I'm really bad with sending out cards. Really bad. The process of buying the card, writing in it, getting a stamp to put on it, and actually mailing it makes me want to cry. I ordered my Christmas cards yesterday so hopefully I'll get those mailed before Christmas comes around. Probably not. Ecards are a good way for me to go. Egreetings is an awesome site for funny animated ecards. You can also sign up for a 30 day free trial membership and a regular memebership is only $13.99. I think I'm going to spend that much on stamps this year and I know I spent way more than that on the cards themselves. I think next year I'll just do on-line cards! It won't be so exspensive. I'll just tell all of my family to Have a Hap-pee Holiday.

Only 18 more days left of being a nanny for these guys. Deep Breath.

The boy and I are planning our road trip. Haha. Oregon to Mass, with a trip to the Mall of America thrown in there?

I might be able to see my cousin, her husband, and new baby though! And I might be taking a little trip to Montana to see my friend and her three kids! And I might also be able to see my Aunt and Uncle again! It's amazing all the family you see when you drive across the whole fucking country.

Myspace. What a tricky little site that is. I have one. I use it mainly for keeping in touch with my friends from Montana. It's also really useful for listening to new bands and check tour dates and such.

But for smaller kids/tweens myspace is kind of a scary scene. If I was a parent I would be worried about what my child was doing on there. Lot's of creepers spend time on that site and I would want to know if they were talking to my kid. Parents really have no clue what their kids do on there. But now you can with Myspace tracking software. Hey...now you can actually be involved. Which...in today's world is a VERY good thing. You can see when they update their profile, post new pictures(which, ehum, girls...put some clothes on), make comments and receive messages. You can also tell when someone messages them or if they make multiple profiles.

I'm only 20, and I can't believe kids these days and what the do. Let's just say they have probably seen way more things than I will ever see. Scary.

I have the itch. The tattoo itch. I want another one RIGHT NOW. I already know what I want and where I want it. I just don't have the money. Grr.

But the boy said he might buy me one for Christmas. Now isn't that the greatest Christmas present ever?!?! Besides...a car. A Tattoo! You'll have it forever! I like it.

I'm getting a pin-up girl sleeve on my right arm and the next tattoo I want is another Vargas girl, this time on my forearm. He might have an opening Dec. 6th. Oh lord. How I want to take it.

I know what I'm getting for Christmas.

A car. Let me repeat, a CAR! Holy wowsers. My mom and her husband are buying a new car so I'm going to get their old one. It's a 96 Contour and it only has like 40,000 miles on it. Whee! And its free!

It's in Oregon though and I'm in New England. In January I'll fly back to Oregon and then the boy and I are going to take a long road trip back. By the end of the trip we will either be really close or about to kill each other. Stay tuned.

I'm probably one of the few girls in this world who actually enjoys playing video games. A fun day for me consists of breaking out my brother in laws xbox and kicking the shit out of him in Halo. (not really, i'ts usually the other way around)

One of our friends just bought the new Nintendo Wii..or whatever the fuck it is. Lame.Lame.Lame. You actually have to put forth effort to play. Like stand-up and swing a bat(controller) if you are playing baseball. It's just not the same as the good ol' classics. I'm a happy girl now though because there's this site where you can play free online games. Nintendo classics here I come! This is how I will spend my Thanksgiving.

This is my first Thanksgiving where I'm not with family. A little weird and I'm more sad than I thought I would be.
And we might not even be having stuffing:(

I know I mention a lot on here that I don't ever want kids. But theres this little part of my brain (very little) that knows eventually I will probably have the little devils. The whole process really scares the shit out of me. It amazes me as well, but not as much as the being scared. Plus the whole part of actually having the baby doesn't sit to well. And then once you have the baby it. never. goes. away. Commitment phobe in me coming out again.

I'm young though. I have plenty of time to have kids. No rushing. No. No. No. I'd like to enjoy this tattoo on my side for a little bit before I get knocked up and have stretch marks everywhere. And you bet your ass I'll be using something to prevent stretch marks. Actually I should probably start using that stuff now so in 10 years when I actually do have kids I'll be nice and lubed up. Or maybe kids won't ever happen and I'll be fine with that too.

I never want to show my face in our Target again. And another reason was just added to my list of 'why I never want kids'.

Christmas. Photo. Shoots.

Of course the photo studio was running behind schedule. They only have on photographer and one overly happy man working at the counter. The kids were crazy even before we went into the tiny room. They were crazy just sitting there. We finally got called in and started setting up. The photographer was a young girl who you could tell was a bit frazzled. It doesn't help when the kids act like spawns of satan.

The oldest boy was the worst. We set him in position and within .3 seconds he changed positions, or put his hands in the air, or in his socks, or was touching his mouth, or was touching something. Grr. It makes me angry just typing it. She took about 15 photos and NOT one is really that good. Someones not smiling. Someones falling out of the picture. Someones eyes are closed.

Then it was my turn to jump into the picture. We took two pictures with me. Not two fairly nice pictures, two really shitty pictures but another family was waiting so we had to hurry!hurry!hurry!

