesn't want me to go. I over-analyzing everything, so I said I can go another weekend, I know you have Friday off. And then he blew up. Omg Heather! Just go!! I'm not a baby! I can handle being alone!!! That pretty much ended our conversation for the day. I was just trying to take his feelings into account, I know he can handle being alone but again, this was the first Friday and Saturday he's had off. I left it alone but texted him a few hours later saying that I was meeting with the Dean of my college tomorrow to talk about one of my Professors, and nothing. Not even an I hope it goes well.
I went to dinner last night with Kate and throughout dinner we were talking about it and I got my hopes up that he was going to call or text. 2 hours we sat there and still nothing. Came home, started painting that damn desk again, maybe he'll text me goodnight. Nope. Once again, going to bed with tears in my eyes. I don't know what to do anymore. I haven't texted him since and don't plan on contacting him until he contacts me.
I don't know if he's going through something and just doesn't want to share. It's now day three of not really talking and it's all I think about. I've been crying all day, yesterday, last night, at the restaurant. I do so much for him and the boy. I love him more than I have loved anybody else in my life excluding my family. I'm just feeling very un-appreciated and un-wanted right now and I can't live like that. I realize people get depressed and in funks but you can't just not talk to your girlfriend for three days, because now I think it's all my fault when I really didn't do anything wrong. I need a little text during the day saying, hey hope your day is going well! or miss you! Something that lets me know that he actually is thinking about me. Eventually when I do talk to him I'm going to lay it out and if things don't change then I need to re-evaluate if this is the right thing for me.
So now the waiting begins, I'm not getting my hopes up for talking to him today.
WOW, Texting, in my opinion doesnt show true emotion. I think you should talk to him in person because he probably knows your a little upset but guys and girls have almost the same mindset. He is probably saying the same thing about not texting you. I think you guys should speak in person and not just let the days go by. But thats just my opinion.
ReplyDeleteTexting or not, you are doing all the right things in my opinion. I think a lot of people text throughout the day as a regular form of communication, and save the phone calls or in person conversations for when they are physically possible.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you are 100% right that boys need to be told when they are hurting your feelings, or be made aware of the impact on your feelings. Male & female mindset is completely different, and having a good line of open communication is the only way a relationship will work. Glad you have your boundaries set and are looking at this bump in the road objectively and not jumping to crazy conclusions as we tend to do! haha.
Love you, and I hope it all works out for you. Can't wait for girls night :)
I have only read this post (no others), but maybe valentine's day has him down?
ReplyDeletealso maybe he will read your blog and know how you are feeling, but doesn't know what to say
ReplyDeleteHeather... hi...
ReplyDeletei have the same experience too...before i got engaged. but, what i wanted to say is...never give up on love. i've been through a lot of relationships...I've been through a lot of heartbroken moments but still i stand in the ground and say it's okay. i could find another one that could make me feel like heaven again. it's true i felt all kind of sorrowness, sadness and been crying for days and nights...sometimes i can't control my emotions even when i'm at work...i cried in front of my computer with all my colleagues staring at and me wondering why. but still i rise up from the bottom.