Thursday, February 25, 2010

Before dating Matt I was very independent, didn’t need a guy to make me happy, could stand on my own two feet. While I am still very much that person he made me happier and a better version of myself. I don’t know if I was the same for him. After only talking to him this week through about six texts, all of them involving screen-printing, I think I can safely say that maybe he doesn’t want to work on this. This was hard for me to come to grips with and I needed to know for myself that I tried but I can only try so much. If the other person involved doesn’t want to try, then I need to move on.

That’s what I’m going to do. I deserve someone who loves me no matter what, who thinks the world of me and would do anything for me. He was that way for a little bit but then it stopped and I don’t want it to ever stop. With me stepping out of his life I sincerely hope he gets the help he needs and learns to love himself. Learn that life isn’t about money or lack thereof. Life is about family and the people in it, the times you share together. I hope the next person he becomes involved with will love him the way I did and love that little boy as much as anyone could. I must not be that person and while that was hard to swallow, I’ve come to that conclusion. For myself, my feelings, my life, I need to see what else is out there. I’m going to focus on school and getting my career started. Make plans with friends to travel and see the world.

These past few months have been some of the greatest and some of the hardest. While I don’t want to forget about them, looking back is tough. I still can’t look at pictures without crying and I’m sure I won’t be able to for awhile. Those boys were an important part of my life and they taught me a lot about myself and how great love can be.


(I'm going to talk to him about this tonight but right now this is what I'm feeling. Who knows what will happen)

2 comments:

  1. if it's a lot of work right now on your part to try to make it work, he may never "get it". he may never love you the way you deserve to be loved. sounds like you have already realized that - i've always known you to be extremely smart, with a huge heart, and independent! all wonderful qualities. this is so hard, heather. sounds so extremely painful - i wish there was anything i could do to help. all i can do for now is support you - and encourage you in any way possible. glad to hear you're focusing more on career & school... it'll be so good for you, i think. love ya! here if you need to talk.

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  2. Heather- i've known you for two posts only, but i want to say i'm proud of you!

    I've kind of been in a sad situation for a year before now where i thought i could never move on, where i was wasted and depressed- but, you know what? i moved on- and nicely too, i'd like to think.

    This guy doesn't deserve your affection for even half part. The little boy will miss you, alright- but, you care about YOURSELF. he's little, he'll grow nicely.

    Matt, i don't like very much.

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