Why people pay for this shit...And my host mom ordered 250 cards. 250 shitty cards. God...to be rich and just have money flying around. Hmpf.

I think I found the problem to my whole dating disasters.

The guys actually like me. And tell me about it, all the time. Which I don't know if I like.

Yes...you told I'm beautiful but do you really have to say it all the time? Haha. I'm probably the only girl that doesn't want to hear it over and over. Tell me once, I'm good. I'm know I'm cool and all but don't tell me all the fucking time or else I'm going to start being a bitch.

Boys...why they like me? I don't know.

I'm going to a concert tonight. Geez...Do I ever do anything else? No.

This is the concert. The one band I've wanted to see since they came out, like, a year ago. I'm dragging along the boy with me. I asked him if he would come, he said yes he just wanted to know how much. I told him it's $29 but then they added all the taxes on so its actually $40. Ha. He wasn't to happy about that. Oops.

He really only decided to come with me because Bloc Party was supposed to be playing and he does like them. Now, Bloc Party is awesome. If you haven't downloaded their music...Go do it! It's awesome. I can't explain it. It's just happy music. Yesterday he called me and told me that Bloc Party canceled because the drummer has a collapsed lung or some shit like that. Are you kidding me? I'm pissed. Guess I'll just have to see them another time.

The main band though-Panic! at the Disco. AHHH. Good dance music! And I love dancing.

So tonight, the boy and I will be in the 9th row at this pre-teen festival. I'm sure he really likes me now..haha.

As I mentioned before, I can't cook. It's not that I don't want to cook I really just don't know how. I've been cooking for kids for three years instead of myself. Here's the problem. In three months I'm moving out. On my own. Not all by myself, with friends, but no adults. They can cook. Really well! But I'd like to cook for them every now and then too, yah know. As a kind gesture. Because I'm nice that like. I have a feeling I'm going to be going to the BigOven Recipe Software - 160,000 Recipes, page quite often. You just type in a few of the items in your fridge and it will give you a list of recipes you can use. I don't really eat that much at home so I wonder what kind of recipes it will give me for Frosted Flakes and Pb&J. Hm.


I really want some of these. Yummy.

Talked to my step-dad last night about my Mom. Shes doing great! Better than she should be. They might move her into another room today which they don't normally do until a week after surgery but she's doing so good they might do it! I guess shes really hot now since the blood is actually flowing through her body like normal. And she already feels SO much better.
I can't wait to talk to her!

While living in California I first came to realize a new trend called Uggs. Oh, the lovely little Uggs. Beautiful little creatures.

The kids I nannyed for did swimming and for some reason Uggs were VERY popular at swim meets. And all around California pretty much. Wear them with mini-skirts and I guess you're cool. Not me though. I can't pull that off.

One day I finally decided to figure out what was so great about these boots. I slipped them on my feet and I swear to God...never wanted to take them off. They are pure heaven. My feet loved them compared to the slip ons I usually wear. I would take a pair for Christmas but it might be a little funny seeing my tattooed and pierced ass walking up and down the street in them. Although I would SO wear them in the house if anybody wanted to get them for me.

2 days. phew. That was a long relationship. My longest one yet.
Commitment phobe? Me? I didn't think so...but it looks like that.

Last night the boy picked me up. We were going to go see a concert in Boston, one of his favorite bands, New found glory. When I got in the car I told him we had to talk. The past few days I have been sick. Nauseous. All I've been thinking about was him and the other girl. Even though we weren't going out when it all went down I was still hurt by it. I told him not to hang out with her because I knew this exact thing was going to happen and he would end up regretting it. And what happened? Well...It happened.

Only about 20 words were spoken the entire trip into Boston. You could tell he was holding back tears. This whole situation really makes me feel like shit. We didn't end up going to the concert. We sold our tickets to some pimply boys standing outside. We didn't talk the whole way back.

We decided to go watch Laguna Beach at his house for some comic relief. That show wasn't as funny last night. But we talked. And I told him that no matter what I will always be friends with him. And maybe even eventually something more, it's just going to take some time. It hasn't even been a week since the little incident.

2 days. God. I'm almost 20 years old, and I can't even hold a relationship for longer than 2 days.

Theres this boy. And I've hung out with him a lot since I moved over here. He asked me out a couple of months ago and I said no, I just wanted to be friends. The last couple of months though I've had more-than-friends feelings for him, I just didn't tell. On Sunday night I told him. Boy was my timing shitty.

Last week he started hanging out with another nanny, my friend. We all usually hung out together but just them two hanging out was weird to me. I told the boy this and how I didn't like it. I thought she was in it only to sleep with him. Sadly, I was wrong. Saturday night that very thing happened. He told me it didn't mean anything to him and that he regretted doing it. He told me yesterday, the day after I told him I like him.

Well isn't my life just another crappy episode of some t.v. show.
But we decided to start going out anyways. I'm still in shock and def. taking things slow.
I'm such a loser, I really have no clue what I'm doing.

Got another phone call.
They have another heart! And it's local!

I might be getting my Mommy back:)

Last night I got the phone. THE phone call that my mom got a HEART!

I was excited, cry happy tears, jumping up and down in my room.

Happy! Happy! Happy!

Then about an hour later I got a call saying that the heart was to far away and their was to many weather delays so she wouldn't be able to get it.

I hope someone else got that heart and another family is just as happy as I was last night.

I know she'll get one soon.

I had to babysit for a diff. family ALL weekend. When I got done with that job this morning I came back to my regular family and I had to take the kids out of the house for 3 hours while they had an open house.

There goes my weekend. My time to rest and prepare for the next week. The kids better watch out. I'm sure I'm not going to be in the best mood.

I was going to buy my host family a Christmas gift this year. They have this old clunky coffee maker and I just think something like this would make life a whole lot easier. You just pop in a little disc encoded with a barcode and the machine does the rest! Pretty nifty if you ask me. It can also make hot cocoa or tea and since I don't drink coffee I could use this feature instead. But then I looked at the price tag. And I need a dresser, and a car, and another job, and insurance and pretty much everything so I'm not homeless. Maybe they could buy it for me instead.

I was looking through old photos on my picture cd's tonight. I'm trying to get together some pictures of the kids so I can make my host family a gift for Christmas. I'm cheap and I also have no clue what to buy people who have everything.


Looking through I found pictures of time that I spent on Cape Cod during the summer. It was SOOOO nice. Just a bunch of friends laying on the beach all day. And having their pictures taken with drag queens(which won't be posted, hehe)

Ah, Summer. Goodbye-I'll miss you! I'll be waiting for you my love<3

I offered to stay my host family this Thanksgiving. I don't really want to, but I think I need to. We are going to be having a gluten free Thanksgiving. 4 people in our house are on gluten free diets, so thats what it's going to be. I don't have a problem with this. I just have a problem with my culinary skills. I can't cook. At all. I can make a mean mac n' cheese, but stuffing? turkey? pumpkin pie? Psh. Right.

I think I'm just going to order something off this page call it a day. It is not gluten free, so more for me! I'll sit in my bedroom and indulge by myself. And theres alchohol in it. Even better.

I'm leaving. The words have now been said. I told them today that on December 23rd my little booty is out of here.

Actually, it wasn't me that got the first chance to tell them my news. One of the preschool teachers had the honors. She came over this morning because she helps us. She tells us what to do. A teacher for us stupid people who really have no clue what to do with 4 screaming children who like to talk in a rather annoying 'baby' voice all the fucking time. .She helps us.

Enough of that. She started asking me questions...one question in particular.

"You came in January. Right? So that means your leaving in January. Right? Because this is like a one year deal. Right?"

"Well..........we've talked about me staying longer but my Mom's having some health issues right now and I'm thinking of leaving the end of next month."

Our conversation went on after that but then I went upstairs with the kids. While I was upstairs she informed my host mom of my escape plan.

The day goes on...

My stomache was in knots. I couldn't eat or drink without feeling sick. I still don't feel okay. I was trying to find the right moment to tell her.I didn't know that she was already informed.
After dinner I told her that I wanted to talk to her about my situation regarding whether I'm leaving or staying. She told me she knew. And she was fine with it. She understands!

Phew. I'm relieved. I hope this takes some of the stress off me. Now I just have to worry about getting a car, a job, my license, money, taking the SAT's (kids-stay in school) and getting into college. The joys of growing up.

Greener Christmas Song

Halloween is Over. That means Christmas is the next holiday..right? Thanksgiving just kind of gets skipped. Poor guy.

I was in my car the other day flipping through stations and I came across Christmas music. Already. I'm not usually a big fan of Christmas music. Reminds me to much of church I guess.
I found the Greener's Christmas Song which I actually like. Go download it. It's pretty good. They are also giving a portion of their proceeds to charity, so its good too!



Back to work now. Yay.
Just to update. My Mom was admitted to the hospital yesterday. Her kidneys are starting to get worse. Not a good thing. I told my host mom and she just said "oh". Not a hug, or I'm sorry, or how are you doing. Just "oh".

People really do amaze me.

I nannied for a family in California before I came over to the East Coast. I spent a year of my very short 19 years on the earth with these people. You would think they would like to stay in contact considering I helped raise their children for those months.

I wrote them an e-mail tonight asking them how their Halloween was, how the kids are, other bullshit. I wrote them a pretty lengthy e-mail. This is what I get back. No joke. Only the kids' names have been changed.

"Girl was a rabbit and Boy a zombie....I don't think we took pictures...they were out with friends.
It rained this week. First time since April....but it's sunny now."

Oh no. Holy shit! You really don't have to write me a freakin' novel to fill me in a little. Glad I spent the time writing you one...bastards.

I've worked past 7 pm every single night this week except for tonight.

And I have to work tomorrow. Which is Saturday. Which sucks.

I'm so tired of fucking working when the parents don't do shit. Well besides drinking coffee and lounging in the chair.

Why can't I have there job